A Priori
by mopstyle
Summary: Alice, Jasper and Bella are pushing their boundaries physically and emotionally. What happens when the rest of the Cullens move back to Forks? Will Bella be the catalyst of another family feud, or will she be the salvation of one? AxJxB ExB OOC AU
1. Stop Staring

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The rest is mine.

Big Huge Thanks to nattydread and Project Team Beta for help on this chapter.

A/N: I know some out there are put off by threesomes, femslash, whatever. I don't think it's as graphic as some I've read. Though I must warn, there is some pretty explicit stuff down there. This is not about A, B, and J just getting it on, though there is quite a bit of that. The intimacy is a byproduct of the story.

Not recommended for those easily offended. This chapter may be a bit shocking. Trust me, this is the worst (best) that it gets. If I have any details wrong, let me know!

I have to thank my alpha gurl, detroitangel, for her mad genius and for being as enthusiastic as I am about this story. She's fucking amazing. Read and review, please. xo

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"Alice!" I hissed.

Her name was perfect for hissing. I wanted to name everything Alice, just so I could hiss it all day long. I'd ask Jasper when he returned home from the grocery store: 'Did you get the Alice?' Or while we were at the bar: 'Can I get a shot of Alice, please?'

"Bella," she groaned at me. The sound of her voice made my eyes flutter closed. My beautiful Alice.

A hiss and a groan—this was us. When we could reduce each other to basal sounds, we could forget that what we really were was a complicated string of words. We would always be difficult to translate.

"Alice, God. Don't stop!" It should have been illegal what she could do with her hands. Her hard pale body had always been a dangerous temptation to me. She was capable of breaking me in two, of draining me of life in seconds. Her silky smooth skin glistened with our juices. I left a trail on her with everything I had in me. She slipped from under me and lifted my legs up and out.

"I won't stop, baby," she whispered in my ear, "You know I like to make you come first."

When I initially laid eyes on her, I would have sworn she wasn't yet old enough to vote. It was her dirty mouth that made me question that.

After everything we've said and done since then, I've learned that where Alice is concerned, nothing is as it first appears.

.:*~*:.

In an all too common moment of weakness, I had decided to reward myself with a little shopping spree. It was time to celebrate with designer; I'd had enough of Target and the Goodwill. We had a killer week at the salon. My girls pulled in a solid two grand a piece, leaving me with almost five thousand dollars in profit. There was amazing hair in Forks this week. Thank goodness for prom.

I had just slipped into the newest 'Stop Staring' when I heard someone opening the door. She was inside so quickly I didn't have time to protest.

I would forever remember those words, in that velvet voice. "Fuck. Me." She stammered both her speech and her breaking and entering.

She barged into the dressing room just as I was flirting with myself in the mirror, acting out all my favorite pin-up poses. I should have been at least a little bit embarrassed by my position; chest pushed out and practically seducing my reflection, but I wasn't. I'll never forget the shocked look on her face, or her devilish smile.

My first thought was, '_When and where, little one?_'

She had a look of pure determination on her face. I was in awe.

I sauntered over to her and held out my hand. "Hi. I'm Bella. Do you like the dress?"

It was, no question, the hottest little number I had tried on yet that day: a shiny black halter with a sweetheart neckline and a pencil skirt that would catch even the most prude eye.

As I took in her appearance, I realized she wasn't as young as I had first thought. She certainly was the height of an adolescent, maybe five feet. Her skin was flawless and pale. She had spiky black hair and a delicately curved figure. She reminded me of a precious porcelain doll.

She wore a thin, shimmering, silver top with a deep V neckline, giving me a nearly unobstructed view of her perky little tits. Her nipples were hard and teased me from their asylum. The fact that she was shamelessly checking me out, combined with the heroin chic shadows under her wide eyes told me that, though precious, she was anything but innocent.

She held her ground, clearly not ashamed of her ogling. I moved closer, licking my lips. I felt like I was being pulled to her, like my legs had a polarity all their own.

Standing two feet from her, I noticed her eyes were like a glowing black agate. A strange color I thought, but Jesus, they were amazing. They seemed to be memorizing, yet seeing right through me.

For several minutes she just stood there, paying no attention to my outstretched hand. I was beginning to fidget, unsure if I was out of line with my tone. I hadn't really intended to be so suggestive and was now feeling a fool, wishing I hadn't come on to her so strongly.

She finally snapped out of her daze and took my hand in hers. It was freezing cold and hard, so much harder than it should have been. For a split second, I was startled. _What the fuck was this? _Her smile and melodic voice broke through my alarm and hypnotized me immediately.

"Hi, Bella. I'm Alice."

I was shocked when we touched. Her hand tingled in mine, like she had a million tiny sparks in the palm of her hand. The feeling crawled up my arm and coursed through my body. I knew that any minute I was going to tackle her to the ground, tear that shiny fabric off those tits and claim them as my own. I smiled so slyly at my own fantasy that she couldn't help but mirror it.

Her teeth were a bit large for such a tiny mouth, they were also very straight and had a beautiful pearlescent sheen to them. I could almost see the pink of her blood through the surface. Nothing about this girl wasn't strange and beautiful.

"So, do you come here often?" The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. Her ringing laughter was pure heaven to my ears.

"As often as I can. You?"

"Frequently. I'm surprised we haven't run into each other before."

"Hmm, me too." She was eyeing me like a hawk as she continued, "Though, now that we have, nothing will stop us."

I raised an eyebrow. _What was that supposed to mean?_ I realized we were still holding hands. It didn't feel awkward, quite the opposite actually.

"Sorry," I said, releasing myself from her grip as I walked back toward the mirrors. "I'll be done in a minute. I think I'm going to get this one. What do you think?"

"I think you should get two," she offered.

I couldn't help but giggle at her admission. Shit was so easy with this girl. "If they had it in red, I would."

"I can make one in red for you."

"Really? You'd make me one? You can do that?"

"Absolutely. Once I have a garment, I can duplicate it flawlessly. Of course, I could make one from scratch perfectly as well, but having the exact pattern in my head is helpful."

"Wow. Um, yeah. That would rock. Where would you get the fabric?"

"You let me worry about that, sugar." She started digging in her bag for something. A small card, it looked like. She handed it to me.

**Alice Cullen  
Seer  
360.505.1116**

"My address is on the back. Come by around 8. Shiny or matte?"

"Um, matte," I said absentmindedly, taking in the little bit of information on the card. "You're a psychic?"

"Seer, Bella. And, yes, I am," she clarified with a grin.

"Hmm. You didn't see me coming, then?"

"You were never very clear before, but what I see now would take your breath away. See you at 8!"

Without another word, she was out of the dressing room so fast that she blurred. She hadn't even tried on her clothes.

I stood there, with her card in my hand, dumbfounded. _Who the fuck was this girl?_ I wondered if the whole encounter had been a figment of my imagination.

I slowly peeled the dress off, still woozy from the "Alice" high. I felt something in the pit of my stomach that was not unlike butterflies, but also not unlike fear.

She wasn't scary, but the whole encounter made me uneasy. I'd been attracted to girls before, but hadn't dated one in years.

_Damn my timing!_

Jake was taking up a lot of my life lately and getting way too comfortable. The fucker was probably waiting at my house right now. How the hell he got in was beyond me, as I certainly hadn't given him a key. I think it was high time to nip that behavior in the bud.

The idea of Alice was quite tantalizing. Her words were a puzzle and honestly, kind of freaky. I didn't trust a psychic as far as I could throw one, but it did feel like something connected when I first saw her. She was so sure of herself that I didn't even think to question it.

I gathered the dress and the peep-toes heels. I didn't see her on the way to the cashier.

I gave the girl my credit card. As she ran it, I glanced around the shop. It wasn't large, but I couldn't quite see all the way to the other side.

Finally, I spotted her over by the shoes. She was with a tall blonde man—a fucking beautiful tall blonde man. He was watching her as intently as she was inspecting the footwear.

She abruptly looked up at me. I smiled coyly and she smiled back with a wave. The blonde looked up as well. He seemed to be annoyed or maybe tired. He didn't smile.

_Figures, she's taken. They're together. Oh well, beautiful company was always appreciated. Even if they're unavailable._

I quickly made my way out of the shop, googling her address on my Blackberry as I walked to my car. She lived in the middle of fucking nowhere. I was definitely nervous about going over there later, but I couldn't come up with a single reason not to.

.:*~*:.

God, I was close. Her little tongue was better than any vibrator I had ever tried.

"Are you ready, sugar?" She was knuckle deep and I was soaking wet and more than ready for her. Four of her fingers were twisting inside me.

"Yes," I barely breathed out.

She turned her palm up and four of her fingers pressed hard on my G-spot. I screamed her name as she closed her tiny fist, sliding it inside me with relative ease. My whole body was shaking. Her knuckles dug hard on my front wall, her hand filling me more completely than I could ever remember. It had been too long since I had last felt her, last tasted her. I was sure I was losing consciousness every second that went by. Her tongue was working my clit in hard circles. Her petite body was curled between my legs, pulsating, as she twitched her arm to keep me soaring.

"Fuck, Alice!" I screamed. My muscles clenched like a vice and vibrated around her stone fist. I couldn't even open my eyes to watch. I was gone.

"I missed you Bella."

"I missed you too, baby." My breathing was ragged and caught in my chest as my body trembled.

She stilled her movements, pulling out of me slowly, and used a conveniently placed towel to dry herself off.

God, it had been a long two weeks. I couldn't help but be somewhat bitter about it. The first week was fine. I worked a lot. The second week was fucking torture. We were slow at the salon, so I left early every day. When I ran out of shit to read or eat and finished catching up on my sleep, I just wandered around the house. With Nick Cave bellowing in the background and a glass of wine as my constant companions, I counted down the drunken hours until they returned.

This huge house felt even bigger when I was alone in it. I always wondered why two people would need such accommodations; ten bedrooms and twelve baths seemed a little overkill.

The thing was, it was _so _desolate, _so _quiet all the time that some freaky shit would have been welcome.

It was just silent and still. No ghosts. No bumps in the night. Even the animals stayed away. I had figured that a vampire's house would have been a little more interesting when empty, especially at night. _Disappointed!_

When I heard their car pull up, I bounded out the front door as fast as I could. Alice was excited to see me, but Jasper only nodded in my direction. He didn't even follow us into the house.

I had been so lonely that I wasn't going to waste another minute thinking about what kind of mood he might be in today. It wasn't long before Alice was following me to my bedroom.

Jasper was still outside, tending the grounds. I tried to keep up with the weeds and the whatever, but I wasn't really into playing in the dirt. I know I told him that before they left.

They had gone on a vacation to Alaska, of all places, to visit some family. Alice assured me before she left that I would be fine. _Of course I would be fine, just lonely as fuck. But not anymore, my babies were home!  
_  
I curled into her tiny body as she stroked my hair mindlessly. Her cool skin smelled like rain and leaves and me. I sighed into her chest, so happy they were back. Even if Jasper was being distant, it might just be one of his little games. I was always prone to paranoia and he took enormous pleasure in pushing me to my limit. Or it could have been something else entirely—something I didn't really want to think about.

"Alice, please don't ever leave me here for two weeks by myself again. I'm not sure I won't jump off the roof from loneliness," I pouted.

I felt her giggle. She continued petting my head like I was her cuddly Havanese. "Oh, sugar, I'm sorry. It was unavoidable, but your reason for being is back now, and all is right with the world."

Alice thought she was funny. I tended to disagree. Jasper was funnier because he didn't mean to be. I was the funniest because I couldn't differentiate between harsh and hilarious.

"Yes, yes. Bella cannot function without Alice and Jasper. How did she even find the will to get up in the morning?"

"Har har, little girl. We missed the shit out of you, so shut it. Jasper talked about you the whole way home."

"Yeah, about how I neglected his precious gardens, no doubt. Or how I put his books back all wrong. He barely looked at me before he was out back with his pink palmed gloves on." I paused, trying to find a way to breach the subject I was more content to keep locked up tight. "Al, is he having a hard time? Two weeks is a long time."

Alice knew I had a hard time with outward sincerity. It _was_ actually painful for me to voice genuine concern. This was in direct opposition to how I felt of course, so therefore it was a safer road to travel.

"Aw, you really did miss us! I thought 'the bitch squad' had finally, fully possessed you in our absence. Don't fuss, Bella. Jasper is fine. I think if anything, he's just so worried about overwhelming you, and himself, that he's convinced he is having a hard time, but, he's not."

I hated talking about my blood. Jasper did really well after a few weeks of my constant presence. I had "strong blood," Alice had informed me, and Jasper hadn't been on their 'humans are friends, not food' diet as long as she had. It was a little harder for him to not suck me dry.

If Jasper was indeed desensitized to my scent, I wondered whether or not he still craved my blood. I was nervous that if he still did, that it would mean starting all over again once they returned. Before they left I suggested that it might be beneficial if they took some things of mine with them, just so being around me wouldn't be a shock when they came back. I also jokingly asked if they wanted any particular item of my dirty laundry. Jasper growled and adamantly refused.

I wished they would just change me already, so we wouldn't have to worry about it. Alice said she had her reasons, chiefly to do with the salon, but I suspected something more. They had told me how unstable new vampires could be, perhaps they just didn't want to deal with me. I wasn't about to tempt Jasper. I might not make it out of that little transaction alive.

"He just doesn't want to admit how much he loves me and missed me, is that it?"

"That's exactly it, Bella." Jasper's voice startled me. Eight Ball must have known he was standing there, shifty little imp. She knew that that shit pissed me off.

"Man, you vampires are too damn quiet. I'm going to tie bells to you fuckers, so that I know where you are at all times. Like cats," I spat.

Alice giggled at my venom, hiding her face in my hair. I just rolled my eyes and huffed in complaint. We were still naked and tangled in the damp sheets. Jasper's presence in the bedroom indicated he was looking for some "company." I suppose I had blown his avoidance of me out of proportion.

I had gotten over any weirdness of being naked in front of them. That happened very quickly after I moved in. I had never been very shy and Alice's bathroom was sent from fucking heaven above. I've slowly weaseled my way in. Vampires are also quite nosy. Getting them to stay out while I spent hours bathing, preening and coiffing was just about fucking impossible.

The sexing just sort of happened one night. I was drinking and bitching about Jake being the last decent lay I'd had. I was also inwardly lamenting the fact that there were two perfectly fuckable, gorgeous, yet completely untouchable vampires in the room. Alice got that glazed over look she gets when she has a vision. Somewhere in the background I heard Jasper say something like, "Uh, oh."

We did it right there in the library. Jasper watched.

"If you want me in nothing but bells, Bells, all you have to do is ask. I won't bite, promise." Jasper was at the bedside in less than a second, arching one eyebrow, licking his chops like a starving dog. He trailed his fingers from my shoulder to my hip.

I shivered. Damn, I had missed his voice. It hypnotized me, just like Alice's. Where her high trilling was joyful, like a violin, Jasper's was low, like a blues bass, sultry and dripping with drawl. They both played me expertly.

"Funny, Jasper!" Alice squealed like a five year old. She jumped up and pulled him down on the bed. I moved myself out of the way just in time.

"Careful of the human, Eight Ball," I scolded.

"I knew you would make it in time." Her last word was mangled by Jasper's lips claiming hers.

Having sex with Alice and Jasper was just about the most delicious thing in the world; watching them was absolutely captivating. The overwhelming lust and adoration that Jasper absorbed and threw off was mind blowing. When the three of us were engaged, I could swear that my mind and body blasted out into some sort of spectral plane, expanding and reaching realities heretofore unknown. Nothing existed except for us.

Jasper was mauling Alice's tiny body. She was heaving and writhing under him. His clothes were in pieces all over the bed. I settled myself for the show, knowing full well I wasn't going to be able to sit still.

Jasper was magnificent. It would be a lie to say I didn't crave his presence. I was even more tempted by him because of his apparent loathing of me when we first met. Alice had already made up her mind about me and firmly informed Jasper that I was to remain a permanent fixture; he better just get over it. What Lola wants, Lola gets, evidently.

His body was a moving sculpture of male perfection. Every muscle was broad and defined; everything proportioned and everything hard as a rock. His dirty blonde hair was wavy and constantly taunting me to twist my fingers through it as it tickled like silk on my skin.

Jasper had one hand on Alice's right breast, twisting and pulling her nipple like taffy. The left was in his mouth, his tongue and teeth torturing her. He was being deliberately slow, rubbing the length of his cock along her slit.

Alice was dilating. I knew he loved to tease her. It was cruel, almost, but Alice always got her way. This was one of the only times that Jasper got exactly what he wanted.

"Jasper. God, please Jasper," she begged.

I saw his mouth curl up into a devilish smile. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as he plowed into her and stilled.

Alice wouldn't be tamed so easily. She bucked against him, straining the bed frame, and tried to get him to move.

He conceded, slowly pulling out. Alice whimpered as he sheathed himself again at the same pace. Watching him and knowing how he felt that deep inside made me ache for it. I shook involuntarily and groaned.

Jasper was driving into Alice relentlessly, methodically. He so got off on the power trip of being the only real cock in the house. We both preferred his anyway. The duplicate we had made was unfortunately inanimate, and therefore came in a distant second to the real thing.

"Be patient, kitten, you're next," Jasper growled at me.

That was all I needed to hear. I melted into the sheets. I knew he was just teasing me now, avoiding me after they got home. They both had reassured me that if he had the strength to be intimate with me once, then my blood wasn't a problem anymore. I still winced at the thought of causing him pain.

Alice screamed his name as she came. Jasper was kneeling on the bed, she was propped up on his cock and wrapped around him. He held her firmly by the hips, slamming her body down onto his. He came with a ferocious growl, nearly casting them off the bed.

Jasper and Alice always had to go first, when we were all together. It was safer. He could be as forceful and wild with her as he wanted. He sated his monster with her, saving a gentle beast for me.

We had come to the conclusion that it was a male vampire thing. Alice claimed that she lacked the compulsion to spear me in two. She had a theory about it, of course. She equated it to basic human hormones. She posed that since testosterone was "more persuasive" than estrogen, it must enhance the male's sense of the females.

When a human is changed into a vampire, the hormones change as well. Vampires can't reproduce, but the basic human urge isn't gone. My blood was already quite enticing to Jasper, and my hormones weren't altered by venom. On top of the fact that he was physically attracted to me, the mixture was like an elixir, especially when I was ovulating, thus provoking Jasper's latent human desire to aggressively imbue me with his seed. On this, Jasper had no comment.

It took months, nearly a year, before he and I could actually have sex. Alice had to be right there, and I had to be on top (I didn't mind), and Jasper had to hold his breath. Oh, and I had to be in a certain stage of my cycle, and he couldn't come inside me. I made a list once.

At first, the rules turned it into a fucking lab experiment, but it got to be more fun and spontaneous the more we "practiced." Few stipulations remained.

We even managed a few times without Alice there, but for whatever reason, I prickled with guilt afterward. The idea of fucking my best friend's husband while she wasn't there just didn't sit well. It brought back memories of past infidelity. I had been both victim, and culprit.

It wasn't as if she didn't know, but that did little to ease my mind. I was trying to let it go, and it was getting better, but I knew I loved them both more than I should. I knew from experience that when love finally got involved, the whole pretty world would come crashing fucking down.

It was impossible to hide these feelings, obviously. Thankfully, we rarely talked about it. We all knew when we needed space. The two weeks apart was really just what the doctor ordered.

Jasper had literally just laid Alice down when he whipped his head around to me. She pounced off to the far corner of the bed and knelt like a monk. He turned, dug my feet out from under me and pulled me down around him by my ankles.

He looked my body over savagely while he grazed his hands over my thighs.

"Did you miss me, darlin'?" His eyes were so black that the whites barely registered. He looked absolutely possessed. I was always a little bit afraid of Jasper, but my sick head mixed the fear with desire, swirling the two together, and when Jasper intensified them, the euphoria was mind numbing. When he dug his thumbs into my pubic bone, I nearly fainted. I had missed him terribly and wanted nothing more than to have him completely consume me.

"Yes, Jasper, I missed you." I think I was speaking out loud. He licked from my navel to my throat and his cool venom stung my hot skin. His cock was pressing on my clit. My nipples hardened on his cold chest as I scratched my nails up his back and snaked them through his hair, drawing his mouth to my neck. He licked and sucked and kissed the flesh below my ear.

"I missed you too, baby girl," he whispered. He always knew exactly how to take my breath away, how to make me feel like I was the only thing in his world.

His hand was massaging both my breasts as he sloppily mouthed my face and chest. I arched myself up into him, looking for as much contact as I could get. Grinding against him was exactly like grinding against a marble table, sans any sharp angles or corners. The feeling of such solid resistance let me find out exactly where my limit was. I always knew where he ended and I began—merely putty that opened, folded, bent, and reformed over and around him.

He didn't wait for me to beg. Holding most of his weight off of me he entered me slowly and fully, capturing my lips with his. Our tongues danced in my mouth.

I tried to lock my legs around him, but he kept me still, instead angling himself upward, holding me under my knees. In lingering undulation, he rocked himself completely in and out of me. With each agonizing withdrawal, he elicited a direct hit in return.

When I could open and focus my eyes, I only caught glimpses of him. His calm was frightening, and the devil had not left his eyes. I could see venom dripping out of his parted lips; felt it falling on my skin.

I kept my legs spread wide as he moved his hand to my abdomen, massaging my skin and tracing my bones. I throbbed and flared like a wild animal under his touch.

His thumb found my clit and I cried out his name in torment. He pressed the flat pad of it against me, keeping his pressure firm. I felt huge waves building—suffocating, blinding, killing waves. My eyes closed. I was not in control of my own body anymore. He plundered me with a slow pace and rhythm, now circling on my nub.

"Quiet now, Bella. Open your eyes."

When I did, what I saw in his eyes was pure adoration, and resolve. I tried to return the same. I was falling, he knew. With the most minute increase in speed and pressure he brought me there. I hit, clutching at my breasts. My body arched, the went completely rigid. Every one of my muscles tensed and flexed. I locked my breath away, and like an atom bomb, I exploded, concussively, seeing blue skies, red blood, black nights, and gold eyes.

Hours, days or years I could have been in lost in the ecstasy. I felt his cool release hit the walls inside of me, provoking another peak to my orgasm. I slid myself further onto him, enveloping him completely; his hips slammed into me a half dozen more times as he came with an aching wail.

I let out a guttural blast of air, finally letting my muscles relax. He lay hovering over me with his eyes closed, trying to keep his breathing calm.

I wanted to keep him inside me forever. With resignation in his piercing eyes he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and slowly withdrew himself out and off of me to lie at my side.

Alice smiled like a fool as I held my arm out to her, needing her with me as well. She kissed me and snuggled into my chest. Jasper stretched his long body behind me; both their arms held me tight.

"See?" Alice asked. "I told you so."

"Shh, Alice, you're ruining my post orgasmic radiation," I said. Jasper chuckled into my shoulder.

"When did it get dark out?"

Alice just laughed. I joined her. I could feel Jasper still grinning as he traced my spine and shoulder blades with his face. We laced all our fingers together in a ridiculous cluster near Alice's stomach.

"Next time, I'm going with you guys," I declared.

They locked eyes for a second longer than necessary, then turned them to me.

"What?"

Jasper cleared his throat.

"What?" I asked again, turning my head from Alice to look at him, this time afraid of what they had to say.

"Next time, they're coming here."


	2. Show Them Strength

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The rest is mine.

Massive thanks to Project Team Beta for beta-ing this chapter!! Props and love to them.

Again, I have to thank my dirty bird, detroitangel, for her unwavering support, she's the Bonnie to my Clyde. Check her out here: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1997614/detroitangel

A/N: IMPORTANT A little clarification is needed, and I am sorry I didn't mention this before. This story is cut into two time frames, past and present. I do not intend to follow a strict pattern or guideline as to in which order they will appear per chapter. If this makes it impossible to decipher, please let me know and I will think of some way to make it easier. I'll give an intro hint to each chapter, hopefully guiding you all in the right direction. If you have any questions, please PM me and I'll answer each and every one.

As of now, the ~~ marks represent a transition in time going forward, in either past or present. The .:*~*:. marks represent complete time travel. Yes, folks, you are the tempus machina. I've got to keep you on your toes.

Also, everything is BPOV unless otherwise indicated. This chapter is my baby. I love it more than Prada.

I love reviews more than Prada, too. Though, they both tingle just the same.

Hint: This one starts in the past. (That was clever, wasn't it? I'm an asshole. ;))

* * *

I didn't wear the dress to Alice's that evening. I brought it in an old Victoria's Secret bag. The one I had previously used to extricate contraband shine spray from the last hair show I was at. What a fucking hot mess that had been. Nothing spells trouble like six drunk girls mixing chemicals and wielding sharp instruments. We should have just bought the spray, but it was more fun to distract the poor fool at the TIGI kiosk and lift what we could.

The bag was sitting on the passenger seat of my Volvo. I was driving down a terrifyingly dark driveway that, according to my directions, claimed to be the way to Alice's house. I wondered what depraved, back woods dilapidation awaited me at the end. Only a witch with a fondness for small children could live this far out in the sticks. Maybe I should have told someone I was going out.

I was contemplating how awful it would be if I just went home—didn't show up. If I could have turned around safely in this sliver of a driveway I may have done it. I half expected her to be standing around the next curve looking like a homicidal apparition in my headlights, her big dark eyes boring into me while Jasper was somewhere nearby unearthing my shallow grave.

_Fuck._ Now I was really starting to freak myself out.

Oddly, 'Monster Mash' started howling in my head. Appropriate and somehow, not.

After a thousand years of snaking through those skele-trees, I finally saw the glow of the living.

_Sweet fucking hell! This is just like a god damned horror movie!_

The house was massive, all tall and ornate with pointed arches topped with sharp peaks. Dark bricks outlined the white cross gables and leaded glass windows on the top-most floors. It was all mighty and stood sturdy, like it had been there two hundred years and wasn't going anywhere for at least two hundred more. A veranda went all the way around and a wide tower, complete with a Widow's Walk, pierced the sky with its tenacity. The whole place was softly lit from inside and under, not one bulb caught my eye; it lured me to it with it's distressing beauty.

There were three outbuildings, garages it looked like. The whole property opened up from the forest like a huge, gaping sea of intimidation. I parked as discreetly as I could near the closest of the garages.

I took a deep breath before I opened my door to God knows what torture and violation. Before I reached the porch, Alice flew out the door, singing my name. She scared the living shit out of me. I crouched slightly and poised myself to run, clutching at my chest before I realized it was her and she wasn't carrying a weapon.

"Alice!" I choked.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." She was by my side in an instant, rubbing my back soothingly.

I righted myself and tried to focus on her. She was looking at me curiously, as if I'd done something strange when she was the one who looked completely different than she had earlier that day. The dark circles were gone. Her eyes were light gold, not the black they had been at the boutique.

_Okay, a little strange. Maybe I had been making shit up in my head._

"Eh, it's ok. It, uh, wasn't you really. The drive," I pointed back the way I came, "is a little spooky."

"I know! Isn't it great?" She gushed. "Halloween is so rad around here." She was nudging me along, trying to help me up the steps.

"I'd bet."

"Come on," she urged. "I want you to meet Jasper."

I followed her through the foyer, my eyes roaming my surroundings. Everything was so perfect, all done up in dark wood floor to copper ceiling. It felt so cozy and warm, even with the detailed enormity of the architecture and cushy decoration; it was straight out of 'This Old House' or some shit.

"Wow, Alice. This place is awesome. I guess I expected beaded curtains and scarves everywhere."

"Ugh, seriously, why does everyone think that?" She feigned offense. "Do I look like I would own a beaded curtain?"

I smiled at her. "No way. But I'm still betting there's a Magic fucking Eight Ball somewhere in all this antiquity." I said, waving my hands around emphatically.

Laughter. Ah, the laughter again. I'd only maybe heard it once, but it was like balm for my jittery soul. We were standing in what would have been the sitting room, I supposed. There were two fireplaces, both unlit and unused. She took my bag and set it on a chaise.

"Maybe. But you'll never find it. I keep it very well hidden."

She turned and led me through the rest of the house. Beyond the entry, it was quite open. The halls were vast, as were the rooms branching off. But it never lost the look or feel of a centuries old abode.

"In here. We'll get to your dress in a while," she said, pulling on my arm. "Jasper is in the library."

I was intrigued by this 'Jasper.' _Jasper who hides in the library. Jasper who doesn't greet a guest at the door. Jasper who doesn't smile when I do._

In fact, when we fully entered the library, he looked absolutely mortified. The book he held trembled in his hand and fell to the floor.

I tried to do or say something to quell the intense rage I felt coming off of him—something like, "Dude, it wasn't me," or, "Who ate your puppy?" I only managed a weak, "um", before I was being pulled away and nearly carried upstairs by Alice.

She had me around my waist, her small arms easily carrying most of my weight. It felt like we were flying. She was running so fast I couldn't make out my surroundings. She must have been a sprinter in high school or something—maybe a weightlifter, too.

I recognized a doorway somehow and before I could blink I was thrown onto a bed. The door slammed and Alice was standing stock still, staring at me. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I jumped up off the bed.

"What the fuck was that, Alice?" I demanded.

"He's, uh, shy."

"SHY?!" I was outraged. "Are you fucking kidding me? That wasn't shy, that was homicidal!" I pointed at the door.

"Relax. You're fine. He's fine. Everything is fine."

Everything was not fine. I could see it in her eyes. They darted back and forth in her little dolls head. Her face was a mask of horror and concentration. She was losing her shit.

"This is so fucked up, Alice. What the hell is with today?" I rubbed my temples in frustration, pulling my hands down over my face, hoping that when I opened my eyes, I'd be safe at home, alone. Nope, didn't work.

"I wake up and Jake's sleeping next to me when I know he wasn't there when I went to bed! I found a hundred dollars on the ground outside the coffee shop. Some lady with hair down to her ass wants me to shave her fucking head, then I meet the strangest, most fascinating girl at the boutique and when she takes me home, her husband wants to kill me!"

She listened to my every word, not blinking or moving until I was finished. "Bella, calm down. I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

I sat back down on the bed, feeling a bit better for having ranted most of my terror out. Still, it wasn't quite enough.

"Yes," I sighed. "I will be. I guess. I'm not sure what this is, really. Why was he so angry?"

"Jasper is an interesting man." She paused. "He can read people really well. Kind of gets a feel for what they feel. It can be kind of subtle, like when he doesn't know someone or when he isn't really paying attention. As far as what just happened, I'm not sure what it means either, but from what I've seen, nothing bad happens to any of us. Maybe he's jealous or something," she trailed off, obviously hiding what she really knew.

"So, the Magic Eight Ball tells me…" I had to lighten this up, even if I was still seething, or I would run—run and scream and never look back.

"Ask again later?"

"Not nearly good enough, Alice. You're sure he's not going to impale me on a meat hook and slit me end to end? Am I going to be able to leave safely?"

"Yes," she said with a stiff nod.

"So, we're locked up here? Or can we find more, um, casual accommodations?" I certainly didn't mind being in a bedroom with her, but at this point I had the feeling that a little slap and tickle wasn't on the agenda tonight.

"Oh, yeah," she muttered, putting her finger to her teeth in consideration. "Look, you stay here a minute. I'll figure this out, and be right back."

I hesitated, "Okay."

She smiled at me and was gone. My heart thudded with fear of being alone in this room.

_Just a pretty cage,_ I thought. _I will be dinner, after all. Jesus! You stupid, trusting moron, Bella. Figures you'd find fucking Otis and Baby Firefly in a tarts boutique. There's no way out of here now. The windows don't even seem to open. If I snuck out, Alice would know and then I'd just get hurt and lost running through the woods and that would make it even more fun for them. Whatever, they can have me. I guess I deserve it. I did steal a parking space from an old lady the other day._

Alice burst through the door, breaking me out of my autonomy and making me brace for impact. "Bella, it's cool. He went for a walk to clear his head. Come on, let's get started on your dress."

I had completely fucking forgotten about the dress. At least she was letting me out of the bedroom and I wasn't restrained yet. My mind kept chanting, 'Go, go go. Get the fuck out.' Nevertheless, I followed her down the stairs and to the kitchen. My dress was laid out on the table next to a very strange looking garment. It seemed to be made of thick nylon, like a girdle, sleeveless and cut off about mid-thigh.

"What is that?" I asked, slightly disgusted.

"Oh, go in the powder room there and put that on," Alice instructed.

I held up the offending garment with my thumb and first finger. "For fucks sake, why?"

"Do you not want this dress to be as tight and sexy as I can get it? I need to measure you. You're wearing too many clothes for me to get an accurate measurement, so unless you want to be naked in my kitchen, go."

Well, naked wouldn't be so bad, if it was just her and I here, but if furious husband walks in, I know it's the spit for me.

I managed to wrangle myself into the body stocking, feeling a little more foolish than I would have if I _had _been naked, and walked back out into the kitchen.

Alice smiled smugly and went to work measuring my every bodily surface and circumference, pulling and pushing my arms and legs out of her way.

I was trying to think of some conversation to start, something to break the awkward silence between her furious measuring and my quasi-nakedness. She seemed to be avoiding my gaze.

"I like your contacts, Alice. The color looks good on you," I chose. She froze.

"Um, thanks."

"I like your dark eyes, don't get me wrong. I've never seen eyes like yours before."

"Hmm," was all she had to say.

The evening had just gone from bad to worse. This new awkwardness was stifling.

"So, do you take appointments, Alice? Or are there hours of operation for your clients to walk in? Do you do readings here?"

She was measuring my inseam. I was mildly uncomfortable and kind of turned on. She jumped up when she was finished and stood in front of me.

"Yeah, I take appointments. I usually hold them in the sitting room. I thought about a storefront, but then I might be tempted to buy neon signs and wear gold hoop earrings. No thank you. I'm more comfortable here, and my clients tend to be as well." She walked over to a notepad on the counter and jotted my measurements down.

"I would never let you wear gold hoop earrings, don't worry about that. Is there good money in Seeing?" I smiled.

At least we were getting somewhere now. I really wanted to know this girl, even if it meant having to deal with Jasper. I wanted to spend as much time with her as she would give me. I didn't have any real friends outside of work and every day I spent with those witless morons made me a little more like them, and sucked out my soul piece by piece.

"The money's ok. The family has money, so it really isn't necessary for bills and stuff. I have quite a fondness for Dolce & Gabbana, and Jasper can spend money like no one's business, though you'd never be able to tell. I swear every minute he's not in this house costs money. Shit, even _in_ this house he gets into trouble."

"Preaching to the choir, sister. I've wasted whole paychecks on a single pair of shoes."

The obstacle course we had been conversing around seemed to have been navigated and we had come out in a tie. Though the chatter wasn't quite as easy as it had been previously, it was at least amusing and informative.

"Would you like something to drink?" She was looking at me rather expectantly. I wasn't sure what my answer should be. I decided to cut the crap and ask for what I wanted. I needed something to take the edge off.

"Vodka, dirty, three olives?" I asked, presuming she had a liquor cabinet somewhere. She smiled at me like I had just handed her a piece of vintage Chanel houndstooth.

"I'll make it, you go get dressed."

We sat in the dim kitchen for hours just talking about random shit while she dotted out a pattern for my new red dress. I tried to not ask about Jasper or about her psychic ability. She kept me swimming in a bottomless martini and before I knew it, my mouth and brain were no longer connected.

"So, you can really see the future?"

She eyed me warily for a second, perhaps contemplating memory loss from vodka. She seemed hesitant to answer.

Wondering if she really could see the future, I tried to focus on my reaction to whatever she may have to say. It felt like the right thing to do.

At this point, I was honestly fascinated by her and Jasper. Unless I saw with my own two eyes the bodies of their boondock slaughter, I was going to convince myself that they didn't exist.

She must have seen something positive, because before I knew it she was telling me about her 'visions' and how I had factored into them. I wanted to ask her what she saw regarding me, in the future, but was distracted thinking about Jasper.

If he could get a 'feel' for what people were feeling, did that explain why I felt so angry when he was angry?

"Well," she began, "Jasper is different. He can feel a person's emotions, and he can also manipulate them. Intensify them or lessen them. It's not really my story to tell, so I'm not going to go into it too much, but I do have a theory about earlier. If you want to hear it?"

I nodded enthusiastically. Of course I wanted to hear it. I wanted her to tell me he was allergic to my perfume or he hated long hair or that we startled him and he overreacted.

"I think he likes you, and I think we'll all be seeing quite a lot of each other."

I blanched. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that Jasper definitely did not like me. As for seeing a lot of each other, I could handle that as long as Alice was always there to aid my eminent flee to safety.

"Jasper doesn't like me," I said. "That was hate in that mans eyes. I'm sorry, Alice, I don't want to offend you or your husband, but I think it would be best if he and I weren't in the same room together again."

"Pish posh, Bella. What happened tonight won't happen again, I assure you. I know you're scared, but you are perfectly safe. Safer than you'll ever know. I've seen the finale and it will end no other way."

Her words were heavy, and I didn't do heavy very well, especially when I was this drunk. Alice's seated figure swirled before me and suddenly my head seemed too big for my body. I downed my martini, indicating that I would, please, take another.

Quickly I was replenished, but before I could thank her, my head lolled back and the vodka took me away.

I awoke the next morning alone in my bed with my face smashed into my pillow. I was disoriented and unsure if the last twenty four hours had been a dream. I was hung over, so that meant that the martinis had been real, which meant that I had gone to Alice's. I rolled over to check the time, wondering what day it was. My purse and phone were on the night stand—not where I usually put them.

I didn't remember leaving Alice's. The last thing I remembered clearly was the fifth martini and something about manipulating my feelings and being safe. I must have blacked out after that drink. I could just imagine Alice trying to get me to my car, then trying to find my house, then trying to get me up the stairs. What a sight that must have been. I'll have to find a way to thank her for that—hopefully not with a repeat performance.

Slowly, I crawled out of bed, still trying to figure out what time I had to be at the salon. I noticed a foreign garment bag hanging on my closet door. I walked over to it curiously. There was a note folded to the front. I peeled it off and opened it slowly, incredulous to what could be in the bag, even though I knew.

_Bella-_

_Thanks for hanging out. I had a great time. I hope you like the dress, we weren't able to get you into it for a final fitting. You can thank me by wearing it with those black Louboutins._

_You're hilarious when you're drunk. Please come by again tonight. It's been so long since we've had proper company._

_Oh, and you have to be at the salon at three._

_xo,_

_Alice_

_.:*~*:.  
_

"When are they coming?" I had to know. She was being so stingy with the information lately.

Something had happened in Alaska. I wasn't sure what exactly, since Alice and Jasper have kept mum. I swore every time I walked into a room, Alice was tensed, eyes flicking at warp speed. She was having visions every few hours from what I could tell. Suspiciously, my little Eight Ball had very little new information. Since their return a few months ago, Jasper would take off for days at a time, then sometimes it would be Alice leaving as mysteriously.

"Bella, you will know when I know. I promise."

I was antsy, frantically pacing and tapping on the counter hastily. "I thought you said it was supposed to have happened by now? It's going to snow soon. You said before the snow. God, Alice, it's supposed to snow tomorrow! I need more warning than this!"

"Bella! For fucks sake, please shut up! Do you not think I'm freaking out as much as you are right now? Jasper's been gone for five days! And I can't make heads or tails of what I'm seeing. Just… just relax, please? It'll do no good at all to be like this when they show up." She was shaking her head and pacing opposite me.

A united front. That's what we were supposed to be, but we were worried about Jasper. He was somewhere between here and Denali National Park, where the rest of the coven lived. If they got here before he did, and hadn't intercepted him on the way, we would both surely fall apart.

"I know. I'm sorry, Alice." God I felt like an asshole. Her mate was out there, alone, maybe in danger, and I was worried about a few angry vampires moving in. "Alice, will you please tell me what happened? Please? I promise I won't flip my shit. I just can't stand not knowing what we're up against. I may not be one of you yet, but that doesn't mean I'm not a part of you. And you're a part of me, too. I love you guys so much. I'm just worried about the others. I'm not sure if I'll fit well into the nuclear family. And you know how I like to overreact."

I was plying her with everything I had. Show them strength, followed by weakness—keep them guessing and coming back for more. It wasn't the nicest trick I had up my sleeve, but it usually got me what I wanted, and none of it was a lie anyway.

"Fine," she huffed. She was displeased. Alice was no idiot, I rarely got anything by her. But when I showed true emotion and sincerity, she was like a moth to a flame.

"So, you remember when we told you they were coming to live here?" She began, I nodded. "Well, the real reason we went to Alaska was because I had seen someone coming to threaten them. There's this coven in Italy…"

"The Volturi?" I interrupted.

I knew of them, Jasper had mentioned them before; vampire royalty, vampire police. Though, who can police a bunch of undead was beyond me. They were not 'vegetarians' like Alice's coven, they ate people. Jasper had also mentioned that they felt uneasy about his and Alice's coven, since they rivaled them in size and ability.

They also did not approve of 'our' lifestyle. They didn't know about me, of course, that's a big no-no, but if they were coming around to check shit out, it was only a matter of time before I was discovered. Since two of their covens members had once been a part of this coven in Italy, the Volturi felt they had the right to be as nosy as they wanted, as far as 'we' were concerned.

"Yes. They sent two scouts to spy on everyone, as much as you can spy on us. I've not seen them send anyone here. As far as I know, no one in Italy knows Jasper and I went our own way. But when I saw that there were two vampires going to Alaska, we couldn't chance it. I can't lose them, or you. Neither of us can, Bella. It's only a matter of time before there's a fight. Aro, he's the head of the Volturi, he's made his decision. It was either split up the coven, or risk losing them all." If she could have been crying, she would have. I'd never seen such pain on her tiny face before.

Never had I thought that it would be this bad. I just stared at her, astonished.

"Christ, Alice. Why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry. What a shitty thing to have to decide. Thank you, though, for telling me now. You just say the word, baby girl. I'll do anything I can."

"That's the thing, Bella, it's not clear exactly where you factor in, yet. I see lots of outcomes here, for you. I know that most of the time you don't want to know all of what I see, but in this case," she paused, "I'm not going to ask your permission."

Oh shit, I thought. Here we go.

A thousand awful images flew through my brain. I didn't like knowing too much, that was true—too much about me anyway, everyone else was fair game. I got up to pour myself a big glass of wine, I knew I would need it. I was so tense at this point that the 'pop' the cork made as I pulled it out made me jump. My back was to Alice as she continued.

"Before we met you, years before, I kept getting a vision of a girl. A girl with no face, no name, a girl that would be part of our lives forever. I knew I wouldn't ever meet her in Alaska. It was the main reason we left. I saw her here in Forks, and in Seattle. So Jasper and I left our coven. I knew I had to follow this vision of her as far as I could. It was just like when I knew I had to find Jasper. I went where the visions took me," she sobbed, and I turned around to face her. "I took us so long, too long. I thought it was never going to happen, and then I finally found you. Finally there was a face and a name and you were home."

"Alice."

"I'm not finished, Bella. You have to hear the rest of this." I nodded and sat back down at the table so she could continue.

"There were so many visions, at first. I was hesitant to make any decisions regarding you, because the future seemed so fragile. I saw great things and then I saw awful things. I saw Jasper's initial reaction to you, before you even stepped foot in this house, but I also saw that he would never hurt you. Never. And I knew that day, just as I do now, that we both loved you already." She had taken my hand in hers. I squeezed back with as much strength as I could find.

"Since we got back, since they have decided, the visions have changed again. If they don't come home, there's nothing. Just black. No Alice, no Jasper, no Bella, no Cullens." She said this so quietly, I barely heard her. "If they do come home, the vision is different, different from when we first met you. Everyone is fine and the Volturi back off and we all live, well, we live ever after, but it's the same as the other. Once they come home, it won't be all happily ever after. There isn't going to be an Alice, Jasper, and Bella anymore. Someone is coming with them who is going to make us disappear, just in a different way."

I was reeling. I knew she was terrified. The words refused to make sense to me. It was too much to take in. Panic and anger consumed me. I couldn't tell if she meant that we wouldn't be able to be together again or if I was leaving or if they were leaving. It didn't matter what way, they all sucked. I hadn't signed up for this fuckery.

"What does that mean, Alice? I'm not going anywhere, are you? This is bullshit and you know it! It's your family for fucks sake! Who of them would pose a threat to us? I'm not leaving you or Jasper. Nothing, no one, could make me. I dare them."

She pulled my chair close to hers and wrapped me in her arms, I hesitantly returned the gesture. She took a deep breath and kissed my cheek.

"No, I'm not going anywhere. But you haven't met each other yet, Bella. It's going to happen. It's the most beautiful and the most awful vision I've seen yet."


	3. Symphony of Destruction

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The rest is mine.

A/N: Okay, **I know and I'm sorry**. I've suffered my first bout of total fail, and got my first hate review. No biggie, right? Except I freaked the fuck out and pulled chapters three and four. Not because of a review (puh-leeze), but because chapter three was weak. I knew this and it took me looking at it from a different perspective to really see what I had done wrong.

I don't like half-assed and I do what I want. I wanted make it better, **for you**. If you don't want to read the updated chapter, that's fine. I really don't blame you I guess, but I suggest you do. It's much better.

Also, everything is BPOV unless otherwise indicated. Warning: there is a suggestion of intended sexual assault in this chapter. I don't want anyone offended, or upset, please.

Big thanks to **Project Team Beta** and **NCChris** for their mad beta skillz and to my wifey, **detroitangel** for talking me off the cliff and bringing back the jasper mojo.

This one's all in the past.

* * *

I was rocking the red halter dress and the black Louboutins again today, because it was unstoppable. At this point, Alice had been wrong a total of zero fucking times. I was on cloud nine. It had been the most amazing month of my existence.

I suspected I was victim to Jasper's mood altering, now and then, but wasn't complaining. We went out to clubs and shopped, shopped until our little hearts were content. My bedroom was filled with bags and boxes from all over the west coast, mostly still unopened.

I traipsed into Beaut, ready to own the day. Janine, my receptionist, smiled at me as I set my things on my chair. I had taken a couple of days off, to go with Alice and Jasper to Vancouver to shop and camp. The camping was strange as they didn't seem like the type, but I was game and the RV was nice.

I didn't like missing too much work. Being the boss has its advantages, but sometimes it took too much time to catch up with clients. Thankfully, the girls were pretty self sufficient. Lately, it had been easier to take off early, or go away for a few days.

"Hey, Janine. Things are looking good," I greeted as I looked through the books. Shit was still going strong; four girls fully booked on a Wednesday. Tomorrow looked similar. Fucking miracles do happen.

"Yeah, they really are. How was Vancouver?"

"Good, good. It was nice to get away."

She was rifling through a pile of envelopes.

"Bella, um, this was taped to the door when I get here this morning."

The look on her face was one of terror and secrecy. My heart sped up with my wondering of what fuckery had gotten Janine so worked up.

She handed me a folded piece of paper and quickly turned away. She busied herself with dusting the countertop, though I could see her peeking at me out of the corner of her eye. I opened the mystery document, bracing for what could only be bad news. _Just my luck. It's always one step forward, three leaps back._

My heart hit my stomach. It was a Notice of Foreclosure. The building I worked in, owned my business in, was being foreclosed upon. Jake's building. _Shit, Jake_. I hadn't seen Jake in weeks.

He really was the asshole slumlord everyone warned me about. I blanched with panic and perfect hindsight when I realized he had been milking me since I set up shop and must have skipped town the minute ended things with him.

_Fuck me. I'm so screwed. _I was going to kill that little red skinned, covers stealing, kiss and tell, sorry excuse for an landlord; right before I jumped off the cliff at La Push.

My brain was shutting down. The fainting wasn't far behind. I flailed my arms at Janine, hitting her with the papers. She managed to catch me around the waist before I hit the ground.

A freak out at work was nothing really new for me. Janine knew just how to deal with it; back room, shot of Jameson, then out for a smoke.

We made it to the back room and to the Jameson before there was a commotion up front. Yelling was definitely nothing new for Beaut. I'd been in my fair share of screaming matches here, broken up a few dozen as well.

The debate was growing louder, getting closer. Someone was trying to keep someone else from coming back here.

"Get out of my way!"

I would know that voice anywhere. Alice.

"Let her in, please," I tried to shout over the protest. "Janine, please? A minute?"

Janine shrank at the door as Alice burst through.

"Bella," she breathed.

I choked downed my second shot, "Alice, what are you doing here?" I couldn't even try to be happy to see her. I didn't have it in me.

Checking if we were alone, she came over to the stool next to me and sat.

"I was in the neighborhood," she said casually. Obviously she thought we had a few eavesdroppers outside.

"Uh huh. Sure you were," I mumbled.

"Janine!" she summoned and walked to the door.

Janine was right outside, and entered immediately.

"Yeah?"

"Could you please reschedule Bella's appointments for today and tomorrow? Something has come up. She won't be back in town until Friday. And bring me her bags."

"Yeah, of course." Janine didn't linger, and was out the door in a flash.

"Alice, seriously, what are you doing here?"

She turned to me with a pitiful look on her face.

"Bella, you know exactly why I'm here. Let's go to your place. Jazz is there already. We'll figure this out."

She took my bags from Janine, and I let her lead me out the backdoor without a single objection. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. My life was effectively over; well, my career was anyway. We were walking down North Forks and I was looking for a lumber hauler to jump in front of.

Alice stopped abruptly and grabbed my arm. Damn. The little girl was strong, her grip was sure to leave a bruise. She gave me a stern look exactly like my mother used to. She wasn't kidding; I guess she really could see the future.

"Al, I wouldn't really."

"Uh huh, right."

I couldn't see any fixing this. If the building wasn't Jake's anymore, what happened to my lease? Did I even have a lease? Would I have to close up my shop, go out of business? How would I live? Make money? I had no savings. I would be on the streets in a matter of days. My heart was about to burst out of my chest when I thought about losing everything I'd ever worked for. I stopped at the nearest bush to throw up.

We made our way up the stairwell to my door. I walked in and went straight to my bedroom. I didn't say a word to Jasper, who was sitting by the window hunched over, elbows on his knees, looking forlorn and fucking irresistible with his hair in his eyes.

I kicked my shoes off, aiming them pathetically for my closet. I climbed into bed, pulling the covers over me completely. Maybe I could stay right here until the whole world went away; three or four months, maybe? That would surely be long enough for all of this to disappear.

Alice climbed in and curled her hard little body behind me. Jasper sat on the opposite side, trying to pull the sheet off my head. I kept it bunched tight but I was no match for him. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Bella," he cooed, "it will be all right, darlin'."

Subtle, beautiful Jasper. He was trying to make me feel better. I fought it as best I could. I didn't want to feel better. I'd fucked up royally and was now taking it in the ass. I was suddenly furious.

"Bullshit, Jazz! It will not 'be all right,' ever. I'm beyond fucked here! I don't even know if I'm locked into a lease with him. If I'm not under contract, the bank has no obligation to let me stay. As far as they know, I probably haven't paid rent in a year! I can't buy the property. I have no money. My credit is shit!" I felt bad yelling, but I was in a corner. There were no avenues to a happy ending. I buried my face in the pillow, eye shadow be damned.

"Bella," Alice crooned. She seemed exasperated. She didn't understand what was going on here, obviously. "This isn't a big deal. There is always a way."

"Oh, and what the fuck do you propose I do, Alice?" I hissed. I was pissed at her nonchalance. As if my livelihood hadn't just been pulled out for under me, so fast that I wasn't even aware how awful it would be when I hit the ground. "There aren't too many corners in Forks I could hook without being recognized. Of course, if I didn't make enough money, I could tie cement blocks to my ankles and jump into the Pacific. Then they'd never find me." I was hurting their feelings, I knew it, but I had no other way of dealing with this.

"Bella, be reasonable," she fought back, crossing her arms defiantly, "You can hook for us, we'll pay you twice what you'd get down behind Forks Diner."

I couldn't help but spit out a chuckle at that. Damn her. She knew how to work me already. I opened my eyes and Jazz was looking at me so tenderly, it made my chest ache. I felt a wave of calm, and finally gave into it.

"So, what happened?" Jasper inquired, his voice soothing and calm. I actually felt calmer than I had just a few seconds ago.

"I don't know what happened, exactly. The building is being foreclosed on. Jake's skipped town and obviously he's been fucking me in more ways than I was consciously aware of." Oops, talk about too much information. All my dirty laundry was going to be on display today, evidently. I closed my eyes, again trying to burrow deeper into the bed. "Well, he's certainly been taking care of himself," I muttered into my pillow.

"Who the hell is Jake?" he asked, all huffy and perplexed.

"Landlord, asswedge, ex…something or another."

"Okay…" Jasper questioned.

I wanted the anger and desperation to swallow me whole. I could zombie around my apartment for a few days, try to figure out how to save my business.

I looked at them both now, they were staring at each other. Their lips were twitching and I felt like some private conversation was taking place that I couldn't hear. I snorted at them.

"I hope you're whispering theories to each other on how I can get out of this mess. If not, then you can take your condescension elsewhere." I wasn't going to deal with this. I'd much rather be drinking myself happy than sitting here with them, as beautiful as they were. They only reminded me of things I was never going to be; happy, perfect and in love. Those things were not in my cards.

"Alright, Bella. I have a plan," Alice said, giving me a sly eye and a smirk, "If it's in foreclosure, that means the bank owns it. Right, Jasper?" He nodded.

"So, since banks love to make money, Jasper and I will buy the building!"

"What?!" Unless there was a Cullen Well of Wealth somewhere, I couldn't see this working out. Even if there was, I wasn't going to be dipping into it. Not only did I not deserve it, it was my fucking ignorance and trust that got me into this mess, but I couldn't pay them back. My rent was dirt cheap because I couldn't pay any more. Jake didn't seem to give a shit because of what he got in return. No one has ever done shit for me and here they are, willing to bail my ass out of a huge mess and they don't even seem concerned. Alice must be smoking fucking crack.

"Seriously, though, Bells. We're here to help you," Jasper said. He stroked my brow with his cool fingers. They were like tiny ice cubes. "I think I speak for Alice as well, when I say that we are here for you; for anything, anytime. Forever."

"Absolutely," Alice chimed in. She sat up behind me and rolled me onto my back by my shoulder.

"So, here's what we'll do. We'll buy the building," She smiled, "You can leave your apartment and this Jake character and move in with us. Then you get to keep your salon. We'll have so much fun!"

"You can't be serious. That's a lot of money, guys. You're crazy. And move in with you? Why? No way."

At my hesitation, Alice started to reassure me, "It's just a business transaction, Bella. We've been meaning to look into commercial real estate in Forks. It's not up to you anyway and we've made our decision. And why not move in with us? It'll only help you in the long run. Jasper's sure to raise your rent anyway."

She was snarky and a smart-ass, but she was right. I laid there quietly for a few minutes, still furious at Jake; furious at myself for trusting him so completely. I really should have been paying better attention.

Rolling Alice's idea around in my head, I came to the conclusion that it was the best option. If I had to close my doors, seven talented girls would be unemployed in a recession, and thousands of clients gone. I couldn't risk that. I couldn't do that to them, or to me, not when I could avoid it completely.

I had to keep the salon. It was the one thing I still had that reminded me of my parents. They left me the money to open it. I couldn't hear their voices anymore, couldn't feel their touch. Pictures barely got me through the bad days. On the worst days, all I had was Beaut. I couldn't lose it. Living with them would be interesting, not to mention tempting, but faced with the possibility of dealing with Jake, or being homeless if I couldn't pay my bills, it wasn't such a bad choice.

I tore out of the bed and grabbed my phone from my purse. Alice and Jasper watched me curiously. Alice had a knowing look on her face. I raised my brow at her as I hit Jake's speed dial. I walked into the living room as it rang.

Not surprisingly, it went straight to voicemail.

"Jacob, you fucking asshole! If you ever even set foot in this town again, you've got a world of fucking hurt coming down on you, you son of a bitch!" I snapped the phone shut. I was a woman of few words. When I was mad, I tended to get straight to the point.

In the bedroom, Alice squealed. I walked back in and she was clapping her hands. She jumped off the bed and ran to me.

"I guess that's a 'go'?" Jazz remarked. He strode over to me as well. He kissed my forehead and smiled, "I'll call Jenks. He'll get everything together. Excuse me a minute."

Alice was positively beaming and I hugged her tightly with a smile on my face. "Thank you. So much. I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me." I had to admit, I was thrilled, and thoroughly relieved.

"Don't even think about it, Bella. How much fun is this going to be, huh? I'm so excited!"

We both looked up at Jasper as he walked back in. "It's all set. He'll take care of everything. We'll have to fax him some information tonight, but he'll get the ball rolling."

"Seriously you guys, thanks. I hope you're not putting yourselves out, and I hope you don't get bored with me."

"Never, babe. You are anything but boring," Alice said.

"So," Jasper chimed in with a crooked grin. He slapped and rubbed the palms of his hands together, his eyebrows furiously taunting us, "when do the slumber parties start?"

"Down, boy." I couldn't help but palpitate at the idea of a slumber party with Alice and Jasper. "I just have to give them 30 days notice to vacate. I'll call the manager tonight." Jasper was still wiggling his eyebrows at us.

"Good, then our work here is nearly done. You start packing ASAP," she pointed at me. "And you," she pointed at Jasper, "knock off the flirting and get the closets in the fourth from the tower bedroom cleared out, please."

He winked, bowed, and with a swoop of his arm, turned and was on his way. If he had a cape, he would have been Bela fucking Lugosi himself.

I giggled and hugged Alice close. I thanked her again and told her to get lost so I could call the girls at the salon, so they wouldn't worry and so I could begin packing. I'd been here for seven years. I had more shit packed into this apartment than I cared to contemplate. She kissed my cheek and pranced off.

Jasper was right; the Jenks man took care of everything. Three weeks later, Alice and Jasper Cullen officially owned my building. I also cut my schedule down to two days a week, so I could concentrate on actually running the salon. Jasper was instrumental in teaching me the ways and means of the savvy small business owner. Things were operating smoother than they ever had.

The room they had chosen for me at the Cullen house was monstrously large. Most of my furniture fit, I only lost my bed. Each bedroom in the house came standard with a California King. Who was I to argue? A bed with no reminders of all the snakes I've tried to charm was a comfort.

This was my last day in the apartment. I had a few boxes strewn about with various odds and ends spilling out. Alice had left me early in the evening to finish up while she and Jasper went hiking. I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy their frequent outdoor activities, but I was going to try. I was actually beginning to like the camping, but could do without the hiking and fishing. I ranked them right up there with the girly doctor and cleaning out the fridge.

I taped up the last box, looking around my now empty home. I was jittery and excited. I was having a hard time concentrating, and an even harder time not jumping up and down like a fucking school girl.

I'd always wanted roommates. Living alone since my parents died has been nice, but when I would hear the girls at work talk about their situations, I couldn't help but be envious of the company.

The thought of living with Alice and Jasper was too good to be true. I counter argued in my head that I had only known them two months, and they were a little mysterious to me still. The kept strange hours and were a physical paradox of cold hard skin and changing ebony eyes. I had never met anyone before who compared to them in any way.

Then there was Jasper's initial reaction to me. It seemed to not be an issue anymore, but still left me a tad on edge sometimes. He could get this look on his face that, more often than not, made me want to run and hide.

Regardless, I wasn't going to let those things sour this victory. I had found in them, friends and a salvation. I was more than happy to accept their idiosyncrasies if they wanted me around as much as I wanted to be around them.

I still had over an hour before Jasper was due to pick me up. I changed into some sweats I was going to throw away, deciding that a run would help me relax and focus. I grabbed my iPod, locked the door and tied my spare house key around my wrist. Mapping my route in my head, just a few miles around town, I took off at a nice clip.

The air was cool and damp, but thankfully not raining. Sweaty rain soaked Bella was definitely not the most alluring thing in the world. I passed the salon, now closed, and the near empty diner. I laughed and thought back to the suggestion of prostitution as a way out of my predicament, and Alice's counteroffer. They wouldn't have to pay me a dime to sleep with them. If ever I would be so lucky, I'd do it for fucking free, everyday.

I passed the football field and rounded the corner after the school. This was the end of my loop. The rest of the way back was behind the school on South Elderberry, then back up Fourth, to Division. Both ways were deserted at this time of night. Forks was a sleepy town, indeed. Nine o'clock was late as far as most citizens were concerned.

The sun had been down about twenty minutes, but the light on the horizon was just enough to navigate by.

Concentrating on Megadeth's "Symphony of Destruction," and the crunch of the gravel underfoot, I lost myself in the possibilities that lie ahead. Change was so rare in my life. Every day had pretty much been like the one before, until I met Alice and Jasper. They fucking spun me one eighty, and I was sure the ride was far from over. I really couldn't wait to move in.

I was near finishing the circuit around the school when a set of headlights caught my eye from the side street on my left. The van was moving at a snail's pace. I ignored it, like I usually would, and continued up the slight hill.

I hadn't made it to quite to Fourth Street when the same van came roaring up and skidded to a halt in front of me. I tried to sprint around it, but was blocked in when the side doors opened and two men jumped out. The bigger one grabbed me around my waist and covered my mouth before I could run or scream. I bit his hand as best I could before he threw me, thrashing, into the van. It was a hard landing. My face hit the floor, and I could feel the cold hard metal of the seat anchors digging into my stomach.

I tried to pick myself up, but was pushed back down as the two men reentered. One laid on top of me as the doors slammed and the van took off in a wide u-turn.

This could not be happening now, not now, not today.

"Hey sugar," the one breathed in my ear, "Shouldn't have been out all alone, should ya?" He was grinding his body coarsely into my ass. He smelled like liquor and musty clothes.

I tried to kick him off of me, but it just made him dig into me harder. I didn't bother screaming and it would do no good. They had me in their van where no one would hear me. I was completely at their mercy and I knew they were going to take full advantage of that. The first one was already trying to get my pants off.

The other was in front of me now, holding my wrists. I could see his gnarly smile. At least three teeth missing in the front, maybe more, and his hands were dirty. Black outlined each finger. I could almost see his prints it was so ground into his skin. The smells and the images around me made me want to vomit.

I shut down; stopped squirming. I wasn't fighting my way out of this. I couldn't take both of them and their driver. I was sure it would be over quicker and hurt less if I didn't struggle. Where was Alice? How could she have seen me so many times but not now? I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to them, if these monsters killed me. I'd never see them again.

I wanted to cry, but the tears would not come. I hadn't cried in almost a decade. I stilled my body and could feel the one's hands on my bare skin.

"What the FUCK?!" I heard the driver squawk. The van slowed violently. There was a huge crash. The windshield exploded in. I heard metal scraping against metal; the sound of it tearing. I was thrown back and up and over. I hit the roof as the van flipped onto its top and skidded to a stop.

I could feel blood running down my face and I fought hard to keep my eyes open. I heard the groaning and questioning of the men, but they didn't seem concerned with me anymore.

Through my haze, I could barely make out two figures outside the van. They had ripped the back doors off. One was short and the other tall. I couldn't keep myself alert. The pain in my head was blinding. There was cursing and commotion as they dragged the men out and off into the woods. I swear I heard growling, then I closed my eyes again, and all was blissfully silent and black.

I dreamt of honeyed voices and soothing touches. I could feel the wind whipping my hair around and saw glimpses of the trees flying by.

I swore I heard Jasper say my name.

* * *

If you love it, leave some. xo


	4. Silence and Slaughter Ch 4

To my wifey, **detroitangel**, who co-wrote the second half of this with me, or I stole her words, depending on how you look at it. I bequeath this chapter to her, for being the "lofe" of my life and devoting all her spare time (um…what?) to this madness and sharing her brain, heart, and betties with me. Yeah, once or twice.

Huge, rock hard fists in the air to **NCChris** for making love through beta.

To my big mouth bitches from Rehab... thanks for the laughs and comma orgies...for being OBNOXIOUS and LOUD...we're going to make a fortune in Vegas...mwah!

Okay, there is some serious violence in this chapter. You have been **warned**.

Disclaimer: Said author does not own the rights to any of these characters. She just borrows, influences, perverts, and makes them do violent, tingly things. It's what she likes.

Hint: Here and now; then way back when.

* * *

Alice had a way of making words seem bigger and more important than they were. Jasper made them mean more than they possibly could. I was the one who could cheapen them beyond any value.

Alice and I both needed some time to think; some time to relax and stop freaking out. She chose the roof. I chose the bath. I had been so standoffish after her revelation, refusing to discuss her vision; she just frowned and walked away.

I hated that it hurt her. I hated that I did it. There was just no way around it. I know she thought I didn't put much faith in her visions, but that was hardly the truth.

The truth was that I put too much faith in them. It terrified me beyond comprehension that I would be separated from her or Jasper, in any way. It terrified me that some asshole could just come tearing in here and rip us apart. I tried to fight with her, to tell her she had to be mistaken, that she was overwrought and must be wrong. She had poured her soul out to me and I had done nothing but belittle her words.

I also knew what she loved me, as I loved her, and she would know that my harsh words were just a defense mechanism; a way of avoiding potential disaster. She would forgive me.

_Once I get my pathetic ass up to the roof to apologize._

I knew I was the big bad wolf. If I huffed loud enough, puffed hard enough, I was sure to blow this whole house down.

It was time to step up to the plate. I was just as much a part of this now as they are. _Put on your big girl panties and shut the fuck up. They need you and you need them._

I ducked my head under the water one last time and pulled the stopper out with my toes. I dried off and dressed quickly. I made my way up the spiral staircase to the portico off the tower.

It was empty. I looked around, trying to make out her figure on one of the peaks. She was standing on the other side of the house, above the sitting room, barely visible in the moonlight. I waved a bit timidly at her. She saw me, I'm sure. She didn't wave back.

It was a remarkably clear night and cold, especially this high up. My hair was beginning to freeze in the frosty air. I crunched a strand between my fingers as I marveled at the stars.

I felt her near me before I heard her jump down. Her little feet hit the floor with an almost imperceptible thud.

I turned to her with my head down. I was not proud of my actions or words; something that was happening with too much frequency the last few days.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"You hurt my feelings, Bella, and you demean what we have with such selfishness and disregard. I know you don't mean what you said, because I don't see you going anywhere.

"I will accept your apology, because I need you now more than ever, but know this, Bella; I will not let you push me away. You cannot undo, with harsh words, what decisions and time have done.

"Nothing in this life is worth losing the ones we love over. We can only deal with what we've been handed. As long as I've known you, you haven't dealt with anything. You would do more harm than good if you left us now. None of us would recover."

"Alice," I said, walking toward her. I winced at her words, deserving every one she had for me, and then some. I had so much to apologize for, an entire years worth of insolence and jealousy. My selfishness apparently knows no bounds, and I will say anything to make myself feel better. I was ashamed. I needed her to know that I was genuine, that even though it seemed like I was trying to destroy this, I would truly do anything to save it.

"I-I've never been in this place before. I'm scared. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you and Jasper. It's exceptionally difficult for me to lay my heart on the line. I promise you that I will fix me. I'll fix me for us. I feel so honored and lucky to have you guys. Thank you. Thank you for all you've done for me, for being here right now, for not giving up. And whatever happens when the rest get here, please know that I will never stop loving you."

I wrapped my arms around her, nearly engulfing her small frame. The pain of saying those words out loud wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. Though my heart was screaming to take them back, make them disappear, my brain knew they were the truth. No matter how hard I denied it to myself, I could not deny them to Alice. I swallowed hard, accepting that my secrets weren't as shrouded as I wanted them to be.

"That's enough, for now," she said, hugging me back fiercely, "Come on, get inside before you freeze."

We lay together on my bed for hours. I slept on and off. I awoke near dawn just as Alice stiffened on the bed next to me. She was sitting with her arms extended slightly, as if she were reaching for something. She didn't waver as I called her name. Usually, she talked through a vision. Her silence was terrible.

Five minutes must have gone by before she slackened again. I collected her in my arms and she sobbed, dry-eyed, into my chest.

"Alice, what was it? What's happening?"

"Tonight. Jasper will be back tonight."

"Oh, thank god."

"He's got Emmett, Rose, and Esme with him. They managed to get out before the scouts arrived, but they're on foot. Edward and Carlisle will be here the night after; they stayed behind to deliver a message. They'll stop to hunt just outside of town; they should be here at 11:13."

Relief flooded my every sense; relief mixed with apprehension. Jasper would have called it a 'double trouble' or some witty shit. He claimed I rarely felt just one single emotion. He was right. I hadn't been able to justify letting myself feel one positive without letting a negative sneak in.

I slept a bit longer, finally able to do so without waking in a panic every few hours. I found I had grown less worried about meeting the Cullens. I had been more fearful than I realized of Jasper being in danger.

We busied ourselves that day tidying up an already tidy house. Alice set up some sort of safe room for me, should anyone get a little too enamored. It was, so fittingly, the top most room on the tower. I joked about goblin men, spinning wheels, and firstborns. She wasn't as amused as I thought she would be.

The daylight wore on excruciatingly slowly. My anxious thoughts of Jasper returning trumped the ones centered on making a good impression on his companions. I missed his beautiful face. I was amazed at how much I missed his intuition. He had talked me down from some pretty high ledges.

Alice and I had had some good talks throughout the day. She told me romantic stories about her and Jasper. She knew exactly how many days they had spent apart since they met. Considering their sixty plus years together, I had to admit, the small number was envious. I knew I would never have that kind of connection with someone.

We also discussed the future, my future. I wasn't resigned to just take Alice's word and accept her vision, but I wasn't denying its probability anymore. Those behaviors, denial and avoidance, were the ones she thought I would have the most trouble with. Alice had so much faith in me, more than I had in myself. As long as I was conscious of my negative behavior and doing my best to get over myself, she saw no obstacles in my way.

Alice came flying into the kitchen, where I was wiping down the counter for the third time. The look on her face was of pure exhilaration.

"Ten minutes," she said and then was gone.

I followed, trying to figure out where she went. The front door was open, so I grabbed a jacket and made my way out to the veranda. She was a statue on the top step.

"Is outside better for the first meeting?"

"I don't think it will matter. I don't see any of them being a problem. I'm just not sure I can wait until he gets to the door."

I smiled. As much as they loved me, the bond between Jasper and Alice was unlike anything I'd ever seen. They were absolutely two halves to a whole. I was an extra piece to a puzzle that was already solved. I had deluded myself into believing that the three of us fit together perfectly. There had always been a small hiccup. We could continue this way forever, I felt sure, but I realized that at one point, I would be missing something. I craved the connection they shared.

Maybe what Alice was trying to tell me was that whoever was coming might be that missing thing for me. I wouldn't necessarily be losing them, or them me, but gaining that last little bit of love; the one part they didn't have any extra of to share with me.

I stepped up beside her and wove my fingers through hers. I was finally ready for whatever may come. It was dark, but our eyes locked on the forest nonetheless. I could barely make out the leaves. Everything was so still, they did not even flutter.

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you too, Bella."

We stood in silence for a few minutes. The fog of my breath lingered around us. The evening was cold, not unlike last night, but the stars were hidden. There was a shift in the air and the lightest sprinkle of snow started falling. I squeezed her hand in mine.

"It's time," she said.

Out of the darkness of the tree line, shrouded in the cloudy moonlight, amidst the now cascading snow, four figures emerged. They moved swiftly, as if floating, toward the house.

.:*~*:.

JPOV

I was bent over the doe, cradling its head in my hand. They really were beautiful creatures. In life they graced the wood with their presence; in death they served my world as a substitution.

I was beginning to believe that my craving for Bella's blood was under control. It was tenuous at times, maybe, but I really had done exceptionally well over the last two months. I had managed to extricate myself whenever the burn became unbearable. Surrounding myself with her scent, as often as possible, had proven to be an invaluable desensitizer. I had begun tasting a long forgotten emotion, from Alice as well as myself, pride. We were on the eve of living with a human, the intended source of our sustenance. Aside from a low, albeit constant, worry that I would slip up, not much about Bella moving in bothered me.

In my previous life, my life before Alice, before the Cullens, such a thing would have never entered my thoughts. However now, I was consumed with thoughts of a human, not for consumption, but companionship. It had been years since I tasted the blood of a human. I couldn't even be sure I missed it. Had I not desired something different, purer, at the time, I may never have known what peace could really feel like.

I had sired and slaughtered thousands, of the living and the undead, in my earlier existence. Humans were sustenance and, on occasion, privy to certain secrets. They were a necessary part of the army that I was created to build. Most of my existence had been lived in war, battling for land and propriety of it. My ability to govern and persuade emotions also became my vulnerability. I could feel the torment, the fear; desperation for life as I took it away. I eventually found an escape and another, more peaceful, way to live when I met my destiny. My Alice. Another life was possible, as damned as I was, and I was more than willing to explore it with her.

Now, as a vampire, humans held the same yen that perhaps, a rare 1945 Château Mouton Rothschild would, for them; mouthwatering, rare, but hardly worth the expense. Bella had been the only human I had ever encountered who had tempted me to forfeit what had become my life savings, for one tiny sip. I would have drunk the whole bottle like I was dying from thirst. What a waste it would have been.

I had two amazing women in my life, now. I certainly wouldn't trade either for even a drop of Bella's blood. I was one lucky man, I couldn't deny that.

Having both of them around me, eager with enthusiasm and bursting with joy and love, overrode my long harbored feelings of guilt, fear and regret. They helped me forget all the awful things I had participated in; things and beings destroyed by my hand. The things I had desecrated had desecrated me as well.

After one hundred and fifty years I had been changed, again. Alice was my salvation, sixty of those years ago, but when Bella came to us, she thickly blanketed the still exposed nightmares of my soul. I inhaled deeply. I was gaining so much from the addition of Bella to our lives. I feared letting them both down; Alice the most. If I gave into my uncertainty, if I failed them, I would walk an eternal penance, alone in vagrancy and regret.

Bella didn't know about us. Alice told me she had her suspicions, and had voiced a few concerns to her. Alice wasn't quite ready to tell her. After she confided in me her visions of Bella with us, like us, changed and happy, I reassured her that when the time came, we would handle it; together, the three of us.

I let Alice's pride and excitement fill me and tried to banish such thoughts for tonight. I laid the doe's head on the soft green ground and turned to my love. She was midair, mid pounce. She spun vertically, for effect, colliding with her hunt. She tucked it around her body, sinking her teeth into its throat, and folded gracefully back to the ground.

I grinned and stifled a laugh. I had to give her points for flair. She found acceptance, grace, and somehow, enjoyment in our lives. It was taking a long time, but I think that I, too, was beginning to see those attributes around me.

"Shall we head back for our Bella?" I asked her as she detached herself from the doe. She stroked its head and gently rested it on the ground.

She ran to my side and took my hand, "Yes, let's."

We made our way through the thick of the forest, not concentrating on any path. I couldn't really explain how I was feeling tonight; relaxed, carefree, contented. I couldn't explain them, because I was not accustomed to feeling them from myself.

Dusk, this night, was cool and calm. The relenting rain had been absent most of the day. It meant that we got a lot done at the house, in preparation for Bella's first night, but it also meant we couldn't spend much time with her. We had been risking a lot lately, coming out when the sun was too close behind the clouds. In fact, all our previous rigidity seemed to be relaxing where Bella was concerned.

We ventured out when the cloud cover wasn't adequate to shield us completely. We wore more clothing than usual, carried umbrellas; conveniently ducked into shaded spots when necessary, for longer than should it seem so. Bella would look at us quizzically, trying to figure out if we were totally nuts, or just playing some childish game.

"Are we being followed?" She had asked one day, slightly panicked and paranoid. It was a particularly sunny day. I scolded Alice internally for convincing me that nothing bad would happen. Something bad, bad and sparkly-shiny, was surely around every corner when the vampires were stupid enough to hazard "mostly sunny."

Alice was exhibiting much freer tendencies lately. She didn't hesitate bodily contact with Bella, and she didn't avoid her when we hadn't hunted in a while. It was getting easier to be around Bella, but it didn't mean we could be so brazenly careless as to give the girl suspicions to think us different.

Alice had planned a small feast for Bella, arranged and rearranged the furniture in her new bedroom, and added some of her artwork throughout the house. She had expended a fury of energy figuring out how to most make Bella feel at home. She bought heat lamps, installed speakers in the bathrooms. She stocked the bars and kitchen with the most ridiculous and repulsive objects, liquors, and food I had ever encountered. It reminded me vaguely of throwing a party. It had been a very long time since I'd been to one of those.

"Will she stay with us tonight, Alice?"

"Yes. She's all packed up. Went for a run," she smiled. She kept close tabs on Bella. I wasn't entirely sure how close, but I was thankful for it, nonetheless. I found myself worrying often, and unnecessarily, if she was alright.

Alice laughed at something she saw. "What?" I asked.

"Just Bella and her Megadeth," she shook her head. "I'll never understand the appeal."

I grinned, thinking of Bella head banging, or playing air guitar. She was definitely chock full of surprises. It was a rare occurrence that I could predict what might come next with Bella. She kept us constantly amused. I found myself encouraging her, especially when she was drinking, just to hear the crazy shit that would come out of her mouth.

I looked over to Alice; she was smiling back at me. I was nervous, I had to admit, about Bella living with us. I couldn't bring myself to confess fully, to Bella, why I had reacted so strongly when she first walked into the library. It took me a while to even confess it to myself. I knew Alice knew, there was little way around that. My thirst had been so powerful, she had to have been fighting it as well. She wasn't privy to my more recent, more carnal desires for Bella, though. I wasn't even sure what I intended, as far as those were concerned. I didn't know what to make of them. The minute I took my focus off her blood, it became attached to her in more intimate ways. Alice didn't know the extent, because no decisions had been made. I wasn't comfortable, at all, with her knowing.

We would let things "play out," as Alice would say. I had yet to touch Bella more than was necessary. I had stolen a few tastes of her skin, kissing her soothingly when I thought it was appropriate. After the first, I found myself craving her salty film. I had to be careful. It was a fine line I was walking. It didn't feel right to desire Bella in a sexual way; though the more she was near me, the stronger the feelings became. Thankfully, living away from the rest of the family, I was able to keep my thoughts to myself. I knew Alice's gift well enough to keep her in the dark about those intentions.

I started walking faster, eager to get to Bella, crunching fallen timber with my step. Suddenly, I felt Alice pull me back. I turned to her. Her face had twisted from it's cheerful default, and her eyes shifted rapidly. She was horror stricken and gasped, "Jasper!"

I halted, waiting for her words.

"Bella! She's being taken!"

"What?! Where?"

"Run! The 101!"

I took off as fast as I could. Not waiting for Alice. She would catch up. I didn't even know where I was going. She fell into place beside me, "Four miles from downtown, south; a black van. We have to stop it. They'll kill her."

"I'll go one mile ahead, you meet me there. We'll get her."

"There're three of them!" I heard Alice yell as I shot off south, not sure I was going to make it. I ran so fast I didn't even see the trees whipping by me. Nothing mattered except getting to Bella.

I leapt rivers and huge boulders, running faster than I ever remember doing. I really had no idea what I was planning. I'd never tried to stop a moving van with my bare hands. There wasn't another option; I figured I had no choice. I heard a motor pass as I neared the highway, and I hoped I wasn't too late.

I reached the shoulder, at the end of the long stretch from around the curve. It was dark, nearly pitch, under a crescent moon. Shadows cragged the stone mountain wall across the road. I had no trouble identifying the black van that now sped toward me. I stepped out into the lane.

I ran head first for them and stopped 100 feet from the van. I was bathed in the glow of their headlights. I saw the alarm in the driver's eyes as he slammed on his breaks, not swerving. Knowing he wouldn't be able to stop, I crouched and jumped, my touchdown denting over a foot into the hood. I shattered through the windshield and grabbed the driver by his shirt. Disgusted and enraged, I threw him out the front of the van.

I felt the bump when we ran him over.

I would know that scent anywhere, Bella. Her fear and desperation consumed me. She fanned the flames and the devil came out in me. I could see bodies entangled in the back; dark mahogany hair and pale flesh wildly thrashing on the floor, being held captive by two men.

My senses were screaming at me. They were restraining her as the careening van continued on the winding road; swerving and tilting, any forward progress interrupted.

The men panicked and freed her, intent only on self-preservation. I sprinted back out through the windshield, landing solidly on the hardened pavement. I sped out fifty feet from the van and pivoted toward it. I held my hands out firm, letting it crash into me. It nearly split in half around my unmoving body. The windows blew out. Glass sprinkled like diamonds over the road. The scraping and squealing of metal pierced through the air as it careened and skidded; crumpling into itself as it folded around my shoulders and hips.

Alice was at the back before I could disengage myself completely. I ran to her side. My anger was seething, I could think of nothing but massacre. I radiated it out of me, half to influence Alice, half to just make it go away. I knew that I was going to kill them; it had been so long since I had been in this position. I didn't want to want this, but I was completely unable to stop myself. I tore the doors off the back of the van.

"Alice!" I hissed. "That one!" I pointed to the smaller one, the one who hadn't been lying on top of Bella. I wasn't the Jasper Alice knew anymore. I was the Jasper that all creatures feared; the one that had killed thousands of humans and vampires alike.

"Jasper, no!" she begged, seeing in my eyes and hers, what course of action I intended to take.

"Now, Alice!" I shouted, growled.

Reveling in the man's mask of terror, I smiled. Alice obeyed, and pinned his arms to his sides. It didn't take any effort for her to haul him a half mile into the woods.

"Wait for me," I ordered after her, to no reply.

The bigger one was trying to crawl out of the van. His leg appeared to be broken, as did his face. I took him by his neck with one hand. He twisted in my grip, turning to me. I stared into his eyes hatefully, yanking him closer, growling viciously, baring my teeth. I wanted him to know, without doubt, that he had met his end.

I looked to Bella, half buried by the van's contents. She was breathing and her pulse was accelerated. I could smell her spilt blood, and the adrenaline coursing through it. She appeared to be unconscious, or nearly there. I could get no reading from her aside from rapidly dwindling fear.

I growled at the scent, desperate to taste it, yet desperate to rid ourselves of these madmen. They had intended on taking her, violating her, ending her. There would be no mercy for them.

The man whined and tried to break from my grip. Ungluing my eyes from Bella, I decided we had enough time to deal with the humans before tending to Bella, but the need to stay and the urge to go were vying for importance in my brain. With some reluctance, I turned from the van, gripped tighter on the throat in my hand and raced to Alice.

She was standing above the small one, holding him to the ground with her foot. He was pleading with her to let him go. I knew, she didn't want to kill them. We had spent our entire lives together trying to be good. I was two seconds away from ruining that. There was no other way. She was staring at me, her eyes as pleading as the vile creature underfoot.

"Jazz, there are other ways. We can--," but I cut her off.

"No words, Alice. Just do it." I focused on her eyes. They locked with mine. I flung my murderous rage directly to her and saw red flash through her irises.

I was in control here. She was going to do as I wished. Moving quickly and deliberately, she crushed her foot and ankle through his ribcage. He gasped and popped as she withdrew. His blood leaked out, and his heart pumped what was left three feet into the air. She tucked into a crouch over him and snapped his neck. The sound of his vertebra severing bounced off the trees and rang in my ears.

Drunk in my fury, I watched his red fountain wane, and turned to the one in my keep. In my distraction, I had halfway carved through his throat; his hot blood poured out over my hand and arm.

I wasn't even the slightest bit tempted to taste it. Every atom of every cell in his body repulsed me. I easily closed my fist, severing what was left of his neck and tore his head from his shoulders. I let the twitching carcass fall to the ground. I held his head in my hand for a moment, looking at the bulging eyes; broken, spidery red from the pressure. I brought my other palm to it's cheek. I tensed my arms and gouged my fingers into it's temples, shattering his skull.

I raised my head as Alice flew furiously past me. I could feel her seething rage, her pain and disgust, directed expertly at me. I dropped the glob of crushed bone and flesh, and followed her to the van.

Bella was safely inside, passed out, still bleeding, and slumped along the side of the warped metal. Her heart beat and was steady, strong. The scope of what I had done in the last five minutes was slowly revealing itself to me. I unconsciously wiped my hands, fragments of brain, down my long torso and cautiously neared Alice at the rear of the van.

"Alice, I..." She wasn't looking at me.

"No words, Jasper," she spat, digging Bella out from under the debris of the crash. It didn't matter if words could make this better, I had none. I was unable to apologize for my actions. I regretted none.

"I'm going to take care of the driver. Please think of a way to get rid of all this."

We had to move fast. It was only a matter of time before someone drove by. I stalked to his limp body, lying in the middle of the road. He was breathing, but unconscious. I slung him over my shoulder and returned to the wood. I snapped his neck clean around without a second thought and dropped his corpse between those of his conspirators.

I turned back and saw Alice gently carrying Bella out of the van. Shock, worry, and anger were radiating off her. I quickly made my way to her side.

"Alice. Is she going to be ok?"

"Yes. She'll be fine." Her anger was turning into disappointment. I had disappointed her, and in turn, she had disappointed herself. She wouldn't look me in the eye. Her shoulders hunched forward and she sighed. Her heart was breaking and I was the one doing it.

"Take her Jasper. I'll fix all this. Take her home."

I held my breath as she passed Bella into my arms. I was startled at the quantity of blood and brain I was covered in; startled and shamefully proud. I felt cured of something, yet plagued by another. There was always something I couldn't control. I wasn't meant to be a good person. I was meant only to be close to them.

I watched as Alice pushed the van off the road. I wasn't sure what she had in mind for a cover up; maybe she would bury it, waiting until the right time to take it to the crusher. I trusted her judgment. I wouldn't concern myself with the details until I had to.

I shifted my Bella in my arms, hoping she was comfortable. She had become _my_ Bella that minute; the minute I decided I would, again, become a monster for her. Blood smeared off me onto her skin. I turned and left Alice there, to clean up my carnage. There may not have been a word in any language for the kind of monster I had been tonight.

I ran as fast as possible back to the house. I caressed Bella's face and called her name, trying to wake her, hoping that my stopping the van hadn't been the wrong choice. Her eyes fluttered a few times, but she remained unchanged.


	5. So small in such a large place Ch 5

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! And the questions! I love the questions! I'm so excited to slowly reveal all the answers. Hehe

As usual, I do not own Twilight or the characters. This story though, is mine. Copyright motherfucking mopstyle, 2009. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my written authorization. Do not steal ppl's stories, please. That shit is so not cool.

Detroitangel, NCChris, and Troubledproduce facilitated the coherence of this chapter and sew me back together every time I fall apart. X's and O's to Cam, Frenchie, Ally, Emmie, and Jezz who keep me company and focused whilst I edit and post.

We begin where we left off_. _

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_I shifted my Bella in my arms, hoping she was comfortable. She had become my Bella that minute; the minute I decided I would, again, become a monster for her. Blood smeared off of me onto her skin. I turned and left Alice there to clean up my carnage. There may not have been a word in any language for the kind of monster I had been tonight._

_I ran as fast as possible back to the house. I caressed Bella's face and called her name, trying to wake her, hoping that my stopping the van hadn't been the wrong choice. Her eyes fluttered a few times, but she remained unchanged. _

We reached the house and I hurried Bella up to her new bedroom. I debated where to settle her, still needing to clean us up before I laid her in her bed. I brought her to the bathroom, gently placing her in the tub. I went to my room and stripped, throwing on whatever was on top of the first drawer. I tore the plastic trash bag out of the bin as I pulled a shirt over my head. I shoved the bloody clothes into it and brought it with me to Bella.

I turned on the heat lamp and carefully got her out of her tainted clothing, adding them to the bag. I bent her knees away from the faucet, keeping her skin out of the way while I adjusted the water to just above her body temperature.

I tried not to notice her nakedness, her curves. I was mostly unsuccessful in that endeavor. I held her legs together, at least attempting to be modest while I showered the bastard's blood off her. It swirled and mixed with the water on the ivory fiberglass, flowing down the drain.

Trying to keep my mind on Alice, or anything that would keep my focus off of Bella's nudity.

I cleaned her wounds, trying to detach, become the caregiver and not a debaucherous wretch. The lacerations were many, but mostly shallow. The one on her head was a bit more severe, but not alarmingly so. Her chest rose and fell, and with each breath her breasts lifted, distracting me. No matter how I tried, I could not help but stare. I ogled their perfect roundness. Her pink nipples, soft in unconsciousness, drew my gaze. I snapped it away, feeling even guiltier. I was not only a murdering lunatic, but also a shameless peeping tom.

She stirred every now and again, as I dabbed her forehead with peroxide. It made me feel inadequate to have to hold my breath because of her blood. It was minimal compared to the amount we had been covered in. That blood didn't hold even one one-hundredth of the appeal that Bella's did.

I knew Alice was downstairs now; waiting, wondering, and worrying. I heard her come in the back door, go to our room to clean herself up and then go back downstairs.

I bandaged Bella's head and shoulder, opting to leave the minor scrapes on her arms, hands, and knees open to the air. I toweled her off and wrapped her up, carrying her to the bed. Her skin was stippled with chill and her lips were pale. I quickly dressed her in a T-shirt and flannel bottoms and tucked her gently in bed, doubling the blanket to keep her as warm as possible. I kissed her forehead, inhaling, shivering, as I hovered over the bandaged area. Wrenching myself away, I turned from that sweetness and headed down to my Alice.

As I entered the kitchen, Alice was standing still, her back to me. She had changed her clothes as well, and she also held a small plastic bag in her hand. When I went to her, when she finally met my eyes, the world fell away.

I had hurt her. I had used her. I was a monster; but I loved her. I adored her. I needed her, forever.

"Alice, baby. I couldn't stop myself," I lowered my voice, "I wouldn't stop myself."

Honesty was Alice's only requirement. I couldn't really get anything by her anyway. If I didn't know better, I would think she could not only see the future, but read minds as well.

"Jasper, what's done is done. I need some time to think, some space. Take care of her; she will be fine. I can't be here right now, not after…not after that. I will come back in a few days. Please, I need this. Give me the time that I need," she pleaded with her warm topaz eyes.

Her words sliced through me. It stung, like being bitten in battle hundreds of times all over again. She was leaving. I had driven her away from us. I racked my brain for what to say to make her stay, never leave my side. I was desperate for her. My body ached already, knowing what vacancy there would come.

"Alice, please. Don't," I begged, knowing that it wasn't enough.

She sighed and closed the distance between us. I inhaled her scent deeply, afraid it was the last time I would enjoy it. Alice couldn't leave me forever. I could feel that she loved me just as she had yesterday, the day before, and for the last sixty years.

I had banked on that emotion so many times, but this time was bittersweet. She pushed herself onto her toes. I leaned down to her and met her lips. Unable to help myself, I dropped the bag and wrapped my arms around her, opening my mouth to hers. She pressed her body into me; I could feel her nipples through her shirt. Her flat stomach was flush with mine. I cupped her tiny face in my hand, needing to feel her skin on mine.

Our tongues caressed softly, slowly. Her mouth pouted as she sucked in my bottom lip. I traced hers, top and bottom, with my tongue. I needed more. I deepened the kiss, lovingly invading her.

I held her in the kitchen while I could, savoring her closeness, her taste. I cradled her like the precious gift that she was.

She broke away and exhaled into my mouth. Her breath was sweet and dark, like cocoa; Bella's favorite.

She clung to my hips. Pulling her head away, she laid her cheek on my chest.

"I love you."

I rested my hand on her neck, hugging her close, "I love you, too."

"You're going to tell her about us."

"I am?" I was floored at the idea that I should be the one to tell her. We always said we would do this together, she and I. Alice was much closer to Bella and if anyone was going to tell her, it should have been her. This must be part of my remuneration; further payment for my transgression, on top of what I already owed.

She released me and turned toward the door, "Yes. She'll be alright. You'll help her."

Picking up the two trash bags, she glanced over her shoulder. I felt her love and I felt her hurt. They hit me like a freight train. Her eyes were wide and sad. I wanted to reach out to her; wanted to make it all go away. She dropped her gaze and walked from me.

I nearly collapsed when she opened the door, "Alice, wait."

"It's not for long, Jasper," she whispered. She didn't look back as she closed the door behind her.

BPOV

I knew I was asleep and knew that I was dreaming. I was outside myself; comfortable in a place I had been a thousand times before, yet nothing I saw I recognized. I watched her, me, myself, as she smiled and walked away.

_Outside, the tendril streetlight flickered. Bella couldn't imagine a more beautiful dream. A soft fingertip traced her face from eyelid to chin; like the shadow of a longing, like a trail of fire. In front of her was a mirror. She saw her charcoal rimmed eyes staring back at her with awe. _

_Then the finger again, across her forehead; this time faster. Something sinister had entered. She gasped lowly. Her heartbeat thudded in her ears; echoed in the room. Someone stepped heavily, quickly, behind her. Whipping around, she only caught a glimpse of a figure circling back behind her, into the shadows. _

_The mirror shattered and she hit the floor, hard. Something covered her; light as a feather, but suffocating. She crawled on shards of glass. They scraped against the concrete floor under her hands. She felt the warmth pour out of her palms as the fragments slid under her skin. The room, huge and dark, was gravely quiet. Only the whisper of her breathing could be heard. _

_So small in such a large place; she grazed her face on the fabric that covered her; rough and dense in worst, but cool and smooth it felt on her cheek. She lay still on her stomach, trying not to make a sound. Terrified and trapped, she felt she needed patience to make it out of here alive. _

_From behind her, she heard the footsteps drawing near. Closer and closer they got, yet were still so far away. No light had been lit, none shown through a window. It was as pitch under the blanket as above it. Whoever was searching for her was searching in vain. She was hidden. Calm had returned to her and she wondered now, how she had gotten here. The footfalls taunted the still air around her and sounded too close now. _

_A deep, guttural laugh exploded like a cannon shot, all around her. She leapt from her blind and was seized; arms pinned to her sides. She kicked her legs violently and screamed; yet, no sound was heard. Quickly she was bound and stood alone again. _

_Fast as lightening, the ghost with the heavy gait was pressed to her back. _

"_Do you remember me now?" he whispered in her ear; the voice of a lover. He pressed himself hard against her, reached around in front and thrust his knife into her chest._

"_I really did love you," he sighed, "why didn't you believe me?"_

I awoke gagging, pulling at my stomach. I didn't usually have nightmares. I didn't usually dream at all. I was caught in that paralyzed state somewhere between asleep and awake. A few seconds was all it took before it all came rushing back; the van, the men, the hands, the smell, the crash. Panicked, I sat up quickly, ready to fight with something, anything.

_Where the fuck am I?_ I had never seen this room before, had I? Realization washed over me as I glanced around the dark space, recognizing the furniture as my own.

I took a deep breath, realizing there was no man, no van, and no ghost. I was safe, rescued. I cursed the dream. The memories fought to resurface, but I held them down forcefully, willing them to drown in their pool of unshed tears.

I turned to my left. Jasper was sitting in an antique leather club chair next to the bed. He didn't say a word, just gazed at me with an unreadable expression on his face. His fingers lightly twitched on the armrests. The moonlight glinted in his eyes. Half of his body was obscured by shadows.

There was no mistaking these feelings though; that something was different, horribly wrong, not like it was yesterday. Had it really been yesterday? I didn't know where yesterday had gone.

"Jasper?"

He didn't respond.

"Jasper, what happened? Where's Alice?"

"She'll be back soon. She had a few things to take care of. How are you feeling?"

_Ugh, he could be so damned frustrating sometimes!_

I was sore and cut all over and I needed answers. I wanted to jump off this bed and smack him. I wanted to take all my anger out on him, slam my fists on his rock hard chest, scream into his face until my voice broke and gave out. I could have been his puppet because the second I boiled over, I felt myself quickly cooled down.

"Jazz, please. What happened? Did you bring me here?"

"What do you remember?" Jasper mumbled. My irritation perked at his game. I was uninterested in playing.

"Ugh, fine. Jesus. I was out running. The van stopped. Two guys jumped out and grabbed me. They were holding me down and then we crashed," I paused, needing to breathe. All of this was just a little too much for me to handle.

"I remember two people outside the van. They, I don't know, they got rid of them. There were loud sounds…growling, or screaming. Was it you? I remember being… carried or something. Running; I could feel the wind and I thought… I thought I heard your voice."

He chuckled at my rambling, "So, you do remember."

"Fuck, Jasper! What are you playing at here? Yes, I remember. Where the fuck is Alice?" If this bed weren't so damn comfortable, I would have flown at him, striking where I could.

"Alice had to leave for a while; to get away from me. I am sorry she's not here. She wanted to be."

I was exasperated. My head throbbed and I wanted to still be asleep, but was glad I wasn't. Dreams had not haunted me in years. I looked at him sharply, trying to see his eyes. I was confused, maybe disoriented. Alice had to leave? To get away from him? What did that mean?

I sighed, my frustration giving into surrender. I laid back on the pillows in wait of his explanation.

"She saw you. We were a little too far out to get there before they took you. I'm sorry. We had no other option than to stop the van the way we did. I was so disgusted with them that I was out of control. Alice was influenced easily enough. She was quite a help, but she was very… troubled afterward. If she's seen you wake, she may be home sooner, maybe not."

"Why are you being so cryptic? Why did Alice leave? Was it you guys that…that saved me?"

"Yes, but it's not quite as simple as that."

.:*~*:.

"_I love you, Alice."_

"_I love you too, Bella."_

_We stood in silence a few minutes. The fog of my breath lingered around us. The evening was cold, not unlike last night, but the stars were hidden. There was a shift in the air and the lightest sprinkle of snow started falling. I squeezed her hand in mine._

"_It's time," she said._

_Out of the darkness of the tree line, shrouded in the cloudy moonlight, amidst the now cascading snow, four figures emerged. They moved swiftly, as if floating, toward the house._

My heart raced and I gasped the second I saw them. I'd never beheld a sight as peaceful or powerful. They were angels flying home to us. My body rippled with chill and devotion. I understood now, that what I had been feeling the last five days was a near complete sense of loss. The magic I had lived the last year and a half with Alice and Jasper had been missing since his last departure. It was apparent Alice had been feeling it as well. Her body trembled next to mine. Our enchantment was returned to us, in a purple grey haze of love, snow, moon, and pale flesh. Our family almost completed, almost content. I swallowed hard, refusing to give in to the prickle of tears I so desperately wanted to shed.

As they closed the distance, I felt my body fill with warmth. I buzzed with calm and elation. I had expected the beauty, the utter flawlessness of them, but that with which I was presented was almost too much to witness. The females were so unlike Alice in physical stature and appearance. They were Goddesses, surely. Their curved heavenly bodies even half hidden in the darkness, exuded silent power and confidence. Long hair adorned each, and even tangled with leaves, it seemed spun from pure silk.

The male was huge, tall, and disturbingly handsome. His features were chiseled and sharp. Shadows tucked into his skin deeper than I'd ever seen. He had short cropped dark hair, a little shorter than Alice's. His shoulders were thick and round, straining against his thin T-shirt. The sheer presence of him, towering over everyone, was intimidating, but in an oh so tingly way. Talk about swoon.

Jasper. Jasper was a vision of relief and pure adoration. It was as if I had never laid eyes on him before. He seemed a bit worn for wear, but as glad he was home as we were. As he looked at us, could see his body rise and fall with a heavy sigh.

Twenty feet from us, they stopped. I was released from Alice's grip and she sprinted out into Jasper's arms. He received her vigorously, spinning her around. The rest of us simply observed.

I steeled my nerves as they turned to look my way again. Jasper blew a kiss and grinned at me. Alice nodded her head. I smiled in welcome. They closed the distance at a slower pace, reaching the porch in a row of five. The hair on my neck and arms rose. I feared them, somewhere deep inside me; I could feel it trying to break through. This time, I had no trouble suppressing it. I felt nothing but overpowering love.

Jasper winked at me and smiled shyly. The rest looked at me curiously. Next to Alice was Emmett. To his left, the blonde, was Rosalie. Next to her stood Esme, the coven "mother." My whole world was about to change. I was, perhaps, in mortal peril, but I had to make these people like me.

Not sure how to greet them, I settled for a pleasant, "Hello," and held my breath.

"Bella, this is Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme," Alice pointed at each.

Jasper was having one hell of a time, I was sure, casting out as much peace and love as he could. I looked deep into his gold eyes, but could see no strain in them.

"Hello, Bella," Rosalie was brief, but not impolite.

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you," Esme smiled, she was sugary sweet.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett boomed, "What's for dinner?" and burst out laughing.

Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs. Jasper and Alice were amused, chuckling quietly. Esme looked offended and shook her head. The tension I was holding onto, despite Jasper's help, was immediately broken and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Vampire jokes were pretty thin on the ground. Alice was a little too serious usually for mine and Jasper's liking. I wouldn't have been able to hold back either, if I were him.

"Do you always laugh at your own jokes, Emmett?" I asked.

"Shit yeah, Bella. I'm a funny motherfucker."

"Well, that much is obvious."

"Let's go inside, shall we?" Jasper offered. "Bella must be near ice cream by now."

They all followed me in. Emmett high-fived Jasper as he loudly continued to make jokes about Popsicles and thawing out. I smiled at them from over my shoulder. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I thought. Jasper wasn't the only clown in the coven, it appeared.

I wasn't sure which room would be most convenient. I decided on the informal living room. There was plenty of space to spread out, and the couches were the most comfortable.

Emmett was visibly uneasy with my presence indoors, and remained farthest from me. He chose to stand rather than sit, putting himself behind Jasper and Rosalie. He smiled at me, but held his breath except for when speaking. Rosalie and Esme were nonplussed, each rolling their eyes when Emmett seemed in pain. It appeared Alice's theory about male vampires may have been right after all.

His eyes never left me, except to look at Rosalie, when he would flare his nostrils and pause, his attention momentarily diverted.

I found a cozy place to sit and tucked my feet tightly under myself, ready to hear about their journey.

Not quite fraught with peril, they barely made out of Alaska in time. Alice was privy to some of the tale already, but listened intently. I was captivated with awe and concern.

The plan had been to leave the coven before the scouts could spot them, making it appear as if they had been absent for some time. If the scouts saw that only seven remained of a supposed coven of twelve, they were more liable to report a much less threatening situation.

Alec, one of the scouts, being Aro's man through, and through, decided to drop in early, in case the Volturi were being misled. This was why Alice had no vision of Jasper leaving with the others. They did not leave together. In their haste to be unseen, they split up, running on instinct. They unfortunately took days to catch up to one another. Once reunited, they then decided their route home.

Carlisle and Edward stayed in Denali, "accidentally" intercepting the scouts, to ensure knowledge return to Italy that their half of the coven had permanently severed itself, each pair going off on their own. Their excuse for Carlisle being without his mate, accompanied by Edward instead, was admittedly weak. They fed the scouts a story about tying up ends, and being back on their way to Esme, far, far away, as they spoke.

They seemed to have bought it. Alice saw them heading back to Italy not long after her vision of Jasper's return.

It was nearing three am, but with the excitement and stress of the last 48 hours, I wasn't the least bit sleepy. Rose and Emmett retired to clean themselves up after four days of "straight up wilderness," as Rosalie had put it, wrinkling her nose at everyone. Esme was contented concentrating on redecorating her and Carlisle's room. Alice and Jasper deserved some time alone. I was happy to give it to them.

My nerves were returning tenfold while I sat in the living room, thinking about the two still due tomorrow. Alice's words were echoing in my head and I longed to bury myself in blankets of despair. Not knowing exactly what was coming was making me tense and I wasn't positive I would stick around long enough to witness any of it. I was heartsick, in agony; completely ignorant of how to fix something I wasn't yet sure was even broken.

Fight or flight were never options I had contemplated before. There was never a choice. Flight was my fancy, and I was always swift. "_Once they come home, it won't be all happily ever after, there isn't going to be an Alice, Jasper, and Bella anymore_."

Those words shuffled over and over through my brain, "_Alice, Jasper, and Bella_." There would always be an Alice, Jasper, and Bella. There had to be. I quickly decided that tomorrow would work out some way. Short of death, I wasn't going to turn my back on my babies. If someone was coming to take me away, he would have to drag me kicking and screaming. He would have to make Alice and Jasper not want me anymore. As long as they would have me, I would be theirs.


	6. Somehow, someway, someone Ch 6

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight; plot and characters. The rest though, is mine.

Copyright 2009 by mopstyle. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my written authorization.

Thank you to detroitangel and NCChris for, well, everything under the sun, but specifically beta'ing and a very encouraging, "You're awesome." Love yous.

And to Allygirl, for GRAZE. ::wink::

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JPOV

I felt like a perverted lunatic watching Bella sleep. It was so hard to suppress the roaring anger, tempestuous guilt, and latent exhilaration that I was feeling. Killing highs are slow to come down from. Not to mention the desires that elicit while they wane. Those feelings weren't helping right now.

Alice assured me that Bella wasn't badly hurt. Mostly in shock, a little banged up, and would definitely be frightened when she woke. Which, according to Alice, could be any time.

I was finding it difficult to remain in the room with her, but could not make myself leave. Any number of things could distract me from her sleeping form, could release the tumult swirling in my head. Reading would pass time, but I'd get more out of balancing on my head for hours. I could hunt, but killing anything, even to hunt, seemed unwise. I could run. I wanted to run after Alice; carry her home and make her understand. I know she wouldn't have handled things the same way that I had. I also know she would have eventually agreed that there would be three fewer people populating this world tonight.

I gripped the arms of the chair I was sitting in, trying to coax myself out of digging my fingers into the soft leather; as I had dug them into that soft skull. I replayed the scene in my head. It gave me a sick satisfaction to think that I saved her from that horror and destruction. That somehow, now, she was mine.

That thought amused me. I was more apt to tie myself up for her, than to bind her in any way. I was more than willing to give; to let her take as much of me, of us, as she wanted. I couldn't prevent myself from desiring to take something from her, as well; a peek, a touch, a taste. I would settle for one, though I wanted them all.

I had to stop thinking about her like this. I shouldn't want her so badly. I had been so angry at Alice for bringing her here in the first place, two months ago; a fucking temptress in our home. Only I knew how close I had come to ending her that night.

Alice told me recently, a rather surprising bit of what she saw when she met her. The thought of Alice making love to her, tasting her on Alice's mouth, made me shiver and cringe. If that was how I was meant to sample her, it was just torturous and unfair. Now, in the light of today's events, I'd take it again and again.

I slowly stood from the chair. I hovered over Bella, to watch her eyes flutter under her lids. I wanted to breathe her scent from millimeters above her pulsing blood, but I resisted. How I find the will to do so, is still something I question.

I watched instead and the minutes passed into hours. She had rolled over twice and was now on her back. Her lithe legs were restless in the sheets. I could hear her heartbeat quickening and her breaths became shallow. Fear was returning to her.

Bella awoke quickly. She was startled, no doubt, by what she must have been dreaming and her surroundings as she woke up. Sitting with her back pressed tightly to the headboard, she looked directly at me. Her eyes were filled with terror. My protectiveness flared and the urge to take that pained, frightened look off her face was overwhelming.

She said my name. I nearly threw myself onto her.

"Jasper, what happened? Where's Alice?"

"She'll be back soon. She had a few things to take care of. How are you feeling?" I was surprised I remained so steadfast.

Her fear abruptly turned to annoyance. I did my best to ease her down.

"Jazz, please. What happened? Did you bring me here?"

"What do you remember?" So many questions; I shook my head. I did have all the answers, but wasn't ready to give them. I couldn't wrap my brain around confessing what we were to a human, even if it was to Bella. The rules had been ingrained in me so thoroughly, saying the words aloud terrified me.

"Ugh, fine, Jesus. I was out running. The van stopped. Two guys jumped out and grabbed me. They were holding me down and then we crashed," she paused, taking a breath.

"I remember two people outside the van. They, I don't know, they got rid of them. There were loud sounds…growling, or screaming. Was it you? I remember being… carried or something. I was going so fast and I could feel the wind. I thought… I thought I heard your voice."

Ah, she remembered nearly everything. I wasn't sure I was ready for this. I laughed nervously, knowing I had only minutes to formulate our explanation.

"Fuck, Jasper! What are you playing at here? Yes, I remember. Where is Alice?"

"Alice had to leave for a while. To get away… from me. I am sorry she's not here. She wanted to be."

I tried to calm her, make her woozy. It was a cop out and I knew it. I soothed my words as much as possible. She sighed and leaned back into the bed.

"She saw you. We were a little too far out to get there before they took you. I'm sorry. We had no other option than to stop the van the way we did. I was so disgusted with them," I paused, not entirely sure that I was ready to admit what I had done, "I was out of control. Alice was influenced easily enough. She was quite a help, but she was very… troubled afterwards. Alice wasn't dealing with it very well. If she's seen you wake, she may be home sooner. Maybe not."

"Why are you being so cryptic? Why did Alice leave? It was you guys that…saved me?"

She was now looking at me in awe. She was a rollercoaster of emotions; affection, desire, and astonishment. The monster in me flared in reaction to her vulnerability, wanting to covet that which lay so exposed before me.

"Yes, but it's not quite as simple as that."

I gave in to my craving to be close to her. She was feeling no fear; a better reception than I had hoped for. I stood from the chair, keeping my eyes connected with hers. I nodded my head to the bed; a request to join her. She smiled and shifted to the center. I rested my body against the headboard and wrapped my arm around her soft shoulders. She nestled into my chest and I inhaled her sweet aroma. It was tangy from sweat and adrenaline. I burned for her less, the more I focused on the peripheral scents. I swallowed roughly, my aching thirst not slaked, just tamed. I could detect, under her blood, the aroma of her sex and her freesia body wash.

I suddenly didn't want to talk anymore. I imagined our bodies entwined, softly suckling our exposed skins. I could almost feel her hands on my flesh, hot and moist.

"You killed them didn't you?"

She hadn't tensed a muscle, nor did her moods even waver when she asked me that question. She was surprising me more often than not, lately. She was much less anxious when we touched, as if her body was acclimated to my frigid temperature; like she had grown used to it.

Her moods had become somewhat predictable since I had known her. I knew them before she even did, but her reactions were different now from what they would have been a few weeks ago.

"Bella, it's not as simple as that either," I had no idea where to begin. "We saw no other option. Alice knew, even if she didn't want to. They were going to kill you. I did what I felt was necessary. There was no way in hell those fiends were going to lay one more hand on you."

She was frustrated but grateful. I was fretting and tensing more each second. I couldn't explain our rescue and not divulge our secret. "Just tell me Jasper. I'm not as stupid as I look, you know. You and Alice aren't keeping as much from me as you think you are."

"You're right. You're very bright. I've never thought differently. It's a difficult tale to tell, you see."

"Start at the beginning, Jasper, and when you get to the end, stop," she laughed.

It amazed me how she could be so light in a time of such darkness. Her teasing put me at ease. Perhaps this wouldn't be as difficult as I had anticipated. I held onto that feeling, that hope and comfort, and ballooned it out around us.

"Alice and I were out…hiking-"

"Yeah, right. Hiking."

"Ok, miss smarty pants, do you want to hear what I have to say, or not?" This was already difficult enough for me. I couldn't appreciate her mocking sarcasm right now. I turned to face her with a small, disapproving smile set upon my lips.

"Please continue. I apologize," she said, trying not to smile, looking down at her intertwined fingers.

Smirking little minx! She was practically laughing at me.

"You're awfully cheery for someone who's been kidnapped and nearly crushed in an automobile accident."

"I have two of my own personal heroes, thank you very much. I was sure as shit dead, yet somehow survived nearly unscathed. I may have gained a new perspective on a few things, but really… you killed them? Aren't we going to go to jail? Even if they kidnapped me, I'm pretty sure that's not justifiable."

"They won't attack anyone ever again and no, I don't think any of us will see any jail time. I hate to bore you with details, but it will be as if they never existed."

My statement gave her pause. It had shaken her bit, brought an unease inside her. Yet she still sat, half reclined against me, with no intention of moving. A few minutes went by while she battled the tiny storm inside her. I prepared for the worst. This could be, should be, the end of us. Not only were Alice and I breaking the one law a vampire must never break, under penalty of death for all those involved, we were possibly going to lose Bella; the one thing in the last fifty years that had brought us hope, joy, and a future to look forward to.

I didn't recognize it until that very moment and I thought again about how I felt about Bella. Bella had changed us permanently, altered our very beings. I hadn't cared this much for anything since I met Alice. No member of the coven had ever affected me the way Bella had.

When I met Alice, I was bowled over, stunned, wary. I had no idea what she was talking about when she said that I had kept her waiting a long time. I accepted it without question and with no evidence either way. One path felt right, the other wrong. When I took her hand in mine the first time, I felt home. It didn't take long for me to realize that she was what I had been waiting for, too.

Bella brought out the protector in me. At first, I wanted her blood. I had never encountered a human whose blood was so enticing. It was nearly impossible to be in the same room as her. I had become reticent since we moved back to Forks, spending most of my time on the Internet or reading. Alice was on a constant mission to find the girl from her visions. I know now that I was scared of this girl; threatened by the power she already had over my mate, my love. Change came so rarely for us. When I was faced with this impending shift, I wasn't capable of acceptance. I honestly didn't want anything to change. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But nothing was broken and Bella wasn't a fix. Ultimately, she came to be our fresh air, our rejuvenation. It's hard to find meaning in every day, when you have forever. Bella was meaning. She was life and laughter; warm and exciting. She was a handful though. Trouble followed her. She was also one of the most stubborn beings I had ever encountered. The more time, at Alice's insistence, I spent around her, the less difficult it became. Her blood was intoxicatingly strong, but instead of a black out drunk, I had managed over the last two months to keep it down it to a tame tipsy.

This short while, I hadn't come to the realization that while I was reigning in my bloodlust, I was growing quite fond of this creature. Her every word and action fascinated me. I had also never met a human who wasn't innately terrified of me. Bella had no reluctance to be in our presence. She seemed to enjoy it immensely.

She now felt completely calm next to me on this bed. Of course, Bella was nearly incapable of singular emotions. From my gauge, she felt tremendous love and affection, layered with a bit of hesitation. I heard and felt her take a deep breath. She had taken my hand in hers and laid my arm over her lap.

"That's not all, though," she murmured into my shoulder. She was stroking my arm, turning it over in her hands. She pinched at my skin, trying to pull it away from my bones. It did not yield. She traced her fingertips from the crook of my elbow to my wrist. Her heartbeat quickened. I could feel her anxiety increasing again, but she somehow kept a lid on it; bringing herself down. She curled her fingers and attempted to dig her nails in.

"A fat lot of good that will do you," I whispered in her ear, fascinated by her movements. She had never touched me so willingly. This tender mauling soothed my fears of her fleeing. It also confirmed that she was on to us. The room was silent except for her calm, even breathing and her steady heartrate.

Her voice was even and low, "No sun, no color. I've never seen you or Alice in the sunlight. No elasticity, no warmth. You're so cold, hard, like stone." She pushed her finger across the back of my hand, "No veins, no blood." She brought her hand to my chest, right over where my thundering heart should be, "No pulse, no life."

It was never a matter of me informing Bella that we were vampires. She was sure to have figured it out sooner or later. I was relieved that she wasn't afraid, but we were just skating over it. My comfort had turned to tension. She needed to know it all. If only so she could decide; decide to leave, run screaming and never look back, or decide to stay with us.

"There is blood, Bella, lots of blood."

"Did you…did…" she stammered quietly, "drink them?"

"No. Killing humans is not something we're in the habit of doing."

Now her voice was so low, I wasn't sure I wasn't reading her mind, "You're vampires, aren't you? How do you survive if you don't drink blood?"

"Yes, Bella. We're vampires and we do…drink blood. We hunt nearly every day now, since we met you."

"But, what…what do you hunt?"

"Animals," I said.

"Oh, thank fucking God."

Relief swept over her. She let out a breath and relaxed a bit more into me. I hugged her closer. I couldn't help but laugh. Her relief was infectious. I had been prepared to do my worst to keep her as calm as I could. She trumped me once again.

"Not that it matters, I guess, if you did eat…humans."

"It doesn't matter?"

"You're not going to kill me, right? Maybe you wanted to, when you first met me, but now you don't."

"No, I don't and I won't, but that doesn't mean it isn't still difficult sometimes."

Her face fell, but she bounced back again. Nothing could keep this woman down tonight; not kidnapping, nor being nearly crushed to death, least of all the fact that she was now living with vampires. It was all in a day's work for Bella, I guess. She looked up at me and smiled.

"We'll figure it out," she said confidently, winding her fingers with mine, "We have to. As of now, I'm your new housemate. We don't really have a choice."

If only it was as simple as that. She wouldn't ever understand the draw I felt to her. She would still be in constant danger now that she knew about us. It wasn't only about my being able to control myself around her now. I hoped to hell she was right, that we would figure it out, somehow. Every minute that she lay tucked into me was easier than the last and I honestly was having a hard time even considering something going awry.

"The only way I'm leaving now is in a body bag," she said with a nudge to my shoulder.

"Not funny, Bella," I cringed. The thought made me feel sick.

"Sorry. So, is that what you do when you go hiking all the time? You hunt?"

"Yes. For the most part."

"This is so awesome!" she exclaimed suddenly, roaring with laughter.

"Um, why is this awesome?"

"Because this means I'll never have to go hiking with you guys!"

I gathered her closer to me, feeling the warmth she had created in the bed around me, "Bella, this is serious. No human has ever known about us and lived to tell tale. It just isn't allowed. You must keep quiet about it." I stared into her chocolate eyes, begging her to really hear what I was saying.

"I will Jasper. I promise," she snuggled into my chest, "You know, you're surprisingly comfortable, for being such a stiff."

She bounced on my chest from my laughter. I don't think I'd ever been so caught off guard by a joke in my existence. My smile stayed etched on my face as I sunk both our bodies down into the cocoon of her bed.

"Stay with me?" she asked, "Just for tonight."

"Of course, darlin'," I whispered in her ear.

She drifted back to sleep in my arms. The night haunted me. With Bella so close and warm, I found it difficult to not explore her. She was still and restful under my soft scrutiny and illicit grazing. I thought mostly, though, about Alice. I needed her with me. I felt lost without her and wondered how long she would stay gone. What could I say or do to make it up to her? I hoped we weren't too broken to be repaired. I was not alone, Bella filled a certain void, but I had never felt more lonely.

Morning dawned and I slipped away from Bella to hunt, leaving her a note on my pillow.

_Back soon. Needed a drink._

_~ J_

I couldn't help but follow Alice's trail through the forest. I lost it as it ran into the ocean. Sobs burst through me as I crumpled to the wet sand. Dark grey clouds rolled swiftly in the dreary sky; rain pelted down covering everything, taking the place of the tears I could not cry.

.:*~*:.

_Fight or flight were never options I had contemplated before. There was never a choice. Flight was my fancy, and I was always swift. "Once they come home, it won't be all happily ever after, there isn't going to be an Alice, Jasper, and Bella anymore."_

_Those words shuffled over and over through my brain. "Alice, Jasper, and Bella." There would always be an Alice, Jasper, and Bella. There had to be. I quickly decided that tomorrow would work out some way. Short of death, I wasn't going to turn my back on my babies. If someone was coming to take me away, he would have to drag me kicking and screaming. He would have to make Alice and Jasper not want me anymore. As long as they would have me, I would be theirs. _

* * *

I wandered around the house, not yet ready for bed. I entered the library, lured by a hint of Jasper's scent; subtly licorice, creamy and resinous. I wondered how I could be so sure of Alice and Jasper; so sure of their love and my attachment to them. I didn't doubt my feelings, they were just so foreign to me. I knew how far I had fallen already. When everything was said and done, would they still be here with me? Something in the back of my mind had been telling me this whole time that I would lose them. Just like I've lost everyone else. What a fool am I, that I've fallen so in love with them?

In the past, I'd never once given into these feelings. Now, I was ready to fight; ready to take whatever may come head on. I was mixed with fear and excitement; fear that I was fighting a losing battle. I had no idea what Alice's vision meant. She was still so vague. Part of my heart swelled at the thought that they might be willing to fight as hard as I was. Alice seemed resigned. I knew it was because she couldn't get a solid look at the future she threatened.

She wouldn't tell me if it concerned me becoming a vampire or not; nor, would she tell me who else it involved. I could postulate that it wasn't any of the coven I had already met. I would have known, right? Something would have happened, or been said or felt. Rosalie and Esme seemed sweet, kind, and even friendly to me this evening. I could foresee no quarrel with them.

Emmett was a bit uncomfortable to be around, as his eyes nearly never left me. Nothing in his demeanor, though, told me he was hostile, or had any intention of stealing me. Those dimples alone were proof enough of his innocence. If what Alice's vision entailed included some sort of Bella snatching, none of those present were any part of it.

Not one of them knew about our relationship. Alice was intent on telling them soon, just not when they first arrived. I was nervous about their acceptance and how we might change in the wake of that revelation. I made a point to remind myself to discuss this with them, as soon as possible.

If it wasn't someone here, already, that meant it had to be one of the two we were still waiting for. From what I knew of Carlisle, Esme's husband and mate, maker and healer of life, he wouldn't be the one to break us apart.

That left Edward. I knew very little about him. Alice had a few pictures, so I at least knew what he looked like. I also knew that, unlike the others, he came with no mate. This would, inevitably, couple us together at times. By this fact alone, I deduced that he would be the catalyst. I kept wondering, if Alice had never mentioned it, would any of it really be happening?

It frustrated me to no end that she wouldn't, or couldn't, elaborate. I think if anyone needed to know what was going to go down, it was me.

All I had to do, was be ready when it came. What I had here, with Alice and Jasper, was worth fighting for and that made it all the clearer to me. This shit was meant to be. From now on, I will be open. I will not run. There is no point to any life, if it is filled with regret and pain.

How funny that I should find myself here, alone in the library in the middle of the night, wide awake in a house full of people who had retired for the evening, yet do not sleep? I was contemplating a decade's worth of my actions, or rather inactions, regarding those I have felt akin to and how I had run from them like a scared child. I pushed them all away before they ever even had the chance to let me go.

This is why I've stayed. Alice wasn't telling me they were leaving me. She wasn't telling me they didn't love me. Shit, she wasn't even sure when or how we were going to alter, only that we were. I was scared of nothing and therefore, everything. I had no control over that which might happen, nor could I control what had already. I did have the power, though, to control how I reacted, what I accepted, and what I would not tolerate.

"Bella?" Jasper beckoned from the doorway, making me start.

"Phew, Jazz, Jesus. You scared me."

"Sorry. May I join you?" He motioned to the sofa cushion on my left.

"It's cool. Yeah, come on over." I raised my arm, inviting him to sit.

He leaned in close and placed his hand on my knee. He rubbed small circles on the bone that protruded and rested his head on my shoulder. I hugged him tight, burying my nose in his hair.

"What are you doing down here, Bells?"

"Well, my weary traveler, I was just mulling some things over, thinking, why? What's up? Finished with Alice already?" I teased, attempting to pinch his thigh.

"Such a dirty bird! Alice, Rose and Esme are catching up. Emmett went to hunt," his voice was low but lively. His hand moved higher on my leg, still soothing in circles, but with more pressure now.

"Didn't you guys hunt on the way?"

"Yes. He's just taking precautions. Seems he was quite taken with you earlier. I politely warned him that if he so much as looked at you sideways, there would be hell to pay."

"Jasper! Be nice," I said, as he wormed his arm between the couch and my back, hooking his hand over my hip.

He looked up at me shyly, then dropped his eyes quickly, "At least he didn't lunge for you."

Silly boy, still feeling guilty for wanting me. He hadn't mentioned it in some time, but I knew that didn't mean he was over it.

"Jazz, don't go doing that now. I don't know how you can still feel bad about that. I would have done the same, you know, had our roles been reversed." I tilted his head up and cocked one brow. He exhaled a small laugh and pulled me over and on top of him.

I laughed with him and situated myself; tucked under his arm, stuffed between his body and the couch. I rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and I nuzzled my forehead on his smooth chin.

"I missed you, Jasper. I'm glad you're home safe."

"I missed you too, baby girl. What were you thinking about? You were giving off some pretty defiant vibes when I walked in."

"Just stuff. Tomorrow. Carlisle and Edward. I've been freaking out about Alice's vision, even though there isn't much information. Just before you walked in, I had decided that whatever it was, it doesn't matter. I'm not willing to lose you two. I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure that never happens."

He kissed the top of my head, "You're not ever going to lose us. I promise. We won't know anything for a while yet, anyway."

"I know, but I couldn't help but correlate the vision to their arrival. I've been a mess for days. Alice and I had a fight. I was an asshole. We both were so worried about you that we were ready to snap as it was. We had some really great talks, after I apologized. I just feel so badly about all this. I feel like, in some way, I'm responsible for all this uprising. I don't know… it's just so confusing."

"Bella, you had no hand in what is happening. You are in no way responsible." He lifted his body slightly, making me look up at him.

I stared into his golden eyes, looking for my answers. I had hoped that when he came home my path would be clearer, that Alice would have another vision, and we would be more prepared for the road ahead. Such luck eluded us.

"I know, Jazz. But you cannot say that I am not further complicating an already complicated situation."

"Bella, stop. Please? The situation would be no different if you weren't here. In fact, it would be even more dire, I expect. Have you not been paying attention for the last year? Alice and I have never been happier. The change I've seen in you, from emotionally vapid to…bursting with flavor…" he laughed, "Well, it's enough to make us fight right alongside you. If you think we've given up, you're mistaken. She found you! She followed you even though she had no idea where to look; and just when we thought it hopeless, there you were. You've given us a future to look forward to, Bella. I cannot tell you how rare and beautiful that is."

"Did you just call me vapid?" I feigned offense, challenging him with my eyes. His words cut down to my very core. I had never felt such acceptance. Rather than try to match them with my own weak, meager verbal love and praise, I went sassy.

He grabbed my flanks so fast I had no time to even register what was happening before I was underneath him. He was tickling me so fast and so hard, I could barely breathe through my laughter.

"Oh, God! Jasper, stop! Please!!" I tried to fight him off. Tears were sliding into my ears and down my neck.

"Shh, love. We don't want anyone to think you're in danger," he was grinning like a fool and laughing along with me. When I finally started snorting and gasping for air, he relented, but kept his position above me. His attentions turned from taunting to tender as he pawed gently at my belly. He firmly pushed my hips into the cushions and nestled between my legs, rocking his hips against my thighs.

I opened them wider for him. My exhausted heaving was transforming into anticipatory panting as he settled some of his weight on me.

Fire erupted through my body as I got lost in our haze of desire. His darkened eyes never left mine. He brought his hand to my cheek and wiped the moisture away. Some had pooled in the hollows of my collarbone.

"You missed some," I whispered, tilting my head back to expose my neck. His head bowed and I shivered as his icy tongue lapped up the salty water. He licked the stream to my earlobe and across my cheek. His nose ghosted over mine as he continued licking his way to my lips.

I lashed my tongue out to meet his, hoping to draw it into my mouth.

"Bella," he moaned into it and gave me what I needed. I could feel him, ready for me; silently glad my arousal wasn't physically obvious. I raised my hips, grinding myself into him.

"What if someone see us, Jazz?" I barely whispered onto his lips.

He slid one arm around the small of my back, holding me in place against him. I felt Jasper's growl vibrate through us. He shuddered along with it. Each second that elapsed, I wanted him more.

"I want to make love to you, Bella, right here, right now," he whispered, his lips barely grazing my jaw. I whimpered as his cool hand snuck under my shirt; his fingers dancing on my skin.

"By all means then," I gasped as his palm closed firmly on my breast, "continue."

He returned his eyes to mine and smirked, "Yes, ma'am."

He peeled my flimsy pajamas off; shirt first, then bottoms. I wore no undergarment. I closed my rolling eyes as he folded his body between my thighs, cooling me with his tongue. I panted and moaned as the ecstasy coursed through me; delivered expertly, reverently.

My body like jelly under him heaved as he kissed his way back up my torso. I opened my eyes to his beautiful face. I cupped his cheek. The air was heady with our arousal; the scent as intoxicating as the feeling. My eyes watered again and I blinked it away. I reached for the top button of his shirt. He held me from underneath and slid me down the couch. His shirt was quickly discarded and he stood to undress completely.

I watched him standing naked, as I lay likewise. In the soft glow of the library his scarred skin, barely visible in this light, was a soft peach. I could almost imagine him human. He stood watching me, his chest hitching and falling hard, with no discernable pattern or stead. I felt a wall of love and loss crash into me. I reached for him, wrapping my hand around his thigh. I lightly fanned my fingers on his marble skin, trying to calm us both.

"It's all worth it, Bella," he whispered, "Everything has been worth it, to have you like I do."

I tried not to cry, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I love you, Bella," he said, climbing in and around me. He kissed between my breasts, my chin, and then my lips.

"I love you, too, Jasper." I wrapped my arms around him, deciding I would never let go. Slowly, he entered me and rhythmically we writhed on the couch, pushing and pulling, crying and moaning. He swirled inside me like smoke from a fire; hands and mouths everywhere. He held me up and supported my weight. He worshipped my flesh and drank from me what he was allowed.

I held him there, after we finished, kissing his flawless skin, until the sun started to rise. No words were spoken, none had to be. When Jasper sensed someone near, we quickly redressed. As I buttoned my jeans, he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his cheek on my shoulder. His cool body nearly enveloped mine. It felt like goodbye, and maybe it was, but I fought to keep that feeling at bay. I wanted many more nights like the last.

I turned to him and quickly joined our lips again. I kissed him hard and deep, putting as much love into it, into us, as I could. I was certain he felt it. I broke away and smiled before we tiptoed upstairs. He held my hand until we got to my room.

"Goodnight, Jasper."

"Goodnight, My Bella."

He watched me as I shut the door. I fell asleep fully clothed and dreamt of nothing. When I woke several hours later, I felt at peace. Today was either going to change everything, or nothing at all. I jumped out of bed, eager to get it over with.


	7. Submissions Two

**: Hi. I just wanted everyone to know that open voting has started for the "For the Love of Jasper" contest. Round one voting ends 10/11/09 at midnight (my o/s is in round one, as is detroitangel's and NCChris'). **

**Be sure to get your five votes in before the deadline(10/11). Round two begins October 12 and ends October 18.**

**You can find the submissions and the wonderful ladies hosting it at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/.**

**Thanks to them, LaViePastiche and ElleCC for putting this one shot contest together. I think we all needed a little more Jasper in our lives. So, hop on over to show them some love and you can read my one shot here: **

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5349441/1/Into_Strangers. xoxoxoxo**


	8. Sin and Salvation Ch 7

For reals now. Here is chapter seven. I'm sure you all have a fuckton of reading to do. I know I do. So, thanks for getting around to my schlock. I love you all, more than a bottle of merlot to myself and more than a snickers dark. Seriously.

Mad Love to NCChris and detroitangel for being amazing, wonderful, sexy and fierce. They're the fucking tits.

R&R, please. They make me happier than unicorns all day long. ::wink::

All past. (don't kill me)

* * *

BPOV

"_Did she come around here, Sir?_

_I swear you would remember_

_Black hair, brown eyes_

_Late September_

_October, November, December"_

_PJ Harvey, My Beautiful Leah_

It had been eight days since I was kidnapped, or eight days since the "incident," as Jasper had started to call it. It was also eight days since Alice had left. Eight days was a ridiculous and terrifying amount of time to me. I didn't think I was alone in my sentiments. Jasper was next to impossible to console. I started seeing him less around the house after the first two days. He had taken to stalking on the roof. It was very unsettling to catch a glimpse of him, crouched in a valley, staring off into the forest, waiting for some sign of her return.

It was even more unsettling when he would walk over my bedroom at night. I could feel his heartbreak and anger. He had stopped holding anything in. Every emotion he felt, I felt. It would wake me from a deep sleep; bring mutinous tears to my eyes. It was like a PMS bomb went off. I had given up trying to talk to him. I couldn't physically get to him to do so. I was never the most graceful person and my attempts at climbing onto the roof were nearly disastrous every time.

I let him know though, that I was with him in his pain. I tried to fight him with love and hope. It was hard to keep positive, but I knew I couldn't give in and let myself be overcome along with him. I cared for Alice, too. I was worried sick about her. From the little that he told me, it seemed like she just needed a few days to cool off. I'd be pretty pissed too, if I were her, if someone practically forced me to kill someone; even if that someone thoroughly deserved it. It had to be even harder for them, considering their bond, to reconcile something so vile and cruel.

Death itself was something they were wholly used to. It wasn't the blood, or the violent way in which they had murdered those men. Jasper had manipulated Alice for his own means. He had put into her malice and hate, two of the things in this world that Alice Cullen just could not own. Yet, when Jasper told me what he had done, I saw his logic. His guilt did nothing to persuade me to his side. I believe that I would have done the very same thing, if our roles had been reversed.

I'm sure Alice could not fault him his nature, even if that meant having to live it with him. I certainly couldn't, though I was glad it wasn't me out there with him, saving Alice.

I would sit for hours on the tower balcony; my book and coffee next to me, just waiting for him to come down. He never once did. I felt him come closer a few times, or at least I thought I did. Heartache would creep over me and then it would shift. I would feel something close to relief. I couldn't be sure it was hope. I was too messed up myself, too moody, to be able to discern each emotion present. It was the only time I felt anything from him other than pain.

I didn't go out there last night. I wasn't sure if I felt bad about that or not. Something tugged inside me as I lay in my bed. I kind of wanted to scream at him, pull him down the shingles and through my window; punch him and hug him, tell him I hated and loved him.

I didn't feel bad, because just as I had given up going to the balcony, he had ceased walking over my room. After eight days, we were both stretched too thin, and finally broke off.

I was finishing my breakfast, coffee and peanut butter on toast, trying not to cry. Jasper must have been nearby, again. I downed my coffee quickly; thankful it had cooled considerably, and took my plate to the sink.

I hadn't bothered washing any of my dishes since that first day. The basin was nearly overflowing, but I couldn't find it in me to care enough to do anything about it. The beacon of depression hovering over me was too much. I had to get out of here.

I'd spent a better part of the last week cooped up in this house, just waiting, worrying, bored and nearly losing my mind. I knew it wouldn't matter to him, but I called out when I reached the garage.

"Jasper, I'm going to Port Angeles!" I waited, for a few seconds, to see if he'd respond. I hadn't left the house at all, except to go to work. I wanted to ask if he needed anything, half hoping he would come with me.

I heard nothing, no response, just a hawk screaming and the wind blowing. I slowly opened the car door and sat, not closing it, one foot still on the concrete floor. I thought about what it meant, for me, if Alice never came back. Could I live with a vacant vampire, in the middle of nowhere? Would what I felt the other night have any effect on how we would get along? Who was I to think that Jasper would even stay with me? Somehow, the best decision I thought I had ever made, seemed like the worst. "See you later," I muttered to him, to myself.

I corralled myself into the driver's seat, shut the door, and backed out of the garage. I suppressed the urge to peel out as I turned and headed down the drive. I was running, it was obvious. I would call him if I wasn't coming home tonight. He deserved to know at least that. I had endured this strange rift longer than I thought I would, but I absolutely could not stay here another minute.

The second I pulled onto the street, I felt the black hole that I had been living with release me. I smiled, turned up the stereo, and sang along with Joan Jett until I thought my lungs were going to explode.

* * *

JPOV

"_Sin to sell, buying just a need._

_Just who planted all the devils seeds?_

_And what the truth, the truth that lies at home..._

_It's on the inside, and I can't get it off."_

_Pearl Jam, Wash_

I knew that if I were human, I would be drunk right now. I would have swallowed enough whiskey to kill myself; if only that were possible. Bella got drunk the other night. It was a welcome change; a new cloud floating around the house. Instead of black, this one was light grey, tumultuous but thin, a swirling ball of hazy reminiscent consciousness.

I hadn't moved from my position, crouched, one foot on opposite vales of the roof, all night. I didn't stalk Bella as she slept. She was peaceful, a relief, when she slept, even if her dreams were troubled every so often. I wanted to be near her; to come into the house and interact with her. I wasn't being a very good host. I stayed with her only the first night; her first night in her new home.

I just didn't have it in me to accompany her the second night. She was tempting, I would have done about anything to rid myself of the agony of missing Alice. But every time I looked at Bella, I thought of Alice; her eyes, her lips, her love, her taste. I would have used Bella if I stayed with her, just as I had used Alice. Neither of them deserved what I had done, what I was capable of doing, what I nearly did on a nightly basis. The only redeeming moment I felt was when I spared Bella my presence, when I curbed my wretched behavior and didn't try to ruin someone I cared for.

The sun was rising, slivers visible on the partially clear horizon. Light crept toward the house, warm and bright, but brought no hope, no gift, no Alice. I pined for moonlight again. I couldn't see myself as clearly in it. Sunlight, so absent in my life, was too revealing, too exposing. This past week, when the sun rose, I would stagger to the other side of the house, to escape it while I could, and so I could drift over Bella as she slept.

I wouldn't be doing that this morning. I would stay, let the sun cover me; let it pull to the surface every shameful awful thing I am, every evil thing I've done. I wanted it all out of me. I didn't want to be the repulsive creature that I had turned into again.

I would let the sun suck the sin to the surface, then the rain could wash it away.

My Alice would come back. I would break without her. I would die again without her. I would die again, just to see her beautiful face.

I hunted last night, a few vile squirrels and raccoons. I didn't want to leave the yard. I knew I wouldn't miss her if she came back, but I didn't want Bella to wake and find me gone. She'd just go looking for me. I'd have to track her through forest, and the bloodlust, and the pain. It would be too much.

She didn't come out on the balcony last night. She'd done that every night after the first. She'd given up. She lasted longer than I thought she would. She would stay awake late, weakly pushing happiness and hope out around her, but she was broken too; broken and alone. I was only making it worse. She would drift to dreamland slowly, sometimes restlessly, but sleep soundly most of the time. She always woke if I lingered above her too long.

I watched the trees, the river and the horizon. I would feel her before I saw her, I knew, yet it did not stop my eyes from searching. It did not halt the rush of anticipation when an animal tore out of the tall grass.

I held my head in my hands, sighing, wishing I could cry, could sleep, could do anything to purge myself and forget that I had been the monster that created this turmoil.

I would weep; weep for my existence, for my Alice, for Bella, until I had shed every atom of my body and soul.

Bella had woken early today, without me being the catalyst. She made her coffee, ate her toast, showered and dressed. I could feel that she was antsy, energized, and loathsome of the walls around her. She walked out the sitting room door and quickly to the garage. I wanted to, but didn't move an inch any direction.

"Jasper, I'm going to Port Angeles!" she hollered.

My voice was low, too low for her to hear, "I want to come with you."

"See you later," she whispered, and I crumbled.

* * *

BPOV

Port Angeles never interested me much. Not that Forks kept me very rapt, either. I found more entertainment in my head, more stimulation from my thoughts, than any town I'd ever lived it. They didn't matter, I could have lived anywhere. I stayed here because this is what I knew.

I moved across the country, right after my parents died. Two bags, my dog, my truck, and all the money I had, I took with me. I made it to New Orleans, and that's where I stayed. I lied about my age, waited tables at two blues joints; one dirty, sexy Delta, one pathetic, electric Chicago. I shacked up in the French Quarter with an up and coming young local; a dark brown taste everyone called Red House.

He played at the dirty sexy Delta, and it took him three weeks to get to play me like he strummed that guitar. I hung around until he asked too many questions. I didn't have that many answers. I packed up one night while he was asleep. I left the dog, and taped a lock of my hair to the wall.

I spent half the trip back to Washington wondering if I would have to sleep in the bed of my truck when I got there. I stayed away long enough for my parent's estate to finally be released, and came home to a bloated inheritance. Six months later, Beaut opened its doors and I had transformed from an empty wanderer, to an empty business owner.

I thanked some God, somewhere, for every day that I had something to focus on, so that I didn't have to focus on myself.

I pulled into the first shitty bar I found, not caring that it was barely noon. In towns like this, bars are always better when they're nearly empty. I walked across the parking lot, ignoring the guffawing grease monkeys hanging around and into the bar like I owned the place.

The tender, Jessica, was a transplant from Forks. I recognized her immediately. Just before I could turn and duck out, she called my name, blowing my cover.

"Jessica," I greeted, as I sat down. I didn't quite look her in the eye. The bitch wasn't my best friend, but she thought she was.

"Bella! Partner in crime. How are you, sugar?" I hated that she thought she could call me two condescending terms of endearment in the same breath. I cringed, knowing I would at least have to humor her with a few rounds before I could get the hell out of here.

"Fine, doll, just fine. Pabst and a Jameson, please."

"The Belly girl special!" she gushed, like remembering my usual would make me want to call her on the phone, talk about boys, and life and sex like we were still in fucking high school.

"What brings you to P.A.?" She said it in initials, like she's lived here her whole life. I scoped the room. To my dismay, I was one of two patrons; the one time my preference for empty bars bit me in the ass. I wasn't getting out of here any time soon. I smiled as best I could at her. I should have taken the grease monkeys as a warning; the inverted Fool. I've turned that card first, the last two times Alice read my Tarot.

We only did shit like that because Alice's clients couldn't fucking get enough of it.

I laughed and played it off like none of it meant a thing, which it really didn't. I couldn't help but let the cards taunt me, though. They were more right than I cared to admit.

Jessica delivered my beverages, and leaned her elbows on the bar directly across from me. She cocked her brow expectantly.

"Shopping," I said as I sipped the Jameson. If it weren't my first drink, I would have downed it.

"Awesome. You still own that salon?" Her small talk was already tired. I guzzled half my beer, hoping my empty stomach would accept it politely. I scrutinized her appearance. She seemed decades older than I remember. The pier did not look good on her. I couldn't imagine living in this city. So many waterlogged souls, beat up and washed out, coming and going; you the only constant.

She wasn't much older than I was, actually; a year maybe. I wondered if I would have been her, if I had stayed in New Orleans, waiting tables while Red tried to break into the huge Delta Blues scene. I snorted at the thought. Ah, little miracles; but I do miss his greatest hits.

"Yep, I still got it. Things are good." I tried to sound interested while I was mocking her, practically inhaling my beer. I shot the rest of the Jameson and struggled through my purse for a twenty.

"Thanks for the drinks," I said as I pushed it toward her, "Time to shop." I winked and made my way out.

"Come back soon!" she called, as the door swung shut behind me.

Three disgustingly quaint shops and one mom and pop liquor store later, I checked into a room at the Flagstone Motel. It looked like any seedy motel in any awful movie. It was sparsely populated and for that I was grateful. I made my way up the metal staircase to room 227. The door to 228 was ajar slightly; a dark crevice of curious unknown. I unlocked and opened my door, thinking about what was in 228. I gave it one last look, before I shut myself in.

One greasy bed, check. One chipped Formica table, check. One ancient television I wouldn't use, check. Rooms like this, in their dirty simplicity, comforted me in some way. I suppose, because the one next to it, under it, and above it were exactly the same. I knew that they were, even if I couldn't see them. The only difference, only variables, only unknowns, were which broken souls fucked, ate, and watched in each one.

And what was sad, yes I was sad about this, was that I wouldn't be doing any of those things in mine. I intended to smoke, get drunk, and maybe shower. It was nothing I couldn't have done at the Cullen's house, but being there was making me crazy. I felt bad doing the self-destructive, self-deprecating things I wanted to do in their home. Part of me just didn't want Jasper to have to feel that.

I texted him.

_-Not coming home tonight._

I threw the phone back in my purse, not expecting or requiring a response.

Home. 'Home' was a joke. Home was nothing, never was and never would be. This barren hostel felt more like home right now anyway. I took my jacket off and threw it on the bed, stripped off my t-shirt and bra, and changed into a white ribbed tank. This one had been Jake's. It was too long, all the openings were too wide, and it hung on me like a dress. It made me feel sexy though, sexy and small. I bunched it up around my waist, letting the fabric rest over my hips.

Once I got to Port Angeles, I realized that I would find nothing here to feel better about, no one to keep me company. In fact, finding company here was a very bad idea. As easy as it would have been, I don't think I could forgive myself in the morning. Mr. Jameson, Irish Whiskey, was my only companion tonight. I could forgive myself a hangover; a one night stand, not so much.

I grabbed one of those weak tin ashtrays from the stack by the television and brought it to the table. I lit my cigarette indulgently and set it aside. I cracked the top off the fifth and cheered to the empty room. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and took the first drink straight from the bottle.

Food would have been a really good idea, at some point. Three hearty swigs and the muscles in my neck and shoulders burned as the toxins interacted with the alcohol. I stood to stretch out, walking around the room in imperfect circles. I dug my fingers into my trapezius and winced, massaging the knots.

My phone buzzed on the other side of the room. Normally, plastic things that vibrated were my favorite, but not today. I ignored it for a few minutes, having another smoke, this time sitting on the edge of the bed. I let the ash fall on the floor. What the fuck did I care? Ash was the cleanest thing on that carpet, I was sure of that.

It buzzed again, annoyingly. I dug through my purse and found it. Two texts back from Jasper. Funny, he wouldn't even talk to me when I was home, but I text him and he responds within minutes. Whatever, it's some degree of communication. Seeing as I was two sips from talking to myself, I figured it would at least be mildly entertaining. I scrolled to my messages and selected the first one.

_-Why not? You should._

Seriously? For what? All the stimulating conversation? I rolled my eyes and lay back on the bed.

The second text wasn't entertaining at all and it kind of broke me.

_-I'm sorry._

Fucking Jesus me. Now I felt bad. I didn't want to go home. I didn't really want to be here either. I didn't know where the fuck I wanted to be, I just knew anyplace would be easier if it wasn't me there.

I tried to formulate the best response I could, considering my whiskey brain. I could lie through my teeth, make up some fantastic party in my head and tell him I was there, or I could be on a date; visiting an old friend.

I could be fucking honest with him. I hated that, since I met Alice and Jasper, honesty seemed easier. Lying got difficult; not just because of Alice's visions, either. I didn't want to lie to them and it seemed that every time I did, they knew.

_-I just need some time. And why the fuck are you sorry? I'm sorry. I'm the one that left._

I laid there staring at it, waiting for it to buzz back. I couldn't believe I was anticipating a text, fucking pathetic. It buzzed and I got excited.

_-I could have stopped you._

Well, this should be interesting.

_-Could have, should have, would have. If what?_

I threw the phone down beside me on the bed. I didn't want to communicate, after all. I lurched off the mattress, and undressed as I walked to the bathroom.

I wasn't sure what I would encounter, as far as a bathtub went. I turned on the light, and cocked an ear, listening for the tell tale skitter of the cockroach. Silence. A good sign. The tub was old, clawfoot, and not white anymore, but at least it wasn't rusty. I rinsed it out before stopping the drain and filling it, the water near boiling.

I went out into the main room to get a few bobby pins and the whiskey. I pinned up my hair, took another shot, and set the bottle down on the floor before I climbed in. I hissed at the temperature of the water, switching off the hot completely. I slowly sank my body in, pausing to acclimate my skin. The cold filled in quickly and the pipes groaned as I closed them off.

I tried to empty my mind, playing with the surface tension, gazing blurry eyed at my distorted body under the water. I sat up and hung my arms over the side. I took a few more drinks from the bottle, quite happy with my current state of drunkenness. My body was buzzing, and if I closed my eyes, I would feel the spin start, twirling fast and sideways.

I figured the bath was probably dangerous, should I pass out, so I stood unsteadily, and swung a leg out. I kicked the bottle, sent it careening across the room. Most of it spilled onto the floor. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, bending to salvage what was left of the amber liquid.

I brought it back out and set it on the table. I dried off as best I could manage and yanked the comforter off the bed. My phone went flying and hit the dresser with a loud smack.

I stumbled, and bent over to retrieve it. I shifted and focused my eyes to look at the screen, I could barely read it. The light was blinking an alert, and as I crawled between the sheets, I fumbled through the list to open the first of three more texts.

_-If I could have said the words._

_-It should have never happened that way._

_-If it would have made you stay._

I read them over and over. I didn't have the will, or capacity of consciousness to reply with any feeling. I could barely keep my eyes open.

_-Yes._ I managed to thumb onto the keyboard and send. I fell asleep with the phone clutched to my chest.

I made my way, shuffling through the wet parking lot, to my car the next morning. I hadn't received any calls or texts back from Jasper. I didn't have anything to do today, but I didn't want to stay in Port Angeles any longer.

My drive home was mostly silent. I left the stereo off and got lost in my thoughts. The sound of millions of fat raindrops hitting the roof was hypnotizing and relaxing; not to mention the humming repetition of the wiper blades. I would stare out the windshield absently, snapping out of it every few minutes, wondering how I managed to stay on the road.

The rain was coming down in sheets, which kept my speed close to a snail's pace. I would be lucky to get back home by mid afternoon, considering I slept so late. I woke up naked, head throbbing, with my phone practically glued to my stomach. I left whatever mess I made in the room for them to clean up and embarked for home.

I wasn't sure exactly what I would be coming home to. I was confused about the whole situation now. When Jasper stayed with me that first night, I was so mixed up I didn't know whether to run from him or kiss him. I wasn't afraid of him. This whole time Alice has been gone, it had felt like he and I were orbiting as far away from each other as we could get; almost like a fighting couple, hell bent on avoiding confrontation.

I was determined now. We had to air this shit out if it was ever going to be good again. Alice could glue us back together. She always seemed to have had wisdom well beyond her years, now I know that wasn't it at all. She's had life experiences that I couldn't even fathom. What was I to this puzzle? Where did I fit in? I felt that leaving would never be possible. I could not run like I normally would.

I finally felt grounded, in a good way. I had never connected with anyone before, or allowed it. My family couldn't care if I was tattooed blue growing up. I was just a body that needed to be fed and clothed. My life, wherever it took me, was never an actual state of being, not before Alice and Jasper. I'm not sure what universe I've been pulled into, but I know that I finally belong somewhere, to someone. I never knew that I needed that, was missing that, until it was nestled in my heart.

I had known from the very beginning that there was something different about Alice and Jasper. I put most of it out of my head, for later scrutiny. I was so enamored with them. I ignored the oddities and started to forget about the strange eyes and cold hard skin.

Eventually, as I spent more time with them, I had noticed things about them that I just couldn't explain. When their eyes would shift, gradually from gold to black and suddenly back to gold. I knew something unnatural was at work there. They both seemed cranky, especially Jasper, when their eyes got darker. Things like eating, drinking, sleeping, avoiding direct sunlight, these things never crossed my mind. It was strange, yes, that when we were at a restaurant, that they would never order anything. They always claimed that they had just eaten. I took them at their word, because I had no reason to doubt them, and who the fuck was I to pry?

I never saw them sleep. I had just assumed they slept when I did. The sunlight thing, well, that didn't even register in my mind until I was lying in my bed bleeding with Jasper. They way he held his breath, took huge gulps and didn't exhale, struck me as odd. I started thinking about all the differences between he and I. They were sometimes out when it was sunny, though they seemed anxious. A lot of people avoid sunlight; it's awful for your skin. I just filed it away under "things to not concern yourself with now."

There was no denying that Jasper seemed overly sensitive to the way I smelled. This unusual breathing wasn't something new. Everything just clicked that night. I was resting on his chest, my ear pressed up against it, and right when Jasper was about to spill, I stole the words from him.

I guess I knew it all along, on some level. Jasper's confirmation only served to create a thousand more questions. Part of me was certain I should be afraid, shouldn't get mixed up with them, but it all made perfect sense now. Knowing that they were vampires changed absolutely nothing.

I spent two years in New Orleans for Christ's sake. There are some twisted fuckers down there. They'll eat the beating heart of a goat if it might keep an evil spirit away for the night. What's a little blood drinking, in the grand scheme of things? I mean, yeah, they killed three people, but those three people were going to kill me. It's not like they strung them up and disemboweled them. They didn't dance in a circle naked, bathing in the blood of the slain. They seemed to actually feel bad about it. They didn't eat humans. I had to repeat this to myself over and over for the first few days, just to quell any rising doubt.

Then I started seeing the humor in it. I was just glad Jasper didn't wear fangs, top hats and tails, or have a smarmy thin moustache and goatee, though Halloween could be interesting. Alice's taste in fashion was indicative of a well rounded and blessedly edgy lifestyle. If they go all Edwardian movie vamp on me, I might just have to find a new place to live.

I turned onto the worn gravel driveway, thankful I was home, trying not to lose my nerve. As the house came into sight, I noticed Jasper sitting on the porch steps. Alice was nestled between his legs, her back resting on him. My heart fluttered when I saw her.

I parked the car just outside the garage and slowly exited. My mind was blank. I was sucking on the well of words, but nothing would come. I walked quickly to the covered porch, to get out of the rain. They both wore small expectant smiles. Jasper was fucking beaming, and each step I neared them was lighter and easier than the last.

I sat down on the step next to Alice. Jasper nudged me with his knee and I pushed him back.

"Hi," I said. I couldn't hide my mirth. My mouth crept into a huge smile and I turned to face Alice.

She returned my grin. She wrapped her arm under Jasper's knee and grabbed my hand. Jasper reached out and stroked the back of my head.

"So, Alice, you're back to stay?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered, looking up at me.

"Good, 'cos I'm not sure I could handle another day of Gloomy Gus here," I nudged Jasper with my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. We've been such awful friends."

"Shh, Alice. That's enough of the apologies. There is nothing to be sorry for. Thank you for saving my life. I haven't forgotten that," I squeezed her hand as hard as I could.

Jasper cleared his throat and shot me the most genuine smile I had ever seen, "Are you good?" he asked.

"Yep," I popped the 'p', because I was. We were all home and maybe we could try this whole week over again. They had worked through their apologies, obviously, and I required none. Alice was looking at me tenderly, tickling the palm of my hand with her feathery fingers. "So, vampires, huh?" I asked.

"Bella," she breathed, "We wanted to tell you together. I'm sorry that didn't happen. We both left you in an awful place, with no explanations. There is no excuse for that."

"Alice, what did I just say? You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad you're back," I squeezed her cold hand in mine. I wondered how much damage they could inflict upon me with their strength alone.

"So, what's on the agenda for today, Bella baby?" Jasper asked.

I chuckled at his enthusiasm, "Well, I need some more coffee, first of all. Then maybe a shower," I looked each of them in the eye. Their bright gold irises shone brilliantly, even in the afternoon rain, "Oh, and I need to clean the kitchen."

"It's done," Alice informed me.

"Sorry, Al, you didn't have to do that."

"Oh, but I did. It was fucking disgusting."

Jasper wrinkled his nose at me. I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Thanks," I said, "I didn't mean to let it get that bad. It's been a rough week."

"I'll say," Jasper said with chagrin, "How was the hotel? Did Mr. Jameson treat you well?"

I rolled my eyes at him. Figures Alice would tell him what I was doing last night. It could have turned out worse. It almost did. At least I had a few shreds of pride left.

"Yes, he did, thank you very much. So, how about that coffee, eh?" I tried to divert the conversation away from my lonely hotel inebriation.

I stood and we all made our way inside. Jasper held the door and Alice held my hand. I kept her back with me as he zoomed into the kitchen.

"Thanks, he hasn't even smiled since you left," I whispered into Alice's ear, "You've talked it over, yes? Everything is… worked out?"

"Bella, I need to be thanking you; for being here, for staying here. You gave him hope and light when things were dark." I scrunched my face at her, shaking my head. I hadn't succeeding in pulling Jasper out of his black hole. Nothing I had done had made any difference in my mind.

"Don't make that face," she scolded, "I just needed to talk to someone who would understand. You didn't know about us. I couldn't very well confide in you while confessing to you what we were. I know Jasper and I wouldn't damn him or abandon him, no matter what.

I told you, he's interesting. He's complicated, too. He just hasn't ever been so impulsive. It was just… shocking. Don't worry about us. If I can assure you of anything, it's that nothing, absolutely nothing, will tear Jasper and I apart."

"Wow," I whispered. We had stopped in the hall. We weren't a foot form each other. I could smell her breath, her hair. It was like her scent punched me in the stomach. I was in awe and totally wrapped up in her words. She smiled and pulled me into the kitchen.

The coffee was already bubbling and Jasper was sitting on the counter, his legs kicking back and forth.

"Ready to unpack?" he asked.

I looked over to Alice, she was glaring at me as softly as she could. She already knew I had failed to unpack this week. I couldn't very well concentrate on organizing. I had other things on my mind.

"Heh, coffee first, then we can deal with the less important stuff."

He smiled at me as Alice joined him at the counter. They wrapped around themselves like twins, fitting in and around each other, forming one entity. I took comfort in that embrace. They were going to be okay. There was nothing in this world that would break them apart.

"I'm glad you're back, Alice," I said.

"I am too, darlin'," Jasper echoed, kissing her temple.

She smiled, "Well, that makes three of us then."


	9. Speechless Ch 8

**Thank you, to my soulmate, Detroitangel for your words. She wrote half of this chapter with me and read it a million times. PM her and tell her how much you love it.**

**Also, to NCChris and TillyWhitlock for holding my hand and beta'ing like no one's business! Mwah!! Love you.**

**Okay, bbs. You asked for it, here it is. Someone decided he just had to get to Forks, already. :) xo**

**Now, this is all Present time frame. Let's recap, shall we? Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, and Jasper just got back to Forks. Jasper and Bella had their quality time in the library. Unf.**

**This is the next day.**

* * *

EPOV

Carlisle and I were doing what our bodies were built for. We were running; fast and hard. It was exhilarating. Out here in the open air, the trees whipping by me, I could almost look forward to our destination. We made our way south from Alaska. It hadn't been but maybe four hours since we'd started out. The sky was gray, gloomy, but it couldn't dampen our spirits. Though we had to leave many of our loved ones behind, we were excited and rather proud that we had, for now, shielded ourselves from the world's most dangerous creatures. They were more dangerous than even I.

The deep snow gradually diminished as we continued southeast. I was surprised, once we crossed back into the United States and the random thoughts of the populace at large slowly increased, that I may have missed this parcel of the world. It does get lonely in the frozen north. Here, perhaps, I could find a few warm bodies to keep company. I increased my speed a bit, turning a challenging eye to Carlisle. He smirked and tried to keep up. He lagged behind, a few hundred yards of growling and seething between us, but his thoughts were playful, those of camaraderie. I laughed out loud as I heard him curse my name and bet that I couldn't, just for once, "let another man win, for a change."

"Maybe next time Carlisle!" I shouted back to him. He laughed deep and loud, _We'll see about that._

I never felt quite as free as when I bore down and moved across the earth like this. The feeble branches attempted to slash at me, but my skin was impenetrable to them. It felt like flying and for a brief moment, I wished for talents more supernatural than those I already possessed.

We had accomplished our evasion tactic toward the Volturi and sent the scouts sulking back to Italy. They seemed disappointed in the fact that our large coven had separated. I smirked, remembering the look on Alec's face when we told him we had broken off ties with our family in Denali; citing our irreconcilable differences. We would miss them sorely. It might be years before we would see any of them again. I alone, having gotten to know them best, would miss my vitriolic, wanton sisters the most.

Our family of many talents was so very appealing to Aro, the head of the Volturi. He longed to possess us, use us; perhaps, to destroy us. His true motivations were unknown, making it necessary for Alice to keep a close watch on him for the last several decades. We couldn't afford to be caught unaware if he attempted to conquer us. I feared, not so deep down, that this was only one of many more reconnaissance missions put together by him, so that he could finally close his fists around the treasure. I was not the only one who entertained this theory.

Alice could only hide so much from me. When the poor little thing was upset, she became a veritable newsreel of snapshots, poses, headlines and audio tracks. She had been mostly correct in her prediction concerning Denali and how much time we would have to escape, but she had been a hair too optimistic. It was a near miss. None of us intended to be seen. Carlisle and I headed them off, so the others could get away. We ourselves managed a way out, though not in keeping with her projected time-line or company. With that obstacle pleasantly out of our path, it was time to relocate to the lazy little town of Forks, Washington, in hopes that Aro had no information concerning our whereabouts.

We knew it had been coming. We weren't so dense as to not notice a few Volturi scouts lingering in the area on and off for years. Alice and Jasper had been making frequent visits back to Alaska since they had left; sometimes they had new information, sometimes not. The last of the trips had been the most urgent. Jasper had come alone, rather agitated. overflowing with Alice's words and warnings.

We had been formulating our diversion for months, knowing they intended on making contact soon, but suddenly things were more dire than we had realized. Esme, Rose, and Emmett barely had time to make a hasty run for it with Jasper before the scouts were upon us. Having no word from anyone as to the outcome of their flight, we assumed everything was going according to plan and left as soon as we could. We were a little earlier home than previously anticipated. We hadn't counted on the scouts buying our story as quickly as they had. This was one more curiosity that tugged at my mind and convinced me that we hadn't seen the last of them, yet.

We had just crossed highway 101; south of the Sol Duc River. Only a few miles remained between us and our new home. Small towns allowed us to blend in. Here in Forks, we could seem more like the everyday person. It is the dreariest, rainiest part of the country. The absence of sunlight would allow us to be out and about all hours of the day. With the exception of only a handful of days per year, the sun kept blissfully behind the clouds.

These communities usually accepted all new comers with open arms. With Carlisle being an expert physician and surgeon, the towns that we moved to never asked many questions; they were always happy to have a doctor of his stature associated with them.

This was our home, some sixty odd years ago; now, it is a place for us to start over again. Ah, again. I had forgotten how monotonous our charade could be; moving every five or six years, starting over young, in high school, so we could stay a bit longer. We had departed Alaska so quickly that we hadn't decided what our course of action would be. I could not say that I was looking forward to the boring din of classes, teachers, and teenagers any time soon. Listening to the human thought process for nearly one hundred years confirmed that not much changes in the minds of school bound humans. It is all the same, anywhere we go. I swear I've lived this life too many times to count.

The only reason I paid attention at all was to thwart any suspicion of our anomalies, so we were free to break away clean and start over again. I used to anticipate that a new town might mean something interesting and intriguing. I haven't been surprised in decades.

In Alaska, there was no pretense. There were no pseudo-lives to lead. We just were; no questions, no humans, no pageantry. What a waste to have to leave it all behind.

_Edward, we ought to hunt before we get too close to the family. Just to quell any thirst that may be triggered by their roommate, Bella, _Carlisle thought to me.

I went a long with the hunt; it was a good precaution. Even before Alaska, humans hadn't tempted me much, but after twenty years of self-imposed near sequestration, I knew life among the living wouldn't be all peaches and cream. I'm not sure how this one human girl could be any different from the ubiquitous, redolent flesh of the world. I'd be surprised if she stays long in a house full of vampires. I still couldn't wrap my head around why she was here in the first place.

Just at the break of the north fork of the Calawah River, I caught the spicy scent of a female mountain lion and her ward. They weren't too far off. I nodded to Carlisle, indicating my direction. He nodded and went the opposite. The chase was always exhilarating; they put up a good show, but my speed never allows any prey to escape me. All signs of thirst had been erased after the warm, wet blood filled my mouth and body. I left their carcasses where they fell. Carlisle found a large, ten point buck that seemed to satisfy and we were back on our way.

"Do you really think that the human will stay with us all there?" I asked casually as we jogged, our stomachs full and hot. Carlisle slowed down a bit and looked my way. I slowed my pace as well.

_Alice sees it no other way. It's been her home for almost two years. I know that Alice and Jasper are very close to her and they help her run her business. We will accommodate and not intrude any more than is necessary. _

"What's her name, again?" I could bring myself nearly to care, but not enough to remember the details.

_Her name is Isabella, but Alice says she likes to be called Bella. Alice adores her and would be devastated if she were to lose her friend because we have come back. _

I nodded my head in understanding. "I will try not to intimidate her, even though it is my nature," I smirked at Carlisle, "I have to say, though, that of us all, Jasper has had the most difficult time with our lifestyle. If he is at comfort around her, I'm positive that no one else will have problems desensitizing. Once I can get a look into her perceptions and thoughts, I'll be more at ease."

I was aware that Alice had left Alaska because of her premonitions. I had seen a few of those inquisitive sights before she and Jasper left for Forks. She was a dark haired girl with little description to her face. In the visions, she was usually embracing Alice and laughing. We had actually planned on returning here for a respite a few years back, but Alice pleaded that we wait. Somehow, Bella was meant to eventually befriend us all and accept what we are. I can't imagine how any human could know what monsters we were and feel any comfort in that circumstance. What could one little girl add to our world, really?

I longed to see my sister. I really have missed her. It's never the same without her. Our talents complement each other, making the days and nights easier to get through. She is a counterpart of mine. We rarely need to speak aloud to hold conversations. We have a connection that I have never had with any other.

Jasper is a relief, as well. He is constantly antagonizing me, along with Emmett, but the ease with which we share address is peaceful and effortless. I looked forward to resuming our nightly games and draws. The last few years have been challenging without Alice and Jasper around. I'm eager to be with them again.

We were less than a mile from our home, our new beginning. We ran parallel to the road, quite a ways into the wood, purposely slowed after our recent glut. I could smell the ancient cedars that lined the forest of our property, the river, and the saw dust from the nearby mill; so many scents so long ago forgotten. Among the rotting thicket underfoot, covered lightly by a dusting of wet, melting snow, I caught a new scent; one too warm and vibrant to be growing out here in winter. It rang like a bell through my head; softly sweating freesia and berries. The pulse, I finally heard, sprung forth from underneath the sound of our footfalls and the relentless chatter in my head. That invitation eclipsed all others and Carlisle's frantic words were lost.

"Edward, no! Edward! Edward! Edward, stop!"

My legs were moving of their own volition. My sense of smell and the scent of sweet, hot life were in control.

I heard no more in my head, just hollowness. I was sailing towards this succulent scent, magnetized. I would devour whatever it was. The greens and drab browns of the flora dimmed and red spilled over my surroundings; tainting it, driving me and my instincts, to capture this prey.

Venom filled my mouth and I imagined it was the blood; velvet and scorching. With one hand I seized the creature. I grabbed it and pinned it. I could hear the rapid beating of its vibrant heart. The warmth under my fingers was enticing and all consuming. I heard a low wail and felt its body unhinge under my palm. It's bones shift under my tight grip as electricity ran through my entire body.

I had never experienced such a surge of pure energy. It rocked me to my core. I was fighting myself, trying to break out of this foreign stupor, to realize what mouthwatering creature this was. There was little movement. It had been so easy to trap; no fight in it at all. The screams and pleas from my family nearby slowly began to register. I was looking directly at it, but could not clearly see before me. I finally concentrated on what cowering being I was seconds from swallowing. It was a human. A woman.

I was fighting my very nature; the animalistic tendency to crush and devour. This sweet human was about to end my eighty years of determination to stay on the path of right! My mouth was open and drowning in venom, just pleading with me to taste this temptress. The viscous fluid sputtered from my lips and dripped onto the ground at our feet. How easy it would be to tear into that soft, luminous flesh pulsing before me; drink every drop of her before she even had the realization of what was happening. To quench this unbearable thirst burning through my entire carcass would be like heaven. I was seething like a rabid animal.

I met her eyes and saw such terror. Those shiny, dark pools were so large I could swim in them. What stared back was the reflection of my own torment. I felt glued, frozen in place by an inexplicable draw. It wouldn't allow me break my grip on her. Buzzing euphoria engrossed my entire body. My mind was trying to gain control of the beast inside, but failing as every nanosecond lapsed. I did loosen my grip, as the concept of a breakable human invaded my thoughts, but it was a freight train that separated us.

With a deafening crack, suddenly, I was flying; through the air, across the forest, and into the river. I quickly repositioned myself to pounce, but something held me down. With my head barely above the water, I watched as Jasper ran to her and held her close to him. He was gentle and gathered her into his arms. She ducked her head into his shoulder and he lifted her up. He glared at me, while somehow emitting the calmness necessary to stop her desperate screams and tears.

_What in the fuck came over you, Edward? Stay back! Run away! Get control over yourself. _Jasper's voice was in my head, pleading with me.

Other voices finally began to register. My family was all here; hovering over the girl. They were trying to snap me back into reality, away from the monster I had become.

Her blood called to me. The sweetness was intoxicating. I had never felt such blood lust; it was stronger than my will. My body wanted to stalk her and drain her dry. I wanted to bathe in it, feel its warmth across my cold dead skin; feel it trickling down my chin. Before I could act, she was gone; stolen away from me by an enemy disguised as a brother. Her succulent scent, so sweet to my tongue, still lingered in the air around me and I blazed, stark raving mad.

I pushed against what held me down. It pushed back, forcing my head under the water. I recognized it as Emmett; he must have been what tackled me. My body was flailing and trying to break free, so I could put an end to that taunting life. Emmett's bear hug was all that kept me bound. He was holding me tightly, his hulking form as soaked as I was, pinning my arms to my sides. I began to sob as the words of my family became clear...

_It's okay son. We all slip, but you fought your instincts well. She will heal... _Carlisle, so much forgiveness for those he loves.

_...Never expected it from Edward he has been an icon of control, _Rosalie, bewildered and aghast.

_...I remember that time in the country near the orchard. I have never forgiven myself... _Emmett, still crushing me with his arms, was reliving his "siren," and how he had taken her away so quickly.

_...You won't be in agony long, Edward. She is with Jasper. She will be fine. I've never seen a clearer future with her in it._

"Alice," I hissed, defeated, "why couldn't I hear her? Why couldn't I hear her screams?"

~/~

"Edward, what the fuck?!" Emmett growled, throwing me headfirst through the door of our old cottage. I relented. His big, wet paw held the top of my head as he slammed the door shut. We were now a good two miles away from the house. I hadn't been here in over 60 years; it was dank and dirty; still nearly crumbling around us. When we lived in Forks back then, we never used it for much. Now, it appeared my prison. Emmett stood at the door in disbelief; fierce, with a look of determination etched on his somber face.

The entire trip here from the forest eluded my notice. I was still so distressed by the human. Her scent lingered in the air, on Alice. God, it was all over Alice; who was standing now behind Emmett with her hands on her hips. She was glaring at me like I'd just tried to eat her best friend. Okay, so maybe I did. I totally deserved her wrath, but I had managed to stop myself from killing her. At least, I thought it was me who had done it. I couldn't be sure now, that if they hadn't been there, that I would have stopped.

Her blood fucking broke me apart. Fire like I had never imagined burst through my entire body. I saw nothing, felt nothing, and heard nothing but the roaring flames licking upward from my belly and into my throat. I'd never in my 90 plus years come across a scent like that. Literally stumbling over it like I had; it both terrified me and drove me into a frenzy. Not even when I hunted humans, ten years after Carlisle changed me, had I ever reacted so violently. Every drop of blood I had ever guzzled paled in comparison to the lure of this girl.

I wanted her in every way possible. My mind kept inventing new things, new ways to have her and make her mine; whole, trembling, hot and loud. In my head and then under my fingers, she would quiet and cool; be still and in pieces.

Her body lying under mine, was branded in my mind. I could somehow still feel her on my skin and I could not shake the yen to devour her. I would be slow, if she responded favorably to that. I really hoped that she would be feisty, but having her earlier, frozen in my possession, convinced me that she would appreciate my "gentle" hand. I suddenly worried that I'd hurt her badly. I didn't know where on her steamy, sweat dampened body I had attached; her essence overwhelmed me to distraction. If she had to heal, it could take weeks for her to let an arousing chase.

I would give her escape; some asylum during my pursuit. She could plan; devise a route away from me. She would find a cozy place to hide. I pictured her cowering in a corner, knees pulled tightly to her chest. She is biting her nails to the quick. They bleed in her mouth and I if I close my eyes, I can almost make myself taste it.

She sweats and stews in her confined space. Her body, so efficient, does everything it can to prepare her to fight, to prepare her for me. The faster that her blood pumps, the more mouthwatering it becomes. When finally mixed with her fear and instinct, it heightens my fever by consequence.

She whimpers and frets, unconvinced of what stalks her. Intelligence admits that this has been coming. She expected nothing less, having danced into the spider's web. Ignorance thinks she'll survive. That is the sliver of her that I will engage. There will be no need for a fight, no place or circumstance too frightening. She will undress for me slowly and seconds after I slip in, she will close those sultry eyes forever.

Oh, but her mind! Her thoughts are not mine. Her silence enrages me, taunts me to mania! I boiled with trouble that I could not have that piece. It soon took over my thoughts. It transformed my hunger to claim her into the desire to find the key that would unlock her.

Now that I was far enough away from her that I couldn't hurt her, I had regained the frame of mind necessary to decipher my actions and my intent; why they had been the way they had. I couldn't hear her. That was something that had never occurred before. Certain human minds were quieter than others. My family had learned ways in which to block my gift, but never in my memory as a vampire had I found a mind completely impenetrable, completely silent.

It pissed me off, royally. I broke away from Emmett and stood, dripping and caked with dirt from the floor. I tried to dust myself off, but the grime would not obey. I swatted at my own skin and clothing violently, shaking my head. I instantly regretted having gotten so carried away with the visuals. I had become too aroused by them and knew there was no hiding that.

"Alice, that was Bella? Please, please tell me that wasn't Bella," I pled, begging any force on earth, below, or above that she was not the human Alice and Jasper had grown so fond of.

Alice was fuming. An image flashed through her mind. It was of her, Jasper, and the girl. All three were lying in tall grass, limbs intertwined. They were laughing, laughing uncontrollably. It was beautiful. I could see her in Alice's mind. She was quirky, sassy, and needy. Those were the things Alice loved about her most. Then the image shifted. She and the girl were naked on the floor of the library. I couldn't see much. Alice purposely blurred the pink parts. I tried to see them though and I stared into her eyes, sincerely hoping she was putting me on. She was rigid, her eyes set on me, intent to show me exactly what she wanted.

"Alice! You're fucking her?!" I threw my hands in the air and then grasped my hair tightly. Of all the blood in all the towns in all the world…This could not be happening. I was jealous and felt jilted. If playing with humans was something Alice had taken an interest in, well, I wanted in on the action, but this? This was too much! As I gauged the response of my siblings, I fished from my brother his reaction to first meeting her. He had wanted Bella, too. He was embarrassed by having been tempted after all these years, yet he did not deny it.

_But, _I_ was a gentleman, _he glared at me.

"Edward, I do what I want!" Alice shrieked, "I'm responsible and I think through my actions; see that no one gets hurt! She is too important to us to let you fuck this all up. Which, you're going to do if you don't get over yourself! What we do behind closed doors is only your business because we won't be able to keep it from you anyway."

"What the fuck was she doing out alone?" I demanded, trying to lay blame on someone other than myself.

"She lives here, you cunt! She's entitled to go and do as she pleases. She is not a prisoner. Why the fuck are you and Carlisle so early? You weren't supposed to be here until after dark. Ever heard of a phone?"

I laughed, heartily. The psychic was telling me I should have called ahead. "Why didn't you see us?" I demanded. My ire ignited again. This wasn't my fault! She should have fucking known.

"I wasn't watching! I had no reason to! You're lucky I saw when I did," she said, seething at me. I heard and smelled her mouth fill with venom; venom for me, hatred for me.

"Some fucking warning would have been nice!" I roared. We locked eyes, neither of us flinching, both trying to see what the other was planning, thinking.

_You understand nothing, Edward._

I smirked at her. Oh, I understood alright. She had been keeping this human from me, keeping her all to herself. What else was there to understand? She couldn't possibly be interesting or fun to be around. With blood like that, I was fucking flabbergasted that Jasper hadn't ended her when he first set trail.

Emmett hadn't moved from the doorway, even though Alice had been flitting about the room in her tirade. He cleared his throat, taking a step toward us, "Um, not to interrupt, but, you didn't mention you were fucking her, Alice. That's just…weird. Hot, but weird. Does Jasper know?"

Alice turned to him. I caught a glimpse of Jasper and Bella in her mind, embracing, with not near enough clothing on. She realized I was looking and quickly started reciting the Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I blurted.

Emmett looked confused, "What?" he asked, "You two need to fess the fuck up here or I'm not helping anymore!" he pointed at me.

Alice spun around again, now having done a complete circle, and stalked over to me.

"Alice and Jasper have been keeping a pet, Emmett," I managed to eke out before she pounced. Her body collided with mine, sending us both flying into the brick hearth behind us, nearly shattering through the wall.

Emmett was one second too quick for her to get a good hold of me once we landed. I could see that she wanted to rip my head off, but now he was restraining her. He pulled her back, his arms straining to keep the little firecracker from clambering free.

"Seriously!" he yelled, clearly frustrated, "You vicious fucking animals! I do not give a damn who's boinking whom. You two need to chill the fuck out."

Jesus Christ, the possibilities were endless. I couldn't help but explode with laughter. Things had just gotten even more interesting. What could they possibly be doing with her? I cocked a sly grin at Alice. "Lucky girl, Alice," I said, still on the floor, leaning against the rubble of the cottage wall.

"Don't you 'lucky girl' me, Edward Cullen!" she screamed from Emmett's arms, "That has nothing to do with this! Emmett! Put me down!"

From what I could hear, he was reluctant to follow her directions. I was reluctant for him. Alice was the best at keeping things from me, because she was the closest to me of all the family. I couldn't be sure it wasn't a trick. He could put her down and her teeth could be buried in my neck, all in less than a second.

I'd never seen Alice this angry. That she was angry at me should have resonated deeper, but I couldn't find it in me to care. There was a juicy Bella out there for me, and me alone. I had to find a way to get her. Alice would be my greatest obstacle. Sure, I could read her mind, when it was available, but she would thwart me at every turn.

I sat plotting, careful not to progress too far in any direction. I couldn't keep my decisions from Alice if she were looking, like she could keep her thoughts from me; and trust me, she was looking. It was best not to make one, until the perfect moment. Emmett had released her and she was hovering above me. I swatted at her, not unlike a stubborn fly that would not shoo.

"You do not get to plot, Edward. I can see what you're doing. Do you really think I wouldn't? You do not get to have her. She is not yours to take until she says she is."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alice?" I interrupted.

"Do you really want to know? Really!? It will tear us all apart if you hurt her. I will tear you apart, personally."

Alice was maniacal. Her nostrils flared and she spat venom with each hard consonant. Emmett walked toward us slowly, feeling a need to be either be included in this argument, or end it. He was standing next to Alice now, looking at her like she was the devil herself, "Okay, everybody," he exhaled, putting up his hands in surrender, "Alice, honey, please calm down. Edward, you need to fucking chill, too," he turned his eyes on me, "What the fuck came over you? You need to stop fucking fighting and figure out what's going on. Were you really going to bite her, Edward?"

_E, man, this is crazy. You're being an asshole to Alice and you nearly killed her friend. Bella is an awesome lady. I like her. Everyone does. I won't let you kill her, either. _

"Shit," I muttered. I sank back into the wall, realizing that I had just been attacked by, had a screaming match with, and was plotting against my best friend in the entire world. She sat down in front of me, crossing her legs together, her knees nearly touching mine. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and blew it out hastily.

"Yes, I was. Alice, why? Why couldn't I hear her? Why do I want her so badly?" I covered my face with my hands, bowing my head. The thought of Bella, paralyzed by my grip on her, paralyzed by her fear, and the smell of her on Alice was now mixed with my desire to find her. It broke through my self-righteousness and I sobbed.

"Edward, listen to me. Listen," she grabbed my face and pulled it up toward her, "I've seen a lot, where you and Bella are concerned and nothing is for certain. However, if you leave and come back, this will happen again. She's your siren, Edward. Her blood is strong and sweet, more so than any human I've ever come across."

_We all want her. _Her tawny eyes bored into mine.

That shit was certain.

"Alice, how can I even think of staying? I'll kill her, I know it."

"That is, ultimately, your decision, but you must know that either choice will come at a heavy price."

Emmett, listening intently, mulling over the possibilities, cleared his throat again. "Wait. You _and_ Jasper are sleeping with Bella, like all together? Two at a time? One watches, two do?"

I had to admit, I was thankful for his interruption. At this point, I was calmer and more rational; not to mention as eager for an explanation as Emmett was. The scent of Bella lingered, still overwhelming, but enjoyable; like Alice had bathed in a heavenly perfume.

Alice thought a string of profanities; unusual of her. I took a moment to look at my sister. I hadn't been paying much attention during her visits, I suspected. Nothing had changed about her physically, but she had definitely picked up a few new habits. Forks must be a very different place now.

"Jesus, Emmett. Look, we didn't want this to be some shocking secret, nor did we want it to be made fun of. It's not overly complicated. We love one another. She means a lot to us and us to her. Did you really think I would traipse up and down the fucking coast looking for some girl for _years_, just to be her friend?"

I was speechless at her admission. Emmett was too. How had I missed this? Why had she kept it from me, from everyone?

"So," Emmett began hesitantly, "Um, yeah. Okay, hopelessly devoted, back to Edward."

"Yeah, back to Edward," I mocked, displeased with the attention. It was as if an ocean lay between Bella and I and for some reason I was unable to navigate it. I didn't want to be near her again, but already I missed her.

"You don't want to hurt her, Edward."

"Of course I don't _want_ to hurt her, Alice. I just want to suck on her bones, is all," I paused, breathing deeply. Each inhalation was as intoxicating as the last, as Bella's scent lingered around us. I was no longer raring to barrel through the walls and woods to find her again, but I wasn't far from it, either, "That wasn't me back there, when I first caught her scent," I whispered, "I know what beast it was and the fact that it still lives in me, will always live in me, is what will hurt her."

"You can do this, Edward. You will save the both of you, from yourself," she stated calmly, so sure of her words. She was hiding from me, hiding her thoughts, her visions. I was angry at her for it. Though I had gotten used to being kept in the dark by Alice, darkness was the last thing that I needed right now.

I sighed and tilted my head back against the hearth. I shut my eyes tightly, thinking of Bella's face; her frightened, beautiful face.

"Edward?"

I looked to Alice, she held my hand and she opened herself to me. A vision of Bella, long wavy brown hair looped and snaked around her head, as she cried out in ecstasy in Jasper's arms.

In the second vision, the same hair swirled around her, like she was caught in a whirling vortex. She was outside, cheeks pink and rosy and I was watching from the porch, looking at her as she approached the garage. I couldn't tell why, or what was going on. I recognized some longing in my face and trepidation in hers.

The third vision would have knocked me down, had I not been so already. It was Bella, clearly, yet she was not the same. Her hair was luminous, almost glowing, and her skin was the color of new bone. It sparkled faintly in a shimmer of sun. Her eyes were closed and her face dominated my sight; flushed red lips pouted slightly then widened into the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. She looked up and she was glorious. Her eyes were bloody gold, with flecks of black throughout. It was then that I realized she was standing with someone. The vision shifted and I saw the man with her. He grasped her waist lovingly, possessively, and tasted those curvy lips. I gasped; stunned at this vision of Bella and I.

"Alice! What was that?" I begged, holding on for damnation, nearly crushing her hand in mine.

She snapped out of my grasp and stepped back, "It's the beginning, Edward."

"The beginning of what?!" I was frantic, needing answers; answers I knew she wasn't going to give.

"Of forever."

Fuck. What forever? Forever is today, tomorrow and the next. Forever means nothing to me, but coming from Alice's mouth, it seemed to wrench out my insides and hang them to dry.

"Why did I kiss her? We're going to turn her?" It couldn't be. I jumped and ran to the door. Emmett tried to block me and nearly succeeded. I was too preoccupied with leaving, getting as far away from Forks as I could. I jumped out the gaping front window. Emmett was twenty feet away, miming my movements. I didn't notice Alice bringing up the rear. I made it about 200 yards into the woods before she knocked me into a tree, bringing me down. Emmett once again held me to the ground.

"Fucking hell, man! Stop. Fucking. Running." His arms quaked with the strength it took to keep me from breaking free, "You've lost it, Edward!" His eyes bulged and his face contorted. He was near snapping me in two.

"Edward, please. You can't leave. You have to stay," Alice's eyes reinforced the urge in her voice.

"Alice, I can't. I just can't."

"Emmett, please go with him, go away for a few hours, but you must come back tonight. You must. Go hunt, then return. We've got her safe. Jasper and Carlisle are with her. No one will let you hurt her," Alice was begging us.

She was begging me with her eyes, with her thoughts, and with her words. Her face was pained and it killed me. I felt more broken now than I ever have.

"Alice, you've got to explain this to me!"

"I can't do that, Edward. I'm sorry." She seemed only infinitesimally contrite.

I knew that she wouldn't relent. Alice was firm in her own faith in her visions, as subjective as they were. I exploded with hope that everything she'd seen, that I'd seen, could still be changed.

I growled at her, "Alice, it's all to do with me. If I decide against it, it won't happen. I won't let it." I knew this was a lie. There was nothing that would keep me from having Bella. I wasn't sure what I would do once I had her, but one more thing was now certain. I wouldn't be able to stay away, not for long.

"Come on, E. Let's go," Emmett ordered, lifting me to my feet and pushing me off, away from the house. I turned to look at Alice as we slowly walked farther into the woods.

"For today, Alice, and for tomorrow, I am sorry," I whispered, knowing she would hear me.

"Edward," she called, her voice barely higher than mine had been, "We never really do know what the morning will bring."

I bowed my head and turned to Emmett. _Let's run. _

I lifted my eyes to meet his. He looked…sorry, pitying. I nodded and we took off. A few hours was all I would need to convince him, to try to convince myself, that I would not be coming back to claim that which was, so treacherously, mine.


	10. Screaming Ch 9

**Well, here we are. This one is long, so I'll apologize now and wait for the hate. Do with it what you will, but know that I love hearing what you have to say. **

**Thank you to Detroitangel, NCChris, and Frenchbeanz for master betalove.  
**

**As usual, I do not own Twilight. But I do have a green-eyed, devilish man and a penchant for LEMONS... Do with _that _what you will. **

* * *

BPOV, past

"Bella!" Alice screamed up to me from the first floor. I closed the box I had been unpacking and huffed as I lifted myself from my stiff kneeling position. This room was never going to look moved into. A month was a long time to still be living out of boxes. I was hesitant to integrate my things into the house proper, since most of my "décor" didn't really fit with the rest of the design. I guess I could take another tour later, find a few places to rest my things. I hopped down to the landing, folding my arms across my chest and turning the corner.

"What now?" I acted put out, like unpacking was so enthralling and important that I just couldn't be torn away.

"We've got something to show you," she said with a sly grin. She hooked her finger and beckoned me to follow.

"I'm not dressed, Alice," I whined, pouting and raised my arms to draw her attention to my current garb. I was wearing a vintage, lacy, not quite see-through tank slip and panties. Nothing else.

She looked me up and down with an appraising eye. "You're not so hard on the eyes, you know. You could be wearing less." She smiled, her eyes narrow like a hawk. My heart raced as her gaze lingered on my thighs. I rubbed them together lightly and rested my weight back on one leg.

"What's the point of being hard on those? Eye fucking is for virgins." Same shit, different day. I was always a bit too forward, but then Alice was always a bit too dazzling. Any word filtering I may have done in the presence of others was tossed to the dogs when she was around.

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Seriously, hurry the fuck up," she said. "We want to show you something. Go put some jeans and shoes on, hooker."

I stomped back to my trash heap and dug around for something suitable to wear. They never told me what the hell was going on? just expected me to be game anytime, for anything. I cursed those sexy vampires and I cursed myself for being so affected by them. We flirted fucking endlessly and my frustration was just as constant. I was bent over, elbow deep in a pile of clothes and purses, when I heard a high pitched whistle behind me.

I turned to find Jasper leaning against the door jamb, a crooked smile on his face, eyes alight with mischief. He was wearing a purplish-gray suit jacket and jeans, a ratty t-shirt that looked cheap, but was probably some $100 vintage piece of candy. He looked so goddamned tasty that my mouth started to water.

"Not cool, Bells. You're going to give a vampire a heart attack if you continue to keep yourself so scantily clad. That's no small feat, cheesecake."

I tried to quell the embarrassment and excitement that Jasper's unannounced and unsolicited ogling brought out in me. Deep, immoral desires were aroused in my belly by his presence. They swirled and tickled my organs, clouded my brain, and turned my tongue to Jell-O. What I really wanted to do was seductively strip off the material that barely covered me and walk over to him; whisper in his ear that there were other, more private, parts of his body that I would like to bring to arrest.

He stood there challenging me, one hand on his hip, his eyes still boring into mine. I found some steel in his demeanor and used it to my advantage. I fingered the low neckline of my slip, letting my hand trail from there, over my nipple, down to my hip. He exhaled sharply.

I walked toward my dresser, bending slightly to retrieve a pair of jeans from the bottom drawer. I peeked at him from over my shoulder and smiled. He was holding his breath now, his knuckles straining on the door frame. He appeared to either be steadying himself, or keeping himself back.

I found my voice and smirked back at him, "You're right, Jasper. It's not cool, at all. It's quite warm, actually. I'd go as far as to say it's hot. Steamy, even."

I turned my back, shook out the material and stepped one foot, then the other into the legs of the pants. I exaggerated the swing of my hips as I worked the fabric over my thighs. As I brought them over my ass, I hitched the slip up to my waist, revealing my blush colored panties to him; if only for a split second.

It was long enough, apparently. I heard the distinct sound of splintering wood and felt a rush of air as he instantaneously closed the distance between us. His body was inches behind mine and I lowered my head, smiling to myself. His words and cool breath on the back of my neck sent a shiver up my spine.

"You ought not tempt a monster, Bella. You never know how ferocious he might be."

"I think I'll take my chances," I whispered. His hand hovered over my shoulder, his lust, our lust, hovered around us, threatening to crush me. I licked my lips and took a deep breath.

"You just made a deal with the Devil, girl, and I'll hold you to that vow, one day."

"Jasper!" Alice called from downstairs, making us both jump. I swallowed hard, my mouth having filled with saliva as my head was bowed, listening to that beautiful devil as he whispered in my ear.

"Leave Bella alone, damn it!"

"To be continued," he breathed in my ear, brushing his cold as stone lips against the lobe.

"We'll meet you there, love!" he called back to her.

My back was to him and some of the tension had been broken, but I still felt some kind of electricity sparking between the two of us.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes," I squeaked, as he whipped me onto his back so fast that my stomach flipped.

"Hold on tight."

I wasn't expecting a ride out into the woods, but Jasper was insistent. The wind whipped my hair into all oblivion as I tried, but failed, to keep focus on my surroundings. I held on to his broad shoulders and clenched my legs around his waist. My nose was buried in his hair, almost on purpose, I tried to not be obvious while I sucked in as much of his scent as my lungs would allow.

Both he and Alice always smelled amazing; like baked goods and syrup and sandalwood and forest. My curiosity got the better of me and I found myself nuzzling a bit too enthusiastically into Jasper's hair. I wondered how awkward it would be if I just licked one of them. They had to taste as good as they smelled.

Jasper, sensing my changing mood, slowed his pace and peeled me off his back. I was reluctant to let go, but complied. He had a look on his face that made me almost blush. He wouldn't take his eyes off me and I found my breath difficult to catch.

It had been interesting these last few weeks, getting used to living with them. There were so many strange and perplexing things about their lifestyle. I guess I hadn't really expected the whole vampire thing to mean that things would be so different; not that they were alarming or anything. The not sleeping, super strength and speed were a little disconcerting, but I was slowly acclimating myself and had to admit, I was having a bit of fun with those attributes. I felt like a curious, excitable child and they were all seven wonders of the world.

There were other things I was having to adjust to as well. It was almost impossible to hide anything from them. Alice was a constant harbinger with her raised eyebrows and cocky mini-predictions. I mostly felt embarrassed by her knowing all my next moves, and sometimes I felt like she was scolding me, warning me to not do what I intended. She told me that my decisions were mine to make and that she didn't want to persuade me, either way.

Jasper, on the other hand, was a perplexing, infuriating creature who always seemed to know what I was feeling; whether it was anger or lust. He usually pushed me to my limit. I'd woken up on more than one occasion not remembering how I'd gotten where I was.

I felt completely exposed when in their company. I had nothing to hide from them, but I was just uncomfortable with all the attention. I had kept mostly to myself since my parents died and it was difficult to get used to having someone around all the time. I was as new to them as they were to me, so the fascination and urge to know as much as possible was definitely a two way street. I wanted to know them, wanted them to know me. Something inside me, something I thought had shriveled up and died, throbbed and released every day I spent with them.

I was lonely, too, though. Physically. Never one for celibacy, I constantly found myself pining after them. It had been three months since I had gotten any action and it began to take its toll. They were stunningly beautiful, smelled like all my favorite things. The irrational attraction to Alice when I first met her was only getting more and more intense. Add to that, Jasper was pushing a lot lately. At times, I felt like any second, my cunny was going to burst into flames. My constant restraint was weighing heavy on my already leaden desire.

Jasper stopped a few hundred feet from a dilapidated house of sorts. Most of the roof was gone and all the windows and doors were gaping holes. It looked murdered. I couldn't help but feel badly for it. It was only a structure, an abandoned house, but the lack of life and vitality was disheartening. I was irrationally hesitant to enter, afraid that it might hurt me. I turned back to Jasper and he was still looking at me, his face a mix of confusion and anticipation. My heart sped up and a creep of fear was tickling up my spine. He stepped forward, but then halted when I stepped back. The fear disappeared as he raised his hands and took a step back as well.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, lowering my gaze to the ground, not sure what I was apologizing for. I knew I had gotten a little carried away with the sniffing thing and I'm sure he felt what I was feeling then, even if I wasn't ballsy enough to admit it to myself. I was sorry, though, that he still sometimes frightened me. That was a more likely cause, anyway. If it was even him that did it. He was just trying to comfort me and I had misinterpreted. My instinct should have been to be afraid of him and that was what he expected. If he only knew just how not afraid I was, it might scare him.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said, fidgeting with his lapel, and I could see his eyes darting back and forth from me to the crumbling dwelling. I shook my head infinitesimally and turned to survey the area with confusion. The house was what Alice had wanted to show me? She was nowhere around, unless she was inside.

"What is this place?" I asked Jasper, trying to walk on the uneven ground without tripping. He stiffened and shifted his attention to the shell.

"This used to be a quaint little cottage. Alice and I spent quite a bit of time out here when we lived in Forks last time." I could detect a faint bit of amused recollection in his voice.

"Did the two of you destroy it?" I asked trying to hide my smirk.

"Was that a sex joke, missy?"

"My name is Bella, Jasper, and yes, it was. I cannot believe the house is still standing some nights. You guys sound like volcanoes erupting." I laughed out loud and tried to evade him as he lunged for me. I was not successful and before I could blink, he was carrying me over his shoulder toward the cottage.

"Seriously, Jasper," I spat into his back. All the blood was rushing to my head and it made talking a challenge. "Can't take a little ribbing? I'm just glad someone's getting some. If I have to live vicariously through you guys, I have no shame in that."

"Aw, poor Bella," he teased as he set me down just inside the hovel. I smacked his arm a little too hard and snatched my hand back with a wince.

"Tsk-tsk. I told you, you'll only hurt yourself." He laughed and walked in past me. I spied Alice through an old window. She was behind the house, appraising the premises in a calculating way. She ignored us completely until she had made her way to the front and in the door.

"Oh! Good. You're here!" She sang and pressed her hands together. I looked around a little more closely. The floors were either covered in dirt or made of it. The walls from the floor halfway up were made of stone, the top half of rotten wooden logs. There was a musty smell, but it wasn't overwhelming. I imagine the whole roof collapsing really did wonders as far as airing it out. I certainly wouldn't have stepped foot in it if it smelled like a rotting basement.

"Alice, is this what you were so eager to show me?" I squinted my eyes as I looked up through the wide open ceiling. It was rare that there wasn't a constant drizzle outside, but today was dry. Overcast, but it hadn't rained all day.

"Yes," she said, "I'd like you to help me remodel this place. We've been kind of... neglectful."

"I guess!" I laughed, shaking my head at the hovel that surrounded us. "Sure, yeah, I'd like to help."

I turned to them, after twirling around the space doing my own inspection. Every building material seemed to have been solid once, but now was pitted and eroded so thoroughly that it looked like one kick to the wall would demolish the rest of the hull completely.

Clouds floated off and a surprising ray of sun burst through. It covered me, the inside of the cottage, and my two vampires in a warm beam of golden day. I gasped and nearly stumbled when I saw them. The sunlight reflected off of their skin like crystals, diamonds. Every inch of Alice's face and bare arms glittered and shone with such utter brilliance that I was stunned. Jasper's face was aglow and he smiled at my gaping stare. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled his shirt off. Alice smiled at him as I walked closer. He seemed more iridescent, shimmery like mother of pearl. His cheekbones glinted like rhinestones as did the tip of his nose and shoulders, but the meat of him swirled like he was covered in lamina of purple, silver and gold. Small raised crescent shaped scars twinkled faintly on his arms and torso.

Alice was a beacon, and breathtaking. I moved from in front of Jasper to concentrate on her. She was ablaze; millions of scales shining so brightly I was nearly blinded. I reached out to touch her cheek, hesitantly. She smiled and stepped closer to me. Her skin felt the same. There was no crackle or rough texture, just smooth alabaster and the tickle of feathers I had grown accustom to. I glided my hand from her cheek down her neck and across her shoulder. My breath hitched and my belly tightened at the beauty standing before me. I barely registered Jasper backing away from us and out the door.

"Alice," I whispered, my palm tickling down her arm, looking every inch of her over and again. I brought my other hand to the skin of her collarbone. "Jesus, you're beautiful."

Our sun was not wavering and every breath she took, every movement she made caused the ripple of light to shift, to illuminate another area of her body. I could feel something building inside me. A courage I may not have possessed yesterday. Something was changing and I was terrified and panting with anticipation. Her tiny hands found purchase around my waist as I closed the distance between us. Her golden eyes were bouncing back and forth from my brown ones to my lips. My tongue darted out, of habit or instinct I wasn't sure. I surveyed her face, her darkening irises, as my hand once again found her cheek. She cupped mine in her own petite palm, mirroring the action.

Nothing clouded my mind. There was no question I was going to kiss her. The exquisite feeling that pulsed through me was just too glorious; I was locked in and didn't want to leave.

"Bella," she breathed into me. Her eyes fluttered and I leaned my head down to hers. Our lips touched once, then twice without much movement. Our saliva coated them with a smooth coolness. My heart was pounding in my chest, about to burst through. She covered it with her hand and covered my mouth with hers. Urgency took over and we both moaned as our tongues lashed out to taste each other. Her lips were firm but yielding, and she was sweeter than honey. I was lost in the smacking and suckling; drunk with desire for her. Her grip on me tightened as we fought for dominance over the others lips.

She wasn't so tiny compared to me. I had a few inches on her and maybe twenty pounds. Nothing of her body wasn't available from my position. I slid my hands down her back and rested them just shy of her roundness. She pressed further into me, pushing my legs apart with her knee. I rested my center on her thigh, the coolness slowly seeping through the cotton that covered me. I groaned and pushed my thigh against her. She opened her legs for me. I wanted her so badly, but now my actions were becoming clear. I was making out with my best friend, a married woman. I was slightly confused and highly aroused, however I wouldn't jeopardize this friendship for a little touch. I broke away, gasping for air.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I wanted to look at her, but couldn't. I wasn't ashamed, I just didn't want to see the lust in her eyes. I would abandon all propriety. I wanted to take her, that much was clear, but I did not want to take her on a dirt floor. I wanted some motherfucking carpeting under her at least.

"Bella, shh. There's nothing to apologize for." Her hand reached out and wound from my temple into my hair. I met her eyes, golden again, relieved that we had both cooled down a bit.

"We shouldn't do this. What about Jasper? It's cheating, isn't it?" These lines had always been a bit blurry for me. I was no home wrecker, but I'd had my share of illicit affairs. Sex always complicates things. This was a "look but don't touch" situation and it should never have happened. It wasn't too late to pretend it hadn't, but I would never get the feel of her, the taste of her tongue, out of my head.

"Bella, sugar, you know I don't do things spontaneously. Well, most of the time," she said and smiled.

"You saw this?"

"Some."

"You should have told me."

"It would have turned out differently if I had."

She was so matter of fact.

"You want this?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't." She took my hand I hers. I found some comfort in the touch, but was still wary. Starting a physical relationship was what I wanted, but it would open us up for a world of pain and heartache if, and when, it inevitably fell apart.

"What about Jasper? Have you told him? Is he okay with it?"

We were having a conversation about possibly having sex sometime. It was amusing, definitely, but also screaming, "Danger! Danger!"

She smirked at me and winked. "Jasper will factor in in due time."

"What? What is that supposed to mean, Alice?" I felt the blood rush to my face. Was she suggesting that I would be sleeping with Jasper at some point as well?

"Shh, Bells. Our little secret, okay?" She wove her fingers with mine and squeezed.

"Alice! You haven't said anything to him?"

"Oh, I've let slip a few things. Mainly about you and me. I didn't want to ruin the surprise."

Devilish girl! Her bag of tricks was deep and dark.

"I don't know, Alice. This seems like a bad idea. What happens when someone gets jealous? Or what happens when I, without doubt, ruin it? I'm not sure. I don't want to lose you guys just because I couldn't keep it in my pants."

"Bella," she groaned, "You worry too much, but I won't push you. The foundation is... laid." She winked again, tugging my hand. "Come on, you need to eat and we need to get started designing this remodel."

I gave her a questioning look, but followed her out of the house. About the spot Jasper had stopped, Alice suggested I climb on her back for the duration home. I eyed her and giggled as I launched myself at her. She laughed and tickled my knees the whole way back. I fought to keep my grip as we neared the side porch.

She carried me into and through the house. I mussed her hair up and put my hands over her eyes. She never bumped into anything, of course, and set me down securely on one of the bar stools. I was reluctant to let go of her, tightening my legs when she tried to pull away.

"Bella, I want to make you dinner. You have to let me go."

I huffed, squeezing as hard as I could. "What's on the menu, minion?"

"Ohh, are you my master now?" She pressed her back into me and I wrapped my arms around her. She was playing along with my little game by letting me pin her arms to her sides.

"Well, you're going to cook my food, and you did just let me ride you home. I'd say that if you weren't trying to please me, then you're doting a bit too much," I whispered in her ear. Her hands were creeping up the back of my thighs, making my entire body tingle and ache.

She shifted her weight and I loosened the death grip I had on her. She spun around, her ice cold hands resting on my hips. She pushed the fabric of my slip up and tucked her hands underneath it. Her thumbs dipped into my waistband and a chill ran through me as her face got closer to mine.

"There are few other things in this world that I would let you ride." I wanted to kiss her again. Her lips were so close, so inviting. I could smell her sweet breath as she exhaled, rubbing her palms up the sides of my torso. I licked my lips as she ghosted her thumbs over the swell of my breasts. I was inching closer, but my internal war of instant gratification versus possible fallout kept my lips to themselves. Her stone hips were digging into my thighs and I wanted fingers, already so close, to plunge into me until we both screamed.

"Holy shit," Alice exhaled and staggered backing away from me.

"Alice? What's wrong?" I asked, alarmed at her current state. Her eyes were blank and flickering minutely. She seemed to be staring at me, but not at me. She cleared her throat and smiled.

"Nothing, it's fine. Just a little intense."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Bella. Intense is good. Jazz is on his way back. Time to start feeding."

She whipped up some pasta with cream sauce. I thought I saw a Pasta-Roni package, but I couldn't be sure. Perfect vamps aren't perfect at everything, apparently. Jasper joined us in the kitchen about the time Alice started. I avoided direct eye contact and folded in on myself, lost in the memory and sensation of Alice in my hands. Every time I thought about it, I couldn't help but picture Jasper there as well. It made me nervous and embarrassed all at once.

"So, did you girls come to any decisions? Are we going to tag team that shit, get it done as fast as possible?"

I dropped my fork, clanging it on the plate and nearly choked on my noodles.

"Get what done, love?" Alice asked innocently, as if she had no idea what he might be talking about. I was sitting in the middle, Alice on my left, Jasper on my right. I was going to be caught in the crossfire and I was not ready.

"The remodel, or should we just demo it?"

Air came whooping out of my lungs and, Jesus Christ, I could breath again. I took two more bites and pushed myself from the counter.

"Everything is a 'go.' We'll probably have to go back out there tomorrow to work through a few things. Bella is fond of warm colors, whereas I am partial to cool. I'm sure we can meet in the middle somewhere, figure out what will please us the most." She said all this with suggestive hand gestures and my face burned as I walked to the sink.

Her words were quaking through me. She winked at me, obviously trying to kill me with sexual tension. I washed my plate in silence as Alice and Jasper droned on about mortar and foundations and if the kitchen in the cottage should have a wall of windows. I contemplated going to my room, but eight was really too early for bed and I didn't want to be alone anyway. I turned from the sink and almost smacked face first into Jasper. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him, instead I looked to Alice. She was still sitting at the bar with a smirk the size of Mt. Hood on her face.

"How about some wine and music in the drawing room?" he asked.

"Drawing room?" I questioned him, rolling my eyes.

"Library, drawing room, whatever. It sounded cool."

I laughed and agreed, following them into the "drawing room." Jasper lit a couple of lamps, but the room was anything but bright. Alice went straight to the record player, dusting off her selection. Jasper opened the wine and poured me a huge glass. He brought it over to the couch where I sat, legs curled under me, ready to drink myself into oblivion.

Sam Cooke began his dulcet crooning through the speakers as Jasper met Alice in the middle of the room. They danced in my audience laughing and flirting. I laughed with them as they spun to me, twirling like tornadoes. Jasper dipped Alice, dramatically directly in front of me. Her hair tickled my arms and raised my skin and heart rate.

They danced the whole album as I sipped my wine. They were fascinating to watch; graceful and perfect. I thought of nothing else when my eyes were on them. I stood to refill my glass. Jasper beat me to the bottle and joked about me even needing the glass. I snatched the bottle from him and stomped back to the couch.

Jasper walked behind his desk laughing at me, to peruse his many tomes. Alice changed the album. I recognized it, but could not place the slow acid synth and bass guitar. I gulped the wine straight from the bottle as I tried to focus back and forth at them. I was pleasantly buzzed and hoping the alcohol would loosen me up.

The tension felt thick as a brick wall, even with my relaxation tactic. It was something I was entirely sure we three had never experienced before, and entirely unsure if I it was something I was just imagining. I studied Alice; her curves hiding under her tank top and jeans. The fabric hung perfectly on her petite frame.

Before I realized what I was doing, I pictured her nude, laying under me. A tingle spread throughout my body; from the very depths of my belly to the loose pucker of my lips. I wanted to taste her, make her scream out my name while I made her come with my tongue.

Her eyes, locked onto mine, stilled and went wide. Too late to take it back, I stood and met her in the middle of the room. She rested her hands on my hips as I tickled up her arms to her shoulders. She brushed her lips against mine.

"Three months really is too long, sugar," she whispered.

I didn't want to wait another second to feel her lips on mine. We attacked with fervor, hastily pawing one another. Our mouths explored, found, and elicited soft whimpers of want. I nearly sobbed when I pressed her body against my own. I was dizzy; overwhelmed with desire. I had never felt this completely out of control before. I pulled her to me roughly, unable to get her close enough.

"Alice," I hissed, as her mouth opened over the flesh of my neck. Her icy tongue laved slowly and I erupted into a shivering chill.

"Oh, shit," I heard Jasper groan. His voice barely registered through my haze. Alice pulled me to the floor and I felt four hands disrobe me. I arched into their hardness; two under my shoulder blades massaged and lifted me partially off the floor. The tinier pair stroked my stomach and hips. They lifted their way up the backs of my thighs, under my ass, raising my lower half. I planted my feet firmly on either side of her and thrust to meet her halfway. Again, my eyes rolled back into my head as her coolness permeated my skin. I turned my head and rested my cheek against the rough denim covering Jasper's inner thigh. I reached my arms above my head and wrapped them around his kneeling figure.

Alice's fingers and tongue had brought me to my edge. I braced myself, closing my hands firmly around the soles of Jasper's shoes.

"Alice!" I screamed, sure I was dreaming, floating, not of this world any longer. I could feel nothing except the torrid ecstasy that flooded my senses and struck my body with violent spasms. Jasper shifted and I saw his face, upside down and hovering over mine. He looked like a man in blissful agony; just trying to keep in control.

"Not yet, Jasper," I heard Alice pant, "You're just going to have to watch tonight."

* * *

.:*~*:.

JPOV, present

When I stepped through the tree line and saw the glorious vision of my love, I swear that my dead heart swelled, lifting my chest to the heavens. Of course, I could sense that Alice and Bella were waiting for me. I could smell them from miles out; the perfume of my life lingering in the air, calling to me, welcoming me. My anticipation grew to enormous heights as I made my way through the clearing.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of my wife, who swiftly ran into my longing arms, taking away the dull ache that plagues me when she's absent; she made me whole. My warmth and burning fire, my Bella, stayed reluctantly on the porch. She radiated her adoration to me through her gushing smile. I felt her relief and excitement, along with a little fear, drown me. She could never have the good without the bad; it's just how she ticks.

The introductions went well. Five vampires creeping towards a human should, by all means, be terrifying. Bella just gave a simple greeting as her heartbeat gradually settled. Emmett broke the ice with a rather amusing joke. I knew Bella would laugh at the big lug. She and I cracked vamp jokes all the time, even though Alice feigned how tasteless they were. I gave Bella a little wink to personally address her, letting her know that I was just as happy as she was that I was home. I wanted to run to her, sweep her off her feet and plunge my tongue, still tasting of Alice's mouth, into hers.

Alice gripped my hand tighter and smiled. We knew that we weren't planning on divulging our complicated tryst right away. So this was all we could be, right now.

Bella quickly bounced into the house, beaming a welcoming demeanor, opening herself up to us as we settled into the sitting room. Alice and I sat near her, while the rest reserved themselves across the room. She was excited to hear of our travels. The intrigue that she exuded made me want to talk forever.

Emmett was having some difficulties with his attraction to Bella's chemistry. He was fighting admirably, but he was toeing the line. He chose to stand at the farthest point of the room behind his wife, occasionally showing his trepidations. I threw him a pointed glance, calming him as best I could. Bella felt some shame for making him feel uncomfortable, but she need not worry. Rosalie had him in check, like she always has.

I wanted to be with her, just as much as I needed to be with Alice. Now was not an appropriate time. I knew, however, the rest of the family wanted to get cleaned up from our travels and reacquainted with the house and grounds. Esme excused herself first, citing that she wanted to work on redecorating her and Carlisle's room. Rosalie and Emmett made some silly excuse about a shower, but I think we all knew what they would be up to. Alice stood from my lap and tightly squeezed my hand.

I wanted nothing more than to bask in the love and adoration of my wife and our flame. Bella nodded her head to us in a sweet gesture, giving Alice and I time to be together. As we ascended the stairs to our room, I could feel the loneliness engulfing her on the main floor. It felt almost wrong not to have her with us tonight.

"Mmm, Jasper. I think you missed a spot," Alice purred, as her smooth naked body slid across mine.

She slung her leg over my hip, grazing my longing cock with her wet sex. She was straddling me, looking glorious in the moonlight. The hint of blue cast on her skin made her look like a Goddess prepared to conquer me, again. I let our lust fill the empty spaces between us and quirked my brow at her. As I gripped her girlish curves in my hands, grinding up into her, her cold fire burned me to cinders. She was insatiable, savoring every rub, tug, push, and pull.

"Never leave me again, cowboy," she whispered as she writhed on top of me, the tip of my cock wavering at her entrance. Her voice seemed so raw, so needy. She overwhelmed me with her feral lusting, driving me to tighten it around us. My straining length hardened and twitched, anticipating being inside her. I reached my hand to her angelic face, lightly sweeping the pad of my thumb across her bottom lip. She ghosted her tongue out, licking and then gently sucking it into her delicate mouth. She grazed her teeth on my digit and swirled her tongue around the tip as she released me.

"Fuck, Alice," I hissed at her, wanting her to surround me, making us one entity. She slid me inside her slowly, rocking our bodies together, reveling in the feeling of every part of us connecting. I loved how her tiny body made room for me and held me like a vice. Digging my fingers into her glorious ass, I slid out from base to tip and plunged right back into her. She moaned my name over and over, her violins humming in the air.

"I missed you, baby." She leaned her chest into mine and breathed into my ear. Mine were as deep and rapid as hers. The anticipation of climax burned under my skin, as our rhythm increased steadily. I felt her begin to tremble and clench. She rode out her orgasm, milking my throbbing erection inside of her.

I began chanting her name as the pressure in my groin was building and spilled into her as I clutched her to me, growls rumbling from deep inside. I swept sweet kisses from her chest to her chin. When I reached her mouth I was graced with the smile that would set my damned soul free.

~/~

I prowled the empty hallways, looking for Bella. I knew she was still awake, Alice had confirmed it. I found her in the library, alone and ruing, surrounded by a wall of determination. Excitement cranked through me as she greeted me and invited me to sit with her. We seemed to spend a lot of time together in the library. I smiled and tucked her into my side.

How the fuck am I supposed to let her go? I could hardly bear to be apart from her. The thought made me sick. I could stay wrapped in and around her for eternity. Her warmth seeped into me and seemed to numb my pain, ease my fear.

Her defiance gave way to her worry as she tried to blame herself for all that was happening. She couldn't have been more wrong if she tried. She had to know. I had to tell her that she was the best thing that had ever happened to Alice and me. I suppose we never spent enough time with her, just talking. She had no idea how far we would go to fight for her. I, myself, would walk to the ends of this Earth to ensure she remained safe and happy; even if that meant she wasn't with us. I couldn't fathom a life without her, but if Alice's visions were accurate, there would be a time when she was not ours anymore.

I looked down at her, to where our bodies pressed together. The crypt in my chest, where my silent heart lies, stirred with such force that it trumped my senses. I could barely breathe, hardly concentrate. I pushed her hips into the cushion, wanting more contact.

Tears of laughter and love, streamed from her dark eyes, over her pink cheeks and tucked underneath, tickling her neck. I watched them caress her skin, envious of their proximity, nearly unable to resist the urge to feel her wet skin under my tongue. She spoke and I refocused on her. When she asked so nicely, I could not stop myself tasting them. Her skin was fire on my tongue and I was lost again, following the trail of salt to her hot mouth. Her name left my lips as she raised herself into me. I held her close, letting a growl slip out. I told her how much I loved her, wanted her— right here, right now. Witnesses be damned.

I removed her clothes slowly then stood to remove my own. She lay so gloriously still, so warm. She flushed and beamed with the purest, most unconditional love in existence. I could take no more and I cracked, sobbing, terrified that this might be the last I would spend of this time with Bella. Her fingers coaxed and calmed me, telling me that she was going nowhere, wanted nothing other than us here, now and forever. She wouldn't change one thing, didn't regret anything, and would stand for nothing less than this; nothing less than us.

I sent that beauty back to her. She needed to hear that I felt the same. I wanted it tattooed on my skin, carved into the very mountain side. So I opened up and told her exactly what she meant to me.

"It's all worth it, Bella," I said quietly, sucking in a deep breath, "Everything has been worth it, to have you like I do."

Sometime around dawn, I walked Bella to her room. I watched her close herself in and I stayed right there, staring at her door, long after she had fallen asleep. For hours I leaned against the wall, trying to come up with some plan, some contingency. I had never looked less forward to seeing my family. Bella was right? today would change everything. It made no sense. Alice wouldn't go into detail about her prediction, saying that she saw too many outcomes for any single one to be taken more seriously than another.

I was already angry, though I couldn't be sure why or who at. I assumed Edward was the catalyst. He was the only wild card. I had no idea in what capacity he would factor in, but I wondered if Bella was going to fall in love with him, or if he was going want her. How badly he would want her and what he would do to get her were variables that I had no control over.

Edward was very successful in his pursuits; he had never lost something he was after. Tanya, Kate, Irina, and countless other creatures, human and non human alike, were but a tally of conquests; souvenirs of battles won.

His only predilection, only real desire, was the attention he got from his arrogant and selfish whoring. His indiscriminate coupling worried me now that he would be near humans again. I didn't fear him killing anyone, just his propensity to take advantage. I had to choke back the venom rising in my throat when I thought of him anywhere near Bella. He would make short work of her? if we let him. She was strong, stronger than she appeared, but vampires were cunning. If he decided to have her, he would stop at nothing to get her.

Alice walked silently from around the corner. She had a sad smile on her face. I didn't want to alarm or worry her any more than she already was, but the agony rolling off of me was too torrential to reign in.

She frowned and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Why do I feel like I'm losing her? Our lover, friend, sister? How can she be these things to us?" I asked her, the wall, anything that would listen.

She pulled me away from Bella's door, pushing me gently down the hallway, toward the stairs.

"We won't know anything until tonight, Jasper. She'll always be here. That much has never changed," she said as we descended the stairs. Her words were of little comfort lately. They were too ambiguous, too fragile. She always appeared to want to say more, yet seemed as if the words themselves would shatter us if she said them aloud.

"What are you seeing now?" I asked, not sure she would even humor me with past visions.

We were irrevocably changed and now the only warmth and light in our dark world was in danger of being lost. I wished there was a place to take her, keep her forever out of harm's way, out of Edward's path. I could take her right now, asleep or not, and keep her safe; he would never even lay eyes on her.

"Ugh, you're so dramatic, baby. Relax," Alice plied, rubbing circles on my chest as we entered the kitchen. "I see her in the forest, still, like I said before. Then I see her in the safe room with you. She looks okay, but I can tell that something happened.

Emmett, Rose, and Esme were just coming in the back door. Thankfully, they had left to hunt shortly before I met Bella in the library, but they caught the tail end of what Alice said.

"Who looks okay? What's happened?" Emmett asked, not hiding his curiosity. Esme and Rose didn't avoid the subject, either. They simply stood near the counter, looking at us.

"Are you talking about Bella?" Esme asked Alice.

We hadn't discussed telling the family about Alice's visions concerning Bella and I wasn't sure that they really needed to know.

"It's nothing, really," Alice piped up before I could put an end to the questions, "I've had a few interesting visions about everyone coming home that involve Bella. It's really nothing to be worried about."

Alice turned and exited the kitchen. I followed, leaving the suspicious faces of my family behind me.

I hadn't had enough of her, or Alice, in the last ten hours. Alice was tender and then wild all at the same time. Losing control with her was natural, invigorating, fulfilling. I couldn't deny that the sweetness, the control and struggle for power that I had with Bella was any less exhilarating. My mind was drowning in anticipation of finally having them both with me properly, covering them with wet kisses and soft passionate touches.

Alice turned to me as we made our way back to the house after a quick hunt. She smiled and I felt the want that she radiated hit me in my very favorite places.

"Let's get that delicious little idea started, baby. We can wake Bella in a few hours."

Once the entire family were here with us and settled in, Alice and I planned on telling them about our relationship. We realized how odd our connection with Bella seemed, but we refused to lose her. Somehow our happiness rested in her presence. The world changed for us when we found her and she let us in. There would be no going back without feeling a horrifying loss. The family would just have to accept it or ignore us, letting us live in peace.

The shower was spraying hot water from angles all around. I watched as a collective stream of water made a path down Alice's neck, across her structured shoulders, and then down her back until it cascaded off her round ass. If I were a drop of water, that's exactly the path that I'd take too. We were washing each other; lather, rinse, rub, and repeat, until Alice stilled. Gripping aggressively to my upper arms, her eyes glazed over as a vision revealed itself to her.

"Jasper! Bella... Edward is too close... she's out in the trails going for a run." She gasped as she squeezed my arms so tightly I winced. "Go now! Or we're going to bury her. Help her, get her to the safe room!" she yelled.

I sped to pull on pants and scrambled to the window. I jumped, landing and running toward the wood silently. I scanned the air for their scents. Each second that passed seemed like an hour.

Her trail was easy to follow. The scent that once haunted me was now leading me to her salvation. Then, I saw them. Edward had her delicate body pinned to a tree trunk. My memory flickered back to the van incident. Bella's body had shut down completely; no fight or self preservation evident in or around her.

Carlisle was a few yards off, yelling for Edward to stop. Bella was still and quiet. She was shocked to her core, but still very much alive. Her heart beat with ferocity as fear and loss emanated through her. She had to think that this was her end. I couldn't dwell on that feeling. I didn't have time.

"Bella, say something, anything, fucking scream!" I roared as I barreled toward them, "Edward!" I screamed.

"Back off! You're hurting her! Let her go! Do you fucking hear me?" I was yelling with every ounce of my being, from my mouth and mind, unable to control any of it. I was driving my body at full force trying to get to Bella. The family was right behind me, running at inhuman speed. We were all screaming now, pleading for Edward to hear us and let her go. I saw Edward's reluctance for a split second. He realized what he was doing and his resolve wavered just enough for him to force her limp body away.

Just as Carlisle seized Edward's shoulders, Emmett collided with them, severing Bella from her threat and carrying him away. Alice followed them to the river. I knew that I had to take Bella way from him. Emmett restrained Edward so he couldn't pounce and attack again. I met Bella's eyes just as they began to flutter. Terror and regret shot from them as she passed out, overloaded with fear. I caught her in my arms before she slipped further and hit the ground.

"Bella, I've got you. I've got you, you're safe," I repeated to her as I cradled her numb body in my arms.

I turned my head to look for Edward. My thoughts raged at him as I spied his face, hidden slightly under Emmett's large frame. I could not contain the anger and fear that I was throwing into the atmosphere. If I didn't have to make sure that she was safe, I would've torn him to pieces. It would've taken hours to put him back together.

Carlisle was behind me, feeling my rage. "Jasper, calm down so we can help. Please, son."

"Carlisle, can you follow us and make sure she'll be okay? We're going to the tower." I looked over my shoulder. He just nodded and followed me inside.

The entire way I called to her, desperate for her to awaken from the shock. Fortunately, Bella wasn't bleeding. Her blood, once my strongest desire, now transcended that longing and brought out only concern for her safety and well being.

We made it into the safe room and I laid her limp body down on the newly made bed. She cringed and jolted from pain as I settled her head and shoulders onto the pillows. A thick piece of her chestnut hair covered her beautiful face. I gently swept the obtrusive strands away, longing for those shiny orbs to open and find me at her side.

Carlisle, a man I gave my highest respect to, swiftly grabbed a few supplies on his way up to the safe room. His demeanor was apologetic and concerned as he approached us, but his expression remained calm as he looked upon my pain ridden face. I felt like I couldn't breathe, even though I never needed to. Bella was in danger because of what we are.

"May I assess her, Jasper?" He moved slowly towards me, gesturing for me to give him space. I simply nodded my head and let my cold, dead, helpless hands slip from her cheek. I watched closely as he ghosted his hands about her body. His touches were so soft and gentle, but definite in purpose. He'd sweep his cold hand across a section and then return with a little pressure. Over and over, he would go through this tedious process, never uttering how bad the damage was or could be. It was trying on my patience, which was already paper thin after Edward's foolish attack.

"Bella tends to faint when put in life threatening situations," I blurted, needing some sort of spoken communication. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at me with an inquisitive expression. I realized now that I would have more to explain now than if I would have just kept my mouth shut.

"There have been a few situations in the past..." I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want him to know, quite yet, how she elicited danger at every turn. Carlisle completed the exam, turned to me with a comforting smile and placed his caring hand on the top of my shoulder.

"She'll get through this just fine," he assured me. "She's a very lucky young lady, considering the trauma that could have ensued. Her shoulder is dislocated. I'm going to have to adjust it. It will be most painful, but it is best to do it now, especially considering that she is unconscious."

As angry as I was, the rage just would not take over. I was too concerned about Bella. I whimpered like a child as Carlisle gestured for me to hold her.

"Not too tightly, Jasper," he said, placing one hand under her arm and the other vertical, on her bicep.

"I know," I spoke harshly, offended that he would think I didn't know how to hold Bella.

"You might want to keep her down, as well," he said softly, looking into my eyes. I felt his confusion and curiosity. He smiled thinly, adding, "It would be very painful... for us all, I believe... if she were to wake now."

Carlisle was a very intuitive man. Something about my actions had triggered his suspicion and I was fairly certain that he knew exactly what was going on between Bella and me.

I concentrated on her, on keeping her unconscious. I tried to localize to her only, so as not to affect Carlisle, as well.

His movements were so swift that the pop of the ball joint reuniting with the socket of her shoulder barely made a sound.

I glanced at him and he smiled again? genuine and warm, giving nothing but affection and acceptance.

"There," he said, "all set. It will be sore and weak for a few weeks, perhaps, but she will be perfectly fine. I do believe that she also has some rib damage. A simple sling and the time to heal is all she needs. An ice pack and some ibuprofen should minimize the pain and swelling. I'll get a sling for her to use tomorrow morning.

"When she wakes, please tell her how sorry we are. She sort of… took us by surprise?" He now felt sorrow and guilt for not being able to stop Edward.

"I will Carlisle, thank you, and welcome home," I said, trying to sound sincere and to smile through my panic.

He laughed silently. "You're welcome and I'm glad to be back."

My teeth were clenched so tightly that they could have shattered. He left the room only to return with some medicine and a few ice packs and towels. I nodded my head and thanked him for his help as he turned around and exited again.

It would do absolutely no good to find Edward and burn him to the ground, but the idea had been oozing around in my mind. Bella was pale and clammy. Her hair stuck out in all directions and the bruising around her injury was accumulating. At that moment, she couldn't have been more beautiful or precious to me. She had been in worse shape in the past, but this time her humanity hung in the balance because of what lies beneath each of us? the beings she entrusted her life with on a daily basis. Our world had just come crashing down on us, buckled under the weight of one of our own. I wondered if anyone was strong enough to be defiant to her call.

I was confused and livid. Edward had lost almost all control. I had never even seen him falter at a humans scent. If Emmett and I could restrain, why couldn't he? He's fared much better at this lifestyle than I.

Bella stirred. Pain and fear surged through us again. It didn't matter the reason, Edward would not touch her again. Alice had seen him and Bella together one day, but I'm sure that his actions had changed that course. I would protect her. I would keep her safe from him at all costs.

I sat next to Bella for about thirty minutes, watching her chest rise and fall with each life-filled breath, before she began to stir from unconsciousness. Her eyes fluttered open and she moaned, trying to prop herself to sit up. By her restricted movements, she was realizing that she had been injured. Wincing in pain and gasping for air she panicked, "Jasper. Oh my God, what the fuck?"

"Bells," I whispered, "don't try to move. You have bruised ribs and a dislocated shoulder." I placed my palms flat on her lower abdomen and held her to the bed, trying to keep her still. Her eyes widened as everything that had happened in the forest came flooding back to her. I winced, but she reined it in.

"Shit! Am I bleeding? Did he bite me? Ow, my shoulder." She grimaced in pain as she instinctively reached for her throat. Profanities began to roll off her tongue. I released the stale air that had been still in my lungs since the second she recalled the horror of being in Edward's snare.

"Just hold still, Bells." I chuckled at her reaction. "Let me take care of you. There's no blood, no bite. Here, take these pills and place this ice pack on your shoulder." I handed her the items and quickly ran to get her some water. I was back before she even put the ice pack to her bruised body.

After absorbing all of the events that took place, she relaxed. Her breathing wasn't labored and her heartbeat was normal. We sat in silence for a while. Her tiny delicate hands were engulfed by mine as I slid my thumbs across her silky skin. I couldn't leave her. I was desperate to keep her safe. I closed my eyes as she rested beside me, leaning her warm body into mine.

I wanted to kill Edward, but I couldn't leave her alone.

"Jasper," she broke the silence, "please help me feel something else. The pain is too intense."

"Sure, Bells. Do you want to sleep?" I placed her hands in her lap and wiggled my fingers at her. She smiled and shook her head. I saw that mischievous smile and the burning in her eyes. She wanted a distraction. Her sexual tension crept up and built its way through my body. I stared at her, not believing that she would want this now.

"Bella, everyone around can hear us, remember? Are you sure?" I looked into her dark eyes and lost my resolve as she nodded her head this time, slowly and with intent. I felt her excitement and lust. The adrenaline pumping through her body changed her scent, making it stronger; it took possession of me.

She swiped her wet, pink tongue slowly across her bottom lip. That gesture alone made me suppress all other thoughts or feelings. I leaned in close, sliding my tongue out to her and tasting the savory saliva from her pouting lip. She started to groan her satisfaction, but I put my finger to her wet lips.

"Shhh." I gestured. She licked my finger and sucked it into her mouth. Wet fire surrounded it. Her lithe tongue twirled around it, making my head spin at the feeling. The heat of her excitement made me stiff and wanting. She bit down on my finger then released it with a wet kiss. Guttural growls rumbled through my chest.

I turned my long hard body toward her and reached my hands to her heart shaped face, cupping her cheeks. I leaned my face down to her and slid my tongue across her mouth again. She opened up to me and I plunged my tongue into her, fighting for control over the kiss. Her aggression was no surprise as she twirled her tongue around mine, making my body react instinctively. My venom trickled into her mouth. My want swelled everything inside me. She broke the kiss off and looked at me with her eyes wide. She was gulping down air, trying to contemplate her reaction.

"It tingles," she whispered to me as she brought her hand to her parted lips, a small smile spread over them.

"I'm sorry. Surely you've noticed that it desensitizes?" I asked, slightly wary.

"I have." She smiled and brought her right hand to my face. "I just don't think I've ever had so much from your mouth at one time."

I shivered and twitched at her words. Her hooded eyes and swollen lips pled with me to continue and I could not deny them. I kissed her softly and slowly, taking my time to simmer in her taste.

I slipped my hands into the waistband of her sweat pants and pulled them down her legs, taking her panties off with them. Crawling up and over her body, I nudged her legs apart with my own.

"Jasper," she said breathlessly, touching my cheek with the palm of her uninjured arm. I turned my head and kissed it before I lowered myself to the bed. She raised her legs just enough to rest her thighs on my shoulders, giving me an unobstructed view of her bare pussy. Her fleshy skin was soft and hot on my face and ears.

I groaned as I inhaled her musk and lightly licked a path up and down either side of her slit. Her wetness seeped out and each drop that invaded my mouth also assaulted my body and I felt as if we were floating; free and weightless in our lust.

"Bella," I whispered, barely touching her slit with my lips and tongue. She jerked and moaned, burying her hand in my hair.

"There is nowhere else," I said, nudging her clit lightly with my tongue. "I'd rather be..." I brought one finger to her entrance and circled it, only dipping in to my first knuckle. She gasped and boomed lust like cannon fire.

She was soaking wet and I was desperate to drink what she was producing for me, but this was a game of distraction. I wasn't about to let her down.

I licked again, sliding my finger another inch inside her. "Than between..." I withdrew and brought another finger to the fold of her body. I closed my lips around her swollen nerves and kissed once, vulgarly, as if it were her gaping, wanton mouth. She groaned and raised her hips to me in offering. She would come the second I performed both acts at once. I hoped Alice was aware of what we were doing, because nothing, no one, was going to keep me from making her come in my mouth.

I hovered millimeters above her pink skin, dipping my tongue into her and never taking the tips of my fingers away from her entrance. Her wetness coated my hand and I looked forward to experiencing the flavor, later. I kissed her, closed-mouthed and slowly.

"Your hot..." I slipped farther inside. "Glorious..." I licked swift, firm circles on her clit. "Legs." I whispered in full contact with her firm, reddened skin. She thrust her hips and I slipped my fingers fully inside her, feverishly working her clit with my tongue. She cried out as I withdrew, but I returned smoothly, firmly, hitting as deeply as I could.

She stiffened immediately, clamping her legs around my head as her pussy clenched around my fingers. I ground myself into the bed, too fucking turned on to help it.

"Fuck," she growled, unable to make any other sounds. Tensing, she came like thunder around me. Her body flew at me. She sat, possessed or pulled by my invading fingers and my soft, orbiting mouth. I wrapped my arm around her bottom and held her to me, not slowing and not increasing my speed.

"Jasper," she panted, still clenching as she came. She rode me hard, twisting and jerking silently into my body. I lessened the push and pull slightly, bringing her down a bit.

"It's too much, Jasper," she whispered.

So I slowed to a snails pace, gently coaxing her onto her back again. I pulled my fingers out and placed one last kiss on her clit. She whimpered, pleading as I lay next to her. She needed me close. I wrapped her gently in my arms

"Holy hell," she whispered into my neck, placing a small kiss on my skin. "Your turn?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said, although there was nowhere now, that I would rather be, than between her hot, glorious legs fucking her senseless. I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"You might think you're fine," she snickered, "but the little monster..." She pushed her hip into my groin, rubbing herself against my cock. "Thinks differently."

"Bella," I sighed. She had no idea the guilt I already felt for being so intimate with her while she was injured.

"It's not the best idea. I won't be able to be gentle enough." I stroked her face and hair, warring with my cock, as it seemed to try to escape the confines of my Levi's of its own volition.

"I don't think it's gonna take you that long, baby. I'll be fine," she said, opening her burning little mouth on my neck and sucking powerfully. She pressed her hip into me again and I lost the will and resolve that I had held so tenuously to begin with.

I was released and inside her in seconds. She gasped and giggled, happy that she had gotten her way. That laughter soon turned into a feral pant as I pressed slowly into her. Restraint surely etched upon my face, I was as gentle as I could be. She was right. I didn't take long at all.

Bella came again and her hot squeezing shattered me. I exploded quietly, every muscle and tendon in my body taut. Slowing, Bella stroked my face, clearing the hair from my eyes.

"See, love?" She smiled. "Now, we both feel better."

I tucked myself back into my jeans and redressed Bella. She lifted her body and laughed quietly as I tickled the sweat pants up her legs. I sighed as I lay next to her.

"Thank you, Bella. I do feel much better."

Her whole existence was something to savor. After a while of kissing and cuddling, Bella seemed to calm down and let her exhaustion seep in. I sat with my back to the headboard and gently helped her to lay on her right side, her head resting on my thigh. I was brushing stray hairs from her angelic face trying not to wonder how Edward was to be dealt with. Before slumber came over Bella, she jerked and took a sharp breath.

"Jasper, please don't leave me alone." Her voice was a soft mumble, but her fear and loneliness made me stay and comfort her.

"Sleep, Bells, I'm not going anywhere," I whispered to her. I wasn't sure if she heard me or not, but her body relaxed and drifted swiftly into slumber. For the rest of the night I stayed with her, rubbing random patterns onto her back and listening to the symphony of her life in my lap.

* * *

Remember, I want your words, please. Much love. xo


	11. Saved Ch 10

Well, I sincerely apologize for my updating fail. RL, Holiday, blah blah blah. Anyhow...

Massive thanks to detroitangel, Frenchbeanz, mrsalreyami, and NCChris.

I'm going to dip into canon a little bit here, just sayin'. Don't freak out on me.

* * *

BPOV

If I would have said a year ago that, by this time, I would be sleeping with vampires, practically living in the forest, and making more money than I ever had, it would have been straight up certifiable. I get that. At times, my head spins. There is no parallel in this world for me to draw from. I'm completely on my own here to try and figure out just what the fuck I'm doing. Other than feeling like I've jumped on the nearest ship to Mars, things _seemed_ familiar enough. Something happens though, when I pull into the haven that is now my home. I've never felt so... happy. It sounds foreign and cliché and, I admit, I laugh in spite of myself.

Something was changing. The days that I was at work, I would itch to be free, and as I watched the time slowly creep forward, I relished the thought of going home to them. Never in my experience, had something so cold been the root of such warmth. Nothing in the last several years had made me think about or question my life and where it was headed. Now, everything was askew, and I found myself embracing that chaos.

Alice, as well as Jasper, had changed everything. Never before had I entertained thoughts of bonding with others and trusting them, or contemplated forever. Eternity, or even indefinitely, was not something I could fathom. I'd spent quite a bit of time thinking about them, their way of living, and the possibility that I might be a vampire one day.

Aside from the salon, I really had nothing keeping me from disappearing into the strange, dark world I had found myself flirting with. I could get used to the physical anomalies easy enough. Any improvements upon this body would only amp it up from stunning to blinding. I could handle that.

Drinking blood—well, I guess as long as it was warm, and I didn't have to look at it, I could handle that, too. The pain I would endure, Jasper had said, was nothing to shake a stick at, but pain was something I knew very well. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I wasn't begging them to kill me.

I knew that's what it was, essentially. I would be dying. My body would cease to be the soft, warm sack of bones we had grown to love. All the care and patience and restraint we had put into not killing me on accident would be rendered unnecessary. I knew why they didn't want to do it. I didn't even have to ask. I could see it in every adoring look and feel it in every soft touch. I wasn't something they were too keen to take advantage of, no matter if I wanted them to or not.

It took all I had not to beg them. Already I knew there was nothing else in this world for me, except them.

I drove home, consumed with thoughts of them and of our upcoming camping trip. The red glow of the departing sun had almost vanished across the horizon, leaving the slightest sliver of light to guide my way. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of town for a few days. Alice and Jasper were confined to the house during the day right now and I could tell it was wearing on them. They just couldn't risk going out in public. I was aware now how often they toed the line. There had been a couple of close calls, and Jasper had finally put his foot down; no more, "partly sunny."

I pulled off the main road, steering the car toward the gravel entrance. I was still getting used to this twisty, turning drive. It freaked me out sometimes, but waiting for me at the end of this scary ride was my lifeline, my friends, my comfort. I pulled my Volvo into the second garage and turned the car off. I stepped out and stretched my arms wide, pulling my shoulder blades together. As I released them, I got a horrible crick in my neck. I yelped and dropped my keys to the floor, grasping for the constricting muscles. They finally gave in and relaxed as I heard a low snicker come from near the doorway.

"Fuck off, Jasper, that really hurt!" He appeared out of a shadowed corner and was in front of me instantly, holding my keys in the air above his head.

"You dropped something," he said with a menacing grin. He was shaking my keys, taunting me, to see if I would jump for them. I knew better than to waste my energy on that, but I wasn't going down without a fight.

I walked right past him, brushing my soft, long curls against his upper arm, making sure a gust of my scent washed over him. With my chin in the air like a spoiled little girl, I huffed, "What are you, like eight feet tall? I'm not playing this game." I paused. "The games that I play are for behind closed doors."

I smirked at him and sprinted for the house. By the time I got to the back patio, he was stopped ten feet in front of me, blocking my entrance. I knew that I could never out run him, but I also knew how much he relished the chase.

"Come on, Bella, make it interesting," Jasper goaded. "Little Kitty on the back porch…," he sang to me.

"Fucking bells, Jasper, where's your collar?" I huffed. He smiled sweetly, holding out his hand with my keys in his palm. The sparkle in his honey colored eyes made me want to jump into his long, strong arms and melt into him.

I locked my gaze onto his as I slowly swung my dangerous curves, walking right to him. I tried to push this game in a different direction by manipulating my emotions. I pulled as much lust and want into my mind as I could so I could attempt to overwhelm him. It really wasn't hard to do. I sucked my plump bottom lip under my teeth, dipped my chin toward my chest, and looked up at him through my bountiful eyelashes. He growled before I could utter a word, "What are you doing, darlin'?"

"Jasper," I whispered. "All I can think of doing is getting these dirty, filthy clothes off and sinking my sweaty, salty, naked body into a warm, wet bath."

I began to unbutton my blouse―just a little to expose some cleavage. Jasper's eyes were suddenly hooded and much darker in color. His human movements ceased. He was stone still―like a brick wall―in front of me. My strategy was working. I slid out of my shoes and bent down in front of him to pick them up. I moved slowly up his body, skimming my left hand up his perfectly rippled abs to his tight, firm chest. My hand slid up to his shoulder and I swept it down his arm to the keys in his hand.

"Thank you for letting me in," I said, closing my fist around the keys and sliding past him into the kitchen. Victory was, once again, mine.

"Bells," he said roughly, clearing his throat. I turned to look at him with a very sly smile on my face. He turned on his heels, spinning around to see me. "You're going to pay for that." I could see the restraint etched into his expression. I felt only a slight bit sheepish for playing with him.

"You know that you started this." I pointed my index finger at him. "You could join me, you know. It will definitely be more exciting than reading about the history of the modern assault rifle," I teased, walking through the kitchen toward the stairs. I looked over my shoulder as he closed the back door, smirking and licking his lips at my retreating figure.

I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I climbed up all those fucking stairs to the third story of the house. I made it to my room, dropped my shoes in my messy closet, and walked to my luxurious claw foot, extra large soaking tub.

"Fucking heaven," I sighed.

I drew the water hot, maybe too hot, so I could soak my tense muscles and relax. There were heat lamps in every bathroom here; those vamps try their hardest to feel warm sometimes. As I slid out of my work clothes, steam from the bath filled the room. I looked to the large mirror above the vanity and sink and could barely make out the silhouette of myself through the condensation that hung in the air. I was a shadow; even the wet air had more validity than I did. I sighed at my retreating reflection as the room fevered.

The water was inviting, the silence simply heaven. Stepping into the large tub, my skin began to burn and tingle. Tiny bubbles sizzled to the surface and the oxygen fizzed from my outer shell. I couldn't help but let a long moan permeate the thick air as I settled into the water.

My entire body went limp and I closed my eyes concentrated on the rhythm of my deep breaths. I couldn't help but imagine how different this bath would be if Jasper would've joined me.

_Staring at his unnaturally sculptured, naked body kneeling beside me, the heat in the room intensified. Without words, Jasper picked up the loofah and submerged it into the bath. He slowly began to rub its textured surface up my arm, sweeping it across my collarbone. He crept behind me and lowered himself into the tub__. H__is skin, so smooth and solid, brushed against my shoulder blades and my hips as he wrapped his thighs around mine. He lathered me with my freesia body wash, running his hand over my shoulders and back. He moved in tiny circles, the rhythm and pace slowly increasing. His frigid body began to warm against mine, the water cooling a bit in return. I could feel his arousal pressing onto my lower back. It was making a perfect indentation of itself into my soft, malleable body. I slid my backside against him, needing a little more friction as he hissed into my ear._

"_Dirty girl, what needs to be cleansed? What filthy part of you needs to be rubbed and paid attention to?" _

_I could only moan his name. I reached behind me to grasp his large, strong hand and guide it in front of me. His other hand followed, dropping the loofah into the bath. He began to gracefully rub and squeeze at my breasts. He was very gentle, sliding his hands from the doughy sides slowly, then underneath and over my peaks. My pink nipples became taut and pebbled under his cool touch. I arched my back, asking for more. He lightly rolled them between his thumbs and forefingers, the water lubricating his actions. My hair was wet and sticking to his chest. I felt him gather and move it to one side so he could nibble at my slender neck and whisper dirty things in my ear. _

"_Your breasts feel like fire under my touch. Mmm, so fucking soft. You smell so delectable. I want to make your heart race, feel you burn, and feel you come." I could have come undone right then._

_I felt his hand plunge into the water and he rested it on my belly. His fingers sweetly danced their way down. I gasped as he finally touched my aching folds, his smooth digits sliding back and forth against my throbbing slit. __He peered over my __shoulder to catch the show, watching his hand on my breast, pinching and pulling. Then his cool, wet mouth licked and sucked at my neck and shoulder as he started running his middle finger around my clit; it made me shiver in pleasure._

_A swift intake of air filled my lungs, allowing a long, low moan to escape me. I reached behind me to take purchase on his shaft. He growled at my firm grip as he dipped two of his slender fingers completely in and out of me and added more pressure to my engorged clit. I was writhing in front of him. I began pushing and pulling firmly around the __rigidness of his cock. We were rocking together__―__making waves. My nimble fingers were stroking him at a fevered pace as the current rose with each movement we made. He twitched in my hand, as I slid my thumb across his smooth skin, after every pass. __As I began to crash and fold into him, he twitched again, this time more forcefully._

"_Bella, my Bella," left his sweet lips, finishing me, making me capsize and foam as he spilt onto my back._

A tiny knock on my bathroom door sprung me back into reality.

"Bella, can I come in?" Alice inquired as she cracked open the door. Her beautiful face popped into the bathroom with a questioning expression.

I smiled and waved her in, letting her know it was okay. "It's not like I've got anything we haven't all seen before." Her tinkling laugh filled the room as she bounced her way over to the tub and sat on the ledge near my pruning feet.

"I heard Jazz gave you a hard time when you got home. Sorry, his leash is back on and he promises not to dry hump your leg." I giggled and felt guilty for the little escapade I just imagined. _Damn, if only you knew._

"S'okay, Alice, I know he's getting antsy. We'll be camping soon, so he can run free." I lifted my eyebrow at her and she smirked in return.

"I can't wait for the weekend," I said. "I used to camp with my dad a lot when I was little." A sad smile swept across my face.

"You miss them. It's natural. You've told me so much about Charlie and Renee. You're lucky that you remember all of it, the good and the bad," she pointed out to me as she swirled the cooling water around with her delicate looking hand.

"I know," I said. "You really can't remember your family before your change?" She shook her head. She had come to terms with all of that long before I came along.

"Carlisle is the only father that I've ever known. Esme is like a mother as well, but I see her more as a model matriarch for our 'family' rather than my mother."

"Tell me about Carlisle," I urged. I was wondering how she saw him as a father figure. The relations among their 'family' were something I was extremely interested in. With no real blood ties, I wondered how all of them stuck together for so long and were so loyal to each other. It was a relief to even think that someone could make me feel like I belonged with them again, like I used to feel with my parents.

"Carlisle accepted Jasper and I with open arms. He told us that we were welcome to stay and be part of their family, no questions asked. Of course, he was interested in how my gift worked, but I never minded helping him with his research into how to live with and control such powers. He showed us compassion, loyalty, and how to get in touch with our lost humanity." She swirled the water a bit more as I shivered. My hot bath was now beginning to be a chilly one. I stood up, as she already had my robe ready, and she wrapped me in the warmth. I walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Don't get me wrong, Carlisle isn't looking for power or looking to control anyone with special abilities. That's what the Volturi do, not us," she continued. "His father was a minister. His strict beliefs in God and God's will are what made Carlisle the man he is today.

"His father was vigilant in rendering London 'free of demons,' such was the way of the man of God. He led crusades that ended the lives of many innocent people and only a few of the damned. Carlisle served his father well, but he believed that his father crucified without just cause. Carlisle tracked real vampires that lived beneath the streets of London. He got too close and was bitten. Before the vampire drank too much, a mob came after him. He jumped off Carlisle and began to attack others to feed his thirst." She took an unneeded deep breath and looked at me. I was perched on the bed, hanging onto her every word. My eyes must have been as big as milk saucers, full of intrigue.

"He ended up alone, in a forest somewhere outside of London weeks later, so he believed. He tried to avoid people at all costs, but finally, his predator instincts drove him to pounce and drain whatever warm-blooded creature that happened across him. He drank the body dry before he noticed it was a deer. It made him realize that he could live another way.

"His choice to never drink human blood was his will. He existed, waiting, studying, and learning for over a hundred years, but he was hollow and desperate for a companion. He created one when he found Edward moments from eminent death.

"That's how he built his family, except for Jazz and I. By saving them from the darkness of the end." She smiled and opened her arms up to me. I sidled into her embrace, giving her a warm smile as I thanked her for sharing such an inspiring story.

"I do miss Charlie. I think that he and Carlisle would've gotten along well."

My eyes were getting heavy from the length of my day and the small sadness that was now creeping over me. I wished that they were here to meet Alice and Jasper. My mother would love them, but Charlie might take a bit to warm up. I sighed and walked to my dresser, suppressing those feelings as I dug through my underwear drawer.

Clean, warm, and relaxed from my soak, I didn't need to be thinking about my parents. It would only lead to questions—ones that I could not answer. I slipped my robe off, put a tank top and panties on, and crawled under the soft sheets. Alice kissed my forehead and wished me sweet dreams before she disappeared into the hall.

* * *

.:*~*:.

Peeking out from behind my closed eyelids, I tried to focus on my surroundings and not the pain in my shoulder. The drugs that Jasper had given me, along with the haze of my post-coital nap, were blurring my vision, but made for quite a relaxing cocktail. I turned my head without much wincing, drawing my gaze across the planes of the body reclined next to mine. It was sunk, nearly obscured completely by the nesting bed linens.

"Finally," it said. A red clothed knee rose from the white cloud that surrounded it and pivoted to rest against my thigh.

"Hi," she said. Her head popped into view as she scooted closer, to hover over me.

"Hi, Alice" I mumbled, doing everything in my power not to give into the urge to stretch my body out like a cat and then curl into her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I should have been watching more closely." She felt guilty, I could tell, but that was the way with Alice. There was always a muted intonation of self-righteousness. Not indignant or even smug, it was just an acceptance of what she knew, without a doubt, was yet to come. I smiled, looking into her kind eyes. Her expression was lined with worry, for as statuesque and stone faced as my vamps could be, I was always in awe of what they managed to communicate with just one look.

"Alice, baby. Don't be sorry." I wasn't mad at her. Sure, if she saw this happening and did nothing about it, then maybe I would be angry. I knew what she was doing when I went on that run. I was well fucking aware of how distracting our Jasper could be. I hoped she wouldn't shoulder much blame for this. After all, I was alive, relatively unharmed, and stubborn enough to ensure that no one would dwell too long on things we could not change.

She rested her head on my good shoulder and wrapped her arm around my waist. Her smooth forehead was warm when I placed my lips there and I wondered how long she had been cuddled up next to me as I slept.

I ran my fingers over her wrist and wondered where, exactly, to start. When I first met Jasper and he had reacted so strongly, I tried to shrug it off—pretend it wasn't a big deal. After the initial shock had worn off, I was happy to sweep the whole thing under the rug. Now it took all I had not to obsess over it, to talk about it until I was blue in the face and passing out. I'd learned a few things over the last two years, not the least of which was that being honest and talking about shit was always a better idea in the long run.

I decided I would just have out with it. First of all, I really couldn't remember much. Edward had appeared out of nowhere while I was running on the trail and before it really even registered that he was there, he had me pinned to him so tightly that I thought he had broken every bone in my body. I remembered the rage and the shock in his ebony eyes as they met mine and then everything went dark.

"So, um, what happened, Alice? I don't remember much."

She took a breath and without hesitating, began to describe the scene, how Edward had smelled me from almost a mile away. How he had become so lost in his desire for my blood that most rational thought had left him. She relayed that it took all six of their combined shouts to break him out of it, and how, once he realized what he was doing, he had barely let me go before Emmett attacked him.

"Emmett attacked him?" Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine a vicious Emmett colliding with Edward as my unconscious body fell to the ground. I couldn't imagine a more horrifying reality.

"He wasn't violent, Bella, but we needed to get Edward away from you. We were really lucky that Emmett was so close. Jasper and I barely made it in time."

I thought about what truth lay behind those words. Edward had been seconds from killing me. I was thankful for whatever hesitation had found him and enabled Emmett to reach us.

"My blood, again," I lamented. "I swear, Alice, you should change me now. If we would have already done it, we could have avoided all of this."

"Perhaps," she mused. "But you're supposed to meet him while still human. That much I still know." She sounded ominous—I did not like ominous Alice.

"Okay, Eight Ball, time to spill."

"Nope, sorry. That's about all you're going to get out of me, sugar. I can't even make sense of what is going on. It won't do any good to hypothesize over a bunch of blurry images with so many missing pieces."

Strangely calm, I breathed in deeply, resigned about her withholding, but ready to start talking about the here and now. "Is he here?" I asked. "In the house?"

"Yes, and he is calm... considering."

Somehow, I managed to find some humor in this situation and I snorted at her, rolling my eyes. "Considering that I have polluted every available surface in this house? God, I bet he can smell me even in his bedroom, on the curtains and stale bedsheets. Man, talk about torture. I actually feel kind of bad." But really, I didn't. I laughed and she joined me, sitting up and folding her legs together.

"He's been trying to wash it off," she said, trying to hold her laughter in. She was unsuccessful.

Mortified, I covered my face with one arm. "Great. Get out the bleach! You can take the freak out of the house, but you'll spend eternity scrubbing her off. Poor bastard." I laughed again and tears filled my eyes as I pictured him naked, scouring everything he could get his hands on.

_Wait. What?_

My smug hilarity died in my throat when I realized I had pictured him naked.

_What the fuck? Okay, horny bitch, get your shit together. _

Then, another horrifying thought came to me. "Oh, shit!" I clamped my hand over my eyes. "Alice, shh, shh. He's a mind reader, right? Oh, fuck, and I bet he can hear us." I continued cursing silently and panicked again, not knowing how to control my brain or what was flying through it.

"Oh—no, Bella. That's the best part," she said, prying my arm away from my face. "He can't hear you. At all."

Well, that was a fucking relief. "Serious?" I asked.

"Serious," she said. She looked so excited about this announcement that it kind of scared me. "In fact," she continued, leaning forward to whisper so devilishly that I tried to back away from her. "It appears as if you somehow block him from hearing anyone's thoughts at all." She drew away with a crooked smile.

"Well," I said. "That's... something." Such a revelation made me wonder what in the hell was wrong with me.

"Hey, he's just getting what he deserves, as far as I'm concerned. I can still be pissed that he hurt you, even if it wasn't premeditated."

"About that," I said. "Are you sure he's going to be okay with me here?"

"It's all good, baby girl. We've got your back." She tried to tickle my knee, but I held her wrist tightly. She relaxed her grip and slid her hand up the inside of my thigh. "Emmett's coming," she whispered. "Let's fuck with him." She winked and I felt a surge of energy shoot from my belly out to the ends of my body.

"Lie down, Alice. Move the pillow." She slid down next to me, throwing the pillow to the top of the bed. She pressed closely to me and I couldn't help but be turned on and thankful that Alice liked to play dirty.

"Ten seconds," she whispered in my ear, flicking her tongue out for a taste. I groaned in immediate desire and turned my head to capture her lips with mine. She purred and slipped her hand inside my panties. Two icy fingers spread my lips apart as a third circled my clit. "Shit, Alice," I snarled. "Warn a bitch, will ya?"

Three strokes and two tiny whimpers later, the door opened and a gasping Emmett barreled through. "About fucking time I get to see some girl on girl."

He shut the door behind him and stood there staring at us. Just as I was about to explode under Alice's fingers, she quickly pulled away and I gasped, watching her with envy and chagrin, as she brought her hand to her mouth. Emmett's face morphed from merely turned on to nearly fucking ravenous and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Sorry, Em. Private party," Alice said, drawing her middle finger into her mouth and closing her lips around it. Like a damned Lolita, she sucked it in and moaned as she drew it back out. "Rose would have a fit, anyway," she added.

His face fell and he stormed away muttering. "You cunts knew I was on my way up here." He groped himself as he exited. "Not fucking funny," he said. The door slammed shut and we burst into a fit of laughter.

"That shit was priceless, Alice." I high-fived her, wiping my tears off on the sleeve of my shirt. "He's already jerking off, isn't he?" I asked.

She closed her eyes and turned her head sideways. A smile crept over her lips and she nodded. "He is now."

* * *

~/~

The growling from beneath me was growing louder and its ferocious snarl was impossible to ignore. My muscles tightened and squeezed and I clutched at my stomach and winced. The pain clawed its way through my entire torso.

"Jasper! I need food!" I whined and pleaded. "I'm so fucking hungry. Please, let me go downstairs and grab something to eat?" I crawled down the length of the mattress toward him. This wasn't my bed; nothing in this room was mine. I was a prisoner. This bare, inanimate room with its bright whites and clean lines mocked me. Every moment reminded me that I was being kept from myself and my freedom because of that fucking prat, Edward Cullen. I was innocent of any wrong, yet I was the one being caged. I wish that he would have broken me so completely that I wouldn't have to suffer all of this aggravation. It was torture, plain and simple.

This was my home. I had been living here for the last two years. I was not about to flee and give up what was mine. I had finally found some permanence in this life, a place where I simply belonged and I was too selfish to let any of it go without a fight. I looked at the motionless man that sat in the soft, white leather chair at the end of the bed. He was my gargoyle, my stone protector, but the idea of him withering away guarding me, protecting me, threw an ominous shadow over his presence.

"Settle down, shug. Overreact much?" Jasper set his journal down and uncrossed his legs. "I'll go fetch you something. What are you in the mood for?" My irritation was only escalating with every minute I was trapped in this room. My fever to be free burned and I groaned in protest to his suggestion.

"I don't know? Can't I just go to the kitchen myself and rifle through the cupboards? I have no clue what's down there to eat. I'm starving." I tried to scoot off the bed using only my right arm. It was difficult and I managed to pull too hard with my left side. I winced as the pain shot through my body. I held my breath, trying to show no trepidation, but there was no fooling an empath.

"Bells, I will zoom down there, make a mental list, and be back before you know it." I shot my hand out to stop him before he could finish his sentence. He glared at me, conveying that I was being a stubborn brat.

"Jasper, I will not be kept! I've been here for two days. Two!" I held up my fingers to emphasize my frustration. "This is my home and we need to resolve our issues. Edward isn't going to hurt me and I'd be willing to bet my humanity that this houseful of vampires will protect me at any cost. I am not leaving, so we're going to have to air this out sooner or later. I'd prefer now, right after I find some cereal, or something, to ravage." I stood and stepped into my slippers.

Jasper was blocking my way, always matching me in my stubbornness. I placed my palm on his chiseled chest, above where his heart lay. It may not be beating any longer, but he had been putting it to good use lately. I smiled at him, touched by his determination to keep me safe. The heat from my hand dissipated as his body warmed under it. He tilted his head to the side and I brushed my fingertips under his sallow eyes. I had only ever seen them this dark when we were making love; when he was most primal. He purred and sighed at my touch. I collapsed into him, his arms engulfing me in a desperate embrace. I struggled to get closer and any pain I might have been feeling was overridden by the emotion Jasper was drowning in as he held me.

"You need to hunt, J," I whispered onto his neck. "Alice assured us both that there is no danger in my near future. Please, go hunt, and let me out of this room." I peppered small, wet kisses from his Adam's Apple to his jaw. My lips hovered just below his ear, and I swept my warm tongue across the cool patch of skin there. He growled. I wasn't sure if it was frustration or defeat, but he slowly moved his body away from me and the door.

"Go eat, Bella. You're right, I need to hunt." His eyes were giving. "I'll take you to the kitchen. I know that you'll be safe in the house. I'm sorry. I'm just having a difficult time... letting go."

"You can't protect me from the world forever, baby. Frankly, I like the rescue part, but the overprotective thing? It's kind of patronizing."

He smiled playfully and led me out of the room. I hip checked him as we reached the first flight of stairs. He grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers, and walked with me to the kitchen.

My mouth began to water as the delightful scent of cinnamon hit me. My belly suggested, loudly, that I eat whatever heavenly concoction created that aroma. I noticed Esme standing at the island, a plate of French toast with caramelized apples splayed on top. Her face lit up when she looked at me. As I took in her warm expression, offering me comfort and care, I felt a pang of longing and tried not to frown. I hopped onto the bar stool and thanked her profusely as I gorged myself on the sweetness. She was elated with every hum and smack of my lips.

I tried to wash my plate when I was done, my appetite sated, but Esme was having none of that. Moving too quickly, I winced and groaned at the soreness of my shoulder. She shooed me back to the stool and was finished cleaning up by the time I was settled onto the leather seat. The thought of this woman, a "mother" figure to the coven, was foreign to me, but I couldn't help that the idea coated me in solace.

As comforting as it was, I knew it was too late for these loving efforts to have much effect. I had spent so many years alone and independent, paving my own way and making my own mistakes. Some loving guidance growing up would have surely had an impact, but doing it on my own, learning from each experience, made me who I was. I had many scars, mapping out my journeys, reminding me daily that I have survived. Every day, I added to that list. It wasn't one I would have made if I had any choice in the matter.

When I was sixteen, my mom, Renee, was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Once, she was a free spirit, so caring and adventurous. I observed her as she quickly dwindled into something completely unrecognizable. My father was never a man of many words. The few he uttered taught me little about life. His silence was only broken as he adulated my mom.

A year after the diagnosis, Renee's fight was over and her body was taken from this world. Sure, I cried and mourned, but Charlie was so despondent that I could do nothing to bring some semblance to our lives. I was just a constant reminder of the love that he had lost and that made each day that passed another step backward; away from living. The day my mother died was the last day my father spoke to me.

His funeral was closed casket; wolf attack, the officers claimed. That was the story they told the town. Charlie Swan was forever a hero around here. I knew better. For little more than a month, I watched him gradually die, until one day, he couldn't take anymore. I identified his body; held his calloused hand in mine, rubbing my thumb along his cold wedding band as I attempted to not stare at the half of his face that was left. The last pieces of Charles Swan. That's how I remember him, but I don't visit those memories often.

After the funeral I ran; I ran as fast and as far as I could. No one needed me. I could take care of myself, better than my daddy ever could.

"Are you okay, dear?" Esme noticed my depressing trip down memory lane and walked to the stool across from me. She gestured for permission to join me and I scoffed.

"Esme, this is your home. You don't have to ask my permission to sit. I'm okay. I was just reminiscing. I'm not used to having someone to take care of me." The counter top was becoming very interesting as I stared at its smooth surface. My eyes stayed glued as I attempted to recover. I had never dug up my past with anyone and did not intend to start now. Alice knew the most, but even that was not much.

"Ah, Bella. It has been your home as well. I wouldn't want to pry or make you uncomfortable." Esme crossed her hands delicately in front of her. I met her honeyed gaze and saw her guileless nature.

"Well, don't worry about that." I smiled and patted her hand with mine. "I think that I'm getting used to feeling like a fish out of water." Brushing a few stray hairs away from my eyes, I let out a nervous laugh that resonated off the windows.

Esme met my reluctance with her story, or what she could remember of her human life, plus her adventures after her change. She was a mother and the wife of an abusive man. Her son died within months of his birth. I could never have imagined losing such a huge part of myself like that. Esme wanted to die. She was angry after being turned, but Carlisle's love saved her.

I was silent and respectful to her story. She looked a tad disappointed that I wasn't indulging her with any of my own tales. No one, mortal or immortal, knew much about my past. No one knew how messy it was in here; behind the charade. I worked really hard for my nice, shiny, impenetrable shell.

"Sorry, Esme. It's just... hard. I guess you could say I don't share well?" I suddenly noticed a draft from the patio area. It ran up my legs and pierced my thin clothing. I shivered slightly.

The room felt awkward and, for some reason, charged. No one else used the kitchen, really. It was my domain, but something loomed about, making the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I had an urge to run to the back door and make sure it was closed. I turned my head and saw a shadow stretched out across the deck. Immediately, I looked at Esme and gave her a quiet apology.

"Edward, sneaking around and eavesdropping isn't your strong suit." I raised my voice enough to make sure that he heard me. I knew it wasn't necessary, but it was a human reaction. Esme's expression wilted into one of guilt. She asked me if I needed her to stay and I graciously declined. I thanked her for a delectable meal while she exited toward the library.

Before I was able to turn around fully, Edward was hovering in the doorway with his brow quirked in a questioning manner. I willed my body not to tremble at the sight of him, but I'm sure that he could smell my exhilaration. He was all kinds of beautiful; lengthy and lean, muscles sharp and well defined under his heather gray t-shirt. His luminous skin, like the rest of the family, was ashy except where a slight pink donned his cheeks and lips. His eyes were rich in hues of gold and amber. Every inch of his body was exquisite and the fact that I noticed it at all unnerved me to no end. I took in a deep breath and could smell earth, rain, and a hint of mint. I sighed, knowing I was subject to his charms and completely unable to do anything about it.

"Let's officially meet. I'm Bella." I couldn't avert my gaze from his mesmerizing eyes. The expression I attempted was pleasant and welcoming.

"Edward," he simply stated. My smile grew, spreading across my face. Maybe we could erase our encounter completely. I was willing, and if Jasper could tone down his highly anxious behavior, maybe we could start over.

Edward practically floated from the doorway to my side. I reached my uninhibited arm stiffly across my body to offer my hand. He glanced down at my offering, smirked and then pulled a stool over to sit next to me. I dropped my hand to the counter top and nodded my head in understanding. He wasn't being rude, just cautious, I assumed. His eyes wandered, assessing my arm in the sling, and lingered for a moment on my chest. I was startled when I felt his cold skin brush across the back of my hand.

"I am very sorry for the pain that my reactions have caused you. I wasn't completely in control. I hope you... get well soon." His voice was tight, almost as if he had to force the words to form in his throat. I could tell by the clenching of his strained jaw and the quivering of his lips that some sort of hostile energy was still coursing through him.

I pulled my hand out from under his and watched his expression change from neutral and unaffected to shocked and annoyed. Smiling, I silently laughed that he was pissed off and that his terse, scripted apology seemed genuinely painful to deliver. "Well, thanks for your _heartfelt_ concern, Edward. I hope... you got it out of your system. Convalescence has never suited me well."

It was his turn to laugh, but he failed to keep it silent, if he even tried. "You seem to know what suits and doesn't suit everybody, Bella. What's it like being so enlightened?"

I turned away from him. I assumed this would be awkward. My hostility toward him was increasing with every one of his facial tics, even though I wanted to smother him with my body. Glaringly, painfully obvious now, was that this battle had just begun. I was too weakened by his eyes, his presence, his scent, to put up much of a fight. Rather than throwing out spiked words aimed at bringing him to his knees, I precociously teased him, intent on the same result.

"Well, Edward, it's like this. I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face because I fall asleep with Alice and Jasper's, but you tell me. You're the mind reader, aren't you?"

Despite my adrenaline rush and nervousness at his proximity, I had no trouble getting my words out. I took in a proud breath and smiled sideways into his glaring eyes. His lashes were long and dark. They curled out in a perfect half wave, rising out of his molten eyes. I found myself wondering what it would be like to run my fingers through his rogue hair, and what his skin would feel like compared to Jasper's.

His eyebrows shot up and he leaned into me. "That's the rumor, Bella." He let his tongue slip out of his mouth as my name left his lips. "But I'm beginning to think that I'm losing my touch."

My eyes settled on his neck as it shaped itself around his words. I wanted to touch him, pull him by his collar to me, taste his baneful skin. As soon as I realized that I was being dazzled by Edward Cullen, I recoiled. Turning away from him, I cleared my throat.

"Such a shame, Edward. Maybe you need more practice?" I heard him choke back a strangled cry and the chair he occupied crashed backward onto the floor. Before I could whip around completely, Edward was poised in the doorway, Alice restraining him. His eyes were pits of hate and revulsion and he looked like he wanted nothing more than to see me dead and mangled on the tile floor.

Not knowing what the fuck had just happened, I questioned them. "Everything okay?" Answering with gesture, rather than words, Alice pushed him out of the kitchen and down the hall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself. That kind of exit could result from only one thing. I shivered and decided that Jasper may have been right. Perhaps I should have stayed upstairs. I made my way back quickly, content with being kept a few more days.


	12. Scintillate Ch 11

**A/N:** Firstly, I would like to hug and kiss you all for being such awesome readers and reviewers. I fucking pounded this shit out as fast and best as I could. I know it's been a while, and I apologize for that.

**This one starts in the past. Then, we'll jump to present**, giving ourselves a little peek into some **Edward** point of view. Some of you Edward haters—I mean** Jasper lovers**—will probably loathe me, and this chapter, when all is said and done, but I urge you to trust me and stick with me. We're really getting to the good stuff now.

** Important:** Present time line will be switching pov more often now, as the events that play out happen over only a few days/weeks. I will inform you of each pov and any pertinent information you may need. Past time line will stay languid and sometimes span months, though bringing us drama and LEMONS in its own special way. I've chosen to give you one each per chapter, as to keep you abreast of what's happening then and now.

**NCChris** and **detroitangel** beta'ed this fast as fucking lightning and I am indebted to them for it. Their blood, sweat, and tears are worth more than mine any day. Thank you, **Frenchbeanz** for the chapter title.** Rehab**... I love you gurls, you rock my world.

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Rain poured, lights flickered and I was sure we'd have a few unhappy wet heads walking out of here any minute, considering the ancient power grid the salon was currently running on. Not a particularly violent storm, it didn't take much though—a strong breath of wind, someone stomping their foot too hard—for the electricity to give in and give up. It was nothing truly unusual for Forks, though it was certainly putting a wrench right smack in the middle of my last day before vacation.

Jasper walked by muttering under his breath in that OCD way he sometimes did; something about the lights and "do it my damn self." When it came to the salon, Jasper had taken a vested interest. He was here, at some point, nearly every day. I was more than happy about that. It meant I wasn't going to have to do it alone. He'd been putting off getting an electrician in here for a month now. I wasn't sure why, but suspected that, with such a slow summer, the salon couldn't really afford it, even if _he_ could. I had explicitly stated that no more Cullen funds were to be spent here. Alice broke that rule more than she thought I was aware of, but I knew there was no fighting it.

She'd taken a chair two days a week, out of boredom or just to play, I wasn't sure. The clients loved her, especially the middle aged men. If Alice was anything, she was a charmer. We quickly realized though, that when the three of us worked together, we were driven to distraction. More often than not, we found something to ruffle our feathers. Jasper quickly drew up a schedule, and we staggered the week, giving us ample time to ourselves and with each other.

Yesterday Alice and I worked. Today, I was working with Jasper and two of my other girls, Scarrlet and Allyson. All the stylists looked forward to Tuesday's the most, because it was just Jasper here. Alice and I stayed home. It was Saturday, so they cut out as early as possible. There were now thirty minutes left before we could leave Beaut, throw on some jeans, and be on our way to a deserted, out of the way, little piece of heaven, and finally relax.

I was finishing up my last client—Shari—a thirty-something, redhead, drop-dead with a wallet deeper than God and a mind dirtier than Larry Flynt. She was outspoken, loud, explicit, and not shy about what she liked and didn't like. She and I had so much fun that, when she was here, it never felt like work. We liked the same drink, shared our adoration for all things tacky and big—big hair, big diamonds, and big cocks. We were the same make and model, just a few years apart.

Jasper always listened closely to our conversations—though pretended not to—when we really got down and dirty. As much as he tried to shrug off the attention he received around Beaut, it was obvious to me that he basked in it. Shari had confessed to me on more than one occasion how she wouldn't mind him "accidentally" walking in on her while she was changing. She assured me that she would rock his world—and keep her little mouth shut about it.

"It'll be our secret," she'd whisper to me, hoping that I might facilitate in that pipe dream becoming a reality. I laughed on the outside, but secretly seethed with jealousy. I coveted Jasper so completely on some level that the only other world, aside from Alice's, his rock would be making contact with was _mine_. And after nearly four months of failed attempts, I was absolutely desperate to impale myself on it.

I finished Shari up, setting her blowout quickly and practically shoving her out the door with air kisses. Jasper chuckled from the reception desk where he hovered over Janine. For whatever reason, this behavior did not alarm her. She liked Jasper a lot, too, though she was nowhere near as vocal as everyone else. I knew what went on inside a woman's head when her eyes lingered a certain way—like she was on a diet and Jasper was a walking dessert dipped in chocolate ganache. I winked at him. A sign that said, yes, they all want to fuck you, and so does Janine most likely, but I'm the one who gets to do it—well, one day, hopefully.

He smiled back and turned to Janine. "You can go if you'd like. I'll wrap this up." I swear he winked at her. Never one to turn down an opportunity to leave early, Janine was out the door in a flash. I walked to the dispensary to turn off the stereo and lights. Jasper met me back there and put the money in the safe.

"Front locked?" I asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, his head tilting down slightly. He leaned against the back door casually and waited for me to straighten up a bit. I purposely took my time, wanting nothing more than to throw myself at him. Shari had been quite detailed about what she'd like to do to Jasper and I could not deny that a single second of what I had heard made more than just my mouth water.

Before I could blink, Jasper had me backed up against the washing machine, his lips a breath away from mine. "You have no idea," he said. "How _hard_ it is sometimes, to be in this salon all day—with all of you devilish women and your raging libidos."

Nearly fainting from a sudden rush of desire, I couldn't even concentrate on his features. I wrapped my arms around his neck quickly and pressed my body into his. Like a rock indeed, he was gently pushing into my stomach. Shifting against him, I garnered a quivering hiss from him to counter my moan.

As we held on to each other, frozen in unparalleled restraint, I managed to tease him further. "That doesn't exactly sound like a complaint." He slid his hands around my hips and cupped my ass.

"I was simply stating a fact," he whispered. Just as I was about to attack his lips, his cell phone rang, the blaring electric guitar of Skid Row's "18 and Life" essentially smacking us in the face. Jasper squeezed his hand between us, grazing his thumb and knuckle across my abdomen, and pulled the phone from his pocket.

"Yes, Alice, darlin'?" he answered.

I stood panting, holding on to the edge of the washer, not sure if I was grateful or pissed off at the interruption.

"Yes, indeed. Just a bit of fun was all," he said, backing away from me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. They continued chatting and I broke the gaze, slightly ashamed that we needed watching so closely. I gathered my purse, shut off the last light and set the alarm. Heading toward the back door, I tried not to look at Jasper as he held it open for me.

"On our way, of course," he said, hanging up. It wasn't the first time he and I had gotten a bit heated at the salon. It also wasn't the first time Alice had called during, either. The part of me that feared injury was relieved when she did, and the part of me that didn't give a shit wanted to throw the phone in the washing machine, turn it on spin, and have Jasper lift me up onto it.

He locked up in silence and I walked ahead of him, embarrassed as I was that no matter how, or where, or when, Jasper and I just couldn't get it right.

"Hey," he said, catching up to me, taking my hand in his. "Baby girl? What's with the self-loathing?" He halted my walking and turned me toward him, lifting my face to his.

"Nothing. Sorry, Jazz."

He raised an eyebrow in a "don't give me that shit" kind of way and smiled. "Bella," he implored, taking my face gently in his hands. "The last thing I _ever_ want to do is hurt you. If that means that I can never touch you that way when we're alone, I'm okay with that. I would rather have you like I do now, than not have you at all."

I smiled and raised myself to my toes, kissing him quickly on the lips. "I know, Jasper. I'm sorry," I said, though I wasn't sure how sincere I was. "I just get worked up, you know? Impatient."

He chuckled and put his arm around me, steering me toward the car. "Oh, I know," he said. "I know."

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We walked into the house laughing. "One more," I begged, wiping tears off my smiling face.

He sighed, but gave in. "What do you get when you cross a vampire and a circus performer?"

I stared at him, not even trying to guess the answer.

"Something that goes straight for the juggler," he said with a grin.

At first, I thought he'd mispronounced it, not understanding why or how. Then it clicked. I was so overtaken with inane, ridiculous laughter over something that was so _clearly_ not amusing that my cackling bubbled up from deep within and bounced off every surface. I was nearly brought to my knees.

He stared at me, dumbfounded, as I cried and clutched my stomach. "It wasn't that funny..." he said.

I slid down the wall to the floor, a fresh guffaw erupting as soon as I caught my breath. Alice had joined us and was giggling back at me. "That one gets them every time, doesn't it?" she asked Jasper, kissing his cheek.

"Evidently," he deadpanned. Then they both joined in my laughter, though with much less enthusiasm.

"Come on, funny bones," Jasper said as he picked me up off the floor and threw me over his shoulder. My howling subsided and I turned my head to see where we were going. Alice was walking up the stairs behind us, a coy smile on her face.

"Hi, Alice baby," I said, reaching out to her.

"Hi, Bella girl," she said, lacing her fingers with mine, letting go when we entered my bedroom. Jasper dropped me on the bed, ordering me to change and pack. We were leaving in an hour.

He kissed us both. "I'm going to take a shower. Remember, we're only going to be gone _three_ days, and it's wilderness. Manolo Blahnik and Coco Chanel are not appropriate camping gear."

I frowned a bit at that and looked to Alice. She winked and I had to choke down another snicker and look away.

"I heard that!" Jasper shouted from just outside the door.

I stood and walked to Alice. Her light eyes were beaming but also scrutinizing. I wrapped her in a tight hug and she returned the gesture emphatically.

"Thanks," I said, squeezing.

"You're welcome, love, and I am sorry. Your safety is paramount. I don't mean to cockblock."

I giggled in her ear and released her. "Sure, you don't." She watched me with a hawk's eye as I stripped out of my work clothes and put on a t-shirt and jeans. "Seriously, though. I appreciate it... as soon as I get over myself."

She kissed my cheek and handed me a duffel bag to fill. "I know you do," she said. I smiled at her and began shoving random shirts, socks, and undergarments into the bag.

"Bring the Agent Provocateur set I bought you last week. I think Jasper would appreciate it," she said as she dug my hiking boots out of the closet.

"He would, would he?" I paused my packing, lacy unmentionables securely in place, to wait for her answer.

"Yes, and I wouldn't mind either." She handed me the boots and floated toward the door. "See you in ten," she winked.

Nine minutes later I was making my way down two flights of stairs, giddy and silly with excitement.

"What in the hell is all this?" Jasper asked, pointing to four suitcases that were waiting in the foyer. Alice looked at me, as I walked down the stairs, shrugging her shoulders.

"Jazz, I've got clothes in one bag. The second bag has our beauty supplies and toiletries, if you will. The third one has shoes. This last one has other essentials." She ticked off her list with pride.

Jasper bent down to the "essentials" suitcase and speedily pulled the zipper. He looked up at me with his lips taut in a line. "We cannot take hair dryers and curling irons. You do know that there isn't electricity in the fucking _woods_." The incredulous look that he gave us made me want to defend Alice.

"Of course, there's no electricity," I said. "But the SUV has a battery and outlet plugs. That," I pointed to a wound up cord in the bag, "is an adapter." I knew that I sounded irrational and juvenile, but I didn't care. "I am only human, you know. I can't wake up all perfectly coiffed, nor do I sparkle and shine in the sun." I sang the words, throwing my hair back over my shoulder.

Jasper was shaking with laughter. "Bella, no. We are going camping to relax. No hair dryers, irons, or adapters. It's just Mother Nature and all her glory. Sorry, darlin'. Grab some of those ponytail holder things and a hat. You can pack them in the suitcase that will be carrying your _hiking boots_ and _sneakers_. Alice, there better not be any heels in there." Jasper turned to Alice and gave her a pointed glare.

"Jasper! You know, every outfit deserves... never mind." Alice was pouting and grumbling under her breath as she went through the case full of shoes, pulling out the ones inappropriate for our trip. I bowed my head, grabbed my offending electronics, and somberly trudged upstairs, switching them for my hair accessories and put those in my bag. I didn't dare speak another word about my hair issues, whatever my excuse could be it would have no clout with Jasper.

Twenty minutes later, we were packed into the SUV. I was truly looking forward to camping with Jasper and Alice. I had my bag of snacks, iPod fully loaded, and some light reading by my side. Ready or not, here we come.

It normally would have been a four hour drive from the house to where we were settled to camp, but vampires in fast cars means half the travel time.

The area that Jasper had mapped out was breathtaking. The small lake just to the east of our camp was translucent, clean, and smelled of fresh rain. The old towering sycamore trees were like a canopy, hiding our four person tent from any minor precipitation. When the sun shone through, the tiny rays streaked to the ground like lights dancing from a disco ball. There was a sweet, floral scent that carried on the breeze from a nearby meadow.

"Bella, can you set up the sleeping bags while Jazz and I go hunt? He just started a fire for you. It should keep you warm and I'm sure that you're hungry. I heard that growling noise just before we arrived, so I know that you need to eat something. We put the cooler of food near the SUV. We shouldn't be but an hour." Alice was doting on me while I nodded along with her. She was trying to keep me busy and fed while they were gone.

I had requested once, and only once, if I could watch them hunt. Magic Eight Ball took a brief moment to look ahead. When she came back to me and my question, the disapproving grimace on her cute face told me everything. No. I had to give in and accept that any resistance on my part would be futile.

I sat near the hissing little fire that Jasper built for me. The veal stew that I prepared the day before was warming in a cast iron pot over the glowing embers. I could smell the sweet onions as they continued to caramelize, wrapping the meat and vegetables in their buttery flavor. I took a long drag of my Bacardi Gold and Coke, as it was keeping me company while my babies hunted for their own meal.

A can of bug repellant was sitting on the ground by my chair, ready to blast any predator at the sign of encroachment. No one's biting me tonight, sadly. Then it dawned on me, no insect in this world would ever go after a vampire. What would be the purpose? It just wasn't kosher. Alice and Jasper's scents were natures bug repellant—just _another_ reason to bottle their intoxicating essence and sell it.

I cleaned up the pot after devouring my dinner. The sun was setting, leaving a glorious golden glow permeating the clouds above. Darkness was creeping in, as was a chill from the lake.

Alice and Jasper appeared from the trees—all giddy and laughing as they approached me at a quick human speed. The residual sunlight was reflecting off the water and bouncing off their skin, making sparkles like precious stones. Jasper had his strong hand wrapped around hers.

"Shiny, happy people holding hands," I sang out to them, lifting my third cocktail in the air for a toast.

"I think we've left her alone for too long with the booze," Jasper said. "She's quoting R.E.M." He cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out how intoxicated I truly was.

"Jasper, stop teasing her," Alice said. She turned to me. "Well, you certainly look well fed and relaxed." Alice popped into a chair next to me, grabbing my hand in hers.

I smiled at her. "I am, and I'm also quite ready for the evening's activities," I said with too much innuendo dripping from my tongue.

"Oh, and what did you have in mind?" Alice asked.

"You know, ghost stories and drinking games—standard camping fodder." I smiled.

Jasper growled softly as he settled into the chair on my right. "I'd say you're losing the drinking game already."

By the dwindling campfire, the conversation was easy—as it always had been. We talked about a myriad of things—our perspectives on life, love, and everything in between. The rare warm air from earlier had disappeared and I shivered, hinting to Alice at a snuggle in the tent. I steadied my hands on the chair that I had been sitting so comfortably in and pushed my sluggish body up to stand. My legs wobbled under me. Alice appeared next to me, placing her hands on my hips, to support my unsteady frame.

"Time for bed, my sweet," she giggled softly in my ear.

"I think so," I whispered back to her, with no intention of actually sleeping. As we entered the tent I smiled at my sleeping bag set up—all three fully opened and spread out, creating a large, soft bed—more than spacious enough for us all. I sat down near the middle and began to untie my boots. Alice knelt next to me and Jasper crouched by the entrance. He lit a small lantern, setting it in the corner of the tent. No light came through the vinyl. The deep glow of the fake flame cast over us, flickering in reds and oranges. It reflected off Jasper's eyes as he zipped the tent closed and turned his gaze to us, searching and wanting. I could see his determination—a feeling that mirrored my own.

I took a quick breath in, filling my lungs, hoping that it had instant sobering capabilities. _Not quite._ Alice helped me out of my jeans then got out of her own. We were silent, moving slowly, smirking constantly—except for Jasper. I could tell that all he wanted to do was join us, touch us, but he kept his distance, barely breathing.

"Jasper," Alice beckoned. "Come kneel behind me." He obeyed quickly, catching my eye as he scooted close, wrapping his hands around her. Alice and I exchanged light kisses, opening our mouths to each other. She was careful when I passed her lips and pulled away. Her icy hands traveled under my shirt and lifted it over my head. Jasper had already removed his shirt and helped Alice out of hers. His hands traded waists, undecided on which to linger. He bent his head down to her, gently dragging his lips over her shoulder blades and neck.

I moved closer, pushing against Alice. Our bodies lined up and I took her face in my hands. I kissed her deeply as she ran her hands over my back and thighs. Jasper leaned over, his cool mouth meeting the flesh of my chest. He reached around, unhooking and removing my bra. Alice lowered herself between us and flicked her tongue over my nipple, palming my other breast in her hand.

By my estimation, it was about a thousand degrees in the tent and every touch made me shiver and tighten in their grasp. Alice and I were urged to lie and I groped my way down, not caring who or what I had in my hands. Jasper watched us with a deep, eager eye and I couldn't tear my own away.

"Relax, and don't be nervous, Bella," Alice began, kissing across my ribs. "We've done this before." I barely heard her, too intent on watching Jasper draw her panties down her legs. I was nowhere near nervous, but after our 'interruption' earlier, I couldn't help but feel like this was some milestone. Jasper and I had achieved intercourse twice. Two incredible, frustrating nights we'd managed, with Alice's help, to come together. It was very brief, and was more an exercise in what not to do when letting a vampire make love to you. We sat for hours afterward, deciding on different situations, positions, time lines, before she had any positive news. It seemed that the timing tonight was right.

Her hands were gliding over my hips, teasing around the only fabric left between us. She moaned and pushed back when Jasper left my gaze and tucked his head between her legs. I watched them for a few moments, writhing at my feet. Each second increased my desire. Jasper flipped Alice onto her back and with a quick glance toward me, brought his mouth back to her clit. As he pleasured her, he slowly nudged her against her until she had crawled up next to me.

Jasper squeezed in between us and I buried my head in his neck. "Go slowly," Alice said, removing the rest of Jasper's clothes. His lips finally met mine and as his soft tongue languidly caressed my lips, I momentarily forgot where I was. I lost myself in the feeling and the taste, and held tightly to Jasper, pulling him closer to me.

"Bella—" Alice warned. "Relax, baby. Too fast." Not looking, Jasper wrenched away from me, though kept his movements fluid. His eyes were downcast, maybe closed. Holding his breath, he slid his arm under my knees and lifted my legs off the ground. Alice removed my panties and brought her hand to my flesh. Jasper backed off again, but fixated on pinching and pulling my nipples. Alice's mouth wandered my torso and she dipped two fingers inside me—slowly and repeatedly.

A small part of me knew how... dangerous this was, but that part was being drowned somewhere between Alice and I. "Jasper and I will have to go first, Bella," she said, turning her head to him. She whispered something, but I didn't try to make it out. Her fingers were moving faster and a little more forcefully, cutting off any concentration I may have possessed. Each hit sent an unending, dark tremor through my body, nearly lifting it off the ground.

I tried to keep my eyes open, to focus on them and what they were doing, but it was nearly impossible. Alice was moaning, using both hands on me. Within seconds I was bellowing wildly, and lifting my hips in time with her fingers. My orgasm stretched on and into another and another until I finally pushed her away, unable to tolerate such prolonged sensation and sensitivity. Folding up and onto my side, I watched as Jasper lifted himself behind Alice. She tilted her head to the side to kiss him as he guided himself inside her.

Paying close attention, I noticed how they moved together—the ease with which Jasper handled her little body and how Alice let go and trusted him—to bring them both pleasure. His arm covered her breasts. The other snaked around her hips and his hand disappeared between her thighs. I wondered how this feral position could look and feel so intimate. The fluttering of Alice's eyelids and Jasper's complete attention to her told me that maybe I was witnessing an act other than sex.

I felt loose, physically, but connected to something I didn't quite understand. Tremendous love and affection surrounded me and I began to realize that this high was from them—from Jasper. They grew closer, became louder. I scooted around the sleeping bags to make room for them when they needed it, never getting too close, but trusting that they knew where I was. Jasper folded Alice onto her hands, laying his chest on her back. They moved so fast, sometimes, yet seemed to drag each movement out. I felt desire bubble through my body as I watched them—it washed over and covered me. In a trance, I ran my hands over my body, feeling just as imbedded with them as they were with themselves.

Shocked out of my reverie by a vicious growl, my eyes spun to Jasper's as he flattened Alice underneath his tensing body. They cried out together and I almost felt like I was intruding. It was no violent union, but one that, perhaps, I shouldn't have been partaking in. I'd seen them more physical on many occasions, but this was something altogether different. Lightheaded and strangely exhausted, I laid my head down, bringing my knees close to my chest. I could have been drifting in open water, the buoyancy of my beating heart the only thing keeping me afloat.

They crawled to me. I watched them out of the corner of my eye. I smiled and tilted my head up. Alice was smirking and Jasper was almost hiding behind her. "You okay, Bella girl?" she asked. I nodded, slowly lifting myself into a sitting position.

"It almost knocks me out, you know?" I paused, running my hand over her knee and thigh. Glancing at a smirking Jasper, I was filled with elation and smiled back at him. "I don't know how you do it, but I certainly enjoy it." Our light, quiet laughter filled the tent and replaced any worry that may have been lingering.

"Me on top, right?" I asked, darting my eyes to each of them. Shadows cut into our figures and made most of the surfaces in the tent a deep ocher, cleaving with various shades of black. Alice nodded and slid back a few feet as Jasper reached for me. His hands grazed my belly, my hips, as he crawled to me. Alice remained very close, but other than a hand here or there, she let it be just us.

There was little reflection in his eyes. They moved slowly, taking in every detail available. He reached around my waist, pulling my body flush against his. I tingled at the contact of his cool skin on mine. My hardened nipples fought to push out from where they were pressed against his chest, only to be denied that freedom. I shivered as each one was forced to expand again, back in on themselves as Jasper held me tightly.

The calm was severe but not unsettling. Jasper seemed mesmerized, shifting his body minutely against mine, and he watched himself line us up. I could feel him, already hard again, slide along my hot skin. He was barely moving and I could tell he wasn't breathing. Trying to rein in the urge to tackle him, I whimpered in frustration. I wanted that primal push and pull, the sexual oblivion I had just witnessed, but such was not in the cards right now.

I looked to Alice for confirmation that, maybe this time, things would go a little more smoothly.

"Keep going," she said. "Just don't lose yourselves."

I nodded at her and looked up to Jasper. A lazy smile split across his face. My heart beat faster as I mustered the conviction to actually _do_ this. "Lie down," I whispered. He pulled me with him as he reclined. His hands never stopped their movements across my back and legs as he helped me straddle his stomach. I bent over, slowly taking his bottom lip between mine and we met with a kiss so unhurried and drowsy that I contemplated resting my head on his chest and going to sleep.

Alice giggled, "A little less, maybe, Jasper?" He smiled, pushing my hair back and lifting my head into his smooth hands. "Sorry," he whispered into my lips. I smiled and sat up, reveling in the sharp difference of our skin as I slid down his body, trapping his muscle between us. He hissed and lifted his hips.

"That feels nice," I said, rolling myself over him. A soft rumble issued from his chest, subtly diffusing through me, and the throbbing against my swollen flesh made me cry out. I bit my lip and held my breath, fighting to keep myself from ravaging him. He looked so sweet and calm, but his hooded, sinful eyes and the way his lips quivered told me that, right now, he was anything but. His hands wrapped firmly around my hips as I rose on my knees, putting space between us. I took him in my hand, sliding up the soft skin that covered his rock hard erection. He was damp from my body, and as I squeezed my fingers over his tip he exhaled in a rush. Slowly, I brought him to my swollen, skin and lowered myself.

Tentatively, but with purpose, our hips met. I held onto him, completely still, as he filled every vacant space in my body. I tensed and leaned back, pushing him deeper. "Oh, fuck," I breathed out. My head rolled forward as Jasper's fingers dug into my flesh, lifting me up and then pulling me back down. I took in little air, opting to focus on Jasper. His grip became too tight as I rode him, but I didn't mind. His cock hit every spot I had ever needed. If it meant a couple of bruises, I was more than willing to sacrifice a bit of discomfort for that much pleasure. But he sensed the pain and relaxed, bringing one hand to my mound. His thumb inched down, winding circles on my clit, pressing roughly. My eyes closed as I trembled and jerked onto him. Aching pleasure shot through me and as I felt him twitch inside me. I screamed his name and fell forward.

One of them had turned off the light, but I could feel their wary hands stroking my body in various places and could hear muffled voices. I was lying on my back, tucked into Jasper's arms.

"Bella?" he asked. "Are you okay?" I opened my eyes to find him inches from my face, light filtering around his head. I looked around confused and heard Alice giggle behind me. Turning, I was met with her cocky grin and sparkling eyes.

"I passed out, didn't I?" I asked.

"Yes, sugar, you did," Jasper whispered into my neck. I reached out for Alice, pulling her close. She snuggled in behind me, running her hand up and down my side. I flipped around, climbing over her and covered her body with mine. I tried to pour everything I had into touching her—prodding and massaging—and taking her with my mouth. Sliding backwards on my hands and knees, I tasted every inch available. I held her thighs open and brought my tongue to her slit. In a frenzy I slid my fingers inside her, desperate to make her come for me. Her noises were maddeningly sexy and urged me on. I felt Jasper moving behind me and his fingers prodding my slick skin. I moaned into Alice, not removing my mouth from her clit, as Jasper entered me again.

He spoke in tongues—or just too quickly for me to make out—and I could feel his restraint with every thrust. Each one drove me into Alice's body until she screamed out for us both. Very quickly I shuddered, clamping around Jasper as he pushed into me. I wrapped myself around Alice as he pulled me to him one last time with a growl.

* * *

~/~

I felt the warm sun beating down on the tent, making my body sticky with sweat. The zipper ripped open, making the most annoying and grating sound in the world. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to ignore it all.

"Bella, get up, get up, get up!" Did she have to be so fucking cheerful? And loud?

"No," I groaned, still refusing to open my eyes. "I'm on vacation. I'm sleeping as long as I can. You and Jasper can go running with the wolves or some shit. I'll call for you when I can move." I waved my limp arm at her trying to shoo her out. Then she rushed me. Within two seconds her frozen little hands and arms were under the blanket with me, violating every secret, warm, moist area of my naked body she could find.

"Fuck you! Stop it! Get your motherfucking, cold as ice, hands off of me!" I screamed, three octaves higher than my normal voice, and ran out of the tent.

I went to take a swing at her, but she blurred out of the way and appeared next to Jasper by the exhausted campfire. They were laughing so hard that I swear I heard one of them snort. Jasper looked at Alice, who was bent over at the waist from laughing, and placed his hand on her shaking shoulders.

"I told you it would wake her," his devilish smile was plastered on his face. Then he looked right at me and winked.

I grumbled to myself, "Annoying, impatient immortals." I turned back to the tent and stomped to my bags. Throwing on a slip, I searched for my brush, ponytail holders, and hat. "I know you can hear me and I swear that I'll find a way to get you back," I said through gritted teeth, brushing the knots out of my snarled hair.

"Good luck, Kitten," Jasper purred through the tent door. "Now, that you're awake, can you please go clean up? I mean, I love to make you sweat, but a dirty, smelly Bella will attract all manner of unwanted creatures."

"What the hell are you talking about, clean up? Showering? Seriously, Jazz? I am not going to bathe in that cold ass lake with all those fishy little creatures swimming around." I pointed in the direction I thought the lake was.

"Okay, but I refuse to stand downwind from you unless you bathe. You're going to get pretty lonely without me around. A mere human all alone in the woods could mire herself in all kinds of dangerous situations. We're talking about you, here. You've found trouble in your own bathroom." I think he was serious!

"I don't care. I'll drive home by myself and you two can hoof it." I crossed my arms over my chest in a huff. He kind of had a point. I hadn't bathed in nearly forty hours. It didn't seem that long, but as I discreetly tucked my face to my arm, it certainly smelled that way.

Just as I was about to concede—figure out some way to maybe warm some water up—I was swept up and carried away, air rushing around my face, making it almost impossible to take a breath. When we stopped, Jasper was cradling me over the water. The cold lake waked around his waist.

"Jasper, please don't," I begged him, gulping for air. I gripped onto his shoulder like Velcro, climbing onto his broad shoulders, trying to find the farthest point from the water.

"Bella, this is for your own good," he kissed my knee, the closest body part to his mouth, and tossed me into the frigid depths.

I went under and my natural instincts kicked in. My knees coiled and sprung me up through the water's surface. Gasping for air, I screamed out profanities that my father would've covered his ears at. Jasper was gone and I stood in the middle of the fresh lake, shivering and pissed off.

"Here's your shampoo and conditioner!" Alice yelled out as they flew from the shore and splashed a few feet away from me. "Please use them. We won't come near you until you smell like Bella should smell." She was pleading.

Grumbling under my shaky breath, knowing that they could hear me, I tore my slip over my head. Jasper stood there, watching. Glaring at him, I washed up quickly and stomped my way to the shore. He stood with an apologetic smile and a big soft towel in his open arms. I grabbed it out of his hands, stepping away from his embrace. I bundled myself up, trying to get warm and dry, then made my way to the tent to put some dry clothes on.

"Get a good look, Jasper," I seethed. "You won't be seeing some of these parts again."

That was a goddamned lie. Thanks to the black Gangster demi and Nikita Ouvert that Alice had so perversely and lovingly chosen for me, those parts were on display much of the rest of our stay.

* * *

.:*~*:.

**EPOV**

There were now ten miles between my Bella and I. Blindly, following Emmett with a perfunctory gait, I ran and ran until it seemed my bones were crumbling, like they were trying to teach me a lesson—a lesson in not abstaining. Every yard traveled I was subject to deeper and more acute pain, until I stopped, abruptly, and my whole body fractured in agony.

Every fiber screamed for me to go back to her, to claim her as my own.

_Crouched on a rock, I hold her tightly as her languid body barely struggles to break free. She is so warm and so soft—so unlike anything I have ever experienced. I feel and hear her blood rushing through her panicked veins. Where my skin touches her, her warm essence tickles me as it flows underneath its fragile shell. The family circles and I would tear through every one of them if it meant that she would be mine. _

I twitched—an involuntary suggestion from the devil inside me to turn back, break free, go to her and take her. She appeared to me, in my mind's eye, but missing some detail. My fantasies were never quite as crystal clear as my memories. In my head she swam, fluttering like a visage taunting, trying to play hard to get.

_When I catch her... oh, when I catch her, her body wills itself to mine and as I sink myself into the soft fleshes of her curled, aching frame she comes hot and screaming. I spill and as I fill her, I tap in and slowly, one scorching mouthful at a time, siphon off her vital font. _

I stared at Emmett as he ruggedly sprinted ahead of me. My muscles flexed in anticipation as I somehow managed to keep myself from escaping him and running back to the house. I closed my eyes.

_I lay her gently on the rock. Her back is arched over a convex of stone. Quietly, her arm falls limply over her head and she moves no longer—breathes no more air. Her eyes are open and dead, and I did that. The beauty and life of Bella is gone. It has been taken in and wasted by me, never to be craved or wanted ever again. _

A crow slices through the afternoon air, screeching its own lament of hunting gone awry.

_Her face grows cold and blue under my hands and as she decays rapidly, my body aches from toes, to knees, to groin. As she becomes brittle skin stretched over hollow bones, my head and shoulders split—cleaved by the torture of missing her sweet perfume. She collapses into dust, carried away by the very winds that brought her. I am broken into a thousand jagged pieces. They shatter sharply through my chest because watching her fade before my very eyes is ending me as surely as any funeral pyre. _

Why did I want her dead just as much as I wanted her alive? Crippled by the thought of eternity without this mysterious, fragrant woman, I knew I needed to stay.

"I'm not going any farther," I said, doubling over and fighting to remain upright. Emmett spun around and backtracked to me.

"Well, you're not going back, yet." He dropped his voice an octave lower than normal, trying to seem imposing. He knew, as well as I, that if I wanted to go back, he could not stop me. If I really wanted to kill Bella, she would already be dead. Something stopped me and that something hovered over me like a blinking question mark, mocking me with its neon enlightenment.

"I do not intend to return for a few minutes, at _least_," I said blankly, pointing my gaze at him, trying to impart that I realized how dire the situation was. I carelessly dropped myself onto the nearest stone surface and wrapped my arms around my knees. The pain was not abating, yet it was not nearly as sharp.

Emmett chose to stand over me, like some immortal guard to the damned.

"A few suggestions, E?"

I snorted at him and tilted my head, curious as to what his "suggestions" might be.

"Breathe shallow and through your mouth when she is in the room, if you have to breathe at all. If she is out of the house, try to take in as much as possible. Try to desensitize. Her scent is everywhere, she swathes the tiniest dust mite. I wanted to drain her the moment I entered the house, but you've got to put it in perspective. There would be more to lose by killing her than to gain." He had valid reasoning. I couldn't deny him, but I did not really want advice―especially logical, sound advice.

He continued. "Hunt as much as possible. Every day if you have to. It's a small price to pay, really." He sat next to me, bumping my shoulder with his. I was so confused. I felt helpless and invincible, all at once.

"I've never encountered anything like her," I said. "She won't get out of my head, yet I am unable to discern her. Nothing at all. When I touched her, everything disappeared. There were no sounds, nothing. Just her. Her face and her scent and her warmth." I cringed and fell back onto the boulder. "Emmett, this is the worst kind of torture. The Volturi have nothing on Bella."

"Well, bro, I wouldn't go that far... but I know how you feel." He sighed and hunched forward, resting his hulking arms on his knees. He was trying not to think of the woman he killed all those years ago. His brow furrowed and he frowned. I did not want to witness him at his worst again, so I tried to block his thoughts from mine.

He looked at me, at the pleading in my eyes, and misunderstood. "Fuck it," he said. "She was so scared and I did nothing to try to ease that for her. I was overwhelmed and vicious. I didn't care that maybe I was taking away a mother, a wife, a daughter. It didn't matter. She was mine. She always will be, but when her heart stopped, Edward, I died again. I would give anything to reverse what I did. I would have drained myself for her, if it would have brought her back."

I frowned with him. I could not escape his words and his memory was vivid, as if he were reliving it—but so was his remorse. He'd never been quite so candid. I was surprised at his honesty and relieved, knowing that perhaps I would have some support through this.

"But that was a long time ago," he said. "I wasn't nearly as controlled then, as I am now. You've abstained for how long? Eighty years? And it's not like you aren't around humans—"

I cut him off.

"She's not just some human, Emmett! I've never felt, or smelled, anything like this before. She's in my bones. I want to drain her and crawl inside her and stay there forever." I was yelling and frustrated. He was backpedaling, shrugging it off like it happened every day.

"Well," he said. "There is that."

"Are you serious, Emmett? Please, for my sanity's sake, don't make light of this." I buried my head in my hands, remembering what Bella felt like under them. Her soft, yielding density warming me and silencing the world, giving me something I hadn't known I wanted. I'd had dozens of human women. There was never anything special about them. With the exception of varying, abundant flesh and a few surprising oral techniques, they were simply a temporary amusement.

"Come on," Emmett prodded. He pushed me off my perch and toward deeper wood. "There is a herd a quarter mile west. Let's go drain a dozen and see how you feel then."

We stalked quietly and deliberately, lowering our voices to decibels no earthly creature could hear.

"You said, when she touched you, you couldn't hear anything?" he asked as we walked, stepping like ghosts over rocks and fallen trees.

"Well, it wasn't that all sound went away, just Carlisle, you, Alice, Jasper—I get so used to you all in my head that it's become something innate, second nature. I could still hear her heart beating, but when I touched her, you all disappeared."

"Huh," he mused. We were crouched, eying the unassuming herd from the tree line. This small clearing seemed to be their resting place. Twenty or so deer, buck and doe alike, were grazing and lounging. They were keeping watch over their loved ones before us, but unaware of our presence. I thought how fitting this scenario was. Something as natural and instinctive as fear was robbed of them because their senses were too rudimentary to pick up the threat. Bella hadn't known and if I had not hesitated, she never would have.

I could hear Emmett working through all the reasons and possibilities concerning the muting effect of Bella's skin. He wasn't concentrating on the hunt at all. I sighed.

"Em, let's do this. We can hypothesize later." We sprung from the trees and made quick work of eight of the beasts. I could barely finish three, having had no desire or enthusiasm for hunting in the first place. Emmett, in his usual excess, swallowed five―two while I sat and watched.

Halfway back to the house, he couldn't help himself any longer. "So, you can't read her thoughts, but when you're touching her, you can't hear anyone else's either? You need to test the theory, presuming Jasper lets you near her. Maybe if you can explain it to him, to Alice—yes, Alice. She'll help. If you're supposed to be with Bella, Alice will want to help―" He rambled, fueled by his five course meal and five year old curiosity.

"Emmett, please. We're just going to take this one step at a time. I am not supposed to be with Bella. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." I couldn't extinguish the twinge that little white lie put in my gut. I wanted her. I knew it already, but at the same time I was terrified. "Firstly, let's see if I'm allowed into the house."

We approached the porch and I could already tell there was going to be an inquisition. The cacophony that greeted me was in discord and there were higher pitched syllables dotting each calm statement. Carlisle was pondering Jasper and Bella's relationship, while simultaneously worrying if I would be able to keep my hands to myself. I smirked at that thought—talk about keeping your hands to yourself. Alice was looking for anything she could to try to explain away my guilt and get Bella and me in the same room again. Meddlesome twat. I loved her, but she was not helping right now.

Esme was... cooking? Wondering if she'd put too much cayenne in the jamba―what? I quickly tuned out. There was no deciphering that. Rose was weighing the pros and cons of me having actually killed Bella while staring at Esme, disgust lacing her tone. I grimaced at the indifference she had toward the situation. I hadn't thought about it until that moment, but it occurred to me just how blissful those short seconds of silence―never mind the overwhelming urge to devour her―were when I had Bella in my hands. I would, for lack of a more appropriate phrase, kill to have it again—kill to have it right now.

Jasper was enraged. He sped to and from fifteen ways to avenge Bella in half as many seconds. I fully expected him to come barreling out of the house, ready to tear me to pieces and I paused, anchoring my stance and listening closer. His thoughts quickly turned from strategy to something a bit more sultry. I saw him planning to take Bella's clothing off. Blinking like an idiot as the scenario played out in his head, I realized just what, exactly, he was about to do to her.

"Uh-oh. Smells like someone has excited the human," Emmett said, clearing all five porch steps in one leap. He turned to me when he realized I wasn't following. "It's one of the more... appealing ways to get used to it, E." He shrugged. "Think of it as a primer."

"I thought she was hurt?" I asked, bewildered, aghast, and jealous as all hell.

"Evidently," he said, opening the screen door, "You're not as bad ass as you think you are."

"Shut the fuck up," I muttered, reluctantly following him in, feeling like maybe this was the worst idea anyone had ever had. I held my breath and trailed behind Emmett directly to the library. Carlisle was standing opposite the door, his gaze fixed out the window. Exasperated, nearly defeated by shame and crippling guilt, I sank onto the couch, wondering just how potent she was in here.

"Edward," Carlisle said. "How is it for you, now?"

"He's not breathing, C," Emmett answered for me.

"Edward, it'll be very inconvenient for you to have to hold your breath indefinitely. I suggest you quit trying." He paused to take in his own breath, releasing it with a smile. "It's lovely. Isn't it, Emmett?"

"It really is." The look on my face must have been incredulous because they both shook their heads and chuckled at me. "E, seriously, you need to lighten up a bit. Obviously, Bella isn't wallowing in her own black hole," Emmett said. His eyes rose toward the ceiling and he cocked a brow at Carlisle.

"Well," he said, smiling back at Emmett, taking a seat on the edge of the chaise across from me. "It certainly is an interesting situation." He folded his hands together condescendingly and I had _never_ wanted to hit him more than I did that very moment.

Emmett plopped down next to me and slapped me on the shoulder. "You can't_ make_ this shit up. I bet you thought you'd seen everything, Edward?"

"Fuck you, Emmett," I spat at him, using too much of my stored breath. I dreaded uttering another word, for fear of what another full attack of her scent would do to me.

He laughed. "Use your words, bro, use your words."

"Edward, you're being stubborn about this. I understand that Alice applied the term, "singer," and that it is more difficult for you to resist her, but you do realize that there are six of us and one of you, do you not? She is quite safe, I believe. Especially with Jasper being so... _protective_ of her." Neither one could contain their laughter and it took every ounce of control that I still possessed not to attack them.

"So be it," Carlisle said, putting his hands up in surrender, though his mirthful demeanor contradicted him. "We apologize. There is really only one thing that's to be done about this, Edward." His tone became serious. "You must get used to it. To be honest, and please correct me if I am wrong, Emmett, Bella has affected us all much more than we thought she would. I believe it to be in your best interest to be aware that you are not alone in your struggle, nor are you alone in your desire. We all want her."

I was inundated with thoughts and images of Bella in various pornographic, precarious situations. Some I knew to be happening right this minute, some were mere fantasies conjured up by my wickedly supportive brother and father. Each image alternately disgusted me and gave me a raging erection. I couldn't help but suck in a ragged breath and I shook as her musk assaulted me once more.

"Jesus," I stammered, clutching the cushions of the couch, as if holding on to something would actually keep me from running. I needed her, needed to be covered in her. She was so close and yet, so far away. Safe, she is safe with Jasper, even if his face was buried in her hot, wet body. I wished the sense of taste could transcend bodies as well. I would give just about anything to be sucking on that skin instead of the insides of my cheeks as my venom welled and crashed down my throat.

"Can we discuss something else please?" I asked. "What about Alec? Demetri? We know that he'll come sniffing around soon. Where's Alice? Alice!" I shouted for her and she appeared before I was finished hissing her name.

"Alice has already informed us of what she sees regarding what the Volturi will do next," Carlisle said, smiling sweetly at Alice, sharing some inside joke that I could only assume was about me.

"Well, I haven't been informed. Care to let me in on it?" I asked, scrubbing my face with my hands. The cuff of my shirt was already starting to absorb her scent from the air we steeped in and I wrenched it away from my face. I would have to live with this, live _in _it. She was quickly soaking into everything. I almost tore the fabric off of my body.

"Demetri will be sent again, but only to make sure we've gone where we're supposed to have gone. I'm having a hard time solving anything else. Aro is making too many decisions too quickly, or not enough. I still believe we'll have plenty of time to prepare, should he decide on anything drastic." She bounced over to Emmett and me and slid in between us on the couch. She whispered, "Don't worry. You're doing better already. It's only a matter of time."

"What about Bella, Alice? Surely, Demetri will recognize that we are harboring a human," Carlisle asked. I was curious about this, as well. The Volturi do not take too kindly to keeping a human as a companion. A pet, sure, but Bella was no slave here. Should they figure out what's been going on, it will be all the resolve they needed to collect and destroy us.

"I can't see past him coming to Forks. Once he's here then, hopefully, I'll have more to go on. Jasper and I will discuss this with Bella. Perhaps she can go away for a little while or we can come up with more... convincing accommodations." She glanced at me, not moving her head.

"Alice, you mean to try to convince him that we're keeping her against her will?" I asked, confused at her staggered train of thought and determination.

"_Not_ necessarily." She shrugged, but smiled. "Though, that's certainly something we can explore further. We'll know more in a few days." Trying to hide her amusement, she tilted her head down, but she couldn't stop the coughing laugh that erupted from her belly. Emmett and Carlisle joined in again.

"Goddamn it!" I growled. "This is not fucking funny." I eyed them, forgetting to hold my breath. Her thick, damp scent tore through me again. I lifted my knees and curled my body around them. "Why are they doing that _now_?" I whined like a fucking child.

"Think about it, Edward. How long do you think you'll be able to keep _your_ mouth off of her?" Alice said, recalling the sight of Bella's glorious neck to my mind.

"Alice, please stop. You're only making things worse," I said. My mind scanned for Jasper again. I knew it was torture, but I couldn't stop it. He was thinking of her soft ridged sex gliding over his...

"Well, I'm no fucking genius," Emmett interrupted with perfect timing. One more second of that thought in my head and I would have torn the walls down in a fever. "But I've counted three breaths from you since we arrived, Edward." He stood smugly. "I'd say something is helping." He winked and was gone.

I inhaled again, still shocked at the intensity of the air around me. Few things stood in my way at that point, but I realized that the most dominant one now was a loathsome jealousy of both Jasper and Bella. The longer I sat in the library, daring to breathe in somewhat regular intervals, the more I despised my brother for taking her, and hated Bella for even existing. I also longed for that consciousness. I wanted to be him, and wanted to be where he was—inside her.

Alice accompanied me to my bedroom. As I stripped the room of any and all washable fabric, she laughed from the doorway, shaking her head. "Good luck with that," she said. "Two days, Edward. You'll see in two days." She closed the door behind her on her way out.

I gave no thought to her forecast, instead tearing my clothes off and gathering them with the pile of linens littering the hardwood floor. I wasn't sure whether to wash them or burn them. I threw them into the hall instead.

I scrubbed, seethed, and thought about Bella—one floor separating us, seeming like thousands of miles—for nearly thirty six hours. No amount of chemical or modicum of strength would rid the air or material of her steam. I raged at the walls, the windows and paint. Ridiculous objects became a chore to endure and without realizing it, I gave in. Sinking to the floor in defeat, I breathed deeply, still finding her underneath and inside the acrid smells of bleach and soap.

At some point, Rosalie and Emmett invaded and forced me to dress and hunt. I may have taken one or two. I had little memory of it. It was there, I knew that. I couldn't get away from my memories, but it didn't mean I had to recall them. I was only recalling those that made me ache and feel like I had never done before. Focusing on her face and nothing else, I followed behind them back to the house. It was late morning and the rain was thin. After last night's storm, I wasn't surprised at the amount of moisture in the air and foliage. It seeped through my clothes and attached to each strand of my hair.

I heard Alice coming to meet me, some ado about Bella no doubt, but she was keeping relatively mum. She met me in the middle of the yard, not far from the back door.

"It happened, didn't it?" she asked. I pretended not to know what she was talking about.

"I don't know what you mean, Alice." I looked to the house. The gray day called for the the need of light inside—for Bella, anyway. It was sad and lonely looking, to me. Though it was filled with more life and love than any other house I'd ever seen.

"She's in the kitchen, with Esme. You should see her." She said nothing else, but followed me as I slowly walked toward the door.

"Where is Jasper?" I asked her.

"He hunted, as well, and then I sent him to Beaut." I turned away, scared of Bella, scared of myself. Her scent washed over me as I opened the door silently. Looking at Alice, she urged me on, but still I hesitated. So low that Bella wouldn't hear, I asked her, "Will you be here?"

"I will," she replied. "You won't hurt her, I promise." She smiled and I felt the air change. Something lifted from my consciousness. I took another deep breath and stepped into the house.

Met with her sweet voice, I rejoiced that she could sense me without seeing me, but the words I heard did nothing to instill any confidence.

"Edward, sneaking around and eavesdropping aren't your strongest suits." The disdain in her affection was evident in every word she sang. Esme asked Bella if she would like her to stay. Bella declined the offer.

I hesitated in the doorway, taking in the sight of her and willed my body not to tremble. She permeated the air more thickly than I had encountered since the first day, but I was able to absorb it. Glorious and bright, she was exquisite. Her skin was flushed, glowing, a slight pink bloomed in her cheeks. Her dark brown eyes were rich and deep and drew me to her like a moth to flame. I took in another deep breath, picking out each note as it hit my senses—woman, sweet like berries and thick like an exotic flower, cinnamon, syrup, and sex—I could smell Jasper and Alice on her, mixed with her scent. I furrowed my brow, thinking that this impossible situation was only going to get more so. But I loved her, or was obsessed with her, or something close to it. I already knew, and I was unable to do anything about it.

"Let's officially meet. I'm Bella," she said, breaking me out of my daze. I couldn't avert my gaze from her mesmerizing eyes, but tried to remain neutral. Usually, I had no difficulty keeping my composure around anyone or anything. I was at a loss because of her silence, not having any inkling as to what she wanted from me—never being in such a situation before. I supposed that I needed to give a little before I could take.

"Edward," I said. She smiled, brilliant and wide. I could hear her tiny heart thundering in her chest, calling me just as her eyes had done. I ghosted across the floor quickly, wanting nothing more than to be near her.

She extended her hand to me, the one free of the sling, and as I looked at her, hurt and in pain because of me, I was immediately struck with the guilt of marring something so wonderful. I smiled at her, but did not take her hand, unable to promise I would ever give it back. Pulling out a bar stool, I looked away and joined her. For a moment I was able to keep my eyes adrift, but as her chest rose and fell with each breath she took I couldn't help but take in every detail.

The sling wrapped tightly across her shoulder, extending over the uninjured one and around her back. Her hair was messy from sleep and hung wildly around her face and body, obstructing her neck, breasts—the parts of her I most wanted to see. Her hand rested on the counter top between us. Curious, I searched for Alice, using her mind as a control for my little experiment. I traced my fingers over her knuckles, listening. Alice's thoughts came in an out. Aware of what I was doing, she kept up a recitation of some ancient text, droll enough to keep me from listening too closely, yet continuous, so that I would know exactly when it happened.

"I am very sorry for the pain that my reactions have caused you," I said, sliding my fingertips over her skin and resting them in the apex of her own. Alice turned down, then out, like static and then was silent. "I wasn't completely in control," I continued, in awe of the silence that surrounded me. It unnerved me, honestly, yet I couldn't help but be fascinated, as well. "I hope you... get well soon." Her skin felt like charged silk, and each second sent a pulse into mine. It stirred in me feelings and thoughts of a very intimate nature and I swallowed the venom that was gathering because of them. I clenched my jaw tightly, hoping that if I kept my mouth shut, my body would follow suit and let this woman live another day, live to be with me, live to die and be mine.

She pulled her hand out from under mine and suddenly I was bombarded with chatter. It was like my first days as a vampire; voices out of control and screaming through my mind. She laughed. "Well, thanks for your heartfelt concern, Edward. I _hope_ you got it out of your system. Convalescence has never suited me well."

Oh, her words stung. I hated that she was angry at me, but I didn't blame her. There was something though, in the way she spoke, that amused me. She sounded so sure of herself, so pompous—something I was very familiar with. I wasn't sure how far to take it, but rules were made to be broken, lines were drawn to be crossed—well all except one, for now.

I laughed. "You seem to know what suits and doesn't suit everybody, Bella. What's it like being so enlightened?"

She turned away from me sharply. Grinning like a fool, I watched her small frame heave with each deep breath she took. Her heart sped and slowed again. She threw her hair over her shoulder and with a snobbish laugh said, "Well, Edward, it's like this. I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face because I fall asleep with Alice and Jasper's, but you tell me. You're the mind reader, aren't you?"

Throwing that in my face was unanticipated. I stiffened. Alice had heard her and, unable to stop herself, remembered a few choice scenes, dripping with flesh and nearly horrendous in their explicitness. I leaned into her. "That's the rumor, Bella," I said, letting my tongue caress her name as it fell out of my mouth. "But I'm beginning to think that I'm losing my touch."

It was useless to try to stop my body from reacting and as I paid closer attention to Bella. I could smell her arousal. Her eyes fixed on mine then quickly roamed my neck and chest. Her breath hitched almost silently. I longed to steal her, take her away where I would be the only one she was thinking about.

"Such a shame, Edward," she said, half turning to me. "Maybe you need more practice?" She shifted again in her seat, sending a hot, thick draft of her scent directly toward me. It was everything I could do to not tear into her right there. Alice flew in and dragged me out and I screamed at the frustration of it all. She held me in the doorway, not actually capable of restraining me, but giving me enough space and reason to keep away. I stared at Bella, enraged at myself and the weakness that lived inside me.

"Everything okay?" Bella asked. I had no answer for her. Alice looked toward her, but remained quiet as she pushed me out of the kitchen and down the hallway. We reached the stairs and scaled them as hastily as possible.

"Not today, evidently," she said.

"When?" I asked, sliding down the wall to the floor.

"Soon, brother," she whispered, running her fingers through my hair. "Soon."

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Phew! Long one, huh? Let me know... ;) xo


	13. Strata Ch 12

Thank you all for your patience. It might, again, be a while before another update. I am having surgery on the 26th. I will keep you all as informed as I can. You may also harass detroitangel (3) in my absence. She co-wrote this chapter, kept it alive and a love, and pretty much fucking owns. Like OWNS.

I am very grateful to those of you who are hanging in with us.

Special thanks to NCChris and Nattydread for beta. Love you gurls.

This one is shorter than usual. It's all **past**, but I think it'll really give you all a little something to think about.

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AS I DROVE, I could feel the tension in the air. A blanket of panic radiated out from the house, encompassing nearly a mile radius. I winced, darting my eyes from the tinted windows to the rearview mirror, and back

Gripping the steering wheel tightly, I looked over at Bella. She was quiet and serene in the passenger seat, ultimately unaware of the anxiety that bit deeply into the evening. She stared off into the glowing moonlight as it spiraled inside the car, reflected off of the dampened road. She breathed in, simply relaxing after a long, rather grueling day at the salon.

In the creeping darkness, her face was lost in shadow. It glinted as streetlights softly bounced off of her features; they were too delicate to be cast sharply. Her eyes were gentle orbs, barely hinting at life in the blackness. I wondered what mine looked like to her, and thought about a time when her eyes reflected back the excitement and edge that now veiled mine.

The panic pulsed steadily, rarely increasing or waning. It affected me immediately and immensely. I sped up, taking out the last mile in about thirty seconds. Bella giggled at my sudden recklessness, but braced herself for a physical impact that would never happen. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to her, yet. I was always the first responder when something was awry. I was braced for a similar impact, though unsure how intense it would be. Something was terribly wrong.

With Bella and Alice, the atmosphere normally maintained a loving, if not lustful, and generally positive air. If they were being playful, there was always a bit of mischief about. If they were fighting, well, let's just say there was some mischief there as well, but the intent behind those feelings always tainted the air, whether sour or sweet.

When Bella and I pulled up to the house after a busy Friday at Beaut, I knew that Alice was beside herself. Needing to keep calm and not alarm Bella I took a staggering breath, but the urge to tear out of the car and into the house was damn near overwhelming.

"What's the matter, Jasper?" she asked as she slipped out the passenger side. In my haste, I tried not to transfer any panic to her, but it seemed that I had attempted too late. I looked over the car. Her nose was wrinkled in confusion and she had paused; her hand resting lightly on the door. Images of her delicate fingers wrapping around my arms and trying in vain to dig into my flesh were flooding my mind. Next I saw a flash of Alice bent over, her mouth tasting Bella's warm, fragrant skin as I steadied myself like stone, barely able to control my desire for both women.

Standing next to the car, I relived that still tension while I allowed my memories to assault me. When they inverted, and Bella climbed over Alice in order to taste_ her_, all I remembered doing was slicing my fingers through whatever I happened to be holding on to and nearly coming in my Levi's at the sight of them. The smell—I could taste them both in the air that night—made me drunk and I sucked in greedily. Though it did not slake the thirst I had for their bodies or Bella's blood, it directed nearly all of my desire straight to my cock.

Undressing and innocently manipulating her position was torture enough, but I would have done it over and over again if it meant I had the privilege of participating in the glory of that skin—the taste, the scent, and the silky texture. Alice and Bella had made the library one of my favorite places in the house.

I swallowed as I recalled situating myself above Bella as she lay on the floor, half of her thin body obscured under Alice. Her head slid between my thighs. Alice's mouth lightly whipped her into a frenzy and I tilted my head down to watch her expressions. Almost in agony she cried out, her arms wrapped around me and her face contorted; she gasped in pleasure. Tossing her head, her hair tangled and painted itself on my arms and jeans. Buried in the meat of my thigh, her mouth opened and her hot, breathy scream was lost in my cold skin. With her eyes tightly shut, she pressed into me, clinging to me as if she were all alone in that raging storm. I had once feared I would take Bella's life, now I feared that she would somehow take mine.

Camping trips and full penetration were one thing, but they paled in comparison to that nervous night in the library. I still could not have Bella to myself, and I really didn't know what I would have done if I were able to actually let go and be with her that night in the tent. It was a shock that I managed to mostly keep my hands to myself. We'd been successful many times over in the months since, but those first images of Bella in the throes of bliss would haunt me forever.

I tried to shake the memories, needing to get to Alice. My mind was at war. I couldn't tell you how I physically wore my emotions, but Bella sensed my anguish and shooed me away. "Go, Jazz. I'll be in my room." She smiled sweetly and my mouth watered.

I thirsted for her, but my body hungered for Alice; my desires were drawn in two directions. I took one last look at Bella shadowed in the dim light of the garage and smiled weakly. I was torn between my wants and needs and raced off before I could question it any longer.

Alice was in our bedroom, standing with her back to the door. She remained quiet, looking out the window into the yard. I knew that she was aware of my presence. Her body shifted minutely as I neared her. Dread, fear, hope, urgency; all of these things assaulted me with every step I took and it was almost impossible to handle all of her emotions at once. I tried to get a hold of them, but as it was down in the garage, I couldn't get much control over the feelings. Alice winced as the fear increased. That was when I realized that I was losing it. I never thought that would have been possible, but these women had me head over heels and completely out of my element.

"Alice, what is it?" I whispered, finally able to focus on the calm that her presence induced in me, but I hardly had a chance to continue before she began.

"It's the Volturi, Jasper. They—they're coming. There will be war, blood... I can't! There's no where to go." She wasn't hysterical, not even physically bothered, but I knew Alice. These short, fragmented statements were very telling. She was as close to breaking down as she ever would be.

I took her hand in mine and pulled her to me. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my chest.

"Alice, baby, you're freaking me out." I hugged her tightly, trying to soothe her however I could.

"Sorry," she breathed into me, trying to hide the hitch in her voice."It's all coming in so quickly. There are so many visions."

"Tell me," I said, pushing her slightly away from me, but not letting her go.

"The Volturi are coming to Denali... to gather information, but they intend to take us down." She sounded lost, but determined. "I must to go to them. I've called Carlisle to inform him of my visit. I was just waiting for you to get home before I left."

Trembling from the terror in her voice, I responded in confusion. "What? Why? When?" I sounded like a damned fool.

"Aro's always kept tabs, but now he wants to know what we've been up to. He's bored, but that doesn't mean he's complacent. The coven has grown too large, and there seem to be too many of us with influential talents. It's been decided that we're a threat, and that we've been gathering some sort of offense against Volterra. I don't know the when and why of that, per se, but they've decided to send scouts to Alaska. It's only a matter of time before there is a full out altercation." She paused to breathe, to growl in rage, and to shake herself a bit.

"If they see me, we all die. If they don't, we have some time."

My heart, had it been virile, would have stopped at her words. Dread, again, consumed us and I pulled her to me, attempting to envelop us in some sense of peace. I wished I could make us disappear. "Details, Alice. What are you seeing?" I asked. I knew she would straighten out her nerves if she could talk through her visions.

"Two of his lesser men. They arrive in Denali, very near the house, in two days. They seem to only watch, but Aro intends on sending more. I'm not sure that he's not setting up camp. He'll know we aren't with them, and it will appear to ease his mind for a bit. I can't imagine he'll leave it at that, though."

Conjecture wasn't a usual avenue Alice traveled. It meant she was very unsure of what she was seeing. Conference calls weren't the most reliable or the warmest way to communicate. I knew Alice would need to go and I contemplated leaving Bella to join her.

"No, Jazz, you'll stay. I'll be back Sunday. I don't need, or want, to be there when they arrive. Edward and Carlisle can handle that. I need time to process it all, anyway. There seem to be only the two futures hanging on my being in Alaska, and neither one is particularly pleasant."

"Alice, tell me the rest." I insisted because I knew there were finer points being kept secret. She took many unneeded breaths before she tried to continue. She clenched her jaw and let her eyes drift toward the door. I felt her defiance and knew she was going to clam up on me. She rarely hid her visions, unless she was worried about the reactions they would cause. I wrapped my hands around her biceps and squeezed.

"Alice. Don't do that. I need to know. We need to be ready—map out a plan—and prepare for all possibilities. We have too much at stake here." I shook her once, gently, and forced her to look at me, though I resisted persuading her to confess.

Alice and I had engaged in many arguments over many decades about using my skills against her.

There had been even more tiffs on this subject since the kidnapping incident. She never held it against me, but it became apparent that she did not appreciate the manipulation. I deserved her ire and was surprised it took her nearly seventy years to finally and fully resent that part of me. I did not blame her and it was essential that she now tell me of her own accord. Some things were hard to get over and I understood that, even accepted it, but I also knew that my Alice would never let me down. The corners of her mouth twitched softly, her cheeks swelling out a bit. Her gaze softened and just as quickly her face was blank again. I knew that we had come through.

Alice shook her head. "It's all to do with me; right now. If I'm there when they come, and they see me, the Guard will be sent immediately. If I'm not, then we have a few months, at least, until they send someone again. Carlisle will know what to do."

She seemed sad, but antsy. I let go of her arms and kissed her full on the lips. Because my mind always went straight to the worst-case scenario, I wasn't sure when I would see her again. She kissed me back and it was a matter of seconds before we wouldn't be able to separate; our passion ignited too quickly. I tore her away and, feeling her relief, looked to the floor behind her.

"Go. Go now or I won't let you." I growled into her ear.

"Jazz," she breathed. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said. "Go, and come back soon."

"Tomorrow evening, I'll be back. Oh, Bella's dress is in my closet. First black bag." She kissed my cheek when I gave her a questioning look. "You'll know," she said. She turned and sped off. I heard the garage open and her car leaving. My phone buzzed in my pocket. As I stared out the window as I groped for it.

_Oh, and Jazz? Be good, _it said. I smiled at her lightheartedness. It put a certain spirit back in my step.

I headed for the door, text-ing her back. _Define good_.

Within seconds she responded. _Adjective. "Of favorable character or tendency. Satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree."_

I laughed out loud as I typed. _The outcome of which is free of injury and/or bodily harm? _

_No penetration. _

_Aw, now that's no fun at all. _

_I love you._

_I love you, too. _

I flipped the phone shut with a smile and headed out for a hunt. If I was going to be alone with Bella for the next forty-eight hours, I needed all the help I could get.

As I slipped down the stairs and toward the front door, Bella's voice stopped me in my tracks. She called down from the landing, having just come out of her room. As if it was my plan all along, I turned my body around and headed in her direction. Ogling her bouncing frame as she loped along, I leaned against the banister, wishing I could slow time, or stop it altogether. If I could, I would keep her paused in middle of that sure-footed vitality.

"Hey," she said, stopping a few steps up. "What's going on?"

Suddenly, I felt guilty, not because I was wishing her clothes would disappear or because I realized that I was pushing out some pretty heady feelings into the room around me, but because when I was thinking those things, there was one thing, one thought, that was completely absent—one that never should be—Alice. It hadn't been but a few moments since she was in the forefront of my mind, yet every nuance, every spec of consciousness concerning her was eclipsed the second my sight filled with Bella. My guilt swelled and I saw Bella frown. She came down one more step, her arm slowly draping itself down the railing, and stood barely a foot in front of me.

"Jazz, where did Alice go?" she asked and I swallowed, overcome with the flavor her tangy presence on my tongue, the guilt all but gone. She laughed, hardly making a sound, and I caught a hint of her mirth. "What did you do this time?" she asked.

Bella had no idea who she was really living with. She'd yet to inquire too much about our habits or past, as they rarely applied to her. Once we'd explained things, revealed our nature and our intentions, her questioning had all but ceased. I knew she was piqued, but far from greedy or incessantly nosy. If anything, she was too accepting. The list of things she should have been questioning was growing exponentially every day.

"She went to see our family," I said, closing my fingers around her wrist and bringing it up to my mouth. The temptation to sink my teeth into her flesh was intoxicating, but I managed to just barely wrap my lips around her delicate skin. My body reacted instinctively, trying to get closer, more intimate. I needed space, needed to get away from her. She inhaled quickly, but did not release the breath. Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into me. Soft curves gently molded against me, but I quickly stifled the lust and want, bringing my hand to her shoulder to steady her wobbling frame.

She seemed to realize the situation when my body touched hers and she looked up at me with confusion in her eyes. "Your family?" she asked. "Where are they?"

Once I was sure that she wouldn't fall, I took a step away and gently dropped her hand. "They're in Alaska," I said. "That's where we've been living for the last forty years. Until Alice and I came back to Forks."

"Back? You lived here before?"

I turned and walked, urging her curiosity to make her follow. "Yes. After I met Alice, we found the Cullens and joined them. In 1951, we came here, to Forks." I took a deep breath and smiled, leading her into the library. She followed silently, conveniently more eager to hear what I had to say than to ask her own questions. "We didn't stay very long, that time, but that's neither here nor there." I said with a wink.

When she settled onto the couch, I took to slowly pacing the length of the room, contemplating the direction I would take this conversation so as to not divulge too much information. If I could placate her, distract her with just enough detail, then perhaps the fact that Alice had left so suddenly wouldn't seem so strange.

"Our family, coven, what have you, is rather large. Larger than most. It takes some strategy and unfortunately some occasional modification to continue running smoothly. That's one of the reasons Alice and I came back here in the first place." I stopped, my voice having become too low for Bella to hear. I nodded my apology, but was suddenly uncomfortable. I'd never attempted an oral recollection of my life and the Cullens as they pertained to it.

I huffed, trying to relax. If Bella was expected to focus on what was necessary, rather than what was still only speculation, I needed to start much earlier, before we even came to be with the Cullens. Telling her too much about the family and our integration with the Denali coven in Alaska would only lead to questions. Sadly, I couldn't leave it out entirely but I could put it off. It felt right, letting her in on these few secrets. She was our Bella, after all. She looked at me deeply, kindly, and I fell in love right there in the library. It scared me, but I knew what I felt. Rather than acting on that revelation, I kept talking. I had to focus on what was most important to me, or what had always seemed the most important.

"When I met Alice, aside from her insistence that I had been keeping her waiting, she told me about a coven of vampires decidedly different than popular perception, different than her or I. They drank the blood of animals, not humans, and kept close quarters." I felt her confusion fizz out around her and turned my head to see her clearly. "They all lived together," I simplified. She smiled and rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh at herself. I couldn't resist her positivity and moved my pacing closer.

"We swept the coast for years until Alice saw that it was time for us to introduce ourselves." Her eyes never left me as I walked back and forth in front of her. I had to smile to myself at the circumstance; it felt nostalgic and not just a little powerful.

"That happened here, in this house," I said, taking a fraction of a second to reminisce. "It didn't take long for the tension of the meeting to turn into a stand off, and even after everyone backed down, the perceived threat having been dismissed, an energy remained. It was always there. We were like a charged particle." The nuclear family, indeed. "We all eventually found our spots. Our roles in the whole of the mess. It was a mess because the Denali's were visiting shortly thereafter, and no one, not even Alice, was sure what the outcome of that meeting would be."

It amused me to no end that I had her complete and undivided attention. The greedy man had his captive audience utterly at his will. How very tempting, not to mention easy, it was to stalk lithely to the couch and sit next to her. As I did, I fingered her hair, pushing a fat lock back over her shoulder.

"It was years," I said, lightly touching her cheek. "Before any one misunderstanding got out of hand, but one night while we were out hunting, our teasing went too far and Emmett, my new brother and the newest vampire to the family, got worked up. We were goading him a bit much, evidently. This led to a physical altercation. Now, normally, such rough-housing wouldn't be a problem. It's actually a good idea to burn that energy off, and a great bonding tool for vampires, but we neglected to take into account our proximity to the road. As we flew, almost literally, over the concrete, a car full of teenagers drove by."

I made a sour face recalling the memory, then smirked. Nothing truly dangerous had happened, just the unfortunate witnessing of our strength and speed. I trailed my fingers down the dewy skin of Bella's neck as I continued. "Had it been only one child, then perhaps the display could have been excused as a trick of the eye, a mistake. With a car full, such a thing was impossible. We left the scene immediately and kept an ear out for any talk around town. It was only a few hours before word had spread, and even less time for the family to be packed and on our way."

She was putty in my hands as I held the mood steady. Any way I wanted her, I could have her. I drew my breath slowly, sure to keep my voice even and low. "If we had just killed them, then perhaps we wouldn't have had to uproot so quickly, but such a thing only crossed our minds for a second. That behavior wasn't in our nature anymore. Besides," I whispered, barely touching my lips to her cheekbone, "getting rid of a few murderers is one thing, but a car full of townies? No way we could just bury _that_ out in the woods." She shivered.

Naked and begging, I wanted her flesh under me and I wanted to fuck her until she begged me to stop. She wanted it, too. Her body heat was reaching out to me, pulling me in. She seemed distracted enough as she silently stared at my lips; I couldn't help but want her. She wasn't confused by my words, but I doubted that she was actually paying much attention to them. Aware of how close I was to tearing her clothes off, I pulled away, glad I had the mental capacity to still be formulating thoughts pertaining to our conversation, as well as what Bella looked like naked—I wasn't _really_ missing out.

"Jazz?" she asked, cutting through my imaginings. "Why did Alice leave so suddenly? I knew something was wrong when we got home and I can tell that you're trying to distract me." She raised her eyebrow, but instead of leaning toward me like I wanted her to, she stood up and took a step away.

I frowned and folded in on myself, pretending to spell it out for her. "Alice sees a complication. The Volturi... I told you about them." I looked at her, making sure she remembered our talk, just after Alice had come back, just after 'the incident'. She nodded and I continued with a shrug. "They have always been interested in us. More than that, actually. They've been trying to persuade us to join them for decades. Carlisle was once a part of them... Anyway, Alice sees some interference, yet she hasn't seen anything too specific." This was a flat out lie, and I think she knew it. If she did, she gave no indication and I went on.

"She went to work some things out with Carlisle. It was just easier to go there than do it long distance." I got up off the couch. There was rarely a reason for me to sit, and having her standing in front of me like that, her round bottom at eye level, was just too much temptation. As I rose, so did her suspicion and desire. It was all I could do to not tackle her. "You don't believe me," I stated. I had no doubt that she felt that way.

"No, not really," she said. Her shoulders dropped. "I don't think you're lying, Jasper, I just think there is more that you're not telling me. There's always something that you edit on my behalf. I wish you wouldn't do that." She didn't look up as she turned toward the door. "I'm going for a bath. I think you were going for a hunt? Be careful." She dismissed me and walked away without another word.

"Bella?" I called out. She stopped halfway down the hall and turned to me, no expression on her face. I reached the door and stared at her. "I don't mean to keep things from you. You know that. I don't have all the information myself. We aren't here to jerk you around." I smiled, throwing caution to the wind and sent her a wave of sheer elation and joy. She smiled wide and my whole body swelled. There was nothing in this world more enjoyable than knowing that I put that smile on her face, but then that beautiful smile faltered and disappeared.

"It's cool, Jasper," she said, somehow resisting my effort. With her head down, she resumed her march to the stairs. "You'll tell me when I need to know."

I cringed at her disappointment. There was nothing I could really do about it. After I was sated with a few deer and hopefully a carnivore for a main course, I would have the strength to make her feel better. If I went to her right now, killing her was a guarantee. As I walked, the image of her naked and bleeding all over and under me shot through my roaming mind. I hesitated as I reached the threshold. There was nothing keeping me from having what I wanted, and I wanted Bella. The lure of forever with that woman was the only thing that made me walk out the door. The desire may wane, but the flesh will remain. She would be here as long as I wanted her—of that, I would make certain.


	14. Seeds Ch 13

**A/N: **Hey, y'all. It's official. This fandom and my readers are seriously the most amazing, heartfelt people in the world. You guys amaze me. Thank you for your reviews and well wishes. I know I haven't responded to all of them and may have responded to some. I really, really want to reply to them all. So bear with me for a while. I really don't know what's up or down right now. Just know that I read and squee over every single one.

Thanks to detroitangel, nattydread, and kittycullen for love, support, beta, pre-reads and more.

So. Chapter 13. We have two parts here. A past and a present. The past starts right where we left off in chapter 12. The present is a few weeks after the last present section (that is a few weeks after the EPOV of his meeting with Bella in the kitchen in chapter 11). Most of the present section is in flashback and my prereaders assured me that it wasn't confusing, but I still wanted to give a heads up. I know, why would I skip three weeks and then write it in flashback? Well, 'cause it worked better that way, that's why. Okay, I'll shut the fuck up now and let you read.

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Walking up the stairs slowly, overly relaxed from feeding and the general euphoria it causes, I was struck by a maelstrom of emotion and a series of loud bangs and curses. This much noise was unusual, even for Bella. I winced. Her frustration was piercing; her disappointment weighed me down like lead.

I shook my head, trying to clear out her influence. I laughed, realizing that Bella was essentially making her way through the circle of human emotion faster than I had ever felt before. Seriously, what the hell was she going on about? As I reached her room, I opened the door slowly and stepped cautiously inside. The space was messier than usual. Every drawer was spilled over, her clothing draped on every piece of furniture. Shoe boxes mingled with piles of dresses heaped on the bed. There was even a jewelry box and several purses, just for good measure I was sure. It reminded me of the trash room from the movie "Labyrinth."

Bella's dark eyes stared wildly in my direction and she looked as if she didn't recognize me. She wasn't speaking in complete sentences and the ones that were near complete were incomprehensible.

"Why can't I… Jazz, where… fucking blue angel of death… bombs… shouldn't… fucking… God damn it!"

Each word was growled, punctuated with an item being tossed out of the closet. I caught a few garments, righting them and tidying up a bit, not really knowing what to do. Admittedly, I was a little surprised when I walked in on 'Bella versus The Closet'. I may have been just a little bit out of my element. I lacked the experience for this kind of bloodbath.

"Bella?" I shouted over her ranting. "What's going on? Do you need help?"

"Where did it go, Jazz?" She was on all fours, digging through boxes and piles of fabric, opening suitcases and ripping into garment bags, scrambling like a lunatic locked in a cage. Her frustration was now visible with every handful of closet mash she threw into the air.

I watched in amusement as she got all hot and sweaty rooting around on her knees, gasping when she thought she had found what she had been looking for.

"Please, please, Jazzy, tell me where it is," she cried. "I've retraced my steps, from packing it to unpacking. I've exhausted every avenue. I'll never find it, will I?" She sounded so defeated. Her fingers were knotted into her hair and her stare was as lost as whatever she was hunting.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I don't have specific directions to the land of the lost, but the closet floor is not that large a parcel. I'm sure we can find what you're looking for if we just _remain calm._" I emphasized those last words, keen on blanketing her with that emotion. It worked for all of two seconds before her incredulous rage and suspicion hit me like a brick wall.

"It's vintage Pucci! It was my mothers! What the fuck am I going to do if I lost it? I swear I hung it up! It had to have been in that one box! Why would I have packed it in a box?!"

This was a level of mania I was not used to with Bella. Stark raving fucking mad, she was. With one last strangled look at me, she dove back into the abyss.

I would probably be of no help in this situation. Not only did I not know where her mother's vintage Pucci was, I didn't know what the hell a vintage Pucci could possibly _be_. I know what I wanted it to be, but was pretty certain that _that _wasn't what she was talking about.

I had stopped catching every article of clothing, shoe, and hair extension that came flying out of the closet. At first, I had thought of it as an interesting game of skill and agility, but after the first fifteen minutes, there was no usable space left for putting her things in order.

Bella wasn't a very tidy person and I had a hard time dealing with her mess. The thought of all those garments, knickknacks, _things_ just laying about made me cringe; soldiers are just too regimented to tolerate such mayhem—vampires, too. Alice and I were neat freaks. Because of this, I generally avoided Bella's room whenever I could.

We often tried to convince her to let us clean up, but she refused. I always questioned her motives and wondered why a human would be so resistant to the assistance. It would have taken me all of five, maybe four, minutes to reorganize everything, scrub it floor to ceiling, and run her a bath while I was at it.

She would have nothing to do with it. Alice made the mistake of cleaning for Bella one day, while she was away at work. Angry Bella is a scary, scary monster. I swear she burst into flames for a few seconds. I had never encountered anything as terrible and beautiful as Bella enraged. She was going to be incredible when she was one of us. I couldn't help but be eager for that day.

Alice would divulge nothing concerning her vision of Bella becoming a vampire. She couldn't help her excitement, though, when I asked her about it. The gleam in her eyes told me I was correct in my assumption.

Vampire Bella was going to rule the world.

"Bells, baby? How tight was this shit packed in there if it's this thick out here?" I pointed to the closet and then to the room in general, my voice dripping with mirth and just a trace of legitimate disgust.

"Jazz," she whined. "I need that dress. _Need_ it. If I lost that dress, I'll slit my wrists."

"Bella!" I gasped. How casually she threatened such things! Perhaps she wouldn't mind spilling her blood, but I certainly would.

"Ugh, J, seriously. You don't understand. That bitch will be wearing something fucking mind blowing and if I'm not as well, I'm going to be very, very, unhappy."

Very unhappy Bella kind of frightened the shit out of me, but in an oh-so-tingly kind of way. There is nothing sweeter in this world than a woman who's not sure if she wants to fuck you or kill you.

Something I could never fully explain to anyone was how closely related the two emotions really were. A man would have to be a fool not to recognize the war when it was happening. It's something unmistakable, unbelievable, and absolutely breathtaking to witness.

It was a storm of love and hate simultaneously. Somehow the two morphed into one unnamed emotion we were all familiar with, have all experienced, and created a world both phenomenal and dissonant.

I had an advantage in understanding such things; I was constantly reminded. No one would ever know the extent and range of emotion like I would. I'd not come across another empath in my existence. I had heard of a few, human no less, but they couldn't manipulate those around them as I could.

This is the reason that women were endlessly fascinating to me. Such baffling emotions tied to the oddest, sometimes most mundane tasks and objects. They sometimes felt negative at positive times, and vice-versa. There had to be reasons these feelings were triggered. The more I tried to figure it out, the more each one became appropriate in every scenario.

This, sadly, was where my knowledge ended. Men were simpler. We were no less intense, but instead of an immense web of questions and possibilities, we dealt mainly in straight lines.

A whole new world, more expansive and more complicated than I could ever understand, lay beyond that gate. I was humble enough to know that even with my vampire capabilities I would never be _that_ enlightened. A woman was an infinite entity tied to all things heaven and earth. She created it all. She fed it, worshiped it, tricked it and somehow made it think that it did it all by itself; she could strike it down, kill it, or leave it for dead.

I suddenly realized what was going on here. Alice had set me up and now Bella was coming for me head on.

"Is it the swirly blue one that comes up to here?" I asked, leveling my arm at my throat, positively hostile toward the idea of her wearing such a short dress out in public.

Her eyes widened, surging with hope and malice. "Yes." Her voice rumbled. She stopped her digging and slowly turned to me.

This was going to be, as they say, a piece of cake. A man's got to entertain himself somehow. I decided long ago that Bella was a little too easy to lead on. Not necessarily the most convenient character flaw, but definitely a most advantageous one for me.

Standing here in Bella's world, I gleefully knew she was somewhere between tricking me and striking me—two of my favorites. Try as I might, I don't think I'd ever made it to killing time. Not yet. I'm a smart boy; I knew to give her anything she ever asked for and then some. She got as much out of my taunting her as I did. I mean, after all, she was actually persuading me into thinking I was provoking her. And I would deny it, saying it had always been my game. Women were tricksy that way. I knew what to watch out for, even though I was never really sure what was happening.

"I may have seen something fitting that description somewhere." Her dress, the "vintage Pucci," was hanging in Alice's closet, freshly, carefully cleaned, waiting for Bella to wear. Alice had confirmed this herself.

She beat her way out of the closet of chaos and ran to me. Pleading with her eyes, she clung to me like I was a holy man and she was a foul sinner. My cock twitched. God damn the fantasies the girl conjured up in my brain. Her warm little body was pressed against me, but it was the look on her face that was making me hard. It didn't matter if she was angry, or sad, or disgusted. I had a memory of every one of Bella's expressions locked in a deep dark place, waiting for me to spend a little quality time with them.

Begging Bella just happened to be one of my favorites. I almost couldn't help myself. Almost. Not that I had much time for self pleasure—time or opportunity. Two lovers would keep even the most libidinous vampire quite thoroughly satisfied.

"Now that I think about it," I stalled, tapping my chin in contemplation, "I may be thinking of a different dress."

"Jazz, please stop fucking around! Where? Where did you see it?" Her eyes were wet and boring into mine.

"Hmmm. Let me see…" I slid out of her grasp and walked a few circles around her. She fidgeted, wringing her fingers, looking over her shoulder at me. She whimpered and crumbled at my position. How a girl could get so worked up over a dress was amazing. I was getting used to this kind of shit more and more in the year since Bella had moved in. She and Alice were fashion vipers; swift and merciless with their kills, also vengeful and malicious when thwarted in any way.

"Where is it, again, you're going that you need this dress so badly?" I asked, stopping just a few inches behind her.

"My high school reunion. It's tomorrow night and I need that dress because Lauren fucking Mallory will be there for sure, and I will _kill_ _a bitch_ in that dress. She knows it too. Fucking whore. She about sucked me off once just to borrow it."

"Really now? That would be an interesting sight. And what, pray tell, is so fabulous about this dress that you would 'kill a bitch' in it?" We were on to something here. I could feel her relaxing and enjoying herself. The anger she seethed when talking about Lauren Mallory was fading fast.

"Well," she began, "one: it hugs my every curve like a second skin." She stroked her hands over her breasts, down to her hips and over her ass. She came dangerously close to grazing my cock. "Two: the color looks amazing on me." She turned her head, her profile dark against the light window covering in the back ground, and tilted her head down. "Three: it's so fucking short, one false move and anyone could get a free show." She twirled to face me with a rather challenging look in her eyes.

"Nuh-uh, little lady," I said as I grabbed her hips roughly and pulled her flush against my chest and thighs. "Alice and I have paid a pretty penny for that toy. I don't think you'll be sharing it in front of the class any time soon."

I started counting down until my little Bellabomb detonated. _Five... four... three... two.…_

"Jasper! Damn it! Come on!" She backed away, pouting.

The game would never get old. I would always give in, but not before putting up a good fight. I almost lost, but still I had a few tricks up my sleeve she hadn't anticipated. I had been building myself up, nearly ready to bend her over the nearest stable surface when she turned to face me. I knew my eyes were black and I unleashed my lust on her, just as quickly stealing it back.

"Oh, baby girl. When are you gonna learn?" I said as I reached out to her again, guiding her to my and Alice's room.

"Probably never." She smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead as we walked.

"So, the dress was your mother's?" I asked her, soaking up any remaining drama and replacing it with a general cheer. I didn't want to upset her, but I realized just then that I didn't really know that much about Bella's past. Suddenly, I was curious and made sure Bella felt the same.

"Yeah. She gave it to me when I was fourteen. Two years before she died. I've only worn it a few times." She didn't seem unwilling to talk, but it appeared as if her memory was focused on the dress and not the parent.

"Why did you get so upset when you couldn't find the dress?"

"I don't know, Jasper. Why do I need a reason? It's the only tangible thing I have left and the thought of losing it scares me to death." There was little Bella could do to hide her feelings from me and even if she kept mum, I would still know that she was struggling. She was trying to hang on to the good memories and rid herself of the guilty ones.

She blamed herself for her parents' deaths. I had no details, but I didn't need them. Bella didn't feel particularly close to them, but she loved them nonetheless.

"You have the salon." I reminded her.

"I do, you're right. But Beaut has become so much more than the garage salon I started it as. It's just a whisper of them, now." She stopped walking. All the fury and fire behind her garment tossing had dissipated and it felt like we were tumbling down a deep well. She tried to turn away, but I snaked my arm around her waist, pulling her to me. I selfishly wrapped myself around her, burying my face in her hair. She didn't hug me back.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I didn't mean to bring it up. Forget I said anything."

"It's fine, Jazz. It's no bother," she sniffed. Slowly her arms came together behind me and I swelled with delight. She giggled.

"Do you ever miss them? Your parents?" I asked, thrilled to actually be getting some information out of her. It was times like these that I knew I was falling in love with her. There wasn't anything I could do about it except keep telling myself that it wasn't happening. I wondered briefly how long I would be able to continue denying it.

She pushed off of me and we continued down the hallway to my bedroom. She smiled and cocked her brow. "Sure," she said. "Don't you miss yours?"

I could tell when I'd been bested and I steered her into the room. "Touché."

"In there." I pointed. "First black bag on the left."

She squealed and ran for it. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her take the bag off the rod. She set it next to me and unzipped it slowly. Her grin was as wide as the Cheshire cat as she held up the dress, inspecting it.

"Man, you guys totally suck!" she yelled and slapped my shoulder.

I laughed. "Yep. No denying that."

She giggled and hugged me, settling on my lap. "Thanks." She said softly, lightly kissing my cheek. "For everything."

"Bella, the pleasure is all mine." I squeezed her tightly.

"So are you taking me to this shindig, or what?" she asked.

Never one to deny a woman, especially not the hot, soft one nestled on my thighs, I smiled. "Of course. Someone's got to make sure the goods stay unmolested."

She laughed again. It was music to my ears. "Oh, Jesus. You're going to scare everyone shitless, aren't you? Promise me that no matter who tries to violate me that you won't eat anyone." My fingers dug gently into her ribs, making her squirm deliciously on my lap.

"I'll try," I said.

"Well, if you feel the urge to eat someone, let me know, sugar. I'll help you out. I wouldn't want you to suffer needlessly," she said, leaning her face into mine. I stopped her, nudging her cheek with my forehead. She pushed against me, but I was stubborn. The soft little human wasn't calling the shots right now. I pinned her arms to her sides and growled a bit, just enough for her to hear me, and pressed into her again.

I ran my lips roughly from her chin to her jaw. "I'll be sure to remember that, Bella." I shivered, enjoying the sound of her gasp, watching and feeling her body stiffen against mine.

"So," she whispered, trying not to react. "Why did Alice have to leave so quickly?"

"Well, you know," I spoke into the skin below her ear. "Our seer noticed your closet tirade and she needed to escape before you ventured farther than your own domain."

"Hmph," she blew out a breath. "You're fucking lying."

I smiled into her shoulder.

The desire that was racing through me was driving me faster than our circumstance allowed. I shook my head and pressed my nose into the sensitive flesh of her neck. She moaned in anticipation of my touch. The salty sweetness from her skin danced on my tongue; her heavy breaths mixed with my own and the effect on my body was evident by my unyielding need to taste every inch of her.

"Alice left instructions so we couldn't get out of line," I said. "What do you think she saw us getting into?"

As I flicked my tongue behind her ear and down her neck, she tilted away to peel off her flimsy camisole, exposing more flesh.

"Pretty sure this is okay," she whispered, shifting her weight so that she was perpendicular to me, her thigh resting and pushing onto my cock. She said nothing else, but her heavy breathing spoke volumes. Warm, half hard nipples taunted me, begging to be touched. Her body rose and fell as I wrapped my arms around her, shamelessly running the palm of my hand over her chest and stomach. We wrestled a bit faster, hungry in our urge to feel each other. I pulled my shirt over my head, rolling my eyes as each inch of her hot skin met mine.

"You said... that Alice said..." she panted.

"Alice was very specific and I do not intend to disobey her," I murmured into her hair. Bella wasn't one for playing shy. She liked to tease and lead me on, but she was usually very receptive to any and all forms of flirting. She had yet to disappoint me. Her breathing excited me further and every subtle move of her hips brought me closer to the edge. I pinched one of her nipples, making her gasp.

"What, _exactly,_ were her orders?" she asked, grinding her tight little ass on me. Tiny warm fingers shied their way under the waist of my jeans and the pleasure of her flesh on mine shocked through my body, as did worry and apprehension. It was going to be nearly impossible for me to restrain myself enough to not fuck her, to not kill her. Roaming her warm body with my hands, I stared off into nothing and tried to decide what to do, warning myself either way not to get too lost in the fire.

"Jasper? I want to touch you, feel how I make you feel." She turned it all out on me. I knew that I could never just _take_ the pleasure she offered. I'm not that man. It's my nature to give, but my control was unraveling. Desire had singed through my resolve and I swiftly tore her shorts from her body. She shrieked in shock, but soon our heat intoxicated even her and she was a breathing, writhing, mess of sex and blood. I closed my eyes tightly, locking down the demon poised to suck more out of her than she was able to give, more than I was willing to take. I slipped my hand up the inside of her thigh and spread her slick skin, teasing a finger inside of her. She whimpered and pushed her hips down, hoping I would give her more.

"You are a vixen, I swear," I whispered while her hands began roaming over my stomach. "You are just as dangerous to me as I am to you. And yet, I want you to touch me. I want to make you feel my pleasure… your touch is the one thing I never want to deny."

"You'll never have to," she said, locking her eyes on mine and whether that was our permission or our confirmation or our complete and utter damnation, I could not stop her taking from me what she needed. Abruptly she stood from my lap and knelt on the floor before me.

"Is this okay?" she asked, though she knew as well as I that it wasn't really a question. Her hot little fingers slid back under my waistband, meeting at the button fly of my Levi's. She ran her thumbs along the length of my cock, making me twitch.

I smirked down at her. "Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out."

.:*~*:.

Tricked, manipulated, lied to—these were not things I was used to dealing with. They simply weren't circumstances that I ever found myself in. There were very few beings stupid or strong enough on this planet to mislead an empath—especially one as dangerous as me. I knew of only two and they resided under the same roof I did, hunted the same grounds, and called themselves my wife and brother. After disastrous results the last time they attempted such a thing, I was shocked that either one would attempt to go down that path again.

Alice tried to convince me that she didn't know that Edward would attack Bella. I quickly called her bluff. She said it was an accident—that it was a case of Bella being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Edward had just hunted. Perhaps if there had been more time between his lunch and catching her scent, he would never have reacted that way. I knew better. Alice couldn't completely hide the twinge of guilt that bubbled up inside her, so when I turned and walked away, breaking off eye contact abruptly, it was without regret.

Wisely on his part, Edward was nowhere to be found. I knew he couldn't be far, as distance from Bella was something he could no longer endure. I felt his strong attachment to her, but his needs and wants were of very little importance to me. Bella was my main concern, along with how to get rid of Edward. I was surprised at my calm and control, considering the myriad of violent acts I was contemplating. I successfully split the rage in my brain and heart from the rational and sane sides and tried my best to contain it.

I was engaged in a battle of wills. It was as if there were two sides of me—Anger and Calm. Each anchored himself proudly, stoically standing on a battlefield blanketed in bloody corpses. Anger wore red across his breast and in his eyes. He clutched his torch tightly, looking for Calm to be distracted enough by the carnage to be destroyed.

Calm dripped with acceptance, staring steadily at Anger with fierce golden eyes. He understood that which fueled him, the nature of Anger's zealous acts, but did not have the malice within his being to fight him off. That was the difference between the two. Calm recognized that things were changing and though he wanted nothing to do with it, he realized that there was little he could do. Anger was blind to reason. In his world, nothing existed but the flesh and blood of the one he coveted. Each battle would be fought inside of me, and each would be fought alone. Though both very persuasive, the action I inevitably took would hinge upon which of the two were more convincing.

That Edward behaved as he did was altogether unsurprising and almost understandable. His envy and jealousy were unrivaled and sharp, and also unsuccessfully curbed. The realization that what he felt for Bella was permanent, whether he could control the urge to kill her or not, was the driving force behind my calm. Likes, dislikes, and attachments rarely changed for vampires, but when they did they were everlasting and nothing could reverse the change. It was just one more fact that I had to deal with, whether I wanted to or not, and I most certainly did not. Though I recognized the irrevocable nature of the situation, I was doing everything I could to remain as angry as possible. I hated admitting that there were parts of this that would never go away.

It was not difficult to embrace my anger. Every time I remembered that both Alice and Edward had conspired to occupy me in order to corner Bella I seethed. Calm didn't stand a chance when Anger grew to twice his size and height, becoming such a formidable beast that he scared even himself.

I shook my head, knowing I had no more control, and was having a hard time deciding if I was going to tolerate that. I didn't know where I stood or what, if anything, I could do to remove myself and Bella from the situation completely. I would continue to be angry at Edward for simply existing, and at Alice for trying to pull one over on me. Even if I secretly accepted the way Edward had reacted upon first sensing Bella, it did not mean that I was okay with him being around her, especially alone. I would see to it that Bella was never again left where Edward could get to her.

As I thought of avenues of departure and paths of least resistance, her sleeping body stirred next to me. Her hand darted out from under the soft, white pillow and found its way to my waist. She mumbled something I couldn't decipher and rolled closer, almost wrapping her arm around me. She had not moved since I entered the room an hour ago. I liked to spend this quiet time in her presence. She was happy and content as she slept in the early morning, regardless of what might be going on in her world.

Today was different, so different that I contemplated waking her to see what was the matter. Though she slept deeply, she did so uneasily. Fear, annoyance, and a strong urge to flee hovered over her. They were the same emotions that hovered over me. Floating within those feelings was something new; it was familiar, but something I hadn't felt since I first met Bella. It was a slice of self-consciousness—a worry that she had not or was not going to live up to expectations. I wondered at what could have brought about such feeling. Her comfort here with us must have been becoming precarious. I knew that she would be unwilling to talk about such things. If Bella was anything, she was private.

I could, to a degree, figure out exactly how she was feeling, but without words to clarify, her emotions were really about as easy to read as ancient runes.

She settled again and did not wake.

I thought back to when I entered the house that day after arriving from the salon. I could, once again, tell that something was off. There was a thick cloud of worry spread through the air. I expected no less, really. Immediately, I went to find Bella only to be intercepted in the hallway by Alice. She flitted casually before me, but every vibration she was giving off was tense.

"What happened?" I asked.

She hesitated before responding. "Nothing," she said. Clearly trying to avoid the question, she began filling the hallway with a current of lust. She must have been recalling a particularly erotic moment because her distraction was almost working.

"Alice, come on. Don't do that. Don't lie and don't try to manipulate the manipulator," I said quietly, not really wanting to draw attention or start a fight.

"Nothing happened," she claimed. "Bella was sitting in the kitchen with Esme. Edward was on his way in from hunting. They… met." She acted so calm, like the situation with Bella and Edward was irrelevant.

I tried not to rage at her nonchalance. There had been many times that Alice's visions held true because she had cleared a path to allow them. I wasn't sure if that was her angle or not, but I was most certainly not going to stand back and let Edward hurt Bella. Decisions and timing could always change the outcome of her visions. I was hanging onto that possibility, yet Alice seemed to be feeling infallible lately. I had to remind her that she had seen several futures and only one of them ended with our happiness and love still alive. I was sure that the one she was banking on was not the same one that I was.

"Al, how could you let that happen? You've seen all the different endings. We can't be certain of his control." I was fighting with rationale on my side, but I caught no concern from her. She acted nonplussed, happy even.

"Jasper, I didn't know that they were going to meet until just before it happened."

"You didn't fucking know?" I had to chuckle at her gall as she tried to placate me, attempting pull the wool over my blinking, unbelieving eyes. The air began to thicken into a stifling mixture of hurt, anger, and an aggression that I hadn't felt until the rest of the coven had arrived.

"Okay, take it easy, Jasper." Alice placed her hands on my forearms. They twitched under her grip, but began to relax as she smoothed her hands down to my palms. We stood there, each searching the others' face for something to reconnect our minds and emotions. We had never been this unbalanced as mates and lovers before, and I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to find a way to return to that place.

I squeezed her hands in mine, willing her to continue her explanation. I couldn't comprehend what good could come from Bella's destruction, and Edward was sure to destroy her, for I had felt his fight and it had driven me into nearly the same frenzy. Alice's touch calmed me a fraction. I inhaled through my nose and became overwhelmed with the dwindling scent of fresh rain falling on already dampened branches, an earthly aroma mixed with cream and berry and vanilla, the scent that permeated every surface of my being. Bella. I closed my eyes, trying to organize my thoughts and emotions into words I would not later regret. I may not have been very successful in that endeavor.

"Alice, why weren't you with her? What, did you think that an open invitation for Edward to snack on her was an appropriate gesture?" My volume was low, but my words stirred up the hurt and anger that rattled between us.

"Bella called him to her. _She_ initiated a conversation, Jasper. I don't know why you're so worked up. I was close enough to intervene if it was necessary. You know that I would never let anyone harm her. I love her too." Her face was sincere, but there was a tone of indignation in her voice. She was definitely determined to win and genuinely thought she was right.

I dropped her hands from mine. I wasn't about to relinquish my damaged faith in her motives and I wouldn't let her miscalculations slide this time. It was wrong to put Bella in harm's way. Alice knew that she was forcing her own agenda and that she was hurting me in the process. What she didn't know, however, was that I wasn't going to back down. I was determined to make sure that my feelings were accounted for, because all of this involved my forever as well.

"Alice," I said, tilting my head at her, "what _is_ it about this vision that you want to happen so badly? You've already set the stage. Don't push it any further. You don't know when or if those two will connect and I'm not willing to lose her. Why are you so damned determined to risk it all?" I finished with a growl and walked away from her.

"Jasper, nothing bad is going to happen!" She whispered harshly.

"Then tell me! Give up the information and then stop interfering. You can't just fucking decide what happens here. You're not the only one affected!"

"I've told you all I can, Jasper. Too much hangs in the balance as it is."

She took a step toward me. Her precociousness was maddening, her wide eyes inviting. I resisted the urge to fall into either. She and Edward cared little for my part in this and looked only to further their own roles. As much love as I thought I was feeling, I needed to remind myself that they had betrayed me, lied to me, and would likely do it again without so much as a second thought. That was when it hit me.

"That's why you've been so distant lately. You're detaching yourself." I accused her, finally, of what I'd been trying not to think for a couple of days. When Alice believed something to be inevitable, she often stopped caring. "So, you're just going to let him see her, help him _to _see her, even if he did try to kill her? We swore we would protect her, and now we're the ones putting her in danger!" My voice had risen without my meaning it to. "That's just fucking perfect, Alice. And when she's dead are you going to feel bad too, or are you going to just shrug your shoulders because it all really meant nothing to you?"

"Jasper, that's enough." Edward's voice came from behind me and jolted awake every defense I had tried so hard to keep at bay. Alice's eyes locked onto mine as she tried to keep my attention focused on her.

"Excuse me?" I barely took another breath.

"Alice is innocent in all this, don't take it out on her. It was my fault," he said.

"Yes, Edward, as a matter of fact, it is your fault. You're a selfish, arrogant fucking_ newborn_ and I don't want you here. If it were up to me, you would have been torn and torched the second you were restrained. Bella is not yours and never will be yours. Stay away from her." My fury was palpable and drowned out any other emotion. I knew that they were feeling it too. I turned to him, clenching my fists, preparing to see his pathetic little face drawn down in apology, his insincere way out of everything. He knew that he had no clout with me, so instead I found him leaning against the wall, a self-righteous smile plastered across his smug face.

"Impossible," he said. "She is too irresistible." He pushed off the wall and took a few steps toward Alice and me. "It's already easier to be in the house and it's only a matter of time until her torturous presence is entirely... palatable." He chuckled, and I barely kept my hands from closing around his neck as I slammed him into the wall—two inches of dusty plaster indenting around his shoulders and head. He struggled a bit, squeezing my wrists and pushing against me, surprised that he had not seen me coming. He knew that I was stronger and that he would lose this fight were he to engage in it.

"Jasper, don't!" Alice shouted.

"Stay the fuck away from her." I growled, slamming his head into the wall.

He spit at me. "You can't keep me away from her."

"The hell I can't." I tensed my arms and threw him down the length of the hallway. He somersaulted and landed on his feet, ready to pounce.

Alice stepped between us. "Enough."

Rather than have Edward guess my next move, I waited for him, knowing that his pride had been hurt. I knew how much he detested that I could get around his mind reading. It was a guarantee that he would make the next move. He sidestepped Alice in less than a second and hurdled straight toward me. I ducked, tripped him and held him to the ground.

"You cannot beat me, Edward. You understand nothing of fighting."

He stopped struggling a bit. "I'll beat you when I take Bella."

I was done holding back. Tearing his ugly face from his body was going to be the most rewarding thing I'd done since I killed those three pieces of trash out in the woods. My fingers closed around his neck and I saw the fear in his eyes as his body reacted instinctively, curling, bending, trying to fight me off.

"Stop!" Alice cried as I was torn off of Edward as suddenly as I had attacked and thrown to the opposite end of the hallway. Emmett towered over me, but reached his hand down to pull me up.

"What the fuck, yo? Don't do that shit in here. You know better than that." He eyed me disapprovingly, but did the same to Edward. "And you, you need to stop being so damn mouthy. You're not entitled to anything."

"This is none of your damn business, Emmett." Edward scowled as he lifted himself off the floor. Emmett raised his brow asking, almost begging, Edward to challenge him again. Something had changed inside my brother since the last time I saw him. He'd somehow grown up and succeeded in schooling us on manners and self control.

"Oh, I beg to differ, brother. I live here too, and this is _not_ how shit is going to go down," he said. "Alaska was peaceful and calm and that's what I want to live in. If you want to act like animals, do it somewhere else. Carlisle and Esme won't put up with it here and neither will Rose and I. Don't be so selfish that you ruin things for everyone else." He batted his hand out in front of him in a gesture of frustration and turned to leave. "And seriously, when did everyone get so fucking fond of fighting?"

I kept an eye on Edward. He watched Alice while she stared unbelieving at Emmett as he walked away. Edward's gaze drifted back to me and he silently walked past. I headed for the third floor, finished with this ridiculous altercation and ready to see my Bella.

Alice piped up, stopping us both in our tracks. "It's you fools who are going to cost us everything. We're splitting already."

Edward groaned, obviously reading Alice's mind. "Alice, none of that even makes sense." He looked at me and rolled his eyes. I was surprised that he had the nerve. "She sees us killing Bella, and everyone going off on their own."

Nothing indicated that she didn't believe these events were entirely possible.

She looked at me apologetically. "I don't know how much longer I can even do this." She shook her head, defeated, exhausted and worried. I wanted to comfort her, almost forgetting how angry I was with her.

"This is just another reason to take Bella away from here, Alice!" I tried to ignore Edward's presence as I addressed her. "You, me and Bella. That's all—that's how it's supposed to be. The salon is as good as sold, we have nothing tying us down. It's perfect! We can travel the world together, finally make her one of us and be with her forever. It's the perfect opportunity." She cringed as I wrapped my hands around her arms. "What is it?" I asked.

"It will never happen," she said, her eyes shifting rapidly in their sockets.

"And why not?"

Edward inhaled sharply and growled as Alice looked up into my eyes.

"Because Bella will be dead by Christmas no matter what we do."

I wasn't sure how much validity I put into those words, but they still rang through my head some three weeks later. I'd managed to keep my promise and Bella had been free of Edward. There were still times that I had no control—that I couldn't be home to protect her—and I could not adequately express how frustrated that made me.

The terror of losing her was beyond compare, but as I watched her sleep the fight to keep her was the only thing that mattered.

I looked out into the grey morning mist. It was going to be cold today and there was more snow in the forecast. Bella usually woke up at six in the morning when she had to open the salon. Last night she had set her alarm for five-thirty saying that it was better to be early to catch walk-ins rather than be late and miss them. Her clock read 5:17; there wasn't much time left.

I flipped off the alarm, opting to wake her a more pleasant way and thought back to when we first met Bella and what a mess the managing of the salon had been. Bella had surprisingly turned into quite a shrewd businesswoman and, as any salon owner would tell you, December was a very busy month.


	15. Salacious Ch 14

Thank you all, my wonderful, patient, pretty, and intelligent readers for all your beautiful words, rec's, reviews and the like. I lurve you all hard. Thank you, again.

This chapter is all in the **past**, as I deemed the subject matter of dire importance. You'll see why. **;)**

Shout out to detroitangel, o'course, for helping write/beta/resurrect this chap. It may be 150% different than how we first wrote it, but it's till half hers.

Thanks to fngrcufs for pre-read and Frenchbeanz for the chapter title.

Review if you don't mind. I always read them, and cherish them, even if I sometimes fail to reply.

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:.*.~.*.:

June and July had flown by and summer was quickly turning to fall in Forks. Alice and I couldn't have been happier. The frequency of sunny days had increased twofold since spring and we had more than grown tired of avoiding public places. There was only so much to be done inside on a sunny day and only a select few activities we were interested in entertaining. Poor Bella was beside herself with boredom. Apparently, it had never occurred to her just how much downtime a vampire experienced. If we were only among our own kind, we told her, then it would be no problem to go out when there was sun. Masquerading as humans meant we had our "limitations". She scoffed at my use of the word, but she had no other to refute it.

Such thorough boredom often led to some experimental and very intimate situations. More than game, we tested our boundaries, but the stakes were being raised each and every day. How physical could we be—could I be—with Bella without hurting her? A bruise here and there was one thing, something even a human lover could have done. Further than that was just intolerable, but it didn't usually stop me from thinking about fucking her with abandon. In my lust for that level of passion I had taken to sequestering myself in the library every night to experience those violent fantasies alone, where they could not hurt her.

It was especially difficult since Alice and I had been going separately to Alaska on and off the last few months. It was odd to be separated, and even more odd to not feel as if my very breath, as unnecessary as it may have been, had been stolen away from me. There were only a handful of times we had parted and though the circumstances were still unfortunate, I knew I'd been more upset than I was now. It was becoming easier to be without Alice, while growing more difficult to be alone with Bella. Barely able to keep my hands off of her the last time we were left to our own devices, I had my way with her as she had me but we stopped short of total consummation. I still don't know how I managed. Such a thing was going to be impossible this time and I wasn't sure what to make of the observation.

How was I _not_ going to kill her?

Fidgeting at my desk, I was waiting for Alice to say goodbye again. Weeks ago, I told her that I wanted to be included in this, the next, trip. It made me uneasy but she insisted, and I agreed, that one of us needed to stay back with Bella. Arguing that she should stay in case something untoward should happen did nothing. Alice countered, fought me about my very nature, with a diatribe about how I didn't want Bella to get hurt, so therefore she wouldn't.

Within that thick mire my problem rested and it always waited until I wasn't looking to fully present itself. I was already thinking of the many ways I could spend time with Bella, but now I was contemplating ways to make her mine forever. There was little I could do to stop the thoughts and as guilt wasn't something I suffered often anymore, at least about my desires, I didn't try. Surely Alice was getting used to the future changing every second. She'd had nearly 70 years to adjust. I tried to keep my intentions pure while I let my imagination soar and sometimes I wasn't sure that one or more of my rousing but vile thoughts brought Alice running. My brain knew I should lock myself up in the ripe air of old books while alone in the house with Bella, but my body... my body wanted nothing more than to steep in the musky aroma of her skin, the very nectar in which she had drenched our home.

Bringing my shirt up to my nose, I inhaled deeply and could smell her there. It had been nearly a year since she moved in, but I was still staggered by how thoroughly she had permeated our every home furnishing. Whether the fabric had absorbed her essence from the air or whether it was transferred by physical contact, I wasn't sure. Both avenues were very appealing.

Even the most antique of my books, which I kept tightly sealed in glass housing, had been imbued with Bella. I'd be a fool if I said that though I hadn't considered it, that I was surprised.

Logically, it made more sense than if it were Alice's or my scent. Our bodies weren't changing. We didn't shed skin, hair, or nail and venom was our only bodily fluid. We could smell each other always, but we could smell everything always.

Now, quarantined in the library, trying to concentrate on the scents around me—the Italian leather chair I sat upon, the microscopic dust as it floated lazily in the summer air, orange blossom and vanilla as Alice zoomed to and fro, wrapping up her affairs in order to head out for the weekend—all I was able to identify with was Bella. Bella who sweat, bathed, digested, and bled every day and every month under my roof. Knowing how I coveted her, I felt nothing but smug about it. Incredible. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't falling in love with her—tried and failed—but kept my secrets to myself. I may have known her better than she knew herself and took the opportunity to be more than happy about it.

Her smile was for me alone and so was her frown. She cried in her sleep now and again, though I was sure she didn't know. Even her salty tears called to me and I was safe when I collected them from her hot cheeks on those restless nights—safe to taste them off of my fingers. They were the clear liquid sorrow of Bella and they were mine as well.

If I could not have her blood, I would settle for anything I could get.

I cleared my mind and throat, sensing Alice on her way to me, concentrating on something useful, something that would perhaps help the family out of this little mess we found ourselves in. The Volturi were taking up too much time and energy in our lives and I was already fed up with their nefarious intrusions.

Tonight, Alice was leaving again and she wasn't sure how long she would be gone. In her vision, it seemed a longer trip than usual. She was unsure why.

Worried, not unlike usual, that being in the dark meant something would happen that we hadn't prepared for, I remembered that we'd managed a defense for every one of the scenarios that Alice had foreseen. It was little relief, but it was better than nothing. One contingency consisted of me running with Bella as far north into Canada as we tolerable and "waiting it out". It was one of the more extreme, obviously, but made sense, even if the very thought made me cringe with distaste.

Alice made me promise I would obey. I wanted nothing more than to be insubordinate. Her bags were packed and in the car. I had half a mind to march out there and unpack them myself. Part of me was fed up that we had this omnipresent threat looming over our lives, but I was remiss in that it wasn't somewhat necessary. Life with Bella had become so routine and felt so natural that I almost forgot that we were living so dangerously and that because of what we were everything we loved was in jeopardy.

Not just once or twice, but every day of our existence was subject to the Volturi's scrutiny and every move we made could be observed. There was only one move that seemed to go unnoticed. Somehow, they did not yet know about Bella. Alice was doing everything in her power to make sure it stayed that way. At least while Bella was still human. Even I didn't know the extent of her deflection and the sweep of her strategy. I wanted to be of more use, but unfortunately she was alone in her struggle for clairvoyance.

Conversation could only go so far between us before our emotions got the better of us both and we hit a wall. With the rest of the family she could at least debate without the blanket tone of peril and loss suffocating all those involved. They were only words and pictures to them. Whenever I was there, everything suddenly became too real.

Real. Like my life, my love, dancing into the library, her skirt fluttering up about her thighs. I inhaled raggedly. My thoughts had gotten away from me and with the sudden arousing image, I became a bit too worked up. Leaving or not, I needed to have her one more time, to calm myself and perhaps save a life.

Alice's golden eyes shifted and narrowed, her plump, rosy lips curled into a knowing smile. Clicking her heels on the hardwood floor, she slowed her advancement toward me.

"You're a very, very, naughty boy, Jasper Cullen."

Fuck yes, I was a very naughty boy. I swiveled away from my desk to show her just how very naughty I was, indeed, and raised one eyebrow at her. The thought of her soft legs wrapped around me, her tight body fluttering as she rocked back and forth on my lap was enough to make me hard. The Levi's I was wearing did little to hide that fact.

"What are you gonna do about it, Precious?" I leaned back into the chair a bit more and widened my legs. Denim constricted my throbbing cock, rubbing just enough to make me wince at the pleasure of it. I brought my fingers to my button fly intending to release some pressure, but Alice hissed for me to stop.

I stood and charged toward her, not sure I could stop. She was very serious, though and the set of her jaw was all the indication I needed that we weren't going to have a little fun time before she left. Walking her back against the desk, I wrapped my arms around her. If I could have, I would have tried like hell to absorb all of her energy and allure into my body.

"Fuck, Alice, please don't be gone long." I exhaled the words into her neck, sucking on her skin roughly. She sunk her nails into my biceps and tried to push me away.

I wouldn't last a week. Hell, I might not last two days alone here with Bella. Alice knew of my torment. She had seen it all. She had probably seen more than she was telling me. With urgency, I violated her chin and lips with my mouth. Satisfied for now to have been given a taste I buried my face into her collar. Her clothing smelled like my soap, and like Bella.

She curled deeper into me. I was hard still and her bare thighs rubbing against me was not lessening the effect. I groaned and shifted my hips.

"Jasper!" she trilled. "Stop. I have to go."

"I don't see you going anywhere." I licked her neck, stopping just at her hairline. She moaned softly, her throat vibrating against my tongue, and my cock twitched.

"God, Jasper. Stop."

I sighed in defeat, knowing how pressing this trip was and silently wished I was going with her, but at this juncture, it was unwise to leave Bella alone. We didn't stay with her because she couldn't care for herself, but because of the possibility that someone might be watching us. Alice hadn't seen anyone in the vicinity, for the time being, but it was better that I remain home, just in case she was wrong.

"Give them my love. Well, all except Emmett, he still owes me five hundred dollars."

"I will," she laughed. "Do you want me to try to get your money, baby? You should have told him he was actually betting against me."

"And spoil all my fun? No way. What he doesn't know won't hurt him," I said, burying my lips in her spiky hair. She pulled away with a glint in her eye I couldn't quite place.

I ran my palm nervously over my forehead. Glancing down, she eyed me and licked her lips.

I missed her already.

"Not helping, Alice." I adjusted myself in my jeans, wishing it were her hands doing the manipulating and not mine.

"I really must go," she sighed and kissed the tip of my nose. She was already running behind schedule. "Tell Bella I said goodbye. And Jazz? Please don't devour the human?" Alice giggled and lightly tapped me on the chest.

"Funny, Alice. Very funny."

She winked at me, "Don't worry, you'll do just fine. Everything looks like it will go swimmingly." She wiggled her eyebrows and her ass at the same time.

"What does that mean, my love?" I pawed at her, running my hands under her shirt as she stretched her arms up and around my neck. Her expression became serious.

"Just have fun with her." She quickly fixed the collar of my shirt and fidgeted with the tiny pearl buttons. "It'll be good for both of you to spend some time together. That's all I'm saying." She twisted my nipple and took off. I lunged for her, but she escaped my grasp.

"You are maddening, woman," I grumbled.

"Yes, and you love me."

I smiled and tilted my head down. "Yes, more than anything on this Earth."

I followed her out to the garage and opened the car door for her. She slid in quietly, finally looking as preoccupied as she surely was.

"Don't forget to feed her and take her out for a walk." She smiled.

"Anything else?" I added, trying to remain jovial for her. I could tell she really didn't want to leave us and deal with family matters, but Alice's insight was needed. I felt it was my duty to make it as easy on her as I could. She bore the brunt and responsibility of our insatiable and often relentless need to know everything.

"Nope, that'll do. I'll call you soon."

I leaned in and kissed her. She opened her mouth to me, both of us giving into our reluctance to part. If she didn't leave now I might not let her, so I broke our kiss abruptly.

"Aww, just run along, now," I said. I looked down at her hungrily, I saw her shiver.

She started the engine as I closed the door. Slowly she rolled the car down the drive. I watched the speck of yellow as it turned onto the road, following it with my eyes as far as I could. I couldn't help but drop the façade, letting the sadness wash over me. When she turned on the highway, she sped up, and I could see yellow no more.

* * *

BPOV

I was in my pj's, sitting in the kitchen with my feet on the counter, tossing green olives in the air and trying to catch them in my mouth. So far, I had eaten about a dozen. There were four or five hundred on the floor.

Twisting on the bar stool, spinning around, poking and looking at my bony knees, I sighed and contemplated my boredom. I wondered if I were a vampire just how much faster I could be spinning around on this chair. Of course, thinking about becoming a vampire made me think about the one in the other room and made me question why he was avoiding me, again. Jasper was always in the library. If Alice wasn't here, it was like he did everything he could to not have to be near me. Sometimes it felt like living alone, but with a chaperone.

Letting my head fall back over the top of the chair, I rolled it over the wood, satisfied in listening to my gristle smash and trundle between the hardness of the chair and the resistance of my skull. It made me think of the ten pounds I had lost since moving in with Alice and Jasper. I hadn't even been trying. I dug my fingers into my ribs, counting from the bottom up. There was little use in chastising myself for having neglected my diet. It just wasn't as easy to remember to eat in a house where no one else did. I somehow never forgot to have a few martinis and just because I had olives and maybe a few stale Triscuits didn't mean I was properly supplementing my diet. They weren't the most nutritious food sources.

I jumped up, swaying to the fridge and dug through its pathetic contents. Everything was either expired or wouldn't sit well in the vodka I had already consumed. This was why I stuck to crackers. They were easy and neutral. I huffed, collecting my hair and twirling it in a knot on the back of my head. It was late, past ten, but I knew the Chinese joint in town was open.

"Jazz!" I yelled, exaggerating my movement and opening my mouth wider than necessary. "I'm going to hunt!"

He was in the doorway in a nanosecond. I smiled, still standing at the fridge, the door open wide.

"I think I should drive you."

"Why for so?" I pouted, threw the door shut and turned, anchoring my hands on my hips.

He laughed, folding his arms and leaning on the jamb. "Because you've had enough vodka to kill a small child. I don't want you driving. You might hurt yourself."

I snorted at his presumption. I wasn't drunk, per se, but sober wasn't the right word either. I was just smart enough with liquor that playing with Jasper this evening would be fun, and not just a little bit challenging.

I walked toward him suggestively. He stiffened against the molding as I perched on my tip toes and kissed his cheek. "Anything you say, dear. Just let me go get dressed."

It had been two days and he hadn't so much as touched me—appropriately or not. Walking past him, I couldn't help but swing my hips like they were devilish rounds of flesh butchered and on display. The fucking vampire had it coming! He wanted me, I could feel it. He couldn't help but exude it and I certainly wasn't complaining. It was very enjoyable when Jasper's desire got away from him. I just wished he would do something about it.

Running to my room, I threw on some worn in blue jeans and my cloudy black snakeskin boots. I wiggled my toes in the narrow tip—something about an old pair of cowboy boots seemed to soothe me. Kicking my heels together lightly, I winked at myself in the mirror and checked out my side profile. I was never very modest, but even I was taken aback. Maybe it was the heady, humid air or the fact that even thinking about Jasper touching me made my skin stipple with anticipation—that or I was just drunk and horny. Either seemed plausible.

My tight, black beater tank sat comfortably right at the waist of my low rise, straight leg Levi's. If I could have gotten away with it, this ensemble would be my signature. I would have worn it every day.

Thinking about how Jasper would likely react to seeing me so casual yet presentable made me tingle. I smiled knowing that as soon as he touched me, my nipples would get hard thus completing my trashy, yet aloof look. I let down my hair, fluffed it up like a good bad girl would and ran back down the stairs. He was waiting at the bottom.

"Ready, cowboy?" I tilted my head toward him and trotted down the steps.

"As ever, ma'am." He opened the door and I moseyed by him, accidentally tripping on the rug. I lurched forward, nearly falling flat on my face. His cold hands caught me under my arm and around my chest. He pulled me to him, both our breaths stolen by the contact. With my back pressed against him, I could feel his chiseled abs—his rock hard pecs. Arms wrapped around me, his hand rested half on my ribcage, half on my breast, the other on my hip. My nipples instantly hardened and I straightened, sliding our bodies together.

"Thanks," I whispered. I heard a low growl and smiled at it. He let me go hastily, a little too quickly to be polite.

"Boots but no bra?" he asked through clenched teeth. He tried to seem unaffected.

"If you've got one, Jasper, you usually don't need the other."

* * *

JPOV

As I walked behind Bella out the side door and into the garage, I developed a new appreciation for the art of denim construction and thanked Mr. Strauss—where ever he may be. She wore those things like they were made for her, by her, about her, and to taunt me until the day I tore them from her body, destroying their perfection and not caring one iota. She kept turning back, throwing her hair over her shoulder to look at me. Such an unnecessary gesture, I thought to myself, since her face was really the last part of her body I was interested in.

"See something you like, sugar?" she asked with buoyant delight, her hand on her hip. Pretending she was unaware of just how much I liked what I was seeing, she turned away, a mistake, and I was at her back in an instant.

"A few things," I said. Her hair was a downy cloud as I parted it with my nose. Gasping, she stopped walking, letting my hands snake from behind and coil around her softest spots.

"You ought to tell me what they are sometime," she said, escaping my arms and dashing for the car. She opened the passenger side door and threw herself in, leaving a draught of vodka behind her. I was in the drivers seat before she had time to close her door.

"What is that perfume, love? It's different than your usual." I plied her and started the engine. She seemed surprised by my sudden presence, but I knew it was only the liquor slowing her reaction time.

"Um..." She hesitated, feeling the allure of the question while still managing to be self conscious of something as natural as the way her body smelled. Getting over herself quickly, she bit her lip and I put the pedal to the floor as I turned out of the drive.

"It's this freesia and fig body wash." She brought her shirt up to her nose to recall, but I knew that there were more flavors to add. We were still missing the base, the musk and the mouthwatering sweetness.

"There is something else," I said. "Patchouli and..." I stopped, unable to recall the last remaining notes.

"Amber," she said. "And a touch of cherry."

"Ah, yes." I inhaled. "That's it exactly." I smiled, looking sideways at her silhouette as the moonlight rolled over her with every foot we travelled.

"I got a little carried away at the mall the other day. Bought a few hundred lotions," she laughed at herself. I was in awe that with as much hunger I was feeling unrestrained, she did not want to devour herself.

"Edward would have a field day with you, love." He'd always had a thing for perfumes and anything olfactory.

"Who's Edward?" she asked, giving me a salacious look.

"Oh, our brother, coven member. He has a thing for scents." It wasn't a lie, but now that I thought about it, even Edward used it as a means to further his endeavors, whenever he could. It was just by chance that he actually appreciated the aromas around him.

Bella "ahh"ed in understanding and did not question me further. I was more glad of this than I realized.

She drunkenly squirmed in her seat as I continued to drive to the Chinese place. Her movements the whole way did nothing to calm the monster inside me. Having parked right in front, I stayed in the car while she swiveled and flirted with anything that walked. She waved at me through the window and I almost took the steering wheel off. Ballooning with jealousy and the desire to tear the building asunder in order to get to her, I knew I had to shut this down. She was beating me at my own game.

When she got back in the car, I filled it with calm and content. She sighed and leaned her head back on the seat. Maybe I was overdoing it a bit. I eased up and we continued home in silence. I already felt like I was going to crumble into gravel if I didn't attempt to hold myself together and Alice had only been gone two days.

From a distance, I followed Bella into the kitchen. She sat at the counter and began unloading her food. She looked sideways at me as I entered the kitchen with those beautiful brown eyes and gave the stool next to her a pat. I obliged her and sat while she opened the first container.

"Angel?" I asked, turning my nose up. "What in the world is that offal?"

She rolled her eyes, pulling the white container closer to her. The Styrofoam squeaked in protest against the counter and her grip. "My dinner. Obviously."

"Well, Bella. I definitely wouldn't want to deprive you of that… sustenance?" I waved my hand at the offensive food, blowing the smell away.

She leaned over the container, closed her eyes, and took a long draw of the scent, smiling.

"Mmm," she groaned seductively. She glanced at me again. "Almond Chicken, my favorite." With that clarification made, brought a forkful to her mouth and took a bite, pulling the metal tines out through her tightly pouted lips. She moaned again. The vibrations rattled through the room and tingled through me. She continued to make all kinds of deep, suggestive noises with each mouthful and my body made a few suggestions of it's own.

I was watching her mouth open for the fork, close around it. Her muscles worked slowly to chew the food. She would lick her lips and the sound it produced sent me reeling. Venom was pooling in my mouth quicker than I could swallow it away. I had to shock myself back into this conversation and stood quickly, walking to the sink to get Bella a glass of water.

"You seem to be thoroughly enjoying yourself, Bella. Maybe I should leave you two alone?" I said, turning off the tap.

Looking up, I was too preoccupied with my fantasies to realize and saw the movement as if it were in slow motion. Something whizzed by my head and hit the window with a wet, sticky thud. As it slid down the pane, I blinked twice in recognition.

"Was that... Rangoon?" I was shocked and disgusted at the same time.

She nodded and with a full mouth managed to speak. "Covered in plum sauce."

"Seriously, Bella." I said turning back around quickly. "I'd never throw my food at you."

She slapped her hand to her mouth, nearly choking, trying to stifle her laugh. I didn't bother to hold mine back, but couldn't help imagining how pissed Alice would be if I accidentally killed Bella trying to do the Heimlich maneuver. I brought her the water, as she clearly needed it.

Taking a drink and swallowing finally, she regained some of her composure. She stared down at the floor, some sort of realization widening her eyes.

"Hey, did you clean up all the olives?" she asked, finally taming her amusement.

"Yes I did. You took too long to get dressed."

"Right. Thanks."

"I'll send you the bill." I winked. "I'm going to hunt. Have a lovely time with your dinner."

I was out of the kitchen and passing the tree line in less than five seconds. Going too far wouldn't be a good idea, so as I reached the other side of the river, I brought down the first creature I found—a smallish doe. She didn't have time to twitch before I had drained her.

I walked back to the house slowly, wondering if I could stay out all night. The more I thought it over the less I wanted to do it.

Bella was cleaning up her dinner in the kitchen. She ran the water and washed her plate. I could hear her boots clacking closer, then fading away—going upstairs—hopefully to bed. My sweet relief would come no other way.

Knowing that I'd had her before, having those images flash through my mind as perfect as they were then, felt like torture. The thing I longed for, the one thing I'd never really had, was her all to myself. I longed for it, not sure I could do it without killing her. Alice was always our buffer. She made the rules and made sure we played by them, especially when we were too far gone to remember.

Little, these last two days, had been of comfort. The clean air of the forest came close, almost clearing my senses of Bella, but my surroundings only brought more images of her into my mind. I sat on a boulder near the bank of the river. She swam in this very spot, early one evening a few weeks ago. The sun had been bright, oppressive, as it so rarely was. I replayed those visions in my head.

From under cover of the trees, I watched her. She brazenly disrobed, flinging her dress away. Her nipples were pert and dark under the white cotton of her slip. Women didn't wear slips anymore, or so Alice had said to her, but Bella refused to listen. She claimed that nothing felt or looked more feminine than a woman wearing a slip. That moment, I had to agree.

It was so transparent that I knew, even three hundred feet away, that she wore nothing underneath. I thanked the heavens above when she pulled it over her head and tossed it away. I hadn't been sure which would have been harder to witness, the tawny valleys of her body clinging to that drenched slip, or her bare skin dripping and glistening, free of the barrier. The slip would be too taunting, hiding that sweet skin, begging to be torn from her flesh. Being bare took away the mystery, though didn't lessen the urge to ravish her.

Given the one evil, I wasn't sure I didn't want the other.

She wasted no time wading, stepping in and diving toward the current. I tore myself away and ran for hours, but running wouldn't do now. It wouldn't distract me thoroughly enough to keep my mind off of Bella. I also knew I didn't want to anymore. If I let the demon possess me, maybe she would end me more quickly? I ventured back to see.

As I entered the house, all was quiet. There were no lights on, no sounds to be heard except a steady heart beat from above. I went to the library to read for a while, maybe write.

I flipped the lamp on out of habit and walked around the desk, sliding a random book off the shelf. Tossing it from hand to hand, I couldn't concentrate on it, so I turned on the stereo. Tonight would be excruciating slow and lonely. Picking the book back up, I tucked into it and tried like hell to forget Bella was even in the house.

Some hours later, nearly finished with Don Quixote, I heard Bella padding her way down the stairs. It was a little after three a.m.. I lowered the book as she entered the library. Pitch black silhouetted her figure in the doorway.

"Hey, Jazz."

"Bella." I nodded at her. "Is everything ok?" She looked fine, her pulse was steady and her skin was slightly flushed. I breathed in deeply as her aroma blossomed around me.

"Yeah, fine. Just couldn't sleep." She locked her hands behind her back as she ambled toward me, balancing her weight, each step, on her toes. She stopped a few feet away. I took in her appearance and, swiveling in my chair, nearly whimpered at what flesh was on display—Jesus, was this woman ever appropriately dressed?

She had abandoned her normal sleeping attire in favor of the black tank from earlier and a pair of scandalous, candy apple red boy shorts. I swallowed hard and tried not to ogle her tanned legs. She also must have bathed while I was out as her fresh, rather enticing scent was sharp in the air.

"Would you like me to help?" I asked, wiggling my fingers at her. She smiled,

"No, thanks. I think I'll read with you for a while. If you don't mind."

I certainly would not mind her company or the company of those cruelly provocative undergarments.

She eyed me curiously, catching my lingering gaze on her thighs as she drifted toward the American classics. Very near to my right, so near that I felt the compulsion to reach my hand out and ghost over the soft hair that covered her forearm, she stopped, looking for some answer from me..

"Please, stay as long as you'd like." I waved my hand motioning for her to feel free.

I'd spent the whole day half cocked and she did everything in her power to tickle my trigger finger. My intent was to turn the tables and give her a little taste of her own medicine—it was time to even up the score.

She smiled and focused her attention to the books on her left. I followed her with my gaze, turning further in the chair, wincing as she spun toward the shelf. Her backside was covered in tiny black and red ruffles, like a fucking Vargas pin up—God, the 1940's were the sexiest. I was losing this game terribly. I bit down on my knuckle to keep my growl at bay.

"Aren't you cold, love?" I asked, my teeth clenched.

"No, quite warm, actually." Bella was up to no good, that much I could tell. She was feeling a mischievous mix of desire, excitement, and fear, a deadly cocktail; her eyes confirmed it. She licked and bit her bottom lip.

Shifting uncomfortably in my seat. Her every move captured my full attention and I did nothing but follow her with my eyes. Her fingers danced on the spines of the books and when she would stand on her toes, her ass would firm up. Taunting and soft, her round flesh peeked out from under the mesh, provoking me.

She'd settled on a title and walked across the room, laying face down on the couch in front of me to read. She seemed to be paying me no attention, but I was betting differently. Solid within seconds of her bending her knees behind her and parting her legs to get comfortable, I decided that all she would be getting was trouble.

My body eagerly responded and tightened. I held my erection through my jeans. Stroking downward once, I focused the pleasure on Bella. She whimpered, moving her hips minutely against the leather sofa. Clearing her throat, she turned a page in her book, still not looking at me.

All of my attention was focused on her. I released my cock, sliding it out of the denim. Out of the corner of my eye I caught her smile and I stroked myself once more, again guiding the feeling toward her. This time I was better received. She rested her forehead on the book and raised her body slightly off the leather with her elbows.

"Jasper," she whispered.

"Put the book on the floor, Bella."

Her hungry eyes flashed to mine as she closed and set it down. I opened myself to her, stroking myself steadily now, building to a release. She gasped, still watching me and I unleashed my desire onto her, keeping the flow constant. She moaned a breathy exhale, her voice caught in her throat, and I could have sworn she hissed out the sexiest 'yes' that I had ever heard.

I slowed my pace, giving her an opportunity to decide, to breathe, to confirm that this was what she wanted, what she might have come down here for. With one more soft whisper of my name, she fully accepted what we were about to get ourselves into.

"Turn over." I almost begged, needing to see more of her. With her willing, ready, able participation I wasn't going to take long.

She slid onto her back and bent her knees, writhing and clutching at her breasts. Her heated breaths mixed with my cool ones and the room began to spin and turn, a storm churning and brewing on the verge of combustion. I was jerking full force now, seconds from coming. My stomach tightened and as I spurted out into my free hand, Bella came with me. She arched on the sofa, wailing my name. I quickly tucked myself back into my Levi's and went to her.

Kneeling on the floor at her side, I opened my mouth and gathered on my tongue the droplets of her desire that floated in the air between us. She was panting, her hands fisted in her hair.

"Jasper," she breathed.

I shushed her mouth with my finger and trailed my hand down the center of her body.

Her ribbed shirt was rough, bunched up under her breasts, but the skin on her belly was hot, fuzzy, soft. I was buzzing, my thirst was piercing, but my ache to taste her, to take her, to make her come a thousand times was stronger.

I caressed over her hip and down to her knee. I urged her to sit, to face me. She did so, with one leg on either side of mine. I was hard again already. She gasped as I wrapped my hands around the small of her back and pulled her closer.

"Sorry, I know I'm cold," I whispered, my lips an inch from hers. The craving, the lust, the elation, all of it surged through me, making it difficult to deciphers whose emotions I was truly feeling.

"It's not that." She smiled, relaxing and melting into my arms like butter.

"Slow, baby. We've got to go slow." I choked on my words, hardly able to take in air. She nodded silently at me as I leaned in, pressing my chest against hers. She was on fire, hot and moist everywhere. I slid my hands up her back, under her shirt. Trembling, she leaned into me and our lips met. Hers were open, steaming on my cold flesh and her tongue wound out against mine. I carefully sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. She held tightly onto my shoulders to calm her shaking. I met her mouth fully, exploring every surface with my lips and tongue. She kissed me fiercely and our lips smacked against each others, wet and noisy.

Lightly pressing her soft flesh inward, I ran my fingers over her back, outlining her spine and her delicate shoulder blades. Never taking my mouth off of her, I kissed her neck, below her ears, her chest. I held my breath and my nostrils flared as I took in everything Bella had to offer me. She lifted her hips slightly, pressed herself against me, pinning my erection between us. The heat was intense, blazing, in her most intimate spots. I palmed up under her arms, lifting and guiding them over her head. I held her wrists as she arched forward, pushing her soft perfect tits, still covered in that damnable cotton, in my face. They begged me to unwrap them.

She wanted this. I could feel her desire, her guilt, her wild abandon. We fueled each other. When she would writhe against me, she would surge with power and confidence. Unable to resist the potency that we had created, I would intensify the feeling. She was all mine on this couch, in this house. She was all alone with me, by choice, and by persuasion. I wanted to possess her. It would take no effort to trap her and keep her. I could open my lips on her flesh, sink my teeth in so fast she wouldn't even know it was happening.

When I soared, she diminished, and I was every bit the monster she loved and feared. It was no illusion to her that we were dancing on the blade of a knife, a slip away from butchery.

Hovering over her breast, I was losing my control, my balance, thinking of her blood, and she was finally catching on. Having just sucked on her nipples through her shirt, I felt her panic rise and her resolve unravel. She gasped and I unlatched from her body, immediately forcing myself to the opposite side of the room.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," she pouted breathlessly. She was still splayed out for me. Her arms hung over the back of the couch above her head and her legs were still parted. My eyes darted over every inch of her, willing myself to be strong enough to withstand my nature, to be gentle enough not to break her in two.

"Bella, shh. It's not your fault. That was all me." I paused. "I can't expect you to lie still underneath me every time." I sat on the floor by the desk, chastising myself for having to break away from her.

"I will," she murmured.

"No, you won't." My disappointment was rivaled by her tenacity.

"Jasper, you can do this. We can do this. When you're ready, please come back over." Bella kept her position on the couch, only bringing her arms down by her sides.

Already, I missed her warmth on my cold skin. I had made love to Bella successfully numerous times. This was our first time without a guide.

"Alice would have called," I muttered, mostly to myself. Hope swelled around me as Bella absorbed my words.

"Come here, Jasper."

I rose and at a very human pace made my way back to her. She held out her hands, waiting for me to come to her. Still sitting on the couch, she reached for my waist and hugged me, resting her cheek on my abdomen. With my palm, I smoothed her chestnut hair off her shoulders and around the back of her head.

Hot little hands snuck under my shirt. They fluttered up my sides and across my stomach. Bella leaned off of me and began unbuttoning my shirt from the bottom up. Shrugging it off as she slowly traced from my collarbone down to the edge of my jeans, I shivered from the trail of cinder she left behind.

I hissed. Her tickling movements tormented me. They triggered a frenzy of reactions inside of me, reactions I could not, at this juncture, give.

"Jasper, I decided this long ago. I think we would have heard something by now. Just watch your pressure."

She looked up at me with a smirk on her lips. I caressed her face from the apple of her cheek to the slight dip in her chin. Fingers dipped below the waistband of my Levi's and I closed my eyes as she removed the rest of my clothing.

Naked, I knelt down between her gloriously warm legs and pulled her body to mine and greedily pulled her shirt over her head and threw it behind me. My skin prickled where it met hers.

She moaned and pushed closer, her eyes closed and her body quaked when I leaned in, resting my forehead on her belly. I breathed out her name.

Like water she rose and arched into me, taking hold of the back of my head. Thin fingers wove through my hair as I snaked my tongue out, licking my lips before kissing her flesh. Sweet and salty I rolled the taste around, savoring the tang on my tongue, continuing to take her skin as far into my mouth as I dared.

I kissed and licked my way to one nipple then the other. Each peak was a tiny evil gift to me. Affected, excited, they hardened further in my mouth.

"Jasper," she shuddered. Her legs were clamped around my waist. She rolled her hips, grinding her slit against my cock. I pulled away, grasping her hips and rolled them for her. Faster and faster. The fabric of those damnable panties stretched and caught between us, opening her to me unexpectedly before closing off again. I could feel her blazing wetness as I slid her body up and down against mine, barely coherent enough to keep my restraint. All I wanted to do was plow into her.

"Jesus. God, Bella, you're so warm."

I wanted to taste her where her flavor was the thickest, but the sensation and heat through her soaked garment was too magnificent to stop. I pulled her to me, pressed my chest to hers. Her pliable flesh pushed and folded around my stone body and her lips found mine again, devouring them, my chin, my neck. She licked my throat to my ear and whispered, "Take me upstairs, Jazz."

I picked her up and ran.

We were in her bedroom within seconds, both breathless and disoriented by lust. I set her on the bed and removed her ruffled panties, tempted to suck on them or save them for all eternity.

I knelt again, this time her legs on either side of my head. I traced her inner thighs with my cheeks, nose, curling my tongue out every few inches, flicking and fluttering from her knees upward. When I reached her sex, she was throbbing and ready, glistening in the moonlight that bathed her from the open window.

I slowly tasted her, gliding my tongue easily over her skin. She was sweet clover honey, amber and cream.

"Jasper," she moaned.

I continued teasing her with the tip of my tongue, dipping it slightly inside then out again, gliding up to her clit. She was straining to keep still, to not smash her pussy into my face. Repeating this path, I took her as close to coming as I could, knowing all the while exactly where she was and what little movement it would take to bring her into oblivion. I flattened my tongue, moving in the circles she taught me, over her engorged nub.

"Jasper, please. Harder."

How I loved to hear her beg for me.

"Patience, my Bella. I'm not finished yet," I purred into her skin. She growled at me in desperation and need. I took a few more gulps of her, concentrating on her depths. I brought my first two fingers to her clit and continued the circles, darting my tongue in and out of her. She came quickly and hard against my mouth, a rush of her sweet juice filled me and I was sated. I kissed her one time chastely and stood.

She looked at me, her eyes heavily lidded, her luscious red mouth slightly agape. She licked her lips as she crawled backward to accommodate me on the bed.

I hovered over her, desperate myself to kiss her, to taste my venom and her sex on both our mouths. Her lips opened to mine without hesitation and I plunged my tongue inside.

She shifted below me, clutching my shoulders for support and lifted her hips to mine. With my legs, I parted hers farther and lowered my body to meet her. Watching her deep, dark eyes for any sign of hesitation I nearly got dizzy with the love I saw there. I held my tongue as I experienced her security being with me. It was a truly beautiful and magnificent moment. My adoration for her couldn't have been any more grand. I held her face in my hand, resting myself above her, and let the feeling flow between us.

It was a continuous current of overwhelming bliss and though I may have initiated it, I was no longer controlling it.

She would melt me, were I really made of ice. She would break me if I were really made of stone. I hesitated, my cock barely grazing her. I'd realized that I hadn't thought about her blood once since the couch. Nothing mattered to me now except feeling her feel me. There was no thirst, no burn in my throat. Each need had transferred to the thirst and burn of my desire for her.

"Bella, I did it," I whispered in her ear, licking the lobe for emphasis.

She turned her head into me. I felt the smile on her lips, her teeth on my skin. "Yes, you did, baby."

Lifting her hips just as I rolled mine down, her body gave me little resistance. She hugged me, hot and deep, as I slipped in. It felt so beautiful to be inside her that I would have wept had I been mortal. I cradled her head in one hand and held most of my weight off her with the other.

She brought her knees up higher, near our shoulders.

Slowly, so resplendently slowly, I brought us together again and again. She cried my name. Her voice, low and broken, trembled—vibrated around me. It made me dizzy and lightheaded.

Whispering in her ear, I reassured her and pacing myself, I let her ride out her third orgasm in fifteen minutes.

"Faster," she sobbed, tears falling from her dark brown eyes. She wrapped her limbs around me like a vice and I obliged her, eagerly. Hanging on to one last thread of control, I granted a gentle attack, over and over, never quite leaving her body before soldiering home again.

Her walls seized once more, nearly locking me in place inside her, massaging me to within an inch of my sanity.

"Jasper!" she howled, paralyzed underneath me.

"Bella, baby. Bella," I breathed into her flesh, kissing her neck and sucking lightly on her skin. She was soft and warm, her body molded to me, accommodating me. I plunged into her, slapping my hips against hers, and exploded, chanting her name.

She slept in my arms the rest of the short night and most of the warm morning. As she woke, I decided that we would make use of the hot summer day and maybe take a picnic down by the river. It had been some time since I had been swimming.

I made her a quick breakfast and waited for her to come downstairs. She was all smiles and gentle touches as she ate, blushing the tiniest bit as I stared at her, no intention of averting my gaze. Most likely, I never would again.

We cleaned our small mess together and I grabbed a the small bag I'd packed—some water, towels, sunscreen and a power bar, just in case she got hungry.

"Ready?" I asked, extending my hand to her. Her expression was curious and puzzled.

"I think I'm ready for just about anything, now." She took my hand and followed me out the back door with a smile. "Lead the way."


	16. Sinful One Ch 15

A/N: This is a present pov chapter.

Lots of people helped during the making of this chapter: detroitangel, as constant as always; Nattydread, with dedication, praise, and wisdom I may not deserve; and Frenchbeanz, with one final, slightly porny, walk through.

Last and certainly not least, allysue08 and thiscolony for sunsets and cantankerous.

Thank you all.

I do not own Twilight. Some quoted text in this chapter belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.

* * *

~Bella~

I'd spent a lot of time pretending that I'd never been hurt, a lot of time thinking that I was no different than anyone else, and a lot of time making up excuses for running away when my action mattered the most. There was a soft spot around my heart, but the middle was tough and scarred and it had been quiet and alone for so long. I needed to find my pulse again, and take it back for myself. Maybe then I could share it. If that was even what the prize was. Perhaps the outcome was all up to me. If I made a choice, defined this existence with the Cullens, would our issues resolve themselves?

Could I make a choice?

It was my turn to decide what I wanted. I just couldn't bring myself to face it.

It seemed like a whole week had gone by since anyone last spoke to me, each other, or anyone else. Even Alice and Jasper. Evidently, we were all trying our hand at mastering the art of avoidance—winner take all.

Not that there was anyone around to brag to if I won. Every corner I turned or room I entered was quickly evacuated and I was left deserted more times than not. I couldn't figure it out and, frankly, I didn't care anymore. Shit had been so weird around here since Edward and the rest of the family had shown up that I'd stopped analyzing every word, gesture, and look. They were still there, those harsh, secretive, knowing glances on each of their faces. I tried to smooth things over, but distinctly got the feeling that none of them wanted advice from someone who had only lived a fraction of their time on this earth, so I quit trying.

Was it possible that the avoidance pissed anyone else off as much as it did me? Everyone in this house was hiding something either from me or from one another, and Alice? Well, Alice was hiding it all. I did not envy her.

It felt like I really was living here alone. Rarely did I see more than one or two of them at a time. Even Jasper kept to himself. If he wasn't by my side or at the salon, I had no idea where he was. Alice too. Rose, Emmett and Esme were in and out, but had few words for me, even when Jasper had them 'watch Bella.' Whatever the fuck that meant. Carlisle was almost never here and it had been nearly a week since I'd even seen a shadow of Edward.

Not that I was complaining. That dude was all hot and brooding and kind of creepy and it took every ounce of restraint I possessed to not go looking for him at every opportunity. He needed to stay away. As it were, I was also contributing to the avoidance, trying to keep my intentions a secret from Alice and Jasper, tiptoeing around while trying to deny that I was on the hunt. I was just as talented and just as guilty as everyone else.

Intriguing, alluring, infuriating and terrifying, Edward plagued me and I did my level best to avoid him—to neither be seen nor heard. It really wasn't going very well.

Firstly, aside from the unfortunate forest incident upon their arrival, there was the strange sit down in the kitchen. He touched my hand, seemed to kind of... puff up like he was getting ready to fight me and then he was gone, having paid no mind to manners or the furniture.

That little exchange kept me to my room for a few more days—Jasper couldn't have been happier—and gave me some time to think. Since Edward had dislocated my shoulder saying hello, I couldn't go to work or really do anything physical for at least a month, so I tried to figure out a way for us all to reside under the same roof peacefully.

Any plan I may have had was shot to shit when Jasper and Edward decided to have a little tussle in the hallway. There was a vampire sized indentation in the wall for a couple of days.

Then, two weeks later, a few very mature, very close to the house fir trees suddenly decided that they'd had enough of this cruel world and uprooted themselves. A tragic ending to such a peaceful life. Emmett had thought so, too. It brought jousting to a whole new level in my mind.

Then there was the note. Jasper was livid about the note. Without Alice's expert distraction, I may never have been able to save it. I wasn't sure why I wanted to, but I tucked it away nonetheless, pretending that I'd torn it up myself.

Its words were simple, though they spoke of complexities I was sure neither of us quite understood.

_**Bella ~**_

_** Again, I'd like to apologize for my aberrant behaviour. You fascinate me.  
It is difficult for me to stay away, though I try. I apologize for that as well...**_

_** Until next,**_

_** Edward  
**_

His writing told me that he had hesitated just before signing his name. There was something in the subtle difference of the scrawl, something fleeting. It screamed of honesty, but also uncertainty. There was no deception in the text, though more than one question could be conjured from its insinuation. I'd thought of all of them... and then some.

I had to laugh as I read it for the thousandth time last night. It really was a pointless note. It bore no news or request, and I believed that was what made me covet it. It was written simply because he was thinking about me.

Jasper said I should have burned it—just like he should have burned Edward the day he attacked me.

I feigned no reaction, even though the one I had was a bit more intense than it should have been. The fact that the note was carefully placed on my pillow and tucked under some small flora I didn't recognize but filled the room with it's sweet and bitter scent should have probably creeped me out.

It didn't.

It made my stomach flutter and my heart race. It excited me. I was a sick fuck, and it wasn't a huge surprise when I hid the note in my underwear drawer. I pulled it out and read it over and over, like the fiend I was, whenever I had the chance.

Early this morning I spent some time with it, slowly rubbing a corner of the paper until it was shining and smooth. Every day I touched it, I wore it down with the oils from my skin and made it more flimsy.

I stared at his name, smiled and then looked away, only to snap my eyes right back—making its presence a surprise every time.

Last night I'd actually requested to sleep alone, though I'd already been doing so for a few days. Both Alice and Jasper were amenable, as I rarely turned down company. With the ridiculous drama around every corner I didn't feel the need to explain myself.

Some things never change though, and I had a hard time staying asleep without one of them with me. Near three a.m. I tiptoed to my dresser and extracted Edward's note. As I sank deeply into my downy bed, my eyelids eventually became too heavy to hold open. Reading it one last time, I folded the note back up and gently closed my hand around it, sliding my arm under my pillow.

I woke to Jasper's gentle touch and the faint rustle of what could only have been Alice slicing through my wardrobe. Jasper was getting all handsy and I was enjoying it immensely, but I pretended to still be asleep. They both knew I was bullshitting and played along beautifully. Jasper pressed himself into my backside and the contact made me groan. I pushed back into him without thinking.

"Aw, damn," I whispered, pulling his arms tighter around me and guiding his hands under my camisole.

"I thought that might do the trick," he said, his lips parting the hair that draped over my bare shoulder and drifting over my skin.

All I could do was mutter into my pillow and keep as much contact as possible. It was always a glorious day when Jasper woke me up.

"If I didn't love you both so much, I might be pissed that it's..." I wiggled out of Jasper's arms and stretched, tilting my head up to see my alarm clock. "Not even six in the fucking morning." Though I was ecstatic that things seemed much more normal this morning than they had lately.

"I told you to bring coffee, Jasper. You never listen to me anymore." Well, maybe not _normal_. Alice paid us little attention as she searched through my garments. I wondered what in the hell she was doing.

"Did you lose something, Alice?" I pulled the sheet up over my head and Jasper rolled away. He sat up and I peeked out to watch him. I cackled a bit, being dramatic, and smiled at his determined movement. His face was drawn in concentration but looking right at me, and it was fucking adorable. He pulled his shirt over his head with one hand while the other one dove under the sheet, flipping me away from him.

"We're going away for the weekend," she said as she unzipped a suitcase and set it on the armchair in the corner of the room. I tore the sheet away from my face and looked away from Jasper toward her.

"What do you mean we're going away for the weekend?" I mumbled as Jasper made himself more comfortable, shedding the jeans he had on and sliding under the sheet with me. Alice was flying around the room now, gathering clothes and make-up and shoes. I wrapped my arm tightly around my pillow and buried my face in it. Jasper lay back down and rolled toward me, pulling me to his chest. I brought the pillow with me.

"Why? Where? How long? I have Shari this afternoon and I can't cancel again or she'll never come back."

"It's only two days, Bella." Alice rolled her words as well as her eyes she was so trite. "And we're not leaving until after you get home tonight, so relax, will you?"

Oh, sassy little vampire. I wanted to throw my pillow at her, but I was too comfortable burying my face in it. "Okay, and why?" I tried to pay attention with Jasper's cool hands pulling my lazy legs and arms this way and that, massaging the surface of my skin and making me want him deeper.

"A friend opened a new spa in Seattle. I hear their massage therapist is a god, not that I would know. We need to do a little recon anyway if we intend to add the spa services like we've talked about."

I had to laugh at the parallel subject matter. I turned my head back to look at Jasper. This was the best massage therapy in the world and I wouldn't even hesitate to call him a god.

He caught on to my amusement and smiled. His eyes were dark, but still shone with affection as his lips found mine and erased all thought from my mind.

His kiss pulled me under and after only a few seconds, I was swooning and melting further into the bed, even if I was already laying down.

I pulled away with a gasp and rolled over, leaving his growling lips behind me. His hands stayed.

Alice was right, to a point. We did need to expand and offer the citizens of Forks a more diverse beauty experience. We had been talking a lot lately about adding services to the menu and actually becoming more of a day spa. Of course, over the last three weeks, most of the business talk had gone in one ear and directly out the other and I was glad that I didn't have the added responsibility of being full time at the salon. I both loved and loathed that Jasper had taken such an interest in running the place. He was more than capable of taking care of everything, so I let him have at it. I reduced my practically nonexistent schedule down even more—to one shift a week.

Then one day I just stopped thinking about work—the fact that I did work and that I owned my own business—and I wondered what that meant. Did it matter that I didn't really miss it at all? Sometimes, when I wasn't being attacked by or witnessing a bunch of angry vampires trying to kill each other with a look, I longed for the routine back, not to mention the fun and accomplishment I felt doing hair. Responsibilities, memories, the reason I was still in Forks—that I was still alive—all came stampeding back into my mind when the realities started to come back into focus.

I grumbled into my pillow. Everything I had once loved seemed to be escaping my attention—everything except Alice, Jasper, and Edward. Edward dogged my every waking thought and it made me want to run away.

But every time I thought of leaving, I imagined myself running away from what my life had become to what my life could be with him. The thought made me shake with fear, gag with disgust, and moan at the possibilities. I humbly thanked whatever god might be listening that Edward couldn't read my mind and that Jasper often mistook my emotional condition as desire directed toward him. It really was a win/win situation, sinfully speaking.

Again, I had carved a path where I could be held least accountable for my actions. This time, it didn't sit as well.

There were occasions when our paths crossed. I couldn't really go out of my way to find Edward. Part of the appeal, I kept telling myself, was that whenever he saw me he appeared to be hostile, like he was angry at me for just being there. That excited me, as well. I could maybe say the same for him, though I wasn't positive. The look in his eyes as he spied me, whether he was passing me in the hall or watching me from a high window, sank into my skin like a needle full of ink, never to be vestal again. I still felt his sting days later, so there was no way I was making that shit up. He had effectively come into our lives and torn his way through, ruining our peaceful existence and yet coaxing for more. I should have been the one burning him with my gaze.

Oh, but slap my tits and call me Mama—the man was good looking. Good looking hardly even covered it. It made my lady parts quiver just thinking about him. We were talking mouth watering, nipple hardening, panty dropping, bend over and take me hot. Stone cold was now a mere understatement.

I tossed myself over onto my back, frustrated and kind of pissed that Edward could somehow elicit reaction from my body without even being in the room. Then I thought about him touching me. Bad idea. I shifted, sliding my legs against each other and squeezing my thighs shut on Jasper's hand. That really only made matters worse. Jasper rumbled next to me and pulled me closer. I wasn't the only one with a raging hard on in this bed.

"Who's going? All of us?" I asked, turning to face Jasper. He removed his hand, slid his fingers down my bare thigh and around my knee, pulling my leg over his hip. His hardness pressed into my body and I sighed. As we arced toward each other I rolled myself against him, damning the fabric that separated us.

"Jesus fuck," I whispered into his bare chest. His cool hand lifted up my shirt and he squeezed one breast, pinching and twisting my nipple before letting go abruptly. Alice climbed onto the bed behind me. She had on shorts and a tank but I could feel a cold sliver of her abdomen playing up against my back as she molded her body to mine.

"Just Rose and Esme are coming with," she said. "It's high time for a girls weekend. Again, it's only for two days." She finished lifting my shirt up and off me and her hand snaked over my belly and breasts, the other cradled my head. I felt her lips on my neck and Jasper's icy fingers slowly lift my panties from the front of my body, tickling lower, exploring my heat. I gasped as he parted my skin and gently rolled over my clit before sliding his finger inside.

I was a panting mess when he finally tore the thin cotton from my hips and rolled me onto my back. Alice scooted to the side and I reached for her, catching her around her shoulders, bringing her mouth to mine. I wove my fingers in her hair and whimpered around her lips as Jasper's cool tongue flicked over my bare skin, quickly becoming as warm as I was. Barely able to concentrate on kissing her, I moved my hands over her body. How I craved her taste... it was nearly overwhelming and I was having difficulty not flinging myself on top of her.

But Jasper kept me down, moving his fingers in and out of me so fast it took my breath away. When he closed his lips around my clit and firmly teased in circles I came undone, breaking away from Alice's mouth and burying my face in her neck to stifle my scream.

I muttered incoherently as I shook away the orgasmic delirium that robbed me of my senses. Slowly and unsteadily I rose to my knees and groped at Alice's clothing, somehow able to convey my wish for it to disappear. One good thing about my vampires was they caught on quickly.

Greedy with my mouth and hands, I didn't give her time to react to one stimulation before I began another. It felt urgent, like she was slipping away and I was trying to catch her. She held my shoulders, her mouth still attached to mine and pushed me backward. I slowed as the three of us reclined again and evened up our positions—Jasper behind me and Alice in front. In another hurry, I slid down the bed and pulled her to me by her hips.

I lost myself in her cool saporous fire. It made me drunk and I beckoned with my fingers inside her to come with me—with us. She did and whimpered quietly as Jasper spread me to enter. She stroked my hair as I was pinned to both her and the bed. Jasper's arms slid under mine on either side of my head and pushed me onto my stomach, onto Alice's. I felt trapped and safe, and gripped the sheet on either side of her hips, pressing my hot skin against her.

Favoring a high pitched whimpering, I quickly cried out as each deep thrust seemed to reverberate through my flesh and bones like a slow, thick bass line written just for me. My face slid over Alice's stomach and I found her again and again with my lips.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my torso and lifted me to my knees, still deep within. My idle hands flew up and behind me, tying themselves into his wavy hair as I arched my back away from him. He held steady to my hips and controlled my movements—keeping me exactly where he wanted me.

Alice watched, spread eagle from down below and teased me with her eyes. I reached for her with one hand and she sat up. I could hardly see her moving but I felt her crawling toward us, then her cool tongue on my hot flesh. I must have screamed because the next thing I knew Jasper had his hand over my mouth and was laying me back down on the bed.

"Shhh, Bella," he said as he repositioned us—me on my side and Alice locked in flush against my chest. He slowed, I slowed, and we stroked until we were all panting and shifting in unison, dripping on my clean sheets and muttering our affections into puffy lips. I closed my eyes. My heart ached with a strange detachment. It would just about kill me to ever have to leave the sweaty cradle of their arms.

Why did I think I had to leave? Was my infatuation with Edward going to ruin what I shared with Alice and Jasper? If Jasper knew to what extent I was thinking about Edward he might have something to say about it, but I thought I was doing a good job pretending not to be preoccupied.

I could hide nothing from Alice, but she reassured me with her many smiles and late night chats that she wasn't going to spill.

Jasper slid his arm out from under my head and rolled onto his back. "What's this?" he asked.

I blinked, still euphorically drowning in pillow and skin, not paying him any attention.

"Oh, shit." Alice jumped up and jostled us all out of our sex coma.

"What?" I asked, having no idea what the hell was happening. I rolled toward Jasper as he jumped off the bed, crumbling something in his hand.

"You kept it," he whispered. I strained to hear him and sat up.

"What? Who kept what?"

"Bella," Alice said, more with the strain in her neck and the fear in her eyes than with the actual word. She quickly pulled a dress over her head.

Then I remembered. There was only one thing Jasper could have found under my pillow and I cringed, knowing that it was _on_, now. It was under my pillow, for fucks sake! I wasn't weaseling out of this one.

"Jasper, listen. It's not what you're thinking."

"It's not? What is it then?" His naked form turned to me and demanded explanation.

"Jasper," Alice interrupted. "Relax. It's just a note. It's not like he was hiding under her pillow."

"Alice, she told me she got rid of it." He paused, whipping his head around to me. "You tore it up." His irate eyes were wide and I saw the hurt in them. I nearly buckled under the weight of his pain and wanted to go to him, soothe him, but I needed to defend myself first.

"No, I didn't. Look, Jasper, don't be angry." With every step I took toward him, he backed up another.

"What was it doing under your pillow?" His voice was thin, muted so as to not get out of his control.

"I was reading it last night. I fell asleep." I had no other excuse. None that didn't paint me as the harlot, the villain, the mean cunt who was all for breaking the man's heart.

"Is that why you didn't want us in here?" Jasper's face turned suspicious and accusatory, like wanting that time to myself was a crime.

"Jasper, knock it off. Bella is a grown woman, she can do what she wants. Who are we to judge her?" Alice tried to remain neutral, but I could tell she was getting upset with Jasper.

He raged. "You have a death wish, don't you? He's getting closer to killing you every day!"

Alice took a few steps forward. "Jasper, stop. That's not going to happen."

Both their voices echoed through my head, but I couldn't react. My arms and legs wouldn't move, I was anchored to the spot with all the restraint I had. Betrayal and anger shot through me, swirled around the room. I almost didn't know that they weren't my emotions. My head spun as Jasper walked toward me.

"I would only ever protect you," he growled just inches from my face. Inside my naked body, my heart sped in time with my growing fear. His words were meant to reassure, but all they did was terrify.

I blinked and sat down quickly, practically falling to the floor. Backed up against the bed frame, I brought my knees up to my chest and took several deep breaths. "Please stop," I begged.

When thought of rationally, this whole situation was about jealousy—the one irrational emotion that we all loved to hate and hated to love. I knew Jasper feared that I would become interested in Edward. Every second that went by made me think about him more. It was almost like a dream that I couldn't wake up from. I knew what was going to happen before it did and I wanted to stop it. But I couldn't—I couldn't scream loud enough or pinch myself hard enough to wake up.

And it was all too easy to just stop trying.

Alice spoke. Her voice trailed off almost like she was talking to herself. "There's not much we can do here."

I nodded and continued to stare at the floor by Jasper's feet. Like snowflakes, tiny pieces of ink scratched paper floated down, settling on the shiny wood.

Jasper answered her ambiguous statement. "What is that supposed to mean, Alice? Everything that comes out of your mouth anymore is a damned riddle. Look at what it's done. We don't even know how to proceed without your guidance. Have any of us been making our own decisions? Or have you been calling the shots all along?" He sounded fed up, like he was surrendering. He knelt down in front of me.

I wondered if they were looking at each other, or at me. Neither one moved until I looked up. Jasper sat down, folding his legs, sending the shreds of paper ghosting through the air.

Alice breathed in. She tried to mask her anguish, her frustration, but they were all too obvious in her expression. Jasper's words were harsh and even I felt the weight of a thousand decisions yet unmade. Her wounded eyes connected with mine. "We'll leave around seven, Bella," she said, as she turned to leave the room. "I'll see you then."

I stared at the empty space where she'd just stood, then directed my eyes to Jasper. He looked defeated, but relieved. I was sick to my stomach.

"I'm sorry I scared you." He reached out and gently took my hand in his. I knew him. I knew Jasper. He would never in a million years hurt me. All he was doing was demanding that I take responsibility for what I'd started. That I own up and truly _be_ involved in something—not just let it happen before my eyes. He was the one who would make me accountable and I loved him for that.

"It's okay," I whispered. But I hated him for it. He was right. Jasper had always told me that whenever he became involved in a situation, everything suddenly became too real. His words made perfect sense now.

He pulled me onto his lap and I folded around him. It was nothing to give my body to Jasper but when he asked for my heart, I held back. Now I knew that I'd already done it. I'd already given part of myself to him completely and it was too late to go back. I could try and ignore the temptation Edward presented, but it seemed futile, his face was in my mind as well. I held on to Jasper tightly, telling him with my skin what I couldn't with my words.

He responded, lifting his hips ever so slightly. Nose to nose, I looked into his bronze eyes and adjusted myself, sliding down around him with a sigh. There was no hiding the emotion I was feeling. It couldn't have been easy for him to make any sense of me or my mood. It wasn't easy for me.

"What the hell is happening, Jasper?" I asked, slowly rising and falling with him.

"I have no idea," he whispered back.

"I want it to go back to how it was." I said, with my breath on his lips. His fingers were firm and I shuddered around him.

"Me too, baby, me too."

* * *

~Edward~

The sun had begun to rise and like I'd done nearly every day for the last ninety years, I made my way back indoors. More obvious than my frigid touch, or my unnaturally colored eyes, was the sheen of my skin as the ultraviolet light penetrated the epidermal layer and revealed the toxicity of my 'condition'. I endured this monstrosity as what I had become, had been made—vampire—even though I hated it. I couldn't bear to look at myself in the bright light of day, but I knew my own vanity. I would loathe this existence while also reveling in it. It afforded me the ultimate freedom. Anything I desired I could have. Well, almost anything.

As I stood to leave, something caught my eye. It could have been a bird flying far off in the distance, but whatever it was stopped me and I was taken aback at the sight before me. The mountains rarely looked as lovely as they did that early morning. If I could have, I would have wept at the blended red and gold that burst at me from behind them. The trees weren't far from on fire as the burning disc of my impending flight rose slowly, tauntingly, seductively from the center of two rounded peaks. Years had wasted away and died as I walked this earth, ignorant of what magic lived here, too early in it's inception to be noticed.

With each second, the sun brought me words—words I thought I'd forgotten, yet were embedded so deeply in my subconscious that I may never be rid of them. "The sun was already westering as they rode… the light of it was in their eyes, turning all the rolling fields… to a golden haze. Far ahead and to their right the Misty Mountains loomed; ever darker and taller they grew as the miles went by. The sun went slowly down before them. Evening came behind."

So much time I had wasted memorizing tomes of the twentieth century; so many books devoured. I hadn't picked one up in what seemed like ages and suddenly I felt the urge to absorb words again, but alas, such recollection didn't matter much. It only brought about more questions. Was I going backward? What lay ahead, should I continue forward?

Wondering whether I was meant to travel east but had been unwittingly headed west had me twisted in such a way that I was unable to even consider direction. From where I stood, there were two ways only—up or down. Neither were places I wanted to travel. I realized that all a _human_ would have to do was apologize and it would be as if the miles had been erased, never trod.

Human simplicity wasn't a luxury I possessed. I couldn't just walk up to Bella, tell her I was sorry and that her very presence brought me both stillness and a storm. I wasn't able to explain it, even to myself. Unable to celebrate her life because of my death and what that death had done to me was one of the most maddening things I had ever endured.

It was torture.

Since my arrival I had done nothing to prove that I wasn't the monster I appeared to be and yet, why should I? Who was this corporeal siren sent forth to invade my thoughts, my every desire?

If only I had the experience of respite, the downtime of sleeping nights and daydreaming, then perhaps I would know better than to go so deep into my fantasies that I already missed what I'd never had. Each time she was still, silent or sleeping, I wished and wondered at millions of possibilities and chances lost; what opportunities were yet to be unearthed. It was funny how immortality seemed to rob us of our more enjoyable passages of time. Idle laziness and caressing limbs were not as overrated as I had once thought, and thinking back, I was stumbling over those 'respites' of my past.

Three weeks had gone by—three weeks, three glimpses, and three unfortunate fights. It had not been my intention to tear us all apart, but surely as the sun rose before me, I'd cleaved a fissure that could end us all. I hated to think of it that way but came up empty for debate.

As I stood on the jagged rocks of the foothills, the need for preservation, both of her and myself, won out. I could remain idle no longer. I craved her mouthwatering sweetness, yearned for her muting touch. If there was even one minute of utter silence born of her in my future, I wanted that future to start now. The restraint was too much to bear.

I wouldn't kill her—couldn't ever kill her. I'd be dooming myself to an eternity of chaos and regret. Knowing how close I'd come to heaven on this damnable earth and then destroying any chance to experience it would drive me mad and render me incurably void of animation. I didn't think I could go on.

I had to woo her away from them. This new mission would keep me busy. The outcome was less... populated than was preferable, but those were sacrifices I was willing to make.

Over the last ninety years, I'd kept myself so distracted that I could not remember when I'd been after one thing alone. Never had I wanted something so completely as I wanted Bella, and if I'd ever come close it most certainly wasn't to do with a _woman_. I couldn't recall the last time I'd thought about, let alone fawned over, an elbow or collarbone—the way a delicate lobe attached itself and seamlessly became the tender skin between her neck and jaw. Each curve and plane only drew my eye further, to feast upon another inch of her pale flesh. When met with the resistance of shirt or trou, my eyes wished they could burn them off, make them disappear and yet not mar the magnificence they concealed.

Sitting under this rising sun, loathing myself for who I'd become, I thought of Bella and was aware only then of how insignificant I truly was. The grasses underneath my body ceased to be only blades of green, becoming the cleansing renewal of the earth. The indigo and black as they outlined the clouds weren't the colors of the dreamscape she painted my world in now, just because they made up the sky. The tall trunks of evergreen became the road markers I passed as I traveled toward that which stole my every pointless breath.

She captured each exhalation and kept them locked away, both from me and from herself. Surely she had a box, a vessel of keepsake named "Awes of Edward," and each tiny nexus of every gasp she had purloined lived there now—inside and in secret. Every day she had torn out a piece of me and sooner or later she would have the whole, to do with as she pleased.

It never helped these days to think of the past—of my transgressions and sometimes worthy mistakes. Those memories seemed pale in the rosy shadow Bella had cast over me. Her skin was soft and yielding, an indulgence I'd only dabbled in, and the thickness of my immortal flesh forgot the pleasure it had memorized in preparation for new ones. None that were wasted were anywhere near as enjoyable as the faint berry scent on the wind, carried to me by the breaths of others and the wings of creatures too small to seem significant. The tingle of her red cheeks, burnt from within and from a fire unknown, roared through my body just as it did hers.

Seeking solitude was my way of suppressing the hungers that split me in two. Most knew to leave me be. Such women as I'd had, have always tried to weasel into my self-imposed quarantine. The one woman that I now wished to never leave was the one that I knew wouldn't bother to be there to begin with.

It used to matter little to me if the sun was rising or setting. If it settled in the water or behind the trees, I could tell you thirty ways from Sunday in which I did not care. Those movements of the world had become as trivial as the begging females I had entertained so frequently throughout it. It also never mattered if they were coming or going.

Not in ninety years had I concentrated so hard on anything other than my most immediate goal. I had ceased all knowledge and connection to the universe continuing on around me. Did human life progress beyond my own existence? I had only wandered for a brief time, and in doing so, had been witness to those existences with each life I took. It was a time so dark and horrendous it could only be described as hell—the darkness of an eternal night. Such time I wasted, yet so much more still to come. My infallible memory was pulling me down with it, in the one direction I was terrified to go.

I hung my head as the day grew brighter. I wanted to see Bella more than anything, but I dreaded going back into the house. Jasper still refused to leave her alone, and Emmett had an eye on me constantly. If one of the family wasn't with her, they were with me.

That my obsessed misdirection led me to this sunrise puzzled me. I would never in a million years have fathomed how or why things had gotten so out of hand.

I sat heavily on a large, grey boulder, my knees level with my chest. There was a silver frost covering the nearby meadow and it glinted in the morning light, muted only by its stubborn icing. Many small rivers babbled annoyingly in the distance.

One thing about sounds as a vampire was that when you desired none, you could hear every one. Each was as deafening as an explosion and as grating as nails against a chalkboard. It was childish and cantankerous of me to lament the chaos in my head and to resent those who found solace easily, though it didn't stop me doing it. It was so noisy all the time; I contemplated digging myself dozens of feet into the ground, if only for a few hours of utter and complete silence. I simply wished for peace and I knew where it slept, but to venture there now would only create more noise.

Musing, I stared into the smoldering sun and smiled. What would it be like to hear Bella like I heard everyone else? I couldn't help but want the peace she could give me, but didn't think it was something I had been looking for. It was so curious, though. Never had I had company that I could not predict. I had learned much about her from the others, but I longed for her sultry, nonchalant voice in my head—other places and ways as well. I may not quite have learned my lesson as far as my egregious fantasies were concerned, but I wasn't such a masochist as to delude myself into hoping for their success in reality.

When we first arrived home, we weren't sure exactly what we would be walking into. We knew of a Bella. A human living with our vampire kin. Shock and awe were understatements, to say the least, but the more Jasper and Alice visited and reassured us, the more we grew accustomed to the idea. With the impending visit from the Volturi hanging over us, we had more to worry about than a mortal girl. Even though her knowledge of our existence put us all in even more danger.

It had been years since we had lived with Alice and Jasper, but we trusted them implicitly. If anyone would have had any real worry or objection to her presence, it would have been one of them. It was because of me that the family had become slightly disconnected. It all would have been so different if I could have controlled myself that first day. I tried to lay the blame on them for not being more forthcoming before we arrived, but we were all to blame.

If I could go back and play the last month differently, I would take that path. Be it through halls of agony and fire, I would find my way. I realized now that there was no going back. I could not just turn around and erase a month's worth of misguided wandering. It wouldn't do any good anyway. I was barely permitted to speak with Bella, let alone get to know her. My predilections had always been without consequence. I had never been faced with a situation that was off limits.

As I rose from the boulder, the sun assaulted me fully and I crouched just inside the thin brush of the tree line. I could smell her on the leaves and bark I hovered near. I closed my eyes and pictured her. I reached my hand out to caress her face. She would lean into my touch and sigh. I would pull her to me, taste her coy smile. It was amazing how Bella had managed to leave a trace of herself over every inch of the house and property.

Again, I was headed in the wrong direction. These woods felt like a sweltering hell and home looked like a dewy heaven. Bella was heaven. She was the glorious sunrise that had finally opened my eyes.

I sprinted the mile or so back to the house. It was only half past seven, but I could tell as I read the thoughts of my family that everyone, including Bella, was up and ready for the day. The curious aroma of coffee reached my nose one hundred feet from the porch.

I closed the distance in seconds and reached the door just as it opened before me. I startled her and she gasped. She jumped back and as if in slow motion, her steel coffee mug slipped from her fingers. Jasper stood a few feet behind her and to my right. I reached out, catching the mug with both hands before it hit the ground. Jasper was next to us in an instant. He wanted to step between us, to shield her from me, but there was no room. If he had moved any faster, or even an inch more in her direction, he would have barreled right through her. His eyes were like daggers flying at me from his scowling brow.

I ignored his silent threats, not so silent to me, and held the cup out for Bella.

"Careful there." I smiled, thankful to see her before she was off to work.

Her face was scarlet and I reveled in the heat she gave off. It swirled out around us as we stood inches from each other, tensely huddled in the doorway. She reached her shaky hands for the coffee. Jasper's ranting anger was muted to me when her fingertips swept over my knuckles as she collected her beverage.

Silence.

In shock, I stepped back, remembering that feeling from our first contact in the forest, sure I wouldn't be able to resist whisking her away. I'd expected it to happen again, but this time it felt as though her skin had pierced mine and not only just where we had touched, but everywhere. It rolled through me like the spiked tips of a pinwheel, spiraling up my arms and around my chest. I tried to not let my smile falter as I gave her more room to get by.

"Thanks," she whispered, avoiding my gaze. She seemed to lose the battle as I caught her sneak a peek at me from under her lashes. She quickly turned to Jasper. "Thanks," she said again. "See you later."

Jasper kissed her cheek and stepped back into the house as she made her way to the garage. He watched me intently, warning me what would happen if I should step out of line. Again, I ignored him as I watched Bella walk away from me. Her hair was caught and swirled around her in a sudden gust of wind. It brought her thick scent back to me and I stumbled from the desire I felt. Jasper growled and I turned to him, feeling it intensify, magnify between the two of us.

I now finally realized how complicated this situation was.

"You love her," I whispered, in awe, but also in understanding. "I wasn't sure what it was, until now. Thank you for clarifying for me."

He had yet to utter anything aloud, opting to spend his energy blocking me. He stepped out onto the porch as Bella backed her car out of the garage. We both stared after her as she turned and headed down the drive.

"Of course I love her. You're a fool, Edward, and fucking blind."

"I may have been, at one time, but now things have never been clearer." Wistfully looking in the direction Bella had gone, I was eager to get the day over with and see her again. I made to enter the house, but Jasper blocked my way.

"What do you want?" he demanded. His eyes were not focused on me, but instead trained off in the same distance mine had been.

"I want to go to my room, perhaps wash myself. I have been out all night, per _your_ request. Or do you intend to ban me from the house when she isn't even here?"

"Watch it, Edward," he spat at me. I could feel his anger now. Jasper wasn't as careful to keep to himself when he was angry.

I tilted my head at him, testing his patience with my smirk, and turned again to where Bella had just driven off. "Oh, I'm watching Jasper. Every chance I get." I chuckled under my breath and saw him tense out of the corner of my eye. I squeezed past him and as I did, he turned. Our shoulders grazed, not far from checking. I didn't necessarily want to ruin my relationship with my brother, but I could see that this was still only the beginning of our feud.

"Jasper, this intimidation thing isn't going to get you very far." I could hear Alice on her way downstairs. "You've already got the world," I said through clenched teeth, darting my eyes in her direction as she appeared on the landing. "Now, you're just being greedy."

Jasper kept silent, but couldn't help the onslaught of profanities from flying through his head.

"You still don't understand, Edward. This is not about me," he whispered, trying not to be overheard. Alice was nearing the sitting room and already knew what was happening. She reached the doorway and stopped. Neither of us looked at her, instead, we held our gaze on each other.

Having never considered actually fighting my brother, our recent altercations had me at a disadvantage. I was novice with combative angles, but he had contemplated many strategies and I'd seen from his mind what he was capable of. I may have had one advantage, perhaps two, but he had many. I could try to pick out of his head his next move, but he was second only to Alice in his ability to block me. I might have been faster, nearly fast enough to get away, but he had decades of experience tracking, planning and strategizing. He would find me eventually, especially with Alice's help.

I was impatient, prey to my own whims and distractions, whereas Jasper could wait as long as was necessary. Never had I met a more patient or ruthless man. Even Carlisle was quick to act when inflamed, but Jasper would wait until the perfect moment to strike. The scariest thing about him was the preternatural calm he possessed. It wasn't difficult to know what mood he was in, but by controlling emotions for so long, he managed sometimes to appear completely absent from the feelings he gave off. This always caught me off guard, and after knowing him some sixty years still happened too often. There was a stranger in him, someone tortured and malevolent, bound by weak ropes. He was quickly released and wholly underestimated and it appeared that I didn't know him at all.

I took a step toward him and something in his expression changed; he shifted. Whether it was his recognition of my smug understanding or the stranger taking over, I wasn't sure. Alice cleared her throat but Jasper continued anyway. "It's about Bella. She doesn't want you, will never want you."

"Jasper." Alice tried to make him hear, to reach him wherever he was, but he did not waver.

"How could you know what she wants, _brother_?" I'd had just about enough of him at this point. I was getting nothing from his mind, he was blocking me without seeming to try. He was as blank to me as Bella.

"I know that she's terrified of you. She doesn't want to die at the hands of a _monster_." His inflection was one of malice. His stance was defensive as he slowly stepped toward me, in front of Alice, blocking her from my sight. I took a deep breath, focusing on her. She wasn't letting me in and all I got was darkness.

_Later_, I heard faintly.

"Jasper," she whispered again. "Jasper, please come with me."

My fists were clenched, my body ready to collide with his again, if it came to that. I hoped it wouldn't, and I looked away from him to Alice. She had moved closer and was now attempting to guide him toward the hallway. Emmett and Carlisle were standing a few feet behind them.

"If I'm the monster, Jasper, what does that make you? Are you going to crush the skull of any man that touches her?" Going there was not the course of action I had wanted to take. The entire family had decided to sweep the triple homicide under the rug, seeing it as justified. The fact that the degenerates hadn't actually done anything warranting such a demise mattered little. We weren't the most forgiving creatures in the world.

At my accusation, Carlisle and Emmett wedged themselves between Jasper and I. The hostility in the air was stifling, but we had so far managed to not snap. Jasper chuckled darkly from behind Carlisle. He was just as tall, and in the shadow of another figure he looked even more menacing than he had only moments ago.

"I will tear anyone down," he muttered, "who attempts to hurt her, Edward. Anyone." It was his dark gaze that frightened me, not his words. Though he had hunted just last night, his black eyes sliced into me, trying to split me in two. Alice began to push him away, using all her strength to do so. He barely budged.

"That's enough," Carlisle insisted. "Please, for all our sakes, keep your distance, boys. Obviously there are things that need to be worked out, but we will not fight. I do not wish for this animosity to dwell within us. We've come too far, worked too hard, to be torn apart from the inside." His eyes were imploring and genuine.

He reached a hand out to my shoulder, pushing me away, before he turned to Jasper, "Let's take a walk, shall we? You too, Alice." They turned without word and headed for the back door.

Alice's voice speared through my head, _Tread lightly, this is just the beginning. Bring her lunch today. I'll keep him occupied. 12:15, at the salon. Don't be late_.

I thanked her, silently and with a smile to myself. I had hours to kill, with no desire to wait. Keeping myself busy had never been so unappealing.  



	17. Surreal Ch 16

I know that I usually give you some past with at least every other chapter, but as things are heating up, the story needs to be told a certain way. There is certain information you need before we can proceed. I also don't think you'll mind it, either. That said, this is all present... again.

Thanks to nattydreadful and detroitangel, and you, my lovely readers.

* * *

**~Bella~**

"That feels really good"

I couldn't believe that I had Edward in my chair or that he'd come here. It seemed surreal. It wasn't like I would have kicked him out, but I was alone at the salon, Jasper and Alice weren't here; it felt like a trap. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the secret camera crew to jump out at me.

Then Jasper would appear out of nowhere and tear Edwards head off. I shook my own, trying to kill that train of thought. No being should be ended because of me, especially not this one. The one I was currently trying not to molest under the guise of hairstyling.

Technically, Edward wasn't in my chair; he was in the shampoo chair. And I was currently, and with definite purpose, massaging conditioner onto his scalp and into his amazing, thick, beautiful hair.

I smiled, dreamily. He opened his eyes. I stopped smiling.

Though I was thoroughly enjoying myself, I didn't want him getting any ideas. He seemed to be enjoying himself as well and I really, really wanted to show him the many flat, stable surfaces in the back room, but I had to keep this somewhat professional. Or as professional as I could.

"I bet you don't indulge like this very often. Alice said that there aren't many opportunities in the wild tundra of Alaska to get your hair done."

He smiled, eyes closed again, and I kind of melted. Again.

"No, not too many. There are, I suppose, a few salons, and I have had women wash my hair for me, but nothing as remarkable as this."

I frowned at his confession about the "women" he'd had wash his hair. I hoped he meant something strictly platonic, but I wasn't betting on it. The bit about me being remarkable made me tingle, though.

"One of your harem?" I asked, trying not to laugh out loud.

His golden eyes opened quickly but my grin assuaged his alarm. I wouldn't have minded offending him, but wasn't sure that I actually could. That could be an interesting game.

"Yes, Bella," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "One of my harem." He over-pronounced the word and I snorted at him, sliding my thumbs upward along his hairline, over his cheekbones and temples, pressing a little harder than I would with a human client. My fingers rubbed down the back of his head, to the nape of his neck. I repeated the circuit and it took more strength than I thought possible to stop myself at his collar.

I was prolonging the shampoo, we both knew it, and I really don't think either one of us cared. A few more circuits around and it was becoming a bit awkward, for me at least, but Edward took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"It's incredible."

"What is?" I thought of his incredible harem and laughed out loud again. He opened one eye and squinted at me. I had an urge to soak his face with the hose.

"How when you touch me, I'm at peace. How it takes away the oppressive thoughts of world and makes it just you and me."

My breath caught. I wasn't expecting that. Having no more coherent thought, I remained silent, shutting the water off and throwing a towel over his face.

"Well," I said, unsure that I should even be talking this seriously with him, "it's the least I can do, I guess, considering the drama I've brought down upon us all."

After drying his hair a bit, I guided him back to my station and fixed the cape around him as he sat. He gently grabbed my arm as I turned toward the counter. "Bella. You did nothing. None of what is happening is your fault. How could you even think that?" His eyes were imploring, violating even, as his thumb pressed and rubbed against the tendons in my wrist. My pulse thrummed through my skin and into his cold grip. I could feel him concentrating on it.

I pulled out of his grasp and fished through my drawer for a comb and a pair of shears. "Well, it's really quite simple, Edward. If it weren't for me, none of this would be happening. Alice and Jasper only left Alaska because she saw a vision of me, and the family wouldn't be fighting if I hadn't moved in. Facts are facts." I shrugged, lowering the chair so I could comb his hair. "Jasper wouldn't hate you, and vice versa, if it weren't for my damnable blood."

I avoided his eyes in the mirror as I combed his hair straight back. He leaned away and turned toward me. "That kind of thinking will only make things more difficult, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and pulled his shoulders back into the chair. "I know."

With a pointed look he relaxed and let me continue combing his hair.

When he showed up at the salon with a bag of Thai take out I thought I was hallucinating. When he watched me eat it, outside at the picnic table in the parking lot, I thought I was going to explode. We didn't speak much and I ate quickly because every second his eyes lingered on my hands, lips and face was torture. He looked at me like I looked at my food, but with a bit more... intensity. I thought for sure that at any second he was going to launch himself across the table and devour me.

I couldn't find it in me to care if he did, but he didn't, and now it seemed like he was going to stay as long as he could.

"You know that this is permanent, right? If we do this, it won't grow back."

"I know."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well, it's a bit shaggy in the back. I thought it would look good if I texturized the ends a bit more. I don't really want to change it much. I like it the way it is." I tried to tear my eyes away from his, but the mirror held our gazes like glue.

He hesitated before speaking. "Thanks."

I tried not to give in to the tension our words were causing. They seemed heavier than they should have, like each one had a thousand other meanings.

Sliding my fingers deeply into the hair on the back of his head, I smiled. "You're welcome. Is there anything you want to change? I'd hate to just do whatever I want, considering you're the one who'll have to endure it for the rest of eternity."

"Well, since you put it that way..." He bit his lip and turned to me. "No. Anything you impart, or take away for that matter, would be an improvement. Do as you will."

I tried to laugh in spite of the situation, but couldn't quite manage. As I sectioned and snipped, he closed his eyes and, if you asked me, seemed so calm that I would have sworn he was asleep.

"Edward?" I knew I wasn't disturbing him, but I still hesitated to discuss the situation. It was difficult to get any time alone with him as it was that I didn't want to waste time talking about upsetting things. His eyes popped open and I tried to appear nonchalant as I attempted to broach some rather heavy topics. I combed and sectioned a bit more often than necessary.

"Why do you think that I turn you off?"

"What on earth gave you that idea, Bella? The last thing you do is turn me off."

I shook my head and smiled, getting more comfortable with each passing second. "That's not what I meant. What do you think it is that I can mute the voices?" Still awkward. Comb, section, snip. I was suddenly nervous that I was going to fuck up and cut too much hair off. "That is what I do, right? Mute the world?" I was a little dramatic. It made me feel better.

"Yes, you do, and I wish I knew why. I have no theories. Carlisle has a few. One that he thinks is particularly plausible, but we won't know until..." His voice trailed off and I knew exactly what he was about to say. If I had some anomaly, it likely wouldn't be obvious, or even present, until I was made a vampire—if I was made a vampire—so to even hypothesize was futile.

"You speak in 'when's', Edward. It's not like setting a date, and Alice doesn't want to change me anyway." I was nearly done with my cutting and I walked around him to the counter to trade my shears for trimmers.

"Where do you get such thoughts?" He almost laughed. "When was the last time you actually talked to Alice about it? I think you'd find that she thinks it's a fabulous idea. She's just unsure of the circumstances. Evidently there is a bigger picture here. One that none of us are seeing." He didn't sound like he wanted to see it, either, and couldn't decide if he wanted to keep smiling or scowl.

His mood swings were beginning to resemble mine. I quickly shaved the back of his neck and squared up his hairline before removing the cape.

"I guess so. I don't know, though. Everything seems so ominous. I know that Jasper loves me and I love him. It's the same with Alice. How the hell do you fit in and why the hell do you fit in? It was like everything was moving along perfectly and then one day, Bam! Everything is in pieces." I shook my head as I swept his hair up. There wasn't much and it was dull and brittle on the floor, like it died when I cut it from his head, even though it was already dead.

"Jasper is, as you know, an emotional man. I doubt any of us have witnessed him at his angriest. I know what sets him off and what keeps him so guarded—so prepared to protect you, even if you don't need it."

I looked at him questioningly, but I knew. I knew that Jasper was jealous or that, more accurately, he didn't want to share me with another man. I doubted that if Rose or Esme wanted to drink or fuck me, he would be so hostile. Maybe at first, but he would have eventually relaxed. It had been a month, but he still couldn't be in the same room as Edward and not try to kill him.

"What did you say?" Edward looked at me, cocking a brow.

"Um, nothing? I didn't say anything."

"Oh, I thought you said something about me. My name." He shrugged and stood. "Anyway. Like I was saying, this is uncharted territory for all of us. I, for one, am particularly glad that there are other human scents in here and that Alice knows where I am, because after having you touch me for the last hour I am finding is very difficult to keep my hands to myself. The thought of stealing you away is more appealing than I care to admit." He bowed a bit and I crossed my arms over my chest. Like he could get anywhere without six angry vampires on his tail.

"You think I'm joking, Bella?"

I really liked the way he said my name, and I was content to let him keep talking for fear that I would suggest a more private place and then the little pieces that my life had been reduced to would be absolutely obliterated. He looked at me eagerly, waiting for a response.

"No, I don't think you're joking, I just think that it's a game for you. For him, too. I'm not some fucking possession to be fought over. It's ridiculous." I turned toward the hamper by the door to the dispensary and began to leave him at my chair. "This isn't Monopoly. It's my life. I've never been in a relationship like I am now and there was nothing fucking wrong with it before, and now you're here and it makes me question it. Why do I want you _and_ them? How selfish can I be?" Frustrated, I threw the cape into the basket and turned to him.

"You can be as selfish as you want to be, Bella."

I stopped and sighed. His hands smoothed up my arms and I felt calm, rational, aroused. "That's easy for you to say," I whispered.

He laughed and drew himself away quietly. He was halfway across the salon before I even looked up. "That's good to know, by the way."

"What is?"

"That you want me."

"Like it's not glaringly fucking obvious," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Still, it's one more cause in my favor."

"See? Just a game," I said, waving him away.

"Bella," he said stoically. "This has been both the most pleasurable and the most consuming experience of my existence. I'm surprised I can even stand. I'll see you in a few days." He made it to the door in time to hold it open for my next client. He nodded at Shari and she seemed hypnotized until he was out of sight and down the street.

She walked to my station in a daze and set her things down like she was at home. "Who the bloody fuck me was that?"

I shrugged, trying to hide my grin. "A new client."

"Shut up, cunt. We both know that's a lie. Either you're fucking him or you want to. So which is it?" She sat down expectantly.

"Jesus, Shar, which do you think?"

"I swear to fucking God, you are the luckiest bitch I know. Is your pussy okay? How can you get that much dick and still walk? Take a lot of Stiz baths, do you?" I whipped her lightly with a towel as I prepped her for her color.

"You get just as much, so shut it."

"Ha! Maybe, but the ass I _do_ get isn't as tight... or young. Is he even legal? You know what? I don't want to know. Let's just pretend..." She leaned her head back dramatically and I laughed at her overt fantasizing.

"He's older than he looks."

"Eh, eh eh. I don't want to know."

"Whore."

"Slag."

"Color," she said, pointing to her head.

I nodded absentmindedly and headed for the dispensary. "Color."

* * *

~Jasper~

"Carlisle is right."

Emmett was looking around Rose's shoulder as she sat quietly on his lap. Alice and I were at opposite ends of the table, glaring at each other. Esme stood behind the island and Carlisle was a few feet away from her in front of the refrigerator.

To me, it seemed ridiculous to split up the coven. We were stronger as one unit. "But why would you leave? That seems a bit extreme. You'd be in danger, as well."

After our talk with Carlisle this morning, Alice and I called a family meeting. If his ideas were shared by everyone then there was little we could do to dissuade them, but we had to try. It had only been a month, or maybe five weeks since they had arrived; they couldn't leave, not yet.

"There won't _be_ any danger, perceived or not. We're splitting up. Esme and I will stay nearby until I can transfer hospitals, and Rose wants to go to Russia. You've got things to work out. It's not fair or necessary for us to be here. We're only getting in the way, not to mention being thoroughly inconvenienced." Carlisle rarely spoke so negatively, but there was no getting around it; he was only telling it like it was.

"The Volturi won't consider us a threat once we've broken up the coven." Esme was as confident as he was.

"I don't want that," I said. "That's what we've been trying to avoid."

"Jasper, you're not trying hard enough."

Alice was done sugar-coating things, as if she ever did, but now her words were urgent as well as harsh.

I breathed out roughly, trying not to transfer any of my frustration to everyone. Rose eyed me but otherwise gave no indication of feeling me, or anything else. We were at a stalemate. It felt like a room full of strangers. It was so foreign and strained that I needed to leave if I was going to stay calm.

I needed time to think.

"Jasper?" Esme stepped out from behind the counter and walked toward me. "None of us think that you're not justified in your feelings. But you can't deny that not a single day has been free of contention since we got here. Edward has apologized and kept his distance, but he's not going to let it go. There is something about Bella that he is already attached to. You know, as well as any of us, that there is no changing that."

Esme spoke plainly and honestly; it pissed me off. Without actually saying the word she hinted at mating—at a bond between Edward and Bella that formed the instant they met and could not be broken. How was it possible that I felt the same connection with Bella—the same connection that Alice felt? Were we deluding ourselves? Was I the only one who felt that way anymore? Was Alice pulling away?

Rose didn't give me time to respond to Esme before she told us that she and Emmett were leaving, regardless. They hadn't signed up for such theatrics or the babysitting. I scowled at her but kept my mouth shut. I hadn't either.

"And as much as I love breaking up fights..." Emmett trailed off. His face was bright but held the shadow of a man brought to an end. He was done seeing people he cared about at each others throats. He'd made up his mind, as had everyone else. The only one whom I couldn't read was Alice. I couldn't get even an idea of what was going on inside her head.

"Alice?" I asked. She'd not said two words since we sat down and I was beginning to think that her visions were getting the better of her. Maybe she was seeing too much again to make any sense of it. She held my gaze for a few beats then turned to Carlisle.

"It's the safest way. I see that Aro hasn't made a decision yet to come to Forks." Her voice was monotone and bored. "He still wants me and Edward, though."

This was news to me. I'd not heard this bit of information.

"What do you mean he wants you?" I could give two shits about Edward, but this revelation was troublesome in more ways than one.

"He slipped a couple of days ago. I saw that he wants to add to his guard. He'd take us all, but really only wants Edward and me."

Carlisle seemed as startled as I was. "Alice, why didn't you tell us?"

"Because it doesn't change anything. It's just more information." She stood up from the table.

"You still should have said something."

She just shrugged at him. "What difference would it have made?"

Carlisle started pacing, muttering something about going to Italy and heading off Aro.

"Go, if you'd like, Carlisle. It may keep him distracted for a while, but it won't stop him from using you to get to us."

"But it buys us time?" His intensity was making my skin crawl. I could actually feel his fear, anxiety and determination—it was almost frightening—tingling up my spine.

"Carlisle?" I interrupted. "What is that? Why are you so upset?"

He stopped in his tracks and eyed Alice and me intensely. "Jasper, you don't know Aro. When he wants someone, he will stop at nothing to get it. We're not safe anymore. Not if we intend to stay free. Once you join the Volturi you cannot easily leave."

Rose spoke again. "But you did."

"It wasn't without sacrifice, Rose, nor was it without its consequences. We must do everything in our power to keep him from Edward and Alice... even though there's really nothing we can do."

He dropped into a chair, a look of resignation on his face, until he glanced at Esme. Her features were calm, intense and supportive, but not worried. "We must," she said. Carlisle nodded.

"I need a few days, a week maybe, at the most." He stood swiftly and strode toward her. Their embrace was subdued, but you could feel the flourish with which their love encompassed them. It was both embarrassing and enviable.

"It's fine," Esme said softly to him. "Take all the time you need. Once we're in Italy, who knows what time we'll have."

"No. No way." Emmett stood up, nearly throwing Rose to the floor. "You can't go there."

"There is no other way, Emmett," Alice said. "It affords us much more time. It'll work. It's going to be difficult, but ultimately the outlook is good." She smiled at me and I felt something break—some wall that we'd put up between us dissolved.

"God, this isn't how it's supposed to happen," I said. I felt Alice's little fingers slide between my own.

"It's okay, Jasper. I doubt this is how any of us wanted things to happen."

Both couples left the kitchen quickly and I was left alone with Alice. It felt like it had been ages since we'd been alone together.

"That was all a misunderstanding this morning. I was upset."

"Yes, you were. But you meant everything you said, Jasper. You're not going to let him have her and he won't let her go—not without hurting her. You both forget that Bella has a choice here."

I pulled at my hair, pacing now, only seconds after I'd finally recognized some semblance of calm. "Well, why don't you tell him that, huh? Maybe he'll back the fuck up."

"No. It's too late to save her."

Sitting heavily at the table, I almost gave in and smashed it to splinters. "What about you? Where do you fit in here? Why are you so willing to let this happen? Don't you love her?"

"Of course I do. That's why, Jasper. That's why it needs to go a certain way, so that we can continue to love her forever. I know it's hard to not know what's coming, but believe me, I've told you all that I can. I can't give you the information you need—if I do, she dies. What happens after that is so awful that I won't let myself remember it."

"Alice." Wistful or not, my voice died in my throat at the look of sheer horror on her face. She was remembering and now I could feel the pain it inflicted on her. She wrapped herself around me and I held her as tightly as I could.

I was contributing to her pain, I knew I was and it should not have been that way.

"What can I do, Alice? I don't know how to let her go."

"You don't have to, you just have to trust her, trust yourself. You won't know until it's almost too late, but you will. You'll figure it out."

So quixotic were her feelings and words that my brain almost refused to decipher them. "I have no idea what you mean."

"You will, Jasper. You have to. If you don't, we'll lose her. We can't lose her."

"We won't, Alice. I promise."

I wasn't sure what exactly I was promising. The thought of covertly killing Edward crossed my mind again. That seemed to take care of all our problems, but still something nagged.

Rose and Emmett entered the kitchen again, breaking Alice and I out of our silence.

"We're going hunting. Want to join us?" Alice did. I did not.

She kissed me hard, like we'd been apart and just reunited. "Will you make sure the Range Rover has a full tank?" she asked. "I don't want to have to stop on the way to Seattle tonight."

"Sure thing."

Turning, I watched them run furiously out the back door and into the woods. If I timed this right, I could swing by the salon and see how things were shaping up for the weekend. With Alice and Bella both gone, I had little more to do than fuss over nothing and everything.

Funny how that seemed to parallel my very existence. I tossed my keys into the air as I walked from the house to the garage, spying Edward as he tried to sneak around the back porch and into the house. I almost called him out, seeing as there were only Carlisle and Esme home to stand in my way. Figuring that I would have more opportunity this weekend to distract him and Emmett, I refrained. He'd been good today anyway, staying out at the cabin since this morning's altercation.

Maybe he was starting to learn that there were some lines that he just should not cross. I smiled to myself and drove slowly into town.


	18. Starlight Ch 17

A/N: Hi. *looks around sheepishly* I am terribly sorry about the technical difficulties we're experiencing here, with AP, but I think we've broken through the block. I promise that I'll try really, really hard to get another chapter out in a timely fashion.

This is a past chapter. It's a bit shorter than my usual, but that seems to be the way of things now. (Maybe that means you'll be able to get another chapter out by Christmas, hmmm, mop?) I hope so. Thank you all for your patience. I appreciate it and thanks, again, for reading.

* * *

xXx

Jasper held my hand as we walked; I slid my fingernails underneath the free edge of his and he smiled down at me, letting me molest his hands as I saw fit.

Jasper never questioned my actions. He was content to simply watch me do as I pleased and as I watched him out of the corner of my eye, I could tell he was thinking about last night. I was, too.

We trampled over the wet grass, not caring that with every step we took, our feet became more and more soaked. But cold toes did little to distract me from thinking about last night, about Jasper kneeling on the floor between my legs as I did everything I could to get my body closer to his. I cleared my throat, even though I knew he was aware I was about to speak.

"The couch?" I asked, trying not to play the coy little school girl, but I couldn't really help it.

"The stairs, actually."

Curious, I slowed a bit and wrapped my hand more tightly around his. "What about the stairs? I hardly remember going from the library to my bedroom."

He kept us walking, looking straight ahead. "When you were wrapped around me—you locked your legs and you just had... no idea what was going on, but your mouth was all over me and... and I just." He paused. "I felt you everywhere."

Too much more talk like that and we were going to have to find a place to stop and "rest". The excitement we both felt zapped through me, but was tamed before I could hold on to it. I blushed at the image his words managed to put into my head, because for how little I remembered, the picture that formed was outstandingly clear.

I looked like a porn star, hot and pink and gaping, wrapped around him, ready for the breath to be fucked out of me. That bolt of excitement shot through me once again.

Jasper stopped walking. For some reason I couldn't find the will to speak, all I could do was look at him. More quickly than it took for me to breathe out, he had scooped me off the ground and hooked me onto his back. My arms folded over each other softly around his neck and we shot off like a lightning strike—not unlike the one that I'd been feeling in my belly since the day before.

xXx

jpov

My eyes rolled backward in my head as the scent of her, heightened by the heat and the sun, surrounded me, permeating the air around us as we settled just off shore. I could have her here—on this blanket, in this forest, free and wild and hair and all pink—but I wanted her bound. I wanted to hold her down and press my body to hers, worrying that her bones would crack, or that my teeth would tear her skin, but hardly caring, for the need to love her until she didn't exist anymore was almost overwhelming.

I held my breath.

The blanket was down, the suits unpacked. It would have been presumptuous of me to assume we would swim naked. If last night had changed anything is was that the things that once fell under the category of tempting were now filed under torture—like all her hot spots covered in a thin, skin tight fabric.

"You brought suits?" She giggled. Giggled. Bella rarely _giggled_. Oh, she was blushing, too. Of all the days... "Keeping up pretenses? Or are we expecting company?"

Moving a few feet opposite her, I lifted my shirt over my head and dropped it to the ground. I shrugged. "Maybe you don't always want to be naked around me. Though I can hardly see the logic in that."

She laughed, sitting down on the blanket to untie her shoes. "Oh, Jasper, always the voice of reason."  
She stood again, stripping herself without preamble. With a look over her shoulder, she walked away, nude and without concern, knowing I would follow.

I'm not sure there weren't still pieces of boxer short hanging from my body when I reached the river's edge.

I held her hand as she waded in, making sure she didn't trip on any of the stones underfoot. Bella was all smiles and laughs as I guided us toward deeper water and her warm skin came into contact with mine. The wavy current rushed around us, hitting right at my chest, just above where Bella's shoulders would be. I held her firmly at her waist. If she wanted to she could swim away, but it was not my intention to let her go.

She let her knees part around my thighs and hips, letting her body float up and into mine. "If I had my way, Jasper, we'd never wear clothes again."

I couldn't help but nearly crush her in my arms and pulled her as close as possible. "You should probably find your way then, Bella," I said, flicking her earlobe with my tongue, trying not to bite through her flesh.

I brought her back to the side of the river and made her forget everything except my name.

An hour later, we lay naked, wrapped around each other, in silence until Bella, as usual, became curious.

"Why Alaska?" There was little stirring in the warm wind aside from our hair as it tangled together around us on the blanket.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you all decided to settle somewhere, why did you choose Alaska? I mean, I know it's remote and everything, there are plenty of... food sources, but Jesus isn't it boring? What? Do you all just like, fuck and drink from moose necks and play fight?" She laughed and rambled on, encouraged by my amused expression. I was happy to let her continue.

"Oh, no. Wait," she said. " You play epic games of strategy and agility, like Capture the Flag, but like for real, and then the losers have to be your footstools for a year?"

This time, I laughed with her. "That's almost exactly what we do!" I rolled my eyes. "But seriously, Alaska afforded us all the anonymity we could find. Years would go by without a single accidental human encounter."

"There were intentional ones?" she asked.

"Yes. A few of us rather enjoyed the company of humans. We didn't drink from them, of course, but it didn't mean they were useless to us." I traced the curve and dip of her stomach, drawing up over her hipbone, and down again; she shook involuntarily. I felt her, tickled in that half annoying, half orgasmic way.

"You've never kept one, like you've kept me?"

"Are you kept?" I pinched her belly button and laughed. She had a way with words, my Bella.

"You know what I mean."

I did, but I didn't. The last thing I wanted Bella to think was that she wasn't allowed to do as she pleased—that Alice and I expected her to only be with us.

"You're free to come and go as you please, Bella. Please don't think that Alice and I are trying to stop you from living your life the way you want to."

I put my hand on her hip and pulled her to me. The look on her face was priceless, classic Bella, like I'd just sprouted a second head or something.

"What on earth would make you think that I'm not living my life _exactly_ how I want to? If I wanted to leave, trust me, I'd be gone. There is little left in this world that I would rather do than spend my days here, with you two."

She was pissed. I was thankful I'd had years of experience controlling my laughter, otherwise I was sure to only increase her ire.

"Relax, baby girl. I don't think you're here under duress, nor does Alice, I just want to always be clear, have an open line of communication. I don't want you to feel in any way threatened or like you're trapped. That's not what we're about."

She relaxed next to me and I felt the tension slip out of her body. I rarely put myself in her shoes, surprisingly, and had no idea what it must be like to be in her situation.

I only had one thing to compare it to, and even that was stretch. It was the only thing that I've witnessed that could come close. It would win me no points on either side, but I figured that it had been long enough; he wouldn't mind me giving her the basic story. He'd likely find out, if he ever met her, but I doubted he would care.

"Edward, that's our 'brother', he was close to a human once, about ten years after he was changed. Her name was, Sura. She was a native of Alberta, where he met her while he and Carlisle were traveling. Alice says it was better that she died, really. As it was, Carlisle said, he didn't speak for months."

"She died? How?"

"Wolves. Story is, she was on her way to home and Edward was only just too late. It was a rough time for him. I only know because he told Alice, and Alice tells me everything."

I didn't think there was anything more sad in the world than the look on her face. It was apparent that she mourned Edward's loss. I wondered what she thought what I was telling her, without actually having heard the tale from Edward, but she didn't appear to have an opinion. She was feeling more curious now and frowned at me, propping herself up on her elbow.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just that, well, why didn't he change her if he was so fond of her? They could still be together."

"Evidently she didn't want it. Alice says that she used to tell Edward that she would always have more to do with the stars than with the earth. She knew how mortal she was. She didn't dwell on it and they didn't speak of it often, but when they did, it was an incredible fight." He smiled and paused. "I think he tried to, in the end, but she was too wounded. He's never talked about it to anyone except Alice."

Slowly, she shook her head side to side and rested against me chest. "You constantly amaze me, you know that?"

"I do?" I asked, surprised.

"Of course you do. One minute I'm sure you possess nothing more than a fleeting thought toward these people you call your family, then the next you're reliving their pain with an ache that only someone who cared deeply for them could feel. An empath, indeed." She smiled and I wrapped my arms around her. I could tell she was tired and began tickling her shoulder lightly to relax her further.

"Never a dull moment."

"Promise?" She yawned.

"I'll try."

She slept in the sun's glow, and after an hour went by I wrapped her in the blanket and slowly carried her back to the house. Happy to have worn her out, I was more than willing to make sure she was rested and healthy enough for another whole day making love on a riverbank. I silently laughed. Only once did she stop screaming long enough to realize that we were outside and that the echo she heard bouncing off the massive trees was her—singing my name into the sky.

As I covered Bella with a light sheet, I sensed Alice nearby—a few miles yet—and made my way to the porch to greet her.

She came up on the house quickly, but didn't slow down, and barreled into me like she'd been gone years, not days.

"Hi," she whispered, her nose grazing mine. I lifted her up around me and took off back the way she came, wanting to have my way with her without worrying about breaking through walls. "God, that's the best idea anyone's had in days." She grabbed my hand and took off.

Two trees, a boulder, and a six foot ditch later, we were rinsing off in the same spot in the river that Bella and I had been only hours earlier.

"New favorite spot, Jasper?" she smirked.

I ignored her teasing for the moment, wanting to make sure everything in Alaska had gone well.

"So what's the news from Denali? Are they really thinking of splitting or are they going to ride it out?" I asked, shooting out from under the water. She shrugged and moved to the shore.

"Carlisle thinks splitting would be the wisest. Eleazar is on the fence. He hates confrontation almost as much as Carlisle does. Em and Edward want to stay, and the girls are all studies in diplomacy—except for Irina. I think her exact words were, 'fuck the Volturi'."

I laughed, sitting next to her. "Sounds about right."

"They want you to come next time, so that means we'll have to leave Bella here." She appeared no less upset about that than anything.

"So it'll be okay to leave her here? That seems foolish."

"And it might be, but Esme misses you. The boys want to talk strategy. Emmett can't wait to catch a scout off guard. Edward's not doing a very good job hiding his desire for destruction either."

It was no lie that I missed everyone too, but was nervous about which direction they were planning on taking concerning the Volturi. If they came here then that would undoubtedly draw their eye to Forks, and possibly to Bella. That was the last thing we wanted.

We would also be considered much less of a threat to those haughty, meddling vampires, and that was what we wanted. But that meant living here with them, readjusting, finding them new jobs or a new enrollment in school. I wasn't sure it had been long enough since our last settlement in Forks for the old timers to have forgotten about us. We couldn't integrate back into the town if there were any humans still living here that remembered us, and it was very possible that they did.

Of course they would chalk it up to an uncanny resemblance or some other such human excuse for not seeing what's right before their eyes, but that wasn't really my problem. I knew I was in hiding; I just hoped they knew that they would need to be, as well.

"If they come here, Alice, what will happen?"

I was suddenly worried that everything would change, that we would, for some reason, have to cease living they way that we had been. Would they be upset with our situation? I wondered if any of them would even care.

Alice was looking out over the river and into the forest beyond. She heard me, there was no way that she didn't, but she wasn't acknowledging that she did.

I asked again. "Alice?"

"Much will change, Jasper. But that's to be expected. There is no way around that. There is still a lot we don't know, and we won't really know until they're here."

The way she spoke made it clear that even if all of them didn't come, some had already decided they would. I felt a bubble of trepidation and excitement surround us and then disappear as if it were never there.

"It'll be alright, Jasper." She smiled brightly and stood, reaching for my hand. "Come on, she'll wake up shortly. I want to see her."

I stood and kissed her quickly; we walked back to the house.

"Why did you tell her that story about Edward?" she asked as we arrived on the property.

"I don't know. Something she said made me think of it, I suppose." I shrugged, having nearly forgotten that I told her. "Why?"

"No reason. It's just interesting that you would have chosen to relay that particular story to her." We reached the porch and I released her hand. I didn't like the way her tone suggested that it might have some bearing on our situation here. There was nothing about Edward and his human that was even close to what we had.

"Go," I said, "I haven't hunted in a few days; I need a little something. Be back later?"

"Okay."

I didn't look back as I took off and was gone.

xXx

bpov

My name woke me up, but it was not coming from the lips I expected. Her voice was smooth and full. She sounded satisfied and somewhat smug. Something I could definitely relate to. My room was dark. Dusty starlight wandered through, revealing an ashen Alice after what seemed like more than just three days away.

"Did you have a good weekend?" she asked.

I didn't bother sitting up, just shifted and bent my body into a less fetal position. The cool fabric of the pillow kissed my cheek and I smiled.

"Best weekend ever," I said, then thought again. "Well, almost. I was thinking about you the whole time."

"The whole time?"

I laughed, "Okay, maybe not the _whole_ time."

She pulled back the sheet, the one Jasper must have covered me in after he so deftly carried me a mile home, in my sleep, and climbed in next to me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"You okay?" she asked, frowning. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No! Of course not. I just... Yeah, I'm fine. Why would I not be?" Panic surged through me. What if she was upset with me for something she saw happen while she was gone. I already felt guilty, even though I knew everything was okay.

"The look on your face, I just..." she trailed off as I wrapped my arm around her waist. "It's all good, Bella. Stop worrying. I am so happy that you and Jasper had a good weekend."

Relief swept over me. Often, the things that Alice saw in her visions came and went so quickly that we weren't able to make much sense of certain interactions. Confusion was high on the list of common household items, here. I sank back into my pillows.

"Shh. More nap, less talk."

"Bella," she whispered, her fingers tracing a cool line at my waist. "I don't sleep, remember? _And_ you're not wearing any clothes."

"Oh, yeah, well. The better to tempt you with, obviously."

She pushed the sheet away. It billowed out and I watched her half nude body as she moved closer, trying to remain calm but intent. She curled into me, sliding her hands softly, aridly, over my skin. The tips of her fingernails grazed over my breast before her mouth closed around my nipple.

"Missed you," I breathed out.

Gasping, I lifted my body up to her, an offering, a gift, and she urged me back down. One cool palm to my warm cunt and I involuntarily quivered, a chill wracking my body as she firmly held me in place, pushing against my clit with the heel of her hand.

"Alice," I hissed. "Please?"

"Bella." She spoke calmly as her mouth descended the terrain of my torso. Her fingers found me, warm and wet for her, and forged an icy trespass into the fires of my body.

Quickly my breath left me and I called out one more time, not for any one or anything, but for release, reprieve, from the purest, most splendid torture that this world could produce. I gasped and pleaded, but life is relentless and doesn't let up. Alice kept her fingers dancing, her delicate moves enthralling, and I forgot time. I forgot meaning. I came once, twice, a thousand times and, as it often was with Alice, it was still not quite enough.

Spent and euphoric, I fell into the sheets as Alice left me to my nap. As I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but wonder that if it were me dying out in the woods, all alone, would I want her to change me? I wanted to stay with them forever, but I wasn't positive that they would always want me. There was no doubt in my mind that my answer would be yes, but as I slowly slipped into the one place that Alice could never follow, I wondered if she, or Jasper, felt the same.


	19. Surrender Ch 18

A/N: Haaaaay guys. You deserve more than an apology for such ridiculously inconsistent posting, holidays, pregnant, etc., so I won't ramble on and on. Nattydread and detroitangel gave this chapter wings. It's all present. Enjoy!

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Jasper surprised me by coming to the salon to help me close. When I saw him walk through the front door and wander behind the reception desk, I wondered if he had really come to help me or if he knew that Edward had been here and was looking to reclaim his territory.

I laughed quietly to myself. These vampires were worse than dogs!

Jasper made a beeline for me and I tried to hide my amusement at his enthusiasm.

"See something you like, sweetheart?" he asked narrowing his gaze, not leaving an inch of my body untouched by it.

"Like is a bit of an understatement," I said. "And it appears that I'm not the only one."

Just as he wrapped an arm around my waist, the receptionist emerged from the back room. Jasper leaned back to greet her, cutting away from what would have been a tremendously pleasant hello—at least on my part.

I sighed.

"I'm parked in the back Jasper. I'll meet you at home."

He looked back at me, leering and mischievous. "Just leave your car here. You won't need it this weekend."

So I left my car at the salon and Jasper drove me home. We were mostly quiet, but he held my hand gently, smiling, as he took his time along the winding roads. He was going to miss me, I could tell. I could always tell when he was anxious about me being away, or being away from me. He thought he was slick, but I had his number.

Jasper, the perplexing, alluring, emotional vampire wasn't as mysterious as he would like to believe.

I laughed out loud, unable to control the bubble of affection I felt for him.

"What's so funny, Bella-ella-ella?"

I laughed again, again quite loudly, at his mock echoing of my name. "Nothing, I just love you, and I'll miss you too."

He smirked and squeezed my hand. "Too bad there isn't a bit more time for us, huh? I could use another romp before both you and Alice leave me for the weekend."

"Oh, boo." I teased him. "Life is so hard, Jasper. Whatever will you do for two whole days while we're gone?"

He grumbled as we pulled into the driveway. "I imagine there will be quite a bit of solo time."

My laughter carried us in the door, and Jasper chased me through the house, pinching me wherever he could. I expected some bustling from Alice on last minute checks for our jaunt to Seattle, but the house was quiet, like always, with one distinct difference: Edward was sitting in the library as I passed. He was rarely in the house when I came home. In fact, I could not recall such an occurrence.

It was really odd because Jasper was walking behind me as if about to get fresh and, the last thing I expected was for him to practically throw me down the hallway and lunge for Edward. Yeah, pretty much the last thing ever, so when I hit the wall, then the sideboard, then the floor, I was stunned into a stupor.

Everything happened so fast, but I can still remember the sting and pressure on my arms as shards of porcelain sliced through my skin.

I blinked, wondering if I was dreaming. There was yelling, but it seemed far off. My head throbbed dully, and my vision was a bit skewed. I knelt, then stood, pawing up the wall, sliding too easily against the smooth surface. I looked down to my arms, covered in a warm fluid, confused, and then up into the library.

Lions could have been ripping each other apart in that room, for all I could tell, and when Carlisle came crashing down the stairs he didn't look twice at me before entering the fray. I was happy I recognized him, fearing that I had been knocked stupid. He entered the room, his roars those of peace and surrender, and therefore they were louder than the fight, though they unfortunately seemed too late.

Finally I was able to recall the time and place as the floor shook under me and what had to be the entire front wall of windows shattering broke me out of my stillness. I ran into the library to try to stop them. The room was empty—debris was settling and the window framing was swaying slightly, and Jasper, Edward, and Carlisle were out on the front lawn.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. They fought faster and louder than anything I'd ever witnessed. The grinding and smashing of their skin when they made contact sent a chill up my spine. I could only make out Carlisle clearly, as he was outside the melee trying to persuade them to stop fighting.

It seemed futile. I tried to yell, to use my voice to distract Edward or Jasper, but I could barely make a sound. It was strange, considering how fast everything was happening, how slowly my body was moving. I made it to where the windows once were, but not to the lawn. I was swept off my feet and after I felt a wave of possession, cold lips grace my neck, I closed my eyes and gave into the dark warmth that enveloped me.

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~E~

Of all the things I'd seen in my existence, nothing would have prepared me to witness the split second it took Jasper to sink his teeth into the skin of my mate, my life, my only reason to stay alive, if alive was what I was. I was not prepared to feel the blind rage, jealousy, and dread of watching and then the crazed, incensed desire and ecstasy of being in Jasper's mind as he drank from her. Greedy, evil, snarling. There was nothing I could compare it to.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I almost lost myself to the blood. It was Carlisle that brought me around.

"Edward, quickly! Before he kills her!" He was running full tilt at them, Bella wrapped tightly in Jasper's arms, and it was only a split second before we were right there next to him.

Jasper drank faster, but there was no time for him to get much more out of her. Little was left, but I knew that by the time Carlisle wrenched him off of her that she would still be alive, but not for long.

Esme appeared out of nowhere and joined Carlisle, holding Jasper back and against the wall. The look on her face was one of sorrow and pity, and Jasper looked as we all felt and feared—that we had killed her with our selfish carelessness.

Bella had already been bleeding heavily when Jasper attacked her, no doubt caused by his dramatic showcase of defending her, and he had not injected nearly enough of his venom for it to change her in time. Now she was nearly drained, unconscious, and her heartbeat was shallow and slow.

"Carlisle, what do I do? She's losing too much blood."

"Don't take any more, but get as much venom into her as possible, otherwise it won't be enough. Nearest the vena cava."

I doubted it would work. I doubted I could have her blood on my lips and not taste it, and if I did taste it could I stop?

The color of life draining from her face answered me. I ripped through her clothing and tore through her flesh once, twice, ten times, each time sealing the bite after pushing as much venom into her as I could.

Her blood glossed my lips and my eyes closed as I savored each stolen drop. My entire being surged with passion and desire, the desire to have her, to save her, to destroy her. Licking my lips of the last of her taste, I held her tightly, perhaps a bit too tightly, but her silence was the only scolding I received.

I watched her face, so still and peaceful, grow paler. Her fragile body was draped over my legs as I sat with her, my back against the back of the couch, and waited silently. It wasn't the silence her touch usually elicited, but the serenity of her last mortal moments. I imagined I could hear her voice, her moaning, her laugh. I smiled, content that she was for now, at least, not in any pain.

The beats of her heart stayed the same, like gasps through thick mud, and very slowly her rosy skin cooled.

Alice, Emmett and Rosalie returned just as I pulled a blanket off the corner of the sofa and covered her, wondering where to put her while we waited to see if we had been successful.

Alice came directly to Bella. She smoothed her mahogany hair off of her face, combing it with her fingers, and kissed her lightly on the lips. She then went to Jasper. She held his hand, but his eyes never left Bella. I could barely stand to look at him. Of all the things that could have happened...

His thoughts weren't clear, not much was actually clear at this moment, but his bloodlust was gone, or under control, and I could feel him wanting to comfort her. I could feel his regret and the love he had for her, and though I wanted to blame him, tear his limbs from his body, I couldn't imagine what that would do to Bella. I sighed, closing my eyes. This situation was never going to be easy, but now it would be that much more difficult.  
I struggled not to recall the mires of love and desire I'd been embroiled in, throughout my existence, even if all I wanted to do was forget them—pretend that the tragedies had never happened—but matters of the heart are never without suffering. It is never easy to watch someone you love, love someone else. I suppose I hadn't taken Jasper's position into account before.

As much as he felt that Bella was his, he knew she wasn't; he knew that a day would come when she felt an alliance with someone else—an inevitable day when he would have to let go. To have loved Bella completely meant letting her make a choice. Choosing for her meant never having loved her at all.

Now I understood. I understood lifetimes of pain and loss, love and ecstasy. I understood that what I too thought was love was nothing but my own selfish agenda, and that Jasper and I were drowning in the same river.

Lost in my own head, I didn't catch what had been said in the room around me. Alice nodded at Carlisle and then back at me.

_You can take her to her room_, she thought fuzzily and then walked Jasper, his head bowed but his eyes still on Bella, out of the house.

Needing some reassurance, I looked to Carlisle. He shrugged. "This is as perplexing to me as it is to you, Edward." He walked over to us and crouched, quickly checking Bella's pulse and temperature.

"Her heart would have stopped already," he said, a small smile on his face. "Be careful as you move her. Jasper could have broken many of her bones. There is no need to re-break them as they heal. I can't be sure without an x-ray, of course." He winked. "But that seems unnecessary."

I smiled back up at him and slowly rose, holding Bella still in my arms as best I could. As we reached her bedroom I inhaled deeply, finding that I was more than pleased to spend some time in here. After laying her gently on top of the duvet I sat next to her, holding her tiny warm hand in both of mine.

There was nothing to do now but wait.


End file.
